We had loved each other for two years before I said "I have to leave you".
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He is devorced and so am I.
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He, as an eldest son, has the great responsibilities about his parents and son who is living with his mother. That's fine with me. That didn't matter.
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The problem was not with him but with me.
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I have had a hard time for a long time because of financial problem.
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After my first marriage, many people around me have borrowed or taken a lot of momey away from me. Nobody gave it back to me.
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That's why I have some debt now.
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He had been waiting for two years.
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You know how fast life runs if you are old enough.
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He is in his forties.
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One day I hit on the idea that I shoud not have him wait for me any more.
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It meant that I had to leave him and shouldn't cling to him.
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You know. Financial problems give birth to so many branches which cause great pain later. I didn't want to live with him under the undesirable situation.
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And I couldn't tell him to wait for me for another two years.
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Another two years won't possibly prove good choice.
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Everything is changable. If I do so, that could be poison to him in two years.
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I said that I would leave him due to the reality that I was faced with.
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He said he would accept my decision and it could be wise of us to break up lest we sould have a harder time in the future.
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Ever since, I have been beside myself all the time.
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I could do nothing. All I did was weeping.
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I called him back to say that I could not live without him and would go to him even though I would grow so old. He said "You are still selfish."He didn't want me to.Whatever he said, I would go to him although I don't know how long it will take me to solve my problem.
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If he loves someone else,or doesn't hug me when I see him, then I will let him go.
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I'm really trying to work hard to get closer to him.
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We haven't got in touch with each other for a month.
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I can't see or hear him but whenever I think that I will be able to meet him someday, I feel happy and strong.
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Even though he already turned away from me, I will try and try to make him turn to me. I want to be the last woman that he loves and will love.
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Is it love?
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첫댓글I'm sorry that you are suffering about this relationship. It looks like there are things that you need to resolve for yourself first, before all else.
Thanks for sharing your story. I am sure lots of people can empathize with your situation. Financial difficulties can take a toll in relationships. I hope you could find a way to stay strong as you go through many hardships. Best wishes and please come back and tell us how you are doing.
At the expense of sounding too harsh, I must admit that it doesn't seem to me that what you are feeling is love. You believed that you need him in order to be happy. But since you care for him, you did not want to impose your problem on him. So you decided to "let him go," at the expense ...
of your own happiness. But now that you have "let him go," you realized that the unhappiness was unbearable. That is, you still believe you need him to be happy. I believe you are stronger than that. You don't need him to be happy. Once you are able to stand own your own and be happy, you ...
won't need him anymore. But he will then turn toward you on his own, because we ALL want or need those who can be happy without needing anything or anyone. I know it is easier said than done. It is much easier to confuse love with need. But needing someone else, as opposed to loving someone ...
I know that love can be one way, but the marriage has to be both ways, otherwise it will collapse...If you don't mind me saying this, I would ask you one thing...can you lay your life for your man and not feel sorry for yourself? Love requires sacrifices and even in the marriage...
I think more you sacrifice for your spouse, better chance you understand what love is all about...I hope I didn't make you upset or anything...I'll be praying for you bead...
AshtonMartin, I respectfully disagree with some of your comments. Our cultures have demanded unfairly for women to sacrifice themselves. The idea of "a good woman is a sacrificing one" is so deeply embedded in our mind. We largely owe that to Christianity, but that is another whole issue.
What I really wanted to say to Bead was that she should demand her significant other to stay with her as she goes through financial hardships. But I did not say that because she probably just needed somebody to talk to.
It's very touching story..and i think i'm too young to give you any love advice or comments, however if you truly love him..don't give up! and ask yourself a question again, do i really love him? or is it just "adherence" feeling that you feel since you guys been together for past 2 years?
첫댓글 I'm sorry that you are suffering about this relationship. It looks like there are things that you need to resolve for yourself first, before all else.
Thanks for sharing your story. I am sure lots of people can empathize with your situation. Financial difficulties can take a toll in relationships. I hope you could find a way to stay strong as you go through many hardships. Best wishes and please come back and tell us how you are doing.
At the expense of sounding too harsh, I must admit that it doesn't seem to me that what you are feeling is love. You believed that you need him in order to be happy. But since you care for him, you did not want to impose your problem on him. So you decided to "let him go," at the expense ...
of your own happiness. But now that you have "let him go," you realized that the unhappiness was unbearable. That is, you still believe you need him to be happy. I believe you are stronger than that. You don't need him to be happy. Once you are able to stand own your own and be happy, you ...
won't need him anymore. But he will then turn toward you on his own, because we ALL want or need those who can be happy without needing anything or anyone. I know it is easier said than done. It is much easier to confuse love with need. But needing someone else, as opposed to loving someone ...
else, can sometimes do more harm than good. I wish you the best of luck.
I know that love can be one way, but the marriage has to be both ways, otherwise it will collapse...If you don't mind me saying this, I would ask you one thing...can you lay your life for your man and not feel sorry for yourself? Love requires sacrifices and even in the marriage...
I think more you sacrifice for your spouse, better chance you understand what love is all about...I hope I didn't make you upset or anything...I'll be praying for you bead...
AshtonMartin, I respectfully disagree with some of your comments. Our cultures have demanded unfairly for women to sacrifice themselves. The idea of "a good woman is a sacrificing one" is so deeply embedded in our mind. We largely owe that to Christianity, but that is another whole issue.
What I really wanted to say to Bead was that she should demand her significant other to stay with her as she goes through financial hardships. But I did not say that because she probably just needed somebody to talk to.
Giving a woman in despair an advice that she needs to forego self-interest is just absurd. Apologies in advance, if I misunderstood you.
It's very touching story..and i think i'm too young to give you any love advice or comments, however if you truly love him..don't give up! and ask yourself a question again, do i really love him? or is it just "adherence" feeling that you feel since you guys been together for past 2 years?