make it go dead in the script of the movie, The Upside

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The Upside is a 2017 American comedy-drama film directed by Neil Burger and written by Jon Hartmere. It is a remake of the French 2011 film The Intouchables, which was itself inspired by the life of Philippe Pozzo di Borgo. The film follows a paralyzed billionaire (Bryan Cranston) who strikes up an unlikely friendship with a recently paroled convict (Kevin Hart) whom he hires to take care of him. Nicole Kidman, Golshifteh Farahani, and Julianna Margulies also star. It is the third remake of The Intouchables after the Telugu (and tamil) film Oopiri, and the Argentinian film Inseparables (2016).

The Upside (2017)

Movie Script



1

[POLICE SIREN WAILS] [HORN HONKS] - [ENGINE REVS] - [HORN HONKS] [POLICE SIREN WAILING] DRIVER: Oh, shit. I bet you 100 I lose 'em. [ENGINE REVS] [TIRES SQUEAL] [GRUNTS] [SIREN CONTINUES] -


DRIVER: That's 100 bucks you owe me. - What? Your silence was your bet. You know that, right? - [SIREN WAILS] - Shit. Step out of the car. Step out of the car! - Show me your hands. Hands! - My hands are right here. - COP 1: Step away! - We on our way to the hosp... Listen to... Listen to me. - Stop resisting. - Nobody's resisting you. Get out of the car. - Put your hands up and get out of the car. - He can't! Why don't you open your eyes? Go look at the tags. What you think's keepin' him sitting there so pretty? - [RADIO CHATTER] - COP 2: There's a chair, Sarge. Good job, Columbo. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. He's a quadriplegic. We on our way to the hospital. The man is havin' a seizure. Oh, Christ. Y'all go ahead and take your sweet time though. He's probably got a few minutes before the rigoletto sets in. Rigor mortis. It's rigoletto. Quads are already paralyzed, so it's a special term. Are y'all seriously still standing there? Check him out. [CHOKING] COP 3: We got a problem, guys. You'll have a bigger problem if I don't get him to the hospital. Call an ambulance. You think an ambulance is faster than this car? - Boom! Huh? - [GROANS] Jesus. You really sold that one, didn't you? [GROANING] "Rigoletto"? [LAUGHS] [SIRENS WAILING] [CLEARS THROAT] All right. So, we radioed ahead. They're comin' out with a gurney. - All right? - Okay. He's gonna be fine. Appreciate you, man. [LAUGHING] What now? Just over there. Such a waste of time. All of this. What was I supposed to do? You couldn't breathe. Yvonne, I said no extraordinary measures. - [LIFT WHIRRING] - Repeatedly. [CHATTERING] PAMELA: Where are the signatures? I've been looking, trust me. I'm not paid to trust you. Do you wanna go back to prison? I didn't belong in prison. You need to prove you're looking for work. I am. It's just that the leads that the computer keeps choosin' for me, they not for me. The computer don't know me. You don't know me. Well, I know you, Mr. Scott, and you need three signatures by tomorrow, or you can tell it to the judge. [SIGHS] MANAGER: What does great customer service mean to you? [SIGHS] Doin' the right thing. I don't know. Tell me about a time when you worked hard to solve a problem. This morning, gettin' up. Do you even want to work here? I just need a signature. Don't give up. WOMAN: Like this? MAN: Yeah, that should do it. Why is my cook and her husband doing this? Because you fired David. But we have some great resumes for life auxiliaries, and we're gonna find you someone. Someone you like. [HORNS HONKING] I have an interview with a Mr. LaCasse. Same. The first elevator. I'll send it up for you. Wait, this thing goin' up? You here for the cleaning gig? Uh, life auxiliary. Life what? Auxiliary. That's what they callin' it now? [CHUCKLES] White people got a name for everything. - [ELEVATOR DINGS] - Penthouse? This is an apartment? [SHOES SQUEAKING] Yo. Are you asking me to move over? Except I'm not asking. Just move, man. [SIGHS] Ain't this gig supposed to be for the whole building? No, just for him, Mr. LaCasse. You gotta put on your Sunday clothes just to push his broom? [OPERA PLAYING] YVONNE: So... What would you like to tell us? I take my relationship with my clients very personally. And seriously, I mean... And professionally as well, of course. [CLEARS THROAT] I don't hear "disability." I hear "this ability." Let me be your hands and your arms and your legs. Allow the space where you begin and I end to be both infinite and infinitesimal. I love that. You... All right. Your book changed me. So, I figured, even if I don't get the position, I could get an autograph. How would you get an autograph? [COUGHING] MAN 1: It's sort of an interesting thought. The chair is a metaphor for energy. MAN 2: The way I look at it, it's not what's been taken from you, it's what you've been given. WOMAN 1: I was with my previous client for 18 years, so can't get rid of me. WOMAN 2: Well, I have kids of my own. So, washing? Check. Feeding? Check. Spills and accidents? Check, check. MAN 3: I was a sociology major. I gotta go get my kid, man. MAN 3: You can't always tell by looking at someone what's wrong with them. Now, tell me more about the previous... Excuse me. - What are you doing? - Oh, relax, it's not a holdup. I mean, even though you been holding me up for damn near a hour out there. I gotta get to my kid, yo. You need to wait your turn. All I need is a John Hancock. Ain't gonna take you but a second, lady. Are you delivering something? Yeah, employment papers. I just gotta have somebody sign it. It's gotta be, like, a manager or the owner. Is that you? Nah, it ain't you. Is that you, boss? Yes. Fantastic, man. Just sign this for me, please. How would I sign it? I don't know. Slowly? [GASPS] [SCOFFS] What? Don't your arms work? - They don't. - Damn. What about you, sweetie? Why do you need a signature? I don't need a signature. My PO needs a signature. As a matter of fact, you should put your number down here just in case she wanna phone or check in. That way, it look like I did what I said I was gonna do. And if she asks, just say an extremely attractive candidate came in here, but y'all weren't lookin' for a supermodel. I'm sorry, who might phone? My PO. - PO? - His parole officer. What's that look about? Don't judge me. I ain't judged you. Will you excuse us for a moment, please? YVONNE: Thank you. - I gotta get to my kid, man. - Why don't you have a seat? No, I'm good. So, you need a signature. You don't need a job? I need both. Well, then have a seat. Please. [SIGHS] Have you ever done this kind of work before? I've done every kind of work that you can do with a record. What were you in for? [SCOFFS] You're not allowed to ask me that question in an interview. - Says? - Says the constitution. [EXHALES] As a matter of fact, now that you asked me that question, you gotta offer me the job. Okay. "Okay"? Okay, I'm offering you the position. What? Philip, what are you doing? I'm offering him the position. - So? - [SCOFFS] I don't wanna be your janitor, man. Janitor? No, no. We're... We're hiring a life auxiliary. A what? What... What is that? He doesn't even know what he's applying for, Philip. I need assistance. My arms don't work, as you so astutely noted. Nor do my legs. I can only move my neck. You can move your mouth. As can you. So, what's that mean? I gotta... I gotta carry you around or somethin'? You'd have to transfer me to the chair, to my bed, to the car. There would be some travel, if that interests you. It don't. Travel enough as it is. It took me a hour just to get here. Uh-huh. Okay. Uh... Look, I think your plantation is bananas. But unfortunately, I don't wanna be nobody's servant. So, how 'bout you just sign my paperwork, and I'll think about your offer, okay? Well, we can't sign papers saying that you're looking for work if you're going to turn down the work I offered. All right, I know you can't, but how about your boo? My boo? - Yvonne is not my... my boo. - No. Are you, Yvonne? Are you my boo? - No, I'm not your boo. - No. All right. So listen, why don't you take the night and think it over? Come back tomorrow morning ready for work, or we'll sign the papers. [HUFFS] I won't show you out. Yeah. Don't you get up. [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES] Philip. Why are you doing this? Because it's what I want. If you don't like the candidates that we've found already, then let's just keep looking. I would be happy to assist - in finding the perfect... - No, I don't want your assistance. You're a businesswoman, not a nurse. I know what I am. I know. I know that you do. But I hired you to manage my affairs, not to... Rush you to the hospital? That's what this is about, isn't it? You shouldn't have been put in that position. [TRAIN CHUGGING] [INDISTINCT CHATTER] Hey. Anthony Scott. His mother picked him up. Damn, man. [HIP-HOP BLASTING] [BREATHES DEEPLY] I said I'd pick Anthony up. [CHAIN RATTLES] You say a lot of things, Dell, but I ain't heard from you in days. - Hey. - Come on. What's up, man? Your mom still making you do that? I got you somethin'. It's for your birthday. Which birthday? [EXHALES] [SNIFFS] I deserve that. I hear you. But, I mean, it's still a gift, man. What do you say? Anthony. I'm talking to you. Anthony. What are you doin'? Sitting on the couch, Latrice. Don't think you stayin' here. It's for one night, I just got kicked out my place... No. - Latrice... - Dell, go look for work, or do whatever the hell it is that you do. Okay. So, you're in one of your moods, I see. [SCOFFS] - Listen... - You know what, Dell? Get out. - What? - Get out. How you gonna kick me out when I'm the one who found you the place? Yeah, and look at it. - This place, I pay for. Not you. - [WATER DRIPPING] You owe me... us so much child support that the other thing that you owe us is a thank you for not reportin' you. I am done, Dell. I can't. Out. I don't wanna see you and neither do Anthony. That boy needs me. He needs me to protect him, because people around here eat boys like that for lunch. How you gonna protect him if you ain't never here? You're asking me to leave. - Because I can't count on you. - What do you want from me? Hmm? Now? Nothin'. What did I want from you? Everything. Help, support. - I support you, Latrice. - How? - What do you mean, "How?" - Where? You never look out for nobody but you, Dell. - That's not true. - So, you take a good look at this falling apartment you found us, and on your way out, you look at that child I have raised by myself. You know what? You take a good, hard look at these things, - because you ain't gonna see 'em again. - Yo, why don't you... Goodbye, Dell. You serious right now? [SCOFFS] Cool. Need a place to stay, yo? - Nah, I'm good. - Yeah. Should get back in the game, man. I could use you. Easy money. Nah, man. It was never easy. [OPERA PLAYING ON STEREO] - [MUSIC CONTINUES] - [WIND WHISTLING] PHILIP: Jenny. Jenny. WOMAN: Philip. [GASPS] [SIGHS] [ELEVATOR DINGS] [EXHALES] Good morning, Mr. Scott. Ain't it? I can sign your paperwork. There's no need. I'mma take the gig. Wouldn't it be better if I just signed your papers? You are not qualified for this position. You have never done it before. Look, does he want me or not? Yes, he does. All right, so good. How much does it pay? That a month? Per week. All right. Well, I can live with that. If you throw in a MetroCard. Unlimited. [SIGHS] A MetroCard? I gotta get here, don't I? Mr. Scott, this is a live-in position. [GROANS] [SNORING] Mr. Scott. [SNORING CONTINUES] Mr. Scott. This monitor travels with you at all times. You need to be available to Mr. LaCasse 24/7. Do you have any questions? Um... Yeah. Why you so angry? You'll know when I'm angry. I scare you? Yes. Yes, you do, Mr. Scott. But not for the reasons you're implying. As powerful as Mr. LaCasse is... he's a vulnerable man. So, does it scare me to think of him in the wrong hands? Yes, it does. Well, he don't seem to think these the wrong hands. He picked 'em. And why do you think he picked you? Because I'm the best candidate. Because you were the worst candidate. By far. Let's just call this what it is. It's a game. In this game, you get three strikes. That's the agreement I made with him. You know baseball? - I do. - So you my referee? Umpire. Just testing you. Yes, you are. [LOUD OPERA PLAYING ON STEREO] [SHOUTING] Mr. LaCasse needs to be transferred to his chair for breakfast. - Do you want me to go pick him up? - Yes. Yes, pick him up. [DELL GRUNTS] [GRUNTS] [MUSIC CONTINUES] The buckle! Buckle! [YVONNE GRUNTS] [PANTS] You need to buckle him. This needs to be strapped at all times. [SIGHS] And now you feed him breakfast. Can you do that? Yeah. Philip, I need to call the gallery. Are you sure you're good? Yvonne, I'm fine. Alexa, lower music. [VOLUME LOWERS] What's he sayin'? "Nessun dorma." - "No one's sleeping." - [SCOFFS] Well, how can they when he's shoutin' about it? You blast that shit just to annoy people? Is that why you hired me? To piss that white lady off? Yvonne? No. Then why'd you hire me? Can I eat now? What is this, uh... - Is this orange? - Uh, it is a kumquat. - A kumquat. - Mmm. [GRUNTS] My fault. - Another one? - Mmm. You know I can feel that, right? [GROANS] God... [SCOFFS] Okay. No. No. No, I need... I need to rest a moment. Have you ever taken care of anybody? Yup. Myself. Hey, hey, hey, careful. It's a mobile. Doesn't that mean "move"? Ain't that the point of it? No, it... - Yes, but it... - It's expensive? It is. You as rich as Jay-Z? No. Richer. Jeez. Money doesn't buy you everything. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Hey, look like it does to me. Nissan Doorman now, baby. - I'm Dell. - Maggie. The PT. More like the PYT. Your wife okay with Victoria's Secret dressing you? I'm not married. You have a ring on. My wife died. Shall we get started? Each arm, full range of motion. Always both sides. Any questions? Yeah. Have you thought about how you're gonna tell your boyfriend you met someone else? I'll show you how to get Mr. LaCasse ready for the day. If you're not too busy. No, me and Mags got this. Get to show her my sensitive side. It's best viewed unclothed and from behind... by candlelight. Have you ever changed a catheter? Nah. It's not hard. It better not be. Oh. Sorry, this is your sensitive side? [CATHETER STRETCHING, SNAPPING] MAGGIE: You just slowly... - [CATHETER SNAPS] - Ooh! - ...pull it out. - Ooh! Oh... And the new one... Oh, man. ...goes right back in. You pinch the head... - [GROANS] - ...and insert. [GROANS] - Then you feed it in. - [GROANS] I can't feel it. Well, I can. Oh! [EXHALES] If you can't handle this, how are you going to... What's that? What is that supposed to be? You'll see. That's your finger? What, you... Oh, I'm not doin' that. Yeah, that's not... That's not... That's... No. There's no way. So... I'm not put... I'm not puttin' my finger in nobody's butt. I'm not puttin' a straw in that man's drink and I'm not unpackin' his luggage. Well, talk to Yvonne. About what? About me not emptying his dump truck. Dump truck? He's talking about the bowel program. Oh. Well, it's part of the job. It's not part of my job. That's not what a life oxillary does. It's what a life auxiliary does. Well, not this life auxiliary. Strike one, Mr. Scott. No. No, that's not a strike. That's a check swing. No, you broke the plane. Okay, so you the plate ump? Don't you gotta talk to the third base ump? I'm every umpire. Strike one. [SIGHS] Do you know about the DNR? D and what? DNR. Do not resuscitate. It's something you'll have to agree to. As my carer. Do you understand what that means? Like, I don't have to give you mouth-to-mouth if you're chokin' on your kumquat? No extraordinary measures if I stop breathing. Nothing. I'm good with nothing, man. So, you don't want to be here no more, is that it? Wait, is that why you hired me instead of those other guys? 'Cause you thought that I would DNR your ass? I'll take my lunch in my room. Tell Charlotte. [SIGHS] [THUNDER RUMBLING] [WIND WHISTLING] [HEART BEATING] [KNOCKING] - [SOFT OPERA PLAYING ON PHONE] - [KNOCKING] [POUNDING ON DOOR] What? I was paging you. [HUFFS] [VOLUME INCREASES] This is his lifeline. Strike two. You can't call that a strike. I can hear it. I see it. Strike two. Let's go. Now. Can I at least take a shower? [ELECTRONIC HUM] [ELECTRONIC VOICE SPEAKING GERMAN] Yeah. [ELECTRONIC HUM] [BEEPING] [ELECTRONIC VOICE SPEAKING GERMAN] Yeah. - [OPERA PLAYING] - [SHOUTS] Stop! Stop! [ELECTRONIC VOICE SPEAKING GERMAN] Yvonne. Yvonne! Hey! [MUSIC CONTINUES] - DELL: Alexa, stop! - [MUSIC STOPS] - Hey. - DELL: What? I'll get the shower ready. - PHILIP: I want that on. - No, man. Look, I get you trying to block out the world, but can you at least do it to better music? Have you ever listened to opera? Yeah. Opera's really big in prison. You can hardly get a seat on opera night. Why can't we listen to Aretha? Hmm? You wanna feed your soul? Then listen to its queen. Think about it. Yeah. You better think, think Think about what You're trying to do to me Think, think It's amazing, ain't it? I sound just like her. Yeah. When I close my eyes, which I needed to, it's uncanny. It's like identity theft. [GRUNTS] - Eyes. Eye... Eyes. - Hmm? Okay, okay. All right. That wasn't too bad, right? [GRUNTS] Okay. Okay. You're waterboarding me. Uh... Yes file. You just gonna give 'em $10,000? PHILIP: It's a nonprofit. I ain't seen a profit in a while either. No, no. That's personal. - Hmm. Persistent. - Throw it away. You don't even want to reply? For closure? You have to be at the gallery at 11:00. That would be a no. Worth a shot. So, this how you made all your dough? From writing this stuff? No. I specialized in turning around failing companies. Invested in start-ups. Oh. Okay. So, let's say that I wanted to start my own company that you was gonna buy for a million. I'd say, "What is your idea?" I don't know. [SCOFFS] What are you passionate about? Women, sleeping. Sleeping with women. Little difficult to monetize. I got some friends that'd disagree with you. Well, be that as it may, I suggest you find a need and fill it. Philip LaCasse! How are you? - God. - Out and about. Good for you. I've been meaning to tell you, we have found the most wonderful carer for my mother. I'll get you the number of the agency. - Hello. - [DOG GROWLING] I'm right here. I'm caring. - Carter, this is Mr.... - Blackman. Daekwandashay Blackman. This is Carter Locke. He lives below us. Oh, he's living in? Yes, he is. I, uh, won't shake your hand. It's probably best. - Come on, P, we gotta bounce. - We are bouncing, Carter. CARTER: All right. - That your friend? - [CHUCKLES] Get to know me, Daekwandashay. Which car is yours? All of these to the right. All of these? PHILIP: Yes, but we're selling them. Oh, my God. PHILIP: We use this van now. I'm not puttin' you in no paddy wagon unless you're drunk. - You drunk? - Just on your positive attitude. You want positive? Then I'm not puttin' you in no big-ass negative. God. Damn. They're not practical. Exactly. - ["TIGHTROPE" BY JANELLE MONE PLAYING] - [ENGINE REVS] Whoo! Oh, Go... You cannot sell this car, man. Oh! [DELL GROANS] [MUSIC STOPS] The missing piece. - You found it. - WOMAN: Hmm. How much? Seventy-five. Firm, I believe. - I can check. - Would you? For 75 G's, I could paint you a square. I'll throw in some rectangles too, if you want. [CHUCKLES] Haven't you already got this one? It's part of a series my wife loved. Yeah, but it's the same painting. Sorry, it's 80,000. PHILIP: Hmm. I'll take it. [SCOFFS] Eighty thousand dollars. Do you know what I could do with $80,000? Who I could do with $80,000? Okay, but how do you put a price on a creative work? You pay to show it has a value to you. I own a collection of first edition novels. Books I read as a child. Signed by the authors. That was a gift from my wife. One for each year that we were together. How much would I pay for those? I... I really couldn't say. [FOOTSTEPS] What? What? WOMAN: Ain't gonna get me back in there. [CHUCKLES] LATRICE: I gotta get out of here. I already... Yo, Latrice. WOMAN: Mmm. - Yeah, all right. - WOMAN: You okay? - It's all right. I'll see y'all later. - All right. - WOMAN: Okay, girl. - What's up? Whose car is this? It's my boss's. - And your boss is? - Rich. Hey, I wanna see Anthony. Before you say anything, Latrice, I'm working, okay? Here. My first paycheck, signed over to you. What you doing? Guy I work for, he can't move, so I gotta... - I gotta help him get around. - And you make this much? Yeah. It's a good gig. Hope you can hang on to it. Course I can hang on to it. How's he doing? He's good. Just got his report card. All A's. Apple don't fall far from the tree. You the tree in this story. Do you think, uh... You think maybe you could tell him something for me? The book that I gave him, I need to get it back. Why? - 'Cause it... - Wasn't yours to give. Trice, listen to me. Honey, you gave your son a gift and now you want it back? You pry it out his hands. I ain't doin' your dirty work. Yeah, that was so awesome... - [ENGINE REVS] - [TIRES SQUEAL] [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] So, you're doing good in school, huh? I hear about you. [CHATTERING] Yo, what you doing with my kid, man? Shaking his hand. What? I can't shake his hand? Hey, Anthony! Yo. Yo, yo. What you got going on, man? - MAN: Ooh! Man, you see that... - Yo! Get off! Get off the car! [MEN LAUGHING, CHATTERING] Go ahead. I'll watch it for you. [PHONE CHIMES] Where have you been? I had to run a errand. - Strike three. - What? Come on. No, no. That was a foul tip. Which I caught. - So, now you're out. - Look, Yvonne, please. I'm serious, man. Like, don't do this, okay? I had to go take my check down to my ex. I didn't have time - to come back up... - Who said you could take the car? PHILIP: I did. Okay. Thanks. Hmm. [EXHALES] [WHEEZING] [CHOKING] [WIND WHISTLING] [PHILIP GRUNTING] - [THUD] - [GRUNT] WOMAN: Philip? Philip? Philip! [CHOKING] Tell me what to do. What you want me to do? Shit. Come on, man. Is it air? It's air? [CHOKING CONTINUES] Hold on, hold on. Here. Here, breathe. - [GRUNTING] - Take... Breathe. [GRUNTING CONTINUES] What? So, you not gonna breathe? Huh? P! Ain't nothing extraordinary about breathing, man. P, you know damn well I need this gig. So, you take a deep breath or I am gonna give you mouth-to-mouth. [SPUTTERS] [LAUGHING] [GASPING] Here. Here, here. [BREATHING DEEPLY] That happen a lot? You okay, man? I mean, does something else hurt? It's my legs. It's the nerves. [SIGHS] It's called neurogenic pain. It's... It's like being on fire. They don't give you nothing for that? Different medications. It helps a bit. Not enough. Hurt enough to make you wanna off yourself? No. But losing my wife does. I'mma help you. [CAR ALARM WAILING IN DISTANCE] [POLICE SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE] It's not gonna help. Tell me after you try it. [SNIFFS] So, how did the, uh... How did the accident happen? Paragliding. No, no. I know that. I'm saying... I'm saying how. Like... How did it happen? Bad judgment. Mine. There was some rough weather. We never should've... But... I've always had a, or had, a taste for pushing the envelope. Who paraglides in the storm? Lightning. What should we do? I know. Let's go paragliding. [SCOFFS] [SIGHS] I woke up. There was Jenny. My poor wife. And I remember thinking... "Well, honey... this should take your mind off the cancer." Cancer. She... She had cancer. And, uh, I... I... Ah, sorry. It's nothing to be sorry about. I spend a lot of mornings... before anyone else is up... before my day is a jumble of other people's hands... and I'm still flying... Oh, God, it took me so high. And then it took it all away. But nothing compares to losing her. Nothing. [EXHALES] You feel it yet? I never feel anything on this stuff. You'll feel it. Wanna bet? You sh... You should've bet more than a hot dog. What are you talking about? I bet... I bet hot dogs for life. Wait, no. I don't... I don't remember that. [CHUCKLES] We shook on it, man. What? You shook my hand. You think that's gonna hold up in court? PHILIP: Mmm. Ah, smells good. Um... Let me get one recession special. Yeah. And for him? Yo, man, don't do that. Talk to him. Sorry. And for you? I want... - fourteen hot dogs and a banana daiquiri. - [CHUCKLES] You guys high? - [CHUCKLES] Soaring. - [DELL SNORTS] You got a dollar? - Nuh-uh. - You got a dollar? All right, would you like a hot dog? WOMAN: Yeah. Oh, okay. So, 14 hot dogs and one hot dog. So, 1,500 hot dogs. Fifteen hundred hot dogs. - That's what I want. - [LAUGHS] Just gimme all your hot dogs. Mmm. Thanks. And thanks for speaking up. I get treated with such... Or I'm invisible. Unless they know I have money. [CHUCKLES] Welcome to my world. I mean, except the money part. I don't have no damn money. I guess I gotta do me some more, uh... some more lateral thinking. - I gotta make some changes. - Oh! - You've been reading my book. - I'm trying to. It's kinda dry, though. "Dry"? It's not dry. It's business theory. Well, okay. - My... My theory is that the book is dry. - Dry. - No. - [LAUGHS] Lateral thinking is like art. It's another door. Oh... Oh... Are... Are you ready to have your mind blown? I'm ready. I'm so ready. Okay, I got the idea for my business. Okay, now, it's a app. - Okay? - Yeah. It's a app that helps you find the closest weed. DELL: Hmm? It's called Find My Dealer. No, no, no. It's not that. It's... Take that out, okay? It's called iDeal. Because of the "I" and "deal." It's ideal. You see what I'm saying? You see how it works? - I do. - Right? But I think you need to think some more. It's very niche. What the hell is "niche"? It's... It's the girl version of a nephew. [BOTH LAUGH] DELL: So, was your family rich? Your daddy gave you all his money? I earned every penny I have. My dad gave me nothing. Oh, well, we got that in common. You see, my dad was a artist. He was? Con. Con artist. I ain't never see him, though. Unless you wanna count the time we spent together in lockup. We was in prison together. Sweet, right? You know what he said when he saw me, man? He said, "Welcome home." Can you imagine saying some shit like that to your kid? "Welcome home." I swear, my son ain't never going to prison, man. Too smart. Boy is so smart. His mom, she's smart too. Well, you're smart, Dell. Smart-ass. No. No, you're smart. Intelligent. DELL: All right, you ready? It's on 163rd. It's just waiting for the million-dollar idea. Which you have. Okay. What do you think of when I say the word "food"? I think, "Don't pitch me a restaurant." - Forget it, man. - What? Do you even cook? I could hire a cook. Maybe Charlotte. Oh? So, your pitch is that you might hire my cook away from me? Forget it. Just forget it. [PHONE CHIMES] You're so negative. Maggie says she's, uh... she's running late. PHILIP: Okay. It can wait. Well, it says it can't. Says I gotta change your crazy straw. Why don't they have a self-changing catheter? Okay. Business idea. What if I told you that I can create a self-changing catheter? I would ask where your biomedical engineering degree was from. Look, Dell, just find something you love doing. And then find a way to scale it. I mean, what are you really good at? Well, it's clearly not this. You know, can we just not talk? Especially while I feel like I'm in the worst porno ever. [HUFFS] It's no big deal. What you mean, "It's no big deal"? You ever touched another man's, uh... [WHISTLES] What? You can't even say the word? Yes, I can say the word. Well, say it. - No. - Just say it. I don't want to. - Penis. - Stop it. Okay, fine. Jeez. - All right. Done. - [CATHETER SNAPS] Young Merlin's got the sword. So, that would make my penis the stone, then? Can you stop saying that word? Just using your analogy. Stop saying the word. - I'm asking you. - Okay. - It's not helping me. - Okay. All right, so, I'll take this out. And then I, um... I gotta pinch the... pinch the head. Put it in. All right? [SNIFFS] I'm just letting you know what's going on. Um... [CLEARS THROAT] All right. Let's do it. This don't look like it's gonna fit, man. That's what she said. All right. You ready? I'm not. I'm not ready. Gimme a second. Goddamn. Come on, Dell. Shake it off, boy. Ha! Ha! Ha! All right, let's go. Coming in fast. Grab it. What? Come on, man. Come on, man. What is that? What? You have a Cialis for breakfast or something? Well, if you quit playing with it - maybe it wouldn't have happened. - Nobody's playing with it. Ain't nobody playing with nothing. Go... Make it go down. - Make it go down? - Make... Make it go down. I'm not gonna continue with you in this state that you're in right now. And wait... How do you still... How do you even... It's unconscious. I mean, there are other ways I can get there. When you're not available, that is. I'll kill you. I'd DNR your ass right now. Is that what you want? My ears, for example. My ears are an erogenous zone. Well, I ain't touched your damn ears. And I don't wanna talk about erogenous zones right now. Okay. Just gimme a minute. Come on, man. The clock is ticking. - Okay. - DELL: Come on! Listen here, why don't we just go get Yvonne, all right? Maybe she can find someone... I don't think we need to talk about Yvonne either. - Why? - She's probably got a lot to do with that. Yv... Wha... Come on. Yvonne is my executive. Oh, I forgot. Bosses are never into their employees. No, that's ridiculous. I'd have... Yeah, well, your penis calls, "Bullshit." Boom! You wanted me to say it? I said it. - Penis. - [DOOR OPENS] PHILIP: Uh... Uh, Yvonne, we... we need a couple minutes more, if you don't mind. Yeah. We were just talking about you too. Your ears must've been burning. Like, on fire. - [INHALES] - [OPERA PLAYING] [ALL LAUGHING] We're right here. This us right here. [LAUGHS] Come on, y'all. Hey, you didn't see anything, okay? [MUSIC CONTINUES] [WOMAN GIGGLES] No. Just stay on his ears. [MUSIC ENDS] I'm telling you, P, you could have any girl you want, man. You rich and you available. What about this lady right here with all the Botox? Y'all would be perfect for each other. You can't move your body and she can't move her face. Huh? - [ORCHESTRA TUNING] - [CHATTERING] - How's that? - That's good. - Hey, you married? - Mm-hmm. - Like, how married? - Dell. There's levels to marriage. Hey, I got it. What if we created a app, like a dating app, for billionaires? It already exists. - [ORCHESTRA PLAYING] - Damn. Mmm. You with him? Why? [SNORTS] How young would you go, P? Dell, enough. - What do you mean, "enough"? Just an... - AUDIENCE: Shh! Who you shushing? Ain't even start singing yet. Relax. How long is this show? Three hours. [SIGHS] [SINGING "DER VOGELFNGER BIN ICH JA"] [SCOFFS] He a tree? He's a singing tree? [CHUCKLES] He's the birdman. He's the birdman? [LAUGHS] Shh! [SNORTS, LAUGHS] He the birdman. - WOMAN: [GROANS] Quiet! - [WHISPERING] AUDIENCE: Shh! I'm about to throw this book back there. I promise you I am. Sorry. [BOTH LAUGH] [SINGING "DER HLLE RACHE"] - [SONG ENDS] - [APPLAUSE] DELL: Yeah! Bravo! MAN 1: Bravo! MAN 2: Bravo! ["DER HLLE RACHE" PLAYING ON PHONE] [VOCALIZES ALONG] PHILIP: [ON PHONE] "'Were not all her life but storm, would not painters paint a form of such noble lines, ' I said. 'Such a delicate high head, all that sternness amid charm, all that sweetness amid strength?'" YVONNE: [ON PHONE] That's beautiful, Philip. Busted. - Excuse me? - DELL: Aw, ain't no "excuse me." I got you good. Where is he? Where's he at? [CHUCKLES] You and P, huh? Talking 'bout your "high head" and your "sternness." He's got you numbered. That man is painting you with his words. Don't look at me like that. I heard you. [EXHALES] Don't do that. It's his lifeline. Remember that? Hmm? How long you and P been doin' this? There is no P and me. Stop it. I heard you, Yvonne. And what I heard was some Marvin Gaye-level poetry. He writes letters to a woman named Lily. He dictates them to me. - Wait a minute, that's what those are? - Yes. I'm sorry to disappoint you. - But I thought he was throwin' those away. - [SIGHS] Not anymore. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is the part where you say, "Thank you, Dell." - What for? - What do you mean, "What for?" Why is he doing that, Yvonne? Huh? It's because of me. I'm the one that got him back to his old self. That's my to-do and you know it. "Thank you, Dell." "You're welcome, Yvonne." [CHUCKLES] Maggie said you went to Harvard. Mm-hmm. Yes. So, then why you wasting your time taking dictation? I'm not wasting my time. How long you been working here? I used to work for him years ago. Before the accident. And then I had to leave because my mother got sick. And then you came back here? No. Then I got married. And then I came back here. After I heard about Philip. I... I thought I could help. You're married? Was. Briefly. So, now that that's over, what are you looking for? - Like, what's your type? - I'm not looking. I got your type. Lumberjack. Lots of plaid. Big old beard, probably. One of those beards you could lose stuff in. Where my keys at? Anybody see my fishing pole? Where my damn pole at? That is literally the opposite of my type. I hate beards. No offense. But at least you admitted that you got a type. I'm not looking, Dell. Mm-hmm. I found a cat! It was in my beard. Oh... [HUFFS] You're tough. You're so tough. Knock, knock. Nope. Knock, knock. I will sit here and knock all day. Knock, knock. [SIGHS] Who's there? Yvonne. Yvonne, who? [IN DRACULA ACCENT] Yvonne to make you laugh. [LAUGHS] Thank you, Dell. I was just warmin' up, okay? Don't leave yet. - One more. One more. - Thank you, Dell. How you make a napkin dance? - Put a little boogie in it. - [YVONNE GROANS] Look. Look. ["ROCK STEADY" BY ARETHA FRANKLIN PLAYING] - [INDISTINCT] - [YVONNE LAUGHS] [MUSIC CONTINUES] [KIDS SHOUTING] - DELL: Watch out! - PHILIP: Whoo-hoo! Whoo! How did you do this? What do you mean, "How did I do this?" 'Cause I'm a genius, man. [MUSIC ENDS] PHILIP: "I would spread the cloths under your feet. But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams." [SCOFFS] [DELL STIFLING LAUGHTER] What? P, I hate to break it to you, but you ain't poor. I'm quoting Yeats, a famous poet. I know who she is. Why don't you write Lily your own poem? Hmm? Like, one using your words. Oh, I'm... I am not a poet. What you talking about? Everybody's a poet. All right. How does the thought of her make you feel? - I don't know. - Yes, you do. Come on, man. [SIGHS] Light? All right. Light as a... A feather? A whisper. Ooh. I like that. All right. What else does she make you feel? Uh... [SIGHS] I don't know. Brave? Brave. Brave as a... [SNIFFS] Doberman. - Mm-mmm. - Arrow. Doberman with an arrow. Uh, I... I think just "arrow." How about when you see her? What she look like? Don't say, "Doberman." I... I... I don't know what she looks like. What do you mean? Well, it's an epistolary relationship. We just write letters. Wh... Well, how long you been epistolaryin'? About a year. A year? You been receiving these little blue letters for a year? - Yes. - Well, I know what else is blue. So, you have no idea what this woman looks like? [GRUNTS] Nor she I. Yes, she does. What do you mean, "Nor she I"? What... What century are you in right now? Look, I don't think you fully understand how an epistolary relationship works. And I don't think you understand how a woman works. She Googled you. MAGGIE: Yvonne. - I'm here. - DELL: Hey. - As for... - Maggie, Maggie. Lemme ask you a question. If you were Lily, would you have Googled P's ass? Or my face, perhaps? Probably both. What'd I tell you? Hmm? Charlotte. Charlotte, if you were in an epistolary love triangle with an Iron Chef, would you look up a picture of him? First day. Hmm? I know what I'm talkin' about, man. I wanna see what your Google Search look like. All right. LaCasse. Mmm. You look good, man. You clean up well. And I'm serious. I don't just say that. You look real good. - Wow. - I wanna see what she look like. What's her last name? I'm not telling you that. - No, listen... Dell. - Stop talkin' like that. - I wanna see. - Give me the letter. Foley. From Buffalo. Ooh! Oh, Lily gonna be big. It's cold in Buffalo. She gonna be a big, ol' flower. Oh. DELL: All right. Let's search it. She say anything to you about a 103rd birthday? Ever mention a mug shot? - Oh, God. - All right, enough. Ooh! This little Lily been to market. A lot. - All right. - Now, she cute. Hello. See, but I need more information. This how... You gotta turn into, like, a detective. - Come on. - PHILIP: There's nothing in there. - That is private, Dell. - Just let me see if I see a clue. There's a phone number on this, man. So? What do you mean, "So?" Why don't you call her? Because that's not the relationship we have. What you mean, "It's not you rela..." - Cut it out, man. - PHILIP: No. YVONNE: Give me the phone. - No, no, no. - Stop. - PHILIP: Do not call her. - It's private. Please, give me the phone. Yvonne, don't grab at me like that. - Don't. Don't call. - YVONNE: Just give me my phone back. It's ringin'. - It's ringin'. - Just hang up. - Give me... - DELL: It's ringin' right now. [ON PHONE] Hello, you've reached Lily Foley. Please leave a message when you hear the tone, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. [LINE BEEPS] Lily, it's Philip... [SIGHS] LaCasse. And I... I just... wanted to hear your voice. - [WHISPERS] Ask her if she work out. - YVONNE: Shh! Ask... [STAMMERS] I was wondering if you might return my call... uh, whenever is convenient. All right. Um, I look forward to speaking. Bye, now. YVONNE: That is my phone. That was good, man. All you needed was a little push. [CHUCKLES] YVONNE: Javik wants to do the call on Thursday. Uh, we have the benefit on Friday. And... you have a birthday coming up. [CHUCKLES] What do you wanna do? For your birthday? Would you have... Googled me? I'm not sure, I... - I don't think so. - Hmm. - But I'm old-fashioned. - Hmm. Anyway, it shouldn't make a difference. If she's as lovely as she seems in her letters, it won't matter to her. Until she sees the chair. [INHALES] Smart women care about what's up here and in here. That's what's gonna move the right woman. Not your hands. DELL: Yo. I need y'all to come out in the hallway real quick. - Have you been painting? - Just come on. He paints? [SIGHS] All right. Y'all ready? I give you Untitled Number Zero. Or What is Bravery? Where's the Twombly? You talkin' about the one that had the, uh, the red, squiggly lines on it? - Yes. - I took it down. I put it in the kitchen. Right next to the recycle bin. Uh-huh. What do you think? Come on. Well, I'm not saying I'd hang it, but... - there's something... - Something very passionate. Almost post-postmodern. I like the dog. It's... unexpected. And I... I say that with admiration. Who knows, man? I might be the next... the next Baskwat. Life is crazy. [CLEARS THROAT] Charlotte, go find the Twombly. - You can't be serious. - Well... it may not be your cup of tea, or mine... Or even in the tea family. But the important thing is to see and encourage potential. Don't you see potential here? [BOTH CHUCKLE] [CHUCKLES] Hey. Ah-ha. No. I thought I could tie this to the back of your chair, put the hat on your head, let the string hang down. - Not happening. - Come on, man. It's your birthday. - And I don't do birthdays, as you know. - [CHUCKLES] But I would like to go for a drive. All right. Where to? Wherever you want. For true? For true. [KIDS SHOUTING] [CHATTERING] DELL: Yo, Ant. What's up, man? Come on, we gonna take you for a ride. Come on, get in. It's a cool car, man. Hello. - You his driver or something? - Um... He is my chief executive. My right-hand man. My left hand too. - DELL: All right. - [ENGINE REVS] - Playlist, Dell's Jam. - PHILIP: No, no. Please, no. DELL: No, you don't say no to the Queen. Come on. I can see your funk soul begging for it right now. Yeah, as a matter of fact, arms and hands inside the vehicle at all times. I'm watching you, P. You keep them hands where I can see 'em. Look right there. Look to your left. There goes Yankee Stadium. Hey, I got a question for you. Could you buy the Yankees? Uh. No. DELL: Could you buy the Mets? Oh, yeah. [DELL SIGHS] [CHATTERING] Wow, you see this? That's where I schooled the world in the fine art of the dunk. You cannot dunk. You never seen me. Nobody's ever seen you. [BOTH LAUGH] What are we laughing at, P? Um, I don't know. Oh. - Wow! That is amazing. - Mm-hmm. We could franchise. It's the best ice cream in America, P. America. Dad! It was nice to meet you. Hey. Look Mr. LaCasse in the eye, man. - It was nice to meet you. - You too, Anthony. - I'll be right back, P. - Okay. Hey. - You have a good time today? - Yeah. - What'd you think about the car, though? - Oh, it's cool. - It's cool, right? - Yeah. Maybe we take it out this weekend. We'll go anywhere you want, man. Okay. Yo, did your mom talk to you? The, um... The book I gave you? I gotta get that book back. Why? 'Cause some stuff came up. I just need you to run up and grab it for me. But weren't you giving it to me? Yeah, I was. It's just a misunderstanding, that's all. Is it his book? - Whose book? - Your boss. You stole it from him? Anthony, listen to me. Hey, Anthony! I didn't know this was yours. - Hey, why would you... - Let go of me! Anthony, come here. Hey, come here, man. It was before you hired me, man. I was gonna put it back. Books are meant to be read. Should've told you, though. I ain't no thief. I mean, I was. But... I'm done with that. People make mistakes. I don't know. I've made so many. [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] Surprise! [LAUGHING] This is from my cellar. Happy birthday. - WOMAN 1: Happy birthday. - Wow. - WOMAN 2: Happy birthday. - WOMAN 3: Happy birthday. Thank you. Thank you. WOMAN 4: Happy birthday, Philip. - MAN: Happy birthday, Philip. - Thank you very much. - YVONNE: We should probably go out back. - I specifically said, "Nothing for my birthday." I didn't... I... Everybody wanted to do something and I just thought that... Yvonne, there are very few things in my life I can control. And you know that. My time and the people I choose to share it with are at the top of my list. I know. I'm sorry. I... [SIGHS] I'm gonna tell them that they all should leave. Did you know about this? Huh? I'm sorry, P. I'm sorry you gotta have a surprise party in your huge mansion. You gotta get a bunch of expensive gifts from your rich friends. I'm sorry that you got a thoughtful executive. Some of us got real problems. I'm fighting to see my son. Oh. I'm sorry, D. Is a single afternoon with your son not enough to repair the years of neglect? - Watch your mouth, man. - And whose fault is it that you can't see him? Screw you. And screw your damn privilege, man. And your attitude, man. [PANTING] Are you mad? You mad, P? [PANTING] What? You wanna break this? You wanna break Carter's bottle of wine? Huh? You wanna break this big-ass bottle of wine? Yes! - [SCREAMS] - What else you wanna do, P? Hmm? You want this, right here? [GRUNTS] Th... The bull. I've always hated that. [GRUNTS] [SCREAMS] [PANTS] The portrait. No, no! Not that one. - This one? - No. - This one, right here? - No! - Which one? - The one behind you. - This one? - Yes. [GROANS] [BOTH PANTING] He a relative? [LAUGHS] It's... It's a she. Are you sure that this... [LAUGHS] that this is a she? [SNORTS] That's Jenny's Aunt Winnie. It's actually a very flattering portrait of her too. What... [SIGHS] Dell made a mess. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I snapped at you. You didn't deserve that. Oh, it's... It's all right. Oh, shit. Are the guests still here? You ready to go party? [CHUFFS] I am if you are. [WOMAN SINGING OPERA] - [CHATTERING] - How well do you know Dell Scott? Why? Well, I can e-mail this to you. No, I know about his past. I'm more interested in his present. Philip, I get it. Second chances. But how many chances has this man had? He's done real time. And you have him working in a building we all live in. Which is my right. Just think about what I'm saying. We all gotta live here. Is this new? Yes. Yes, I just acquired it. Who's the artist? He goes by various names. Is it a Banksy? Oh, we don't really know, do we? You know what the Doberman represents? Well... obviously. Yeah, we've tried it all over. I mean, everybody loves it, of course, but... it has to speak to you. It has to say, "I belong here." Mmm. Yeah. Yeah. We'll probably auction it. I just hate the fees they take. Well, all they care about is the money. PHILIP: Mmm. Do you think it'll appreciate? I think there's no telling what it could be worth, Carter. Hmm. DELL: I mean, it's the first time... - Hello, Jane. - Oh, hello, Philip. Dell and I were just talking about - what it means to be black. - DELL: Mm-hmm. Ah-ha. Dell, how is that iDeal app coming? You already said no to that. Yes, I know I said no. But I would definitely say yes right about now. [REGGAE PLAYING] [MUMBLING] [LAUGHS] Whoo! - Beep beep. - Oh! - Oh! - Oh. [PARTYGOERS EXCLAIM] What happened to the music? Yo! Hey, soprano. No, the lyric. Not... Not the mezzo. Hey. Can you do me a solid and sing the Queen of the Night aria? Listen, y'all don't have to worry about nothin', okay? Don't worry about none of the overtime. Chuckles will take care of it. [LAUGHS] [SINGING "DER HLLE RACHE"] [SINGING ROSSINI'S "LARGO AL FACTOTUM"] [SINGING VERDI'S "ANVIL CHORUS"] [LAUGHS] So, you've become an opera buff. Ooh. Look, man, I mean, some of it's pretty cool. - Yeah. - It's just hard to dance to. So? What have you got? ["PERM" BY BRUNO MARS PLAYING] Hey! Hey! Hey! Maggie! It's your chance, Maggie. Ooh! I've been waiting for this. Yeah. P, I'm gonna get Maggie. [GRUNTS] Get it, Charlotte. Get it. Okay! You see, I got all the ladies. Let's see if I can get the angry one up. Angry Amy, you gonna come have some fun? [GRUNTS ANGRILY] Come on, Yvonne. Come on, Yvonne. - Hey, hey, hey. - No. Come on, Yvonne. [WHOOPING] - [LAUGHS] - Come on. Hey! - Oh! - What? DELL: Ooh! - Oh, shit! Hey! - [LAUGHS] Wow. [GIGGLES] You can really dance. - No. - You're good. Come on. No. Oh, God. I was always a horrible dancer. I'm actually better now. This is an improvement than what I used to do. Whoo! [LAUGHS] - [BOTH LAUGHING] - [PHONE RINGS] Whoo! - [GASPS] Oh! - [PHONE RINGS] Hello? No, no, no. Don't lower the music. - I'll call back whoever it is. - [VOLUME LOWERS] It's Lily. Oh. Lily. Hello. Oh. We're just having a little party. It's my birthday. It was. And I was quite surprised. Oh? Well, let me... Let me see if I... Do you think I have Saturday free? Um... Mm-hmm. Yes, I think that will work just fine. I... I'll see you then. Okay. [CHUCKLES] Okay. Goodbye. [CHUCKLING] Wow. [TRAFFIC BUSTLING] Y... You don't think that I should tell her? About the chair? I think you should focus on what this woman may not have told you. God, it's been so long since... I... I don't even know what to wear. I'll tell you what not to wear. - Really? - Yeah, not on a date. Well, I... I wouldn't call this a... It's a date. [BREATHES DEEPLY] Happy birthday, man. Thanks. You ready? Yeah. All right, the safe word is gonna be... "Verdi." I'm supposed to drop "Verdi" into a sentence? - Yes. - Huh. Like, "I gotta go. You are Verdi ugly." [PHILIP SNICKERS] - [CHATTERING] - [PIANO PLAYS] I can see you mentally tapping your leg, man. Relax, P. She gonna be here. [SNIFFS] Dell. Reach into my jacket pocket. There should be an envelope. Open it. Well, uh... That is for Untitled Number Zero, or What is Bravery? which is now proudly hung in Carter's trophy room. - For real? - For real. - For keeps? - For keeps. For put it on your mama? "Put it on your mama"? Yo, P, this is... This is crazy, man. [SHOUTING] Hell, yeah, man! - Hell yeah, P! Hell ye... - [DINERS EXCLAIMING] That's my bad. My bad, man. That's me. My fault. Yo, P! This is it. This is my business. I'm a artist. I can crank these suckers out once a month. Fifty grand a pop. Over the course of a year, that'd be... Fifty grand. That'd be 50 grand. Total. No, Dell. This is not your business, Dell. - Wait, wait, but listen... - Dell, no. This is seed money for the business you do come up with. [NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE] What? Is she here? I hope so. Hello, Philip. Hello. [SIGHS] Oh, I'm sorry, um... - This is Dell. - Oh, my bad. - He... He'll be joining us... - Hello. - ...since, uh... - What's up? Since... I meant to tell you. I knew. I saw a photo. I read an article. I had to. Your... Your letters were too good. [CHUCKLES] Uh... You don't have to stay, we're... we're fine. Uh-huh. Uh... Okay. Just, uh... Just have my guy back by midnight. [LILY CHUCKLES] Midnight tomorrow at the latest. - Okay. - Be good, man. [WHISPERS] This is... PHILIP: Well, it's your city. You make the best of it. Well, that's true. Always interesting. I'm never bored there. We're both talking about Buffalo, New York, right? - It's a beautiful city. - Okay. And the library I run is a national treasure. Oh, and we did just beat your Giants. - Oh. I see. - [GIGGLES] A football fan. You know, that wasn't mentioned. - Well, I couldn't tell you everything. - Mm-hmm. - The food here is brilliant, isn't it? - Mmm. Although I hear Buffalo has great wings. [BOTH CHUCKLE] Oh, you... - you have something... - Oh. There? No. - It's right there. - Oh. Show-off. Oh. Would, um... - Would you like me to... - No, no. I'm usually pretty good at this. - Gone. [GIGGLES] - Good. PHILIP: Ooh. Oh, that looks beautiful. Thank you. So, tell me about your day. Any day. Yesterday. - I wanna know everything. - Yesterday... - Yeah. - Ah. I skipped some meetings to sit in on story hour. - Mmm. - Do you know The Missing Piece? By Shel Silverstein? - Point to you. - Oh, well... No, honestly, you should take the point back. I never read it. [BOTH CHUCKLE] Well, it's about a circle that's missing this pie-shaped piece. And it goes on a search for it. It tries big pieces, small pieces, broken pieces, but none of them let it roll right. And then, one day... there it is. The perfect piece. It picks it up and suddenly it can go faster and faster. It's free. But after a while it realizes, now it can't sing or smell the flowers or talk to its friends. It was going too fast. And in the end it decides to leave the perfect piece behind. Ooh. That's pretty deep, for a children's book. - [BOTH CHUCKLE] - It is, isn't it? They can be scary, though. I remember reading Grimm's Fairy Tales and it frightened me as a boy. Do I... Do I have something? - What? No. - Did... Sorry. [CHUCKLES] Oh, yes, please. Thank you. How are your dogs? [LAUGHS] Oh, they're fine. So... is this what you expected? In what way? Just, you know... is it what you expected? My therapist said... [CHUCKLES] I swore I would never start a sentence with those words, but, right... I think... what's happening here... is that this is what she expected, not what I did. I thought I could... I mean, I knew that I could... I read up quite a bit. I... I talked to people. The librarian did her homework. To answer your question, and it is a fair question, it's not what I expected. It's a lot. I mean... What I mean is that maybe Dell should have stayed. To help. You have to walk before you can run, right? No. Oh. That was completely the wrong thing to say. I... I need to stop talking. [CLEARS THROAT] No, thank you. I'm... I'm tired. This is part of... You may have read about it. - Oh, no, please don't. - I think perhaps you should call Dell. But the next course is supposed to be the best... No. I'd... I'd like to leave. I shouldn't have been so honest. No. I'm glad that you were. - I would like to be friends, if we... - Please. - I don't want you to think that... - No, just don't. - Oh! - [CLATTER] - MAN 1: Are you okay? - PHILIP: I'm sorry. - [DINER EXCLAIMS] - WAITRESS: Oh, my God, did I burn you? - MAN 2: Did it burn you, sir? - It's all right. Don't. Please, don't. I don't... I can't feel anything. MAN 2: Apologies, sir. I don't feel anything. DELL: You know what, P? - That's her loss, man. - Don't. - What do you mean, "Don't"? - Don't patronize me. This is exactly why I didn't wanna speak to her. You, uh... You need anything else? Oh, are we done? You don't wanna have this conversation, so we're done? P, do you know how many times I've been rejected by women? It happens, all right? You fall off the horse, you get up, get back on. Yeah, but I can't ride a horse, so... Here we go. You know what? This... This isn't working. - You're tired, man. - Yeah, I'm tired. I'm tired of this. I never should've hired you. You're the least qualified applicant by a factor of 100. - Really? - Yeah. What? You want me to go back and get one of those eggheads? 'Cause I'm still here, aren't I? I think I was the most qualified. I can't believe that you talked me into seeing her. I called her. - That's it. That's all I did. - Mm-hmm. I was gonna hang up the phone. You chose to speak to her. I didn't hold a gun up to your head. Oh. Well, although, I gather you've had some experience doing that. Given your concealed weapon charge. - So, we're going back to my record, now? - You know what? I wanted to engage Lily on my terms. And you took that from me. I took it? 'Cause I'm a thief, right? Well, aren't you? You know, that's my past and I will own that. I got no problem with that. But I'm moving forward. - What about you, P? Hmm? - Yeah, I'm moving forward too. - Are you? - Yeah. With this. Get out. You're fired. I'm what? I'm letting you go. All right? - [CHATTERING] - MAN: Defense, man. Defense. Yo. Welcome home, man. YVONNE: Philip. This is Jason. He's gonna be your new carer. WOMAN: Food, Mr. LaCasse? Wow. [KIDS LAUGHING] [SIGHS] It's nice. Big. Aren't you gonna come inside? Not right now. I'll see you tomorrow, though. I'll pick you up from school. If that's okay. Cool. [MOUTHING WORDS] MAN: Hey, Dell. I need you to check on the new guy. DELL: Okay, I'm on it. Make sure you turn the supports inward, okay? That way, they cradle the patient's arm. Exactly. How fast do they go? - You'd be surprised. - [FOOTSTEPS] He's bad, Dell. He won't listen to anyone. He might listen to you. Where's Yvonne? She left. Yvonne left? He's pushing everybody away. [SIGHS] You all set? Okay, cool. Some animal has collapsed on your face, Phil. I don't know if you can feel it, but I'm gonna try and move 'em. I just need you to hold still. Oh, no, that's a beard. This is intentional? [CHUCKLES] You wanna go for a drive? [POLICE SIREN WAILING] [ENGINE REVS] [TIRES SQUEAL] All right. So, we radioed ahead. They're comin' out with a gurney. - He's gonna be fine. - Appreciate you, man. [LAUGHING] What now? - [GASPS] Oh, shit. - Go, go, go! Pretty enough to paint? I could see if Carter's interested in a commission. Playlist, Phil's Jam. - No, come on, P. No, I'm serious, man. - No. Just... - I'm not in the mood to hear it. - ...give it a moment. - I'm not in the mood, though. - Just give it a moment. [WOMAN SINGING "NESSUN DORMA"] Wait, who is this? That's the queen. My queen? That's Aretha? Mm-hmm. She filled in for Pavarotti once at the Grammys. [EXHALES] - Queen make everything better. - Mm-hmm. [SONG CONTINUES] - Ah. It's lovely. - [SONG FADES] Mmm. - [BIRDS CHIRPING] - [WIND WHISTLING] You must be Philip. - Yes. - MAN: You ready? Ready? - What did you do? - [CHUCKLES] You Dell? No. Yes, he is! No. No, I'm not. I'm doing that, man. What you... You trying to kill me? - PHILIP: Come on. - He trying to kill me. I'm not... I'm not doing that, P. No. - MAN: Keep going. Keep going. - PHILIP: Whoo! Whoo-hoo! - [BUCKLE CLICKS] - Yeah. Hey, man, I... I'm not gonna do it. - We got this. - Nah. No, we don't. MAN: Keep running, Dell! Keep running, Dell! Run, Dell! Run, Dell! Run, run! Keep running, Dell! - DELL: Whoa! - Come on, Dell! - Come on, Dell. Go like this... - [SONG RESUMES] - You can let go. Grab those handles. - Oh, shit! - Oh! Whoa! - We're looking good. Good. Yo, control it, man! Control it! Hey, Dell! [CHUCKLES] Just relax! I am relaxed! This is me being relaxed! [MUSIC SWELLS] Dell. Thank you! How are you doing? Yo, it's amazing, man! I can't believe I'm flying! [SHOUTING] Whoo! - Yeah! - [PHILIP LAUGHS] - [SONG FADES] - [LAUGHS] Thank you. Oh, man, look at this. - Ooh! - Oh, yeah, that's pretty. Oh, God. [EXHALES] Hey, it's time to let the beard go. Why? Just trust me on this one. Talk to me. Talk to me. I look... I look like a... A porn star. - Oh, that's the one. - Let me see. - Oh, this is the one right here. - Let me see. [LAUGHS] - That's the one. - I'm badass! Yeah, I was tired of you looking like a bitch. - No. No, that's not it. - [BRITISH ACCENT] Hello, there. - I know what to do. Lemme see. - I'm very... Is it Chaplin? No. It's Charlie Chaplin. No, no, no! [BOTH LAUGHING] Oh, that is terrible. - Oh, there he is. - Yeah. - Who's that guy? - I don't know. I haven't seen him in a while. Oh! - Thanks for the warning. - I'm sorry I didn't see it. [BOTH CHUCKLING] All right. How you feeling, P? Good. [CHUCKLES] Very good. Well, hold on, 'cause the best is yet to come. [BREATHES DEEPLY] Hi. Hi. I missed you. [SONG RESUMES] [MUSIC SWELLS] - [SONG ENDS] - [APPLAUSE] ["ROCK STEADY" BY ARETHA FRANKLIN PLAYING] [SONG ENDS] ["DER HLLE RACHE" PLAYING] [SONG ENDS] More Movie Scripts | Request a Movie Transcript

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