a discussion......

[Kong]

I just want to share my opinion and discuss some subjects..
These are the themes to talk about in my discussion class.
Let’s Feel free about it and share your thoughts with me! ^^


《CHOOSING A MATE》
In 1989 a psychology professor at the University of Michigan in the USA conducted a study to find out about the mating habits of cultures all around the world. He wanted to see if there were any differences between what men and women in different cultures look for when choosing their mates.
What he found was interesting. He discovered that women in every culture he studied think in every the same when it comes to choosing a husband. And although men’s preferences are different from those of the women, they also think identically to one another, regardless of the culture they live in.
The study covered a wide range of subjects. The professor surveyed 10000 people in 33 countries on all continents.
Each person was asked to consider 31 different characteristics that they might look for in a husband or wife. They were asked to rank the personal characteristics from the most important to them to the least important. The characteristics included such things as attractiveness, intelligence, kindness, diligence, etc.
As it was expected, men everywhere mentioned attractiveness and youthfulness as top priority while women said they wanted husbands who were a little older and had money. For most women attractiveness was not very important. If given choice between a good provide and a man who was just handsome, 99% would choose the provider.
There was almost no difference in the responses received from men and women in cultures as diverse as the Zulus of Africa, Indians living in the Amazon, and the Chinese.
As for the reason for the similarities, researchers come to the conclusion that it all had to do with reproduction and family life. These are issues that men and women from all cultures have to face. It’s a master of carrying on the race and survival.
Women want men who are prosperous because they’ll be better able to support a family. Men, on the other hand, want women who are young, attractive, and healthy, all signs of fertility.
While there are a few differences, men in most countries want their wives to be virgins. Some cultures. Such as those in Asia, look upon women who are not virgins as dirty and impure. The origin of this reasoning could be that if the bride is not a virgin, she could be carrying the child of another man.
The late 20th century saw a lot of change in public morals and attitudes toward sex.
Premarital sex has become common, and some women are choosing not to get married until they’re older. This trend is so preval‎ent in Japan that many Japanese men are having to import wives in order to get married.

☞Discussion Questions
1. Put the following personal characteristics in order from most important to least important in you case.
* Friendly personality
* Neatness and cleanness
* Educational background
* Family background
* Money & employment( have a well-paying job)
* Intelligence
* Physical attractiveness( handsome or beautiful)
* Good health

[ My opinion…..]
I would choose friendly personality and other his characteristics. I want to talk about my or our future and common tastes with him or her. For example, talk about music , movies . political questions or educational problems … I want him or her to have similar point of view about that kind of themes. Despite not the same viewpoint, I hope he or she would have similar way of thinking. Therefore we- my spouse and I – could draw the similar pictures and share with him or her about the future.
How about physical attractiveness? At first , if I would have met someone throughout the blind date, I consider him as the first impression. If you think it (the first impression) is the same as physical attractiveness, I don’t agree with it. I think it is somewhat different. If I meet someone at first, I saw his 인상, good or bad, not handsome or plain. If someone’s 인상 ( a kind of physiognomy) is good, he or she could be handsome for me after getting to know each other even though he or she has a real plain face… Anyway I think the money problem is later on for me. I don’t know the real situation goes on how dramatically. Nowadays I don’t consider. I don’t want to.
^^;;

2. What’s your opinion on being a virgin before marriage? Answer the following 3 questions relating to virginity:
a. Is it more important for women than for men? Why or why not?
b. Would you marry a man (or woman) if you knew he or she had had many sexual relationships in the past? Why or why not?

[My opinion…..]
“virgin question” is like an old version of love materials. I don’t know exactly but I guess it doesn’t matter about that these days. If someone is not a virgin and has a lot of sexual relationships before they met, it is a really big problem, if someone had lots of that kind of sexual relationships and the other has not.

3. How many children would you like to have after marriage? What will you do if your husband (of wife) disagrees with young?

[My opinion…..]
Honestly I want to have one child. Having a baby is a huge problem for women. We have to wait 10 months and give a birth and raise him/her. Men just care about women and buy some products want to have lots of children. ^^

4. What do you think about remaining single?
a. Should everybody be required to get married? Why or why not?
b. What is the situation in your country? Is everybody expected to get married? If so, what do you think of that?

[My opinion…..]
Not everyone needs to marry. Already these days some does not. Just they enjoy the lives without husbands or wives. They have a relationship with their friends or girl friends or boyfriends. Anyway I would choose the marriage with someone some day. When I grow older, I want to be with my family. That would be comfortable and relievable.

5. What about decision-making? Should it be shared equally or should the husband make most of the important decisions? Tell why you think so.

[My opinion…..]
I think it has to be shared equally. The concept of the head of the family has gone already. They just share their opinions altogether the husband and wife and the children.
It will be fair for everyone!

6. Which type of lifestyle has more problems-the married life or the single life? What are some of the problems?

[My opinion…..]
Both of them have problems. If someone gets married to someone, he or she gets tied up with a kind of relationship therefore she or he has to have responsibility about that. Because the might have a child or children. That’s the price that they cost. On the other hand If someone lives as single, she or he could enjoy her or his days without limits or responsibility. She or he feels free and also feels lonely and isolated. (People said the person feels her or his solitary on his or her own. It’s true but it can reduce that one makes the family…..)

What"s your opinion about that?

^^

[cafemia]

Wow. It would take thousands of words for me to tell. Thoughts about choosing a mate will always baffle me. Two people may have all the great qualities to be a couple, but without that sparkle, nothing will happen. Once that happens, it would be important to discuss all the other important factors.

[Ken.]

Ditto. One thing I want to know is this, though: is there still people out there who believe that men shoudl make most of the important decisions??? I know that a lot of older generations do believe that, but does that patriarchial baloney still exist in younger minds?

[cafemia]

Hi, Ken. I guess you belong to my generation. Men are/were expected to make all the important decisions. Now, as my daughter tells me in dark humor, when decisions are made subjectively, the blame goes to the other. That is when the decision made turns out sour, the other gets the flack.

[cafemia]

You see, the other person should have stepped in and prevented the decision from happening. Relationship survives, when they can laugh about it. ㅋㅋ