일찾아 사랑찾아

[조앤리]

1968년 한국, 수도인 서울에서 한시간 떨어진 인천에서 태어났다. 우리 가족은 할머니, 아빠, 엄마, 싱글이었던 사촌언니 그리고 엄마가 몸이 약하셔서 늘 상주하셨던 일하는 언니, 그리고 나의 두 언니들. 그래서 나는 서열상 우리집의 일곱번째 여자였다.

아빠는 말씀이 없는 분이셨지만 이런 저런 생활에 필요한 물건들을 발명하기를 좋아하시고 어느 정도의 야망도 있으셨고 그와 동시에 로맨틱 한 면과 함께 신앙심이 깊은 분이셨다. 무엇보다도 다행히도 7명의 여자들을 혼자서 먹여살리시기에 충분한 경제력을 갖고 계셨다. 학구적이시고 연구하시기를 좋아하셨는데 특히 첨단적인 기기들을 집에 설치하거나 사모으시기를 좋아하셨고 우리 세 딸들이 그런 것들을 다 배워 신여성으로 자라기를 바라셨고 가능한 모든 길을 아낌없이 후원해주셨다.

나의 다섯번째 생일 날 양쪽에 언니들 손을 잡고 영화관에를 갔다. 우리가 본 영화는 메리포핀스, 그 후로 아마 거의 30년은 생애 가장 감명 깊게 본 영화 리스트에 늘 이 영화를 꼽았던 것 같다. 영화를 보고 집에 왔을 때 또 다른 선물이 기다리고 있었다. 바로 계몽사에서 출간한 50권짜리 세계 동화 전집으로 나라별로 유명한 온갖 동화들이 수없이 많이 수록된 전집이었다.  그 날은 내 생애 최고의 생일날이었고 나는 나의 유년기를 온통 이 책이 다 낡도록 읽으면서 보냈던 거 같다.

내가 국민학교에 들어가던 해, 엄마는 늦둥이 아들을 낳으셨다. 평생 베스트 프랜드가 된 바로 내 남동생이다.

어렸을 적 나는 수줍고 내성적이고 몸도 약한 안경 쓴 여자아이였다. 하지만 음악을 사랑했고 책을 많이 읽고 중 고등학교 때에는 시나 수필을 즐겨 썼다. 동시에 피아노를 꾸준히 치고 작곡레슨도 병행해서 받아서 학교 시절 내내 교회 반주자로 봉사했다. 작곡과를 지망한 적이 있었지만 결국은 편입을 하여 영문과로 진로를 선택하였다.

졸업 후 1990년 박사과정에 한 남자를 만나 결혼하게 되었고 그는 나중에 교수가 되고 나는 학원에서 아이들을 가르쳤다. 우리 둘 사이에 딸과 아들이 탄생했고 딸은 지금 28세, 올해 나와 같이 부동산 자격증을 취득했고 내년에는 결혼 계획이 있다. 아들은 24세 워터루 공대에 다니고 있고 이번 6월에 졸업을 하니 동부를 여행할 좋은 이유가 다시 하나 생겼다.

이 아이들이 어렸을 때, 2005년에 둘째 언니가 살고 있는 밴쿠버로 이민했다. 한국을 떠나던 날 이륙하는 비행기 창문을 내다보며 서글프고도 비장하고도 설레는 마음으로 나의 결심을 나직히 되뇌었던 일이 어제 일처럼 생생하다. ‘일찾아 사랑찾아’

당시에 미국에서 부동산 관련 사업을 성공적으로 하던 큰언니의 권유로 2009년에 부동산 자격증을 취득하였다. 2011년에 내 인생의 남자, 캔을 만나게 되었고 2013년 아이들이 모두 독립하고 2년 뒤 2015년 재혼을 결심하였다.  2017년 우리는 저먼 세퍼드 걸, 지나를 입양하여 또 하나의 가족이 생겼다. 2018년 작년은 나의 50세가 되는 해였다. 연초 생일파티로 시작하여 유럽을 두번이나가고 아프리카도 여행했다. 비즈니스 10년차를 자축하며 고국을 떠나던 날 소망하던 '일 찾아 사랑찾아' 가  모두 이루어 진 것에 감사했다.

요즘의 그리고 앞으로의 평균 수명을 생각하면 50세라는 의미는 인생을 반을 산 느낌이다. 물론 신체적으로나 정서적으로 약간의 변화를 느끼기는 하지만 어느 때보다도 평온하고 차분한 기분이다. 조금 여유를 갖고 뒤도 돌아보고 앞으로 나머지 인생의 반을 살아갈 마음가짐에  대해서도 생각해보고 싶다.

나의 53세 언니는 작년부터 암으로 고생하고 있다. 이런 일을 겪고 보니 인생에 과연 무엇이 중요한 거였던가는 참 알 수 없다. 어쩌면 우리는 인생에서 우리가 생각하고 있는 만큼 선택의 여지가 그리 많지 않은지도 모르겠다.

내가 하기 좋아하는 일은 읽고 쓰고, 내 남자와 우리 강아지와 캠핑하는 일이다. 그리고 좋아하는 한 두 가지의 모임에 나가는 일.

언젠가는 나의 인생에 대하여 책 한 권을 쓰고 싶다. 나의 이민 이야기, 사랑 이야기, 비즈니스 이야기, 그 안에서 만났던 무수한 사람들의 이야기, 그보다 더  많은 지난 14년 간 통역 봉사하면서 내가 느꼈던 그런이야기들을 생각을 모아 정리해보고 싶다. 한국어와 영어 두 언어 버젼으로.

모임과 꾸준한 연습을 통해서 오래 걸리겠지만 바이링구얼로서 두 언어를 사용하는 데 있어서 완전히 자유로워질 날이 반드시 올 것으로 믿는다.

<*위의 한글 파트는 아래의 영문을 먼저 쓰고 한글로 최대한 부드럽게 번역한 것임을 알려드립니다.>

In 1968, I was born in South Korea, Incheon, which is just an hour away from Seoul. My home consisted of my grandma, father and mother, cousin sister and nanny because my mom was very weak, and there was my two sisters also. So, I was technically the seventh girl in the family.

My father was a man of few words, but very inventive, somewhat ambitious and at the same time romantic and religious person with great faith. First of all he was wealthy enough to support theses seven girls by himself and as an early adaptor, he opened up every possible way that we three girls could experience.

When I was five years old, on my birthday my two sisters took me to a theatre and we watched the movie Merry Poppins which had been my favorite movie for another almost 30 years. When we got home that day another present was waiting for me. A fifty volume of fairy tale story books with numerous stories from all over the world. That was my happiest birth day in my life and I spent my entire childhood reading the books until they were worn out.

My mother gave birth to a son when I just entered elementary school, my brother who has been my best friend for whole my life. 

As a little girl I was a shy, weak, introvertive wearing glasses. But I loved music and grew up reading lots of books and enjoyed writing poems. I took piano lessons and composing lessons together and contributed my time as a pianist at church. I later ended up going to university majoring in English literature.

In 1990, I married a man and he became a professor and I was teaching at a private school.

Between us we had two children, a girl and a boy. The girl is now 28 years old and just got a real estate license. She is also planning to get marry next year. And the boy is 24, graduating Waterloo university in June which gives me a good reason of one more trip to the east this year.

Back in 2005 I immigrated to Canada with these two little kids where my second sister was living . When the flight was taking off from the land of my home country, looking out through the window, I remember that I murmured my resolution ‘Searching for a career, Searching for love’

My oldest sister was a realtor in US and recommended me to this business and I got the licence in 2009.

And 2011, I met this man of my life, Ken and in 2013 my two kids both became independent and in 2015 we married. In 2017 we adopted one more family, a German shepherd girl, Zena. 2018, It was my 50^th birthday. We had great year with parties and traveling Europe and Africa celebrating my birthday and tenth year of my successful business. So thankfully whole dreams came true for last 14 years, a career and love, as I wished on that they when I left my home country.

Because of the today’s lifespan, I feel my 50 is half way of life path. I am experiencing some physical and emotional changes. After the many years of crazy real estate market, I might feel a little exhausted. But I feel calmer and more peaceful than any other time. I want to have some time to think about myself and prepare my mind to make the next half way of my life.

My 53 year-old sister has been suffering from cancer since last year. I don’t know what the priority is in life. We might not have options as many as we expect in life.

What I like to do is reading and writing and camping with my man and dog and joining a couple of social meetings that I like.

Someday in the future I want to write a book about my life, my immigration story, love story and my business story about my people who I met in the real estate and more people that I met in my interpretation services. The book will be published in two language versions in Korean and English.

It will take some time to be able to be perfectly free from using both two languages as a balanced bilingual, I will continue and practice and I believe that for sure I will get better and better year by year as I go on.