소설 한옥례 남주동 시장

[연잎]

(3) 남주동 시장

 순덕이 남편은 생각 하면 할수록 분하고 억울했다.

팔다리 멀쩡하고 아직 나이가 있으니 돈이야 벌면 되겠지만 꿈도 자는 동안에나 꾸는 것이지 이 무슨 운명의 장난인가?  변해 버린 순덕을 보면 억장이 무너진다. 한편으로는 불쌍하기도 하고 애처롭지만 한편으로는 괘씸하기 짝이 없다.

  이제는 어쩌다 잠자리를 같이 해도 빈 항아리를 안은 것 같다. 그런 세월 속에 딸만 둘이던 집에 아들을 출산했다.

  얼마나 기쁘고 반가울까 마는 아무리 계산해도 감옥에 있는 동안 그 어떤 놈의 씨앗이 분명하다. 꼬물꼬물 커 가는 아들을 보면서 울분과 분노가 점점 커져갔다.

  폭력도 처음 한두 번이 문제지 습관이 되나보다 툭 하면 손이 먼저 나간다. 한바탕 대거리라도 하고 나면 속이 시원해진다. 참을 걸 하고 후회도 되지만 속에서 끊어 오르는 울분을 그런 방법으로라도 폭발하고 난 뒤의 묘한 감정을 말로는 설명할 수 없다.

  두 사람 사이에 싸움이나 폭력은 시도 때도 없이 벌어졌다.

아침에 끓인 감자 국이 갑자기 날씨가 더워지는 바람에 맛이 약간 간 것을 먹어보지 않고 그냥 저녁상을 차린 것이 어느 날은 싸움의 시초가 되기도 했다. 국을 한 숟갈 떠먹은 남편은 밥상을 훌러덩 뒤집었다.

  “너는 남편을 발끝에 때만큼도 생각 안하고 숸 국에 밥을 주냐” 라며 닥치는 대로 살림을 부수고 말리는 순덕이네를 발길로 차고 작은 방은 아수라장이 된다. 결국은 참다못한 주인집 할머니가 오셔서 부부싸움이라기 보다는 남편의 일방적인 난동을 겨우 진정시켰다. 그런 일이 있던 날은 불우이웃 돕기라도 하듯이 남편의 손길이 더듬어 오면 거절 할 수 있는 용기도 없지만 해서도 안 된다.

  어쩌다 손길을 뿌리치기라도 하면

 “그놈을 또, 언제 또, 만났고 왔구나, 그놈이 그리 잘해주던”  하구 밤중이고 새벽이고 주먹이 날아오고 날로 심해지더니 이제는 의처증까지 생겨서 외출 할 때는 밖에서 문을 잠그고 그것도 성이 안차서 얼마 안 되는 옷가지도 포대자루에 담아서 어디론가 가져가 버렸다. 시장가는 것까지 못 가게하고 반찬거리도 사다주는 대로 먹었다.

  순덕이가 생각해봐도 셋째를 임신 했을 때 변명의 여지가 없이 그 잠 놈의 아이였다. 저주를 받은 것이 분명했다. 세상이 무섭고 겁이 났다. 그때 그 여관에서 처음 당할 때 차라리 혀라도 깨물고 죽지 못한 것이 한이 되었다. 반신반의 하면서도 잘 생긴 외모와 말솜씨에 넘어 갔다.

  쥐도 새도 모르는 둘만의 일이니 너와 내가 말만 안하면 세상에서 아무 문제도 없을 것이고 물위에 배가 한 번 지나가나 두 번 지나가나 흔적이 남지 않는다며 무엇보다 지금 너는 남편을 감옥에서 나올 수 있게 해야 하는데 내 말만 잘 들으면 일주일 이내에 책임지고 나오게 한다는 것이다.  홀짝 홀짝 마신 술도 거절 할 수 없는 환경을 만들고 핑계와 구실도 되었다. 두 번째 만난 것은 일주일 안에 나온다는 남편이 이 주일이 넘어도 감감 무소식이라 어찌된 일인지 따지려고 만났고 세 번째는 속은 걸 알고 이번에 만나서 그 놈을 죽이고 나도 죽어야지 생각 하며 불려 나갔지만 생각뿐이고 아무 말도 못하고 새 가슴처럼 떨다가 그놈 하라는 대로 농락만 당하고 모진 목숨 자살도 적절한 시간과 때를 놓치니 기회가 오지 않았다.

  처음 임신을 알고 유산을 생각하며 병원에 갔을 때 보호자와 함께 오라고 해서 누구를 붙잡고

  ‘나 잡놈의 아이를 임신해서 유산을 시켜야 하는데 병원에 함께 가서 보호자 좀 해 달라, 할 사람이 눈 씻고 찾아 봐도 없었다. 친정 부모나 형제들을 생각 안 해 본 것은 아니지만 누구와도 의논할 수 있는 문제가 아니고 공연히 누워서 내 얼굴에 침 뱉는 일이였다. 생각하고 할 시기도 지나 버리고 출산일이 한 달 정도 남은 줄 알았었는데 어느 날 저녁을 먹고 설거지를 하다가 배가 살살 아프더니 병원에 갈 시간도 없이 두 아이 보는 앞에서 뱃속에 아이를 방바닥에 탯줄 채 낳았다기보다는 쏟아버렸다. 외출 했다 돌아오던 남편이 집에 들어오다 애기 울음소리에 남의 집에 잘 못 들어 온 줄 알고 다시 나가서 집을 확인 하고 들어와 주인집 할머니를 모시고 와서 탯줄을 자르고 뒷수습을 했다.

  이제는 식구도 하나 늘고 무엇이든 해서 돈을 벌어야 했다. 싸움도 질투도 밥은 먹어가며 해야 했다. 생선 차를 운전할 때 는 잠시 동안이긴 했지만 돈을 하루에 한 뭉치씩 들고 들어왔지만,  남편은 무슨 일을 해도 적응이 안 되고 성이 차지를 않았다. 영화 포스터 붙이는 일도 하고 서 청주 공단에 공장 짓는 공사장 일도 했었다. 운전대도 다시 잡았지만 역시 한 달도 못돼서 때려 치웠다. 돈도 돈 같지 않고 무엇보다 하루 종일 일을 하는 동안 순덕이가 그 잡놈을 언제 또 만날지 모를 일이다. 그 생각만 하면 술 생각이 나고 일하다 말고 들어와서 어디 갔다 왔느냐 바른 대로 말하라며 살림도 때려 부수고 그 다음날 무단결근 하는 악 순환이 계속되었다.

  그러다가 순덕이가 숨통이 트인 것은 남편이 바람이 나고 부터다. 산불을 끄는 방법 중에 하나는 맞불을 놓기도 한단다.  남주동 시장에 좌판을 놓고 생선 장사를 시작했다. 남편은 생선하고는 인연이 있었는지 생선 장사는 돈도 잘 벌리고 무엇보다도 다행스러운 것은 옆에 순댓국집 아줌마와 눈이 맞은 것이다. 물론 그 아줌마도 남편과 자식이 있다. 시장 통 안에 순덕이 남편과 순댓국집 여자가 그렇고 그런 사이라고 소문이 솔솔 나기는 해도 막상 당사자인 순댓국집 남편도 모르는 척 조용하고 순덕이는 오히려 순댓국집 여자가 구세주였다. 생활비나 갖다 주고 손찌검이나 안하고 제발 그놈말만 안하면 바람이고 태풍이고 문제가 아니다. 아이들 셋하고 씨름하기도 하루가 부족했다. 그러나 그런 행운이나 행복마저도 오래 가지 못했다.

   생선가게 좌판도 순댓국집 문도 열기는 이른 시간이다. 아침 9시 정도에 여관들만 줄지어 있는 골목길에서 가는 길인지 오는 길인지 알 수 없지만 그 시간 밤을 새워 술을 마신 음주 운전 차에 순덕이네 남편이 길옆 전봇대에 끼면서 샌드위치가 되고 배가 터져서 창자에 바람이 들어가 고무풍선처럼 배가 불어났다고 했다.

  순댓국집 아줌마는 현장을 목격하고 놀라서 기절을 한 것이지 다친 것은 아니라고 했다. 누군가 과부도 팔자 좋은 년이 된다고 하지만 순덕이는 남편의 죽음 앞에서 세 아이를 데리고 어찌 살아야 할지 그저 막막하기만 했다.

(3) Namju-dong Market Street

The more Soonduk's husband think about her, the more he became resentful and unfair. His limbs are fine and he is still not so old, and he can make money if it is a matter. But what a trick of fate it is! The dream is to be dreamed while one sleeps. Seeing the changed Soonduk, his heart was broken. On the one hand, she was pitiful and pathetic, but on the other hand, she was really disgusting.

Now, when he has a sexual intercourse with her, it seemed like he was holding an empty jar. During these years, she gave a birth to a son adding to two daughters.

How happy and good luck it is for him but he calculated in many ways and concluded that it is the seed of someone else while he was in prison. As he watched his son's grow up, his anger and resentment grew more and more.

His violence was also a problem but it was the first time or the second time, it became a habit, and he beat her more frequent than not.

She was little bit comforted when she counter attacked him. After the counter attack she felt refreshed although she regreted for not having a patience. But she couldn't explain the strange feelings in words after the explosion of resentment that rose inside her in such a way.

Between the two persons, there was always fights and violence. The potato soup she cooked in the morning for breakfast provoked a fighting. The weather suddenly became hot, and the potato soup was slightly gone bad but she didn't check of it and served for dinner, and it led to a fight. After tasting a spoonful of this soup, her husband overturned the dinner table.

He said 'You don't think of your husband as much as the dirt in the toe nail and served a soup that has gone bad.' He destroyed the furniture and whatever in the room and kicked Soonduk who was breaking up his behavior, and the room became a mess.

In the end, the old lady owner, who could not have patience came and interrupted to calm down her husband's one-sided riot rather than her marital quarrel. On the day when such a fight happened, her husband tried to touch her body as if he would help the unfortunate person. In this case, she didn't have the courage to refuse it, all the more, she shouldn't accept it.

If she accidentally shakes off his hand;

'You met him again eh, when did you meet him again, did he treat you so well?' And he used to beat her no matter it is night or dawn. This habit increased day by day and finally he got a delusional jealousy. So when she goes outside, he locked the door from outside, and he was not satisfied with it, he even put the few clothes she had in a sack and took it somewhere. He didn't even let her go to the grocery store and she had to eat the side dishes as he bought.

Soonduk also thought that the third baby was, no doubt, that of the bastard. It was clear that she was cursed. The society was scary and frightening for her. She regretted of her not being able to bite her tongue and die at the first time when she was raped by the bastard at that inn. She was dubious, but she was cheated by his handsome looks and sweet words. He said that it's a matter between she and him and nobody knows even mice or birds, so if he and she don't talk to another person, there will be no problem in this world. It is something like there will be no trace in the water if a boat passes once or twice. He also said that if she follows him carefully, he will take a responsibility to get her husband out of the prison in a week. Even sipping alcohol created an environment that couldn't be refused, and it became an excuse and a pretext as well.

She met him for the second time to know what was going on because he said that her husband would be released from prison within a week but she couldn't hear anything from him even two weeks thereafter.

She met him for the third time finding that she was cheated by him, and when she was called by him again, she made up her mind that she would kill him and kill herself too, but it was only what she thought. She couldn't say anything and only trembled like a bird's heart in front of an eagle and was raped again obeying as he ordered losing the opportunity of the right time and timing to do what she first thought.

When she first realized pregnancy and visited clinic to try miscarriage, she was told to come with a guardian, so she needed to meet someone to say;

‘I am pregnant, not by my own will, with a bastard’s child and I wish to try miscarriage and please accompany me to the clinic as my guardian.'

She had to say like this but there was no one to tell even she washed her eyes cleanly. Of course, she thought her parents or her siblings, but it wasn't a matter that she could discuss with anyone of them, it was just a matter of lying down and spitting above her face. She lost the time to think about it and she thought the delivery date would be about a month away, but one day while she was washing dishes after dinner, she felt stomachache little by little, and she didn't even have time to go to the clinic, she delivered the baby in front of her two children. It could be expressed as poured out the baby on the floor together with the umbilical cord rather than delivering a baby.

Her husband was returning home and heard the baby cry but he doubt of his ears and went out the house again to check if he entered someone else's house. He came in again accompanying the old lady owner. She cut the umbilical cord and took care of it.

As one more family member is added, she had to do any work to make money. Fighting and jealousy was next thing to everyday eating. When her husband was driving the fish truck, he brought a bunch of money every day, although it was for a while, but he couldn't adapt to any job and he was not satisfied with anything. He worked on putting up movie posters and also worked at a construction site for building a factory in the west Cheongju Industrial Complex. He took a driving job again, but gave it up in less than a month. Money was just priceless thing for him. Most of all, he was just imagining when Soonduk would meet that bastard again while he works all day long. Whenever he thinks about that, he wanted to drink alcohol. He returned home even while he was working, asked her where she had been. He destroyed everything at home asking her to say honestly, and the next day, he absented from work with no reason and this vicious cycle continued to repeat.

Then, Soonduk's breath was relieved after her husband had an affair with someone. There's an old saying; 'One of the ways to cease a wildfire is to put a backfire.' Her husband started to sell fish setting up a stand in the Namju-dong market street. Her husband must have had a good relationship with fish, and the fish business made good money, and most of all, fortunately, he met a lady of the sausage soup shop next to him. Of course, the woman also had her husband and kids. Even though there were rumors in the market street that Soonduk's husband and the woman at the shop were in hanky-panky. However, even the involved husband of the shop woman was quiet pretending that he didn't know about it. For Soonduk, that woman was rather a savior in her situation.

For Soonduk, whether the gust wind or storm, it was not a problem if her husband pays her living expenses and refrain from beating her and if he doesn't say about that bastard. A day was not enough to take care of her three children. But even such luck and happiness didn't last long.

It was an early morning when both the fish shop stand and sausage soup shop to open. Around 9 o'clock in the morning, in an alley lined with inns, it was not learned whether it was a way to the east or west, one drunken driver who drank all night long ran over Soonduk's husband and he became a sandwich between the car and an electric post. It was said that his stomach was seriously wounded and it was swollen like a rubber balloon. The woman of sausage shop witnessed the scene and they said she became fainted from surprise, but she was not injured. There is another old saying;

'Fortunate woman can become a widow'. Now, Soonduk was at a loss how to make a living with her three children in the face of her husband's death.