Commentary 24/10/25 Divorce as a Christian option?

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Divorce as a Christian option?

It is not ideal, but many marriages do not have fairy-tale endings

Catholics attend a prayer rally against divorce in Cebu City in the Philippines on July 27. (Photo: CBCP News)

By Ruben C. Mendoza

Published: October 15, 2024 03:51 AM GMT

Updated: October 15, 2024 04:56 AM GMT

When the Philippines’ House of Representatives passed the Absolute Divorce Bill in its final reading in May 2024, the spokesperson of the Catholic Bishops’ Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) labeled the bill as “anti-family, anti-marriage and anti-children.”

Like-minded Catholics followed suit in their condemnation of its passage.

The CBCP itself was more tempered in its July 2024 pastoral letter. It affirmed the Church’s teaching on the sanctity and indissolubility of marriage while recognizing “that not all couples who are married have been ‘joined together by God’.”

The bishops also said, "As spiritual and moral leaders of the Church, we can only propose but never impose. We can only motivate our faithful to actively participate in reasoned public discourse as citizens.”

In the light of this “reasoned public discourse,” I argue that divorce can be a Christian option — a product of a married person’s discernment in response to one’s irredeemable marital relationship as well as the Christian community’s solidarity with them as they undergo the process of seeking God’s will in their life.

The divorce bill is a public policy issue. The Church’s voice, while important, is only one among the many other voices about it. In the Philippines, a secular and pluralistic society albeit one that is heavily influenced by the Catholic faith, the Church’s voice should be considered but not privileged.

"There are also married spouses incapable of maintaining fidelity and in most such cases, those who suffer are the wives"

The state’s decision about divorce ought to be based on what is most reasonable and what truly promotes the well-being of the people involved in the relationship.

It is tragic that couples who freely and lovingly enter marriage would grow apart and despite their best efforts to mend their relationship, they would eventually decide to separate and if the option is available, seek divorce.

There are those who remain faithful to their vows, have successful and meaningful marriages, and nurture families. Needless to say, the contemplated divorce bill is not for them.

However, there are also married spouses incapable of maintaining fidelity and in most such cases, those who suffer are the wives. In the Philippines, it appears to be acceptable for married men to have extramarital affairs. Their wives are expected to sacrifice their dignity for the sake of their marriage and children, allowing the husbands the freedom to do as they please.

A survey by the Philippine Statistics Authority in 2022 shows that 17.5 percent of women, aged 15-47, have experienced violence (physical, sexual, or emotional) by husbands or intimate partners. It is admitted that there are irreparable marriages, which are valid canonically but for all intents and purposes, are not sacramental at all.

It is true that married couples in such relationships can opt for the nullification of their marriage or legal separation, remedies that are currently available in the Philippines.

Catholics who want to follow the Church’s teaching about divorce can choose one of them.

Nevertheless, the more options couples have, including divorce, will better enable them to arrive at a decision that they think will work for them.

In cases of martial abuse, it is a matter of justice and compassion that divorce be an option. It is pastorally insensitive to insist that they remain in their marriage despite the violence inside their own homes. In the first place, how can violent marriages be inviolable? Should the community’s approach not always be life-giving and liberating?

"It is an indisputable fact that most parishes in the country do not have adequate and meaningful marriage preparation"

As a married couple discerns God’s will, the Christian community needs to accompany them and make them feel that at this moment of difficulty, they are in solidarity with them.

Whatever their conscience tells them to do must be respected by all. Moreover, if the couple who decides to divorce has children, then it is imperative that appropriate support be provided for their children, particularly as they cope with their parents' separation.

Even if they are aware of the toxic relationship of their parents, their separation or divorce still will not be easy — hence, there is a need to care for them.

Citing the Philippine Constitution in support of its opposition to the divorce bill, the CBCP contends that the Filipino family is the foundation of the nation, and that marriage is “an inviolable social institution.”

However, it is an indisputable fact that most parishes in the country do not have adequate and meaningful marriage preparation, marital, and parenting programs that are truly responsive to the needs of married couples and families.

When parishes are not able to offer them support, then, the claims of the bishops are mere platitudes. After all, the mere absence of a divorce law does not in any way promote the importance of the family and the sanctity of marriage.

As Pope Francis states in Amoris Laetitia, “Marital love is not defended primarily by presenting indissolubility as a duty, or by repeating doctrine, but by helping it to grow ever stronger under the impulse of grace” (134).

To do that, programs must be crafted, and structures be put in place.

Instead of simply affirming the Church’s teaching about divorce, our bishops ought to listen to the stories of married people openly and attentively. An inductive approach to the issue will do them good.

In that way, they will discover the complexity of married life and in the process, understand the importance of grappling with its reality. Perhaps, they will be enabled to see that the questions that married people ask are different from theirs.

It will then be a learning opportunity for them. Instead of approaching divorce as an act contrary to the Church’s teachings, they ought to approach it as an issue that demands compassion and understanding. Not doing so shows a lack of care for couples who are in difficult situations.

Divorce is not ideal, but many marriages do not have fairy-tale endings. Divorce is also not the answer to all marital issues, but it provides an opportunity for couples in irremediable marriages to begin anew and find peace in their lives.

*Ruben C. Mendoza, a PhD in Theology from Katholieke Universiteit Leuven, is a professor at the Department of Theology, Ateneo de Manila University. He is the director of the KU Leuven–Ateneo Center for Catholic Theology and Social Justice. He is also the president of the International Network of Societies for Catholic Theology (INSeCT), a global network of 22 theological societies. The views expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official editorial position of UCA News.