How to convince your close friends and family to take Covid-19 seriously

[能田]

(Commentary Today Tuesday 21 April 2020)

How to convince your close friends and family to take Covid-19 seriously

By Mike Hou

The unprecedented measures taken by the Singapore Government to tackle the Covid-19 outbreak

underline the grave situation Singapore faces, writes the author. Raj Nadarajan/TODAY

Updated 21 April, 2020

Much has been said about how the Covid-19 pandemic is a once-in-a-generation crisis, with a severe impact not only on the health of mankind but also on the global economy and societal systems.

The unprecedented measures taken by the Singapore Government to tackle the outbreak, from announcing three budgets in the space of seven weeks to shutting down schools and non-essential businesses for a month, underline the grave situation Singapore faces, alongside other countries.

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Yet, most of us would have come across reports of — or even personally witnessed — persons who may not take the threat of Covid-19 as seriously as they should.

Some of these individuals may believe that it is simply a personal matter if one gets infected, others insist on pursuing non-essential activities outdoors, while a minority even engage in acts of mischief by treating Covid-19 as a joke.

It is likely to be even more exasperating if these individuals are in fact some of our close friends and family.

What can we do when those we know and care deeply about don’t seem to take the situation as seriously as they should? How can we make use of the nature of our close relationships to encourage them to adopt normative attitudes and behaviour?

THE NATURE OF CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

Close relationships — such as those that we share with close friends and family — serve as one of the most effective means of influence.

Think about how our preferences (for example what food we eat and what music we listen to) are often shaped by our peers. Similarly, our choices and actions (for example, who we hang out with and even whom we eventually marry) are likely to be informed by our family members.

Close relationships have several important traits that enable them to be the efficacious means of social influence.

First, close relationships are often characterised by deep understanding. We know the values and beliefs of our close friends and family members pretty well.

We have an intimate understanding of their personality and behavioural patterns, sometimes even more so than they know themselves. In other words, we know what makes each other tick.

Second, close relationships are often resilient.

Despite experiencing conflict, we often manage to patch things up and perhaps develop an even stronger bond with each other subsequently.

Fundamental to this is the mutual trust that exists within close relationships — we trust that we have each other’s back, and we believe that whatever we say or do, it is in each other’s best interests.

LEVERAGING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS FOR POSITIVE CHANGE

Because of our deep care and concern for each other, it is inevitable that we get frustrated when our close friends and family members don’t think or act the way we believe is in their interest.

Rather than feeling exasperated or helpless in such situations, there are ways in which we can communicate our care for them and nudge them towards positive change.

First, be upfront about your worries with regard to their attitudes or behaviour — tell them that you are worried about their well-being and those around them when they take the situation too lightly or fail to consider the consequences of their actions sufficiently.

It is a privilege as a close friend or family member to be able to be forthcoming about your views; use it. Not many other forms of relationships are resilient enough to allow for such freedom and honesty.

By being candid about your concerns, you not only address the issue(s) head-on, but also clearly demonstrate that your imploration is motivated by a genuine care for their well-being.

Secondly, feel free to adopt idiosyncratic means of persuasion based on what we know about our close friends and family.

For me, I often do not hesitate to use the good old-fashioned guilt trip to nudge my close others into complying with safe distancing and good hand hygiene.

Other times, I also adopt a more repetitive approach — nagging.

You will be surprised that it works. We often end up complying simply because we have been exposed to a message over and over again, or when we feel bad for not doing something.

Moreover, for recalcitrant cases who remain stubborn despite our best attempts at nudging, consider a multi-pronged approach.

Seek alliance with other individuals whom you know will have an influence.

For example, your parent may not listen to you, but may listen to his or her grandchildren; your child may not heed your advice, but may be amenable to change if advised by his or her peers.

Of course, these idiosyncratic ways work only because close relationships enjoy the deep understanding and resilience that they do, allowing for such approaches to be adopted. Otherwise, you may wish to consider a more conservative communication style.

Finally, walk the talk. In this pandemic, it is all the more important that we practise what we preach — our close friends and family may never be more ready to call us out for our inconsistencies.

By explaining to them your rationale for not meeting up, or for cancelling an activity, you not only ensure that safe practices are adhered to, but also allow them to understand your good intentions.

In these unprecedented times, all of us have a crucial role to play to ensure our society gets through this strongly and safely.

And as close friends and family members, there is no more significant a part we can play than by serving as each other’s gatekeepers.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Mike Hou is a PhD candidate in Psychology at the National University of Singapore.