[04/14] Rumors & Gossip

[Vincent(카페지기)]

1.Rumors & Gossip

Social Weapons & Psychological Warfare

This is by far the most common social weapon. Although some types of gossip may help a persons reputation, the overwhelming majority of the "shock talk" people indulge in is harmful and mean spirited. To add to the sinister nature of this tactic, it is most often done behind the target's back.

The scenario is familiar to all of us - Person A spreads a rumour about Person B to everyone who may be interested and by the time it gets back to Person B, the damage is done. Person B then goes to confront Person A who plays innocent or apologizes half-heartedly. But the damage is already done! True or not some of the people who have heard the rumour will believe it, others will wonder what to believe, and those who know it isn't true will sit back and hope it all goes away quickly.

We've all heard rumours about somebody at our school. The most common type are the "almost believable but rather pitiful stories" like the one about the guy who tries to get drunk by drinking a bottle of mouthwash, or the girl who gets caught shoplifting tampons AND condoms. Then there are the types that are so outlandish they MUST be true. Stories about illicit affairs between students and faculty, or secret rings of test stealing computer geeks. The thing about rumours and gossip is that they are often difficult to prove or disprove. For this reason, once a rumour is set loose, it almost always follows it's target in one way or another.

Rumours and gossip are often used as revenge or follow through on a threat. Threats of rumours are often used to get something out of a person, ie; "sleep with me or I'll tell everyone you did it with me AND my friends", or "let me cheat off of you on the big test or I'll tell everyone you are a total loser". But more often or not they are just conversation.

Something for one person to say in order to make themselves look import!ant or to get attention. So how do you handle it if you are targeted by a gossip hound? Here are some tips:

Remember that no matter what you say or do SOME people are going to believe the rumours. Your goal is to mitigate damages since it is next to impossible to make everyone believe your side of the story.

Don't confront the person who spread the gossip about you in a public place or with an angry tone in your voice. Causing a scene or going on the offensive will only make them feel they are justified in spreading venom. It is best to avoid this person all together and to say nothing to them. But if you do have to say something, wait until you are calm and the initial shock has passed.

Rather than freaking out and running around trying to set the record straight, play it cool! When it gets back to you laugh lightly and say something like, "Is THAT what's going around about me? I wonder why somebody would go to so much trouble to spread a lie?" This does two things; it shows others that you have nothing to hide because you are not acting defensively, and it puts the burden of reliability back on the gossip spreader by making others wonder if there is a hidden agenda.

Spread the gossip yourself, "Have you heard what so-and-so is saying about me? What a joke!" and do it with a smile. Always sound calm and confused, never bitter and resentful.

If anyone asks if the rumour is true say, "No of course not, but does it really matter what I say? I just wish I knew why so-and-so started this one in the first place." If it is true, omit the "No" and just say, "Does it really matter what I say? I just wish I knew why so-and-so spread this around in the first place!".

Calm is key! Always be calm, even baffled, when the rumour is mentioned. If you freak out in protest it looks like you have something to hide. Even if you do have something to hide, playing it cool is always best. Don't retaliate with your own gossip. You are better than that!

[Questions]

1. Do you like to gossip?

2. Why do you think people like to listen to gossip?

3. Why do people like to gossip about the rich and famous?

4. What are the most common themes for gossip?

5. What are some of the things you like to gossip about?

6. What are some ways which gossip can be harmful?

7. Do you think gossip can be used for something good?

8. Why is it considered that women gossip more then men?

9. Where are some places where people like to gossip?

10. Which newspapers can be called gossip newspapers? Do you like to read gossip

newspapers? Do you believe the stories are true?

11. What is the strangest or most unbelievable gossip you have ever heard?

2. Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is based on your opinion of your abilities and your worth as a person. High self-esteem mean that you feel good about yourself. This is critical to your well-being.

How can you improve your own self-esteem, as well as the self-esteem of people you care about? Here are some suggestions:

Think positively about yourself and accept compliments that point out your strengths and abilities. For example, if someone says they think you have good taste in clothes, don't laugh and say "These old things?" Just smile and say "Thank you."

Be realistic about what you can do. Trying to be perfect can lower your self-esteem. For example, you might get a poor mark on a math test. That doesn't mean you are incapable; it just means you have to work harder.

Recognize that everyone makes mistakes. When you make one, don't berate yourself. You can learn from your mistakes.

Listen carefully to others without judging.

Respect people's differences. Recognize their talents and accomplishments.

Support and encourage other people's efforts to learn new things.

Give people in your family unconditional love. For example, when your brother does something wrong, make it clear that you dislike the behavior! but you still love your brother.

Spend time with people who make you feel good. Do things that make you feel worthwhile.

One way to look at how we deal with ourselves and other people is to think about giving and getting "strokes." Some strokes are positive and make us feel good; others are negative and make us feel bad. We give ourselves positive strokes when we like how we look or when we eat healthy food. We give ourselves negative strokes when we complain about our weight or when we don't exercise.

Decide that you deserve to live life to its fullest, and enjoy giving yourself positive strokes. Some of the best strokes are small, everyday things: physical activities that are fun and easy to do; eating experiences that nourish your spirit as well as your body; and telling yourself things that boost your self-image.

Giving yourself, your family and your friends positive strokes is a good habit. And it is a good way to improve self-esteem.

[Questions]

1. Do you have high or low self-esteem?

2. Has your self-esteem changed over the years?

3. What are some reasons people have low self-esteem?

4. What do you think would have the highest self-esteem of the following people:

a lawyer/ a chief/ a famous actor/ a professional football player/ a student

5. Who would have the lowest self-esteem of those people?

6. Have you ever done something to damage your self-esteem?

7. Have you ever given your self-esteem a boost? How?

8. Which of these are best and worst for your self-esteem?

passing a test/ getting your driver's licence/ Korea winning a soccer game/

wearing nice clothes/ getting sick/ losing your boy/girl friend.

9. What's the best thing that could happen to you?

10.What's the worst thing?

[Teddy~*]

티디워즈 에피소드1. 테디의 귀환 3주만에 공부좀 해 보아야겠지요 ^^;a

[bloody]

음~ 좀 긴데 어디에선가 읽어 본듯한 느낌이데 첫번째 토픽...... writer가 없네요... 빈센트 행님이 한거예요?? ㅎㅎ 이번엔 질문이 꽤 많네~ ㅎㅎ 그리고 import!!ant 글자는 복사했을때 자주 생기는 현상~ ^^

[Clark]

저도 귀환하겠나이다 한주 쉬는게 너무 기네요. 얼른 토욜이 오기를 ^^

[Angie(까페지기)★]

see u

[JJun(Manager)]

음... 요즘 답글 다시는게 영...ㅡㅡ+ 이번주는 3월 우수회원 축하와 새로운 카페지기 축하를 위한 조촐한 파티를 할 예정입니다... 그날 밤에 끝을 잡을지도..ㅡㅡ;; 어여 어여 답글 다시고 오세요~ ㅋㅋ

[Jackie]

에공...이번주는 쉴라 했는데..테디 우수회원 파~뤼라니까 가야겠넹...ㅋㅋㅋ

[Teddy~*]

ㄳ

[i an]

저도 첫번째 토픽 많이 본듯한.... 토요일날뵙겠습니다.

[Alba(Manager)]

전 이번에 패스... 일이 있어서 불참입니다!! 처음 TD에 오셨던 그 마음으로 열심히 공부하세용^^

[Vincent(카페지기)]

첫번째 토픽이 눈이 익었다는 분들 기대하겠습니다. ㅋㅋ

[bloody]

기대 안해도 되용~ ㅎㅎ 학원에서 비슷한걸 했을뿐~ ^^

[Vincent(카페지기)]

한번 해보기까지 했다는 bloody 넌 기대대상 1호다.ㅎㅎ

[bloody]

헐~ gossip거리가 없어요~ ^^ 루머도 모르고~ 한번만 봐주셈~ ^^

[도르도르]

이번주는 참석하구 싶었는데..ㅜ.ㅡ 갑자기 일하게 됐어요.. 백조생활청산하고 잠시 일 봐주고 있거든요...즐공하시고 담주에는 필히..'*'

[santiago]

참석. 저도 첫토픽 눈에 익었군요..ㅎ

[이승원(펠릭스)]

참석합니당...올만에 가는 기분이넹..ㅎ

[BYOUNG]

셤기간이라...몬가요~ㅜㅡ 쭌 행님 봐주세요 담주 시험 6마리 ㅋㅋㅋ 내일 토론은 즐겁게, 술은 빡씨게~~ㅋ