6월27일(월) 자료

Violent boyfriend     Dear Annie: I am 28 years old and read your column daily. The problem is my boyfriend, "Dave." He went overboard last month and hit me in front of our two young children. Of course, he was arrested, and a restraining order was issued. We both know what he did was wrong, and he apologized to me and the kids. The problem is, no one seems to understand that I love this man. We've been together for 10 years. Dave agrees that he needs counseling but won't go unless I go, too. My family is furious, but they don't know him like I do. Annie, can this relationship be saved? -- The Lost One Dear Lost One: What was the overboard part -- that he hit you, or that he did it in front of the kids? Dave is right that both of you need counseling -- him to work on controlling himself, and you to figure out why you put up with such abusive and demeaning behavior. Men who take their anger and frustration out on others are likely to do it again. Please take the blinders off your eyes and see what your family sees. As far as we're concerned, you should have a zero-tolerance policy for being hit, no matter how much you love this man. You need to get out of this relationship entirely. The Family Violence Council recommends developing a safety plan through the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233) (ndvh.org). Please call today. Dear Annie: My daughter is a 40-year-old professor at a leading university. She has a wonderful husband and two bright children. But her house is so dirty, I find it very difficult to visit. Recently, "Lesley" was asked to address a national medical group, and her superior had to suggest that she comb her hair before attending the meeting. My daughter told me this, laughingly, but I know her superior was serious. Her children are not taught any rules of cleanliness, and everything in that house goes on the floor, which is often gritty. Her husband is worse than she is. Occasionally, when I am there, I will clean one room, but it is not appreciated. Lesley takes it as a condemnation, even though I say nothing. I have casually suggested that she get help in the house, as she works hard, and she replies, "Yes, as soon as money becomes a bit freer, I will." Of course, I would like to add that her husband should be contributing to the household duties, but I'm afraid to open that can of worms. Any suggestions? -- Cleanliness Brings Comfort to Life Dear Cleanliness: It's hard to watch your child live in a pigsty, but that is her choice. Is there an underlying problem, perhaps depression or OCD, that requires therapy? If you can afford it, offer cleaning help. Say, "Lesley, you are so busy, the housework must be overwhelming. I'd like to send a cleaning service this month as a birthday gift." If she is resistant to this idea, back off. If you cannot bear to be in her house, invite them to yours instead, so they can see the value in having a home where you can find clean things. There's really nothing more you can do. 2005.06.21   [EDITORIAL]Teachers' job appraisal  Korea is moving fast from a seniority-based society to a merit-based one, with corporate employees no longer assured of lifetime employment. They are well aware that they will have to outperform their fellow workers if they are to remain on the payroll and get promotions and pay increases. Even government officials are feeling the heat, with mediocrity less and less tolerated in officialdom. It is not unusual for mid- and top-level government officials to be forced out of office well before they reach the retirement age, though few blemishes may be found in their careers. Even low-level officials are misguided if they feel secure just because they are set to organize themselves into legally sanctioned unions. Long insulated from the rapid transition are schoolteachers, who have succeeded in resisting the government's recent move to appraise their job performances. But they are mistaken if they believe they are privileged enough to avoid being assessed for their performances. Teaching is no longer regarded as a calling too noble to be trivialized by eval‎uations. In fact, it is now seen by many to be nothing but a service, with teachers being its providers. The era is long gone when the Confucian philosophy taught children that the teacher was equal in status to the king and the father. True, teachers have agreed to the eval‎uation of their job performances in principle. Still, they are putting up organized resistance to the move. Three groups representing teachers' interests have agreed with the Ministry of Education and Human Resources Development to set up a special committee on improving school education, which will be authorized to determine how to eval‎uate their job performances. The committee, set to start work in the second semester, will also study issues concerning how to reduce teachers' workload and improve their training and working conditions. But the problem is that under pressure from the special interest groups, the ministry is backpedaling from its plan to select schools for a pilot eval‎uation project this month and subject all teachers to an eval‎uation process beginning in 2007. The ministry says it will implement the plan after securing consent from the special interest groups - a sign that it has yielded to their pressure. The ministry says it will be possible to launch the planned pilot project in September. That may turn out to be wishful thinking, given strong opposition from the foot-dragging special interest groups. Last month, one of them even succeeded in scuttling a ministry-sponsored public hearing on the issue by force. In opposing assessments by students and their parents as well as fellow teachers, the special interest groups argue they will deprive all teachers of their initiatives in education, trigger runaway competition and thus turn the school community into a wasteland. That is nothing but a lame excuse from competition-averse teachers. To survive competition, teachers will certainly work harder, become more creative and provide better service to their clients, who are students. That is what their counterparts in the private business sector have done in the face of cutthroat competition. Moreover, teachers will have to remind themselves that as many as 77 percent of parents support the eval‎uation of their job performances. As service buyers, those parents also make legitimate demands not just to participate actively in eval‎uations but also to have a strong say in the ouster of those found incompetent in classroom work. For its part, the ministry is advised to ride on strong parental support in pushing for its eval‎uation plan and to become more assertive in future negotiations with special interest groups. It needs to tell them that teachers will be assessed on their work just as students are. 2005.06.23