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Overnight visit
Dear Annie: My 16-year-old daughter has a close friend whose parents are divorced. This friend, "Neela," now lives with her dad, and he recently started dating a woman who stays overnight on the weekends.
I am concerned about the example they are setting for my daughter and other teens who witness this. Are they giving the message that sex is OK so early in a relationship? My daughter always has spoken highly of Neela's father and has a great deal of respect for him. His female interest is a teacher who should demonstrate better moral characteristics.
How do I talk to my daughter about this? -- Concerned Parent
Dear Concerned: Explain to your daughter that Neela's father is an adult and he is lonely for female companionship. Tell her that what he does is not appropriate for her because of her age and her circumstances. Then talk to Neela's father and let him know of your concerns. He needs to realize that he is setting a poor example for his own daughter, and that he especially should not have women sleeping in his bed while Neela's friends are present. If he cannot be more circumspect in the future, you may need to restrict your daughter's overnight visits. You also might consider inviting Neela to spend the night at your home instead.
Dear Annie: My 25-year-old daughter, "Natalie," has been married for four years and has given me two precious grandsons. The problem is, I feel I'm supporting her family financially. Natalie is a stay-at-home mom. Her husband works and brings home enough money to pay the bills, but they go shopping as soon as he gets his paycheck, buying foolish stuff they don't need. Within three days they are broke and borrowing money from me.
At times they owe me as much as $200. Then I have to keep after them to pay the money back. When I tell them that I can't keep doing this, it just doesn't sink in. They must think my money grows on trees.
Natalie gives me the guilt trip that it's for my grandsons. Then I can't say no. How do I tell them it's time they manage their own money? I don't want to hurt my daughter, but enough is enough. Please help. -- Grandma Can't Say No in Wisconsin
Dear Grandma: They don't think your money grows on trees. They think it grows in your bank account and that you'll keep giving it to them. And they are right. If you don't find some backbone, Grandma, this will never end. Learn to say no and mean it. You want to do the right thing for the grandchildren? Help their parents learn the value of a dollar, so those children aren't out on the streets when Grandma isn't around any longer.
Give Natalie the name of the National Foundation for Credit Counseling (nfcc.org) at 1-800-388-2227, and tell her to call or e-mail. Someone there will help.
2005.05.31
Japan, ROK coast guards end 2-day standoff
A two-day standoff between Japanese and South Korean coast guard patrol ships off Tsushima island, Nagasaki Prefecture, came to an end late Thursday afternoon when the captain of a South Korean fishing boat admitted that he had violated Japanese law and promised to pay a cash bond to Japan, Japan Coast Guard officials said.
The eel-fishing boat Shinpung-ho was suspected to have resisted JCG officers' onboard inspection in Japan's exclusive economic zone at 11:30 p.m. Tuesday and fled into the South Korean EEZ with two Japanese officers aboard, according to the JCG's 7th Regional Headquarters in Kitakyushu.
The fishing boat was spotted in Japan's EEZ with two other eel-fishing vessels from South Korea. When three officers from the JCG boat Tatsugumo tried to board it for an inspection, the Shinpung-ho fled, with two of them onboard. A third JCG officer fell overboard, but was rescued safely.
The 77-ton fishing boat was halted by a South Korean maritime police boat in the South Korean EEZ at about 1:50 a.m. Wednesday. The JCG officers were rescued and handed over to their patrol boat.
A number of patrol boats from both countries then gathered at the area, sandwiching the fishing boat.
The Japanese side demanded that the captain and other crew members of the fishing boat be handed over to the Japanese authorities as Japan had the jurisdiction to interrogate them. The South Korean maritime police insisted, however, that they would probe the case.
On Thursday, the JCG and the South Korean side reached an agreement to release the captain of the fishing vessel, provided he submit a written pledge to pay a cash bond of 500,000 yen, the 7th Regional Headquarters said.
Following the accord, JCG officers went on board a South Korean patrol boat and began questioning the captain of the fishing boat at about 3 p.m., while Japanese officers also searched the Shinpung-ho.
At 5:30 p.m., the JCG released the captain and handed over the vessel to the South Korean maritime police. The eight JCG boats that had gathered at the scene began leaving the area at 6:15 p.m.
The Tsushima Coast Guard Station in Tsushima said it would shortly send to a local branch of the Nagasaki District Public Prosecutors Office papers concerning the South Korean captain on suspicion of violating the Japanese Fisheries Law by rejecting an on-the-spot inspection.
The captain is likely to be indicted. If he fails to show up before Japanese judicial authorities, the cash bond will be confiscated and transferred to the state coffers.
A senior official of the 7th Regional Headquarters said at a press conference Thursday that the JCG exercised Japan's judicial powers.
"In that sense, we defended the sovereignty of our country," he said. "We know the incident has brought forth many problems, but we don't want the outcome to become a precedent for settling future cases."
He added that the JCG wanted to hold consultations with the South Korean maritime police to discuss measures to deal with similar cases that might occur in the future.
2005.06.04
[EDITORIAL]End to maritime row
Korea and Japan did well to end a maritime confrontation over a Korean fishing boat accused of engaging in illegal fishing operations in the Japanese exclusive economic zone. Otherwise, it would have cast dark clouds over an upcoming summit between President Roh Moo-hyun and Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi, who are scheduled to meet later this month.
It was the first time Korean patrol boats have been pitted against their Japanese counterparts in the East Sea over an allegedly errant fishing vessel. Each side claimed jurisdiction over the Korean fishing boat, which had fled into Korea's EEZ, with justification.
Under the 1998 fisheries agreement, each side is allowed to go into the other's EEZ when chasing a fleeing fishing boat suspected of illegal fishing operations in its EEZ and to take the boat back to its territory for criminal justice. The agreement also allows each side to take criminal action, as demanded by the other side, against its own fishing boat confirmed to have poached in the other's EEZ.
To complicate the matter this time, two Japanese guards jumped into the Korean fishing boat for an inspection when it started to flee shortly after midnight Tuesday. The Japanese government took issue with the fishing boat's flight with the guards aboard, as well as its alleged poaching.
Even more complicating was a claim that the guards beat two crew members of the fishing boat with sticks and helmets. One of the victims was sent to hospital for treatment.
It was most unfortunate that the dispute over jurisdiction flared up at a time when bilateral relations were so much frayed over Japan's renewed claims to the Korean-controlled Dokdo islands in the East Sea. The maritime confrontation continued for the two consecutive days before the two sides agreed to end it yesterday morning.
Reason prevailed when Korea and Japan agreed to end the conflict with a Japanese concession before it developed into a nasty fight of ego. What Korea needs to do now is to follow faithfully through its commitment to an unbiased investigation into the case and take appropriate action against the crew members if they are confirmed to be culpable.
2005.06.03