이정순《동화》 특별하지 않아요

[Kim Chongok Massey]

《동화》 특별하지 않아요

(사)한국문인협회 밴쿠버지부 회원 이정순

캐나다 동부 작은 시골 병원에서 한 아기가 태어났어요. 간호사가 강보에 싸인 아기를 부모 품에 안겨주었어요. 부모는 아기를 품에 안으며 감동했어요. 아기는 강보에 싸여 얼굴만 볼 수 있었어요.

“우리 아기가 태어났어요. 건강한 아기야!”

부모는 아기 볼을 비비며 기뻐했어요.

그때 의사 선생님이 곁에 와서 심각한 표정을 지으며 말했어요.

“잠시 아기 기저귀를 갈아 주시겠어요?”

“네네, 그래야지요. 축축한 기저귀는 우리 아기가 불쾌해질 테니까요.”

“저를 따라오세요.”

부모는 아기를 안고 진료실로 따라갔어요.

“무슨 일이 있어도 놀라지 마십시오.”

“네네, 그러믄요. 우리 아기한테 무슨 기적이라도 일어나는 건가요?”

늦게 아기를 가진 부부는 너무 기뻐 기적이라고 했어요. 부부는 아기 기저귀를 갈기 위해 강보를 풀었어요.

“아기는 팔과 다리가 없어요. 하지만, 있는 게 더 많답니다.”

의사는 조용한 어조로 말했어요. 부모는 놀라거나 슬퍼하지 않았어요. 오히려 아기를 꼭 끌어안으며 속삭였어요.

“넌 우리에게 가장 소중한 선물이야.”

“응애- 응애!”

아기는 대답이라도 하듯이 우렁차게 울었어요.

그렇게 아기는 세상을 향해 우렁찬 울음으로 첫발을 디뎠어요. 아기는 부모의 사랑을 듬뿍 받으면서 무럭무럭 자랐어요.

“우린 너를 세상의 어떤 아이와 차별하지 않으며 키울 거야.”

부모는 아기에게 네온사인처럼 빛나라고 네온이라는 이름을 지었어요.

유치원에 들어가면서, 네온은 처음으로 자신이 남들과 다르다는 것을 깨닫게 되었어요. 친구들은 엄마 손을 잡고 걸어서 유치원에 오는데, 자신은 엄마 품에 안겨 왔거든요. 또 친구들은 손을 잡고 뛰놀았고, 그네를 타며 즐거워했고, 술래가 되어 책상 밑을 기어들어 가고…, 하지만 네온은 늘 혼자였어요. 아이들은 운동장에서 축구했어요. 네온은 구석에 앉아 경기를 바라만 보았지요.

“너도 하고 싶니?”

한 아이가 물었어요. 네온은 잠시 망설였어요. 하지만 금세 해맑게 웃으며 고개를 끄덕였어요. 그러자 친구들은 망설임 없이 그를 경기 속으로 초대했어요.

“너는 골키퍼 하면 돼!”

‘내가 할 수 있을까?’

네온은 자신한테 물었어요.

‘그럼, 너는 할 수 있지.’

마음속의 아이가 말해 주었어요.

네온은 공을 막기 위해 온몸을 굴리며 최선을 다했어요. 친구들은 네온의 플레이에 열광했어요.

“최고야!”

그날 밤, 그는 처음으로 깨달았어요. 사실 네온은 팔다리가 따로 자란다고 믿었어요. 자신은 특별해서 다른 아이들보다 좀 늦게 손발이 자랄 뿐이라고 생각했거든요. 그래서 네온은 잠자기 전 하느님께 간곡히 기도했어요.

“하느님, 제 팔과 다리가 빨리 자라나게 해주세요.”

-네온아, 너는 없는 것보다 있는 게 더 많단다.-

어디선가 목소리가 들렸어요.

그날 이후로 자신은 없는 것보다 있는 게 더 많음에 감사 기도를 했어요. 하지만, 네온은 팔다리 없이 살아간다는 것은 ‘불가능의 연속’이라는 것을 시간이 흐를수록 더 깨닫게 되었어요. 그래서 네온은 하느님을 원망하기 시작했어요.

“왜 나는 손과 발이 없는 거냐고요?”

네온은 밤낮으로 꽥꽥! 소리 지르며 울기 시작했어요.

“엉엉!”

온몸으로 방바닥에서 뒹굴기도 했어요. 네온 자신이 할 수 있는 것은 소리 지르며 우는 것과 몸통뿐인 자신을 바닥에 뒹굴며 최대한 학대하는 것뿐이라고 생각했어요. 하지만, 부모님은 네온이 우는 것을 제지하지도 뒹구는 것을 말리지도 않았어요.

“그래, 아가야, 네가 할 수 있는 것이 그것뿐이라면 그것이라도 실컷 하렴.”

그리고 부모님은 기도했어요.

“하느님, 세상에서 하나뿐인 우리 네온이 건강하게만 자라게 해주세요.”

어느 날 켜 놓은 텔레비전에서 어떤 사람이 인터뷰하고 있었어요.

“저는 손발이 없이 태어났지만, 없는 것보다 있는 게 더 많은 사람입니다. 있는 걸 활용해서 고등학생 때 학생회장도 하고 기자도 했어요.”

그리고 그가 또 말했어요.

“저는 오히려 부족함이 있었기에 더 많은 것을 배웠습니다.”

그는 없는 것을 세지 말고 있는 것을 세라고 했어요.

“보세요. 눈 두 개, 귀 두 개, 입 한 개, 그리고, 오줌도, 응가도 할 수 있어요. 그리고 또 하나, 따뜻한 가슴, 또 있어요. 사랑하는 부모님, 사랑하는 친구가 있어요. 그러니까 없는 팔다리 수보다 배나 더 많은 것을 가졌어요.”

그 사람 이름이 오토타케 히로타다라는 일본 사람이었어요. 네온도 생각해 봤어요.

‘따뜻한 가슴, 부모님의 사랑, 사랑하는 친구들.’

숫자를 머릿속으로 센 네온이 울컥 눈물을 쏟고 말았어요, 목에서 자꾸만 울음소리가 올라왔어요. 하느님을 원망하며 소리 지르며 울던 그 울음이 아니었어요. 가슴속에서 자꾸만 뜨거운 무언가가 올라왔어요.

‘내게도 없는 것보다 있는 게 더 많네. 나도 저 사람처럼 할 수 있어.’

팔과 다리가 없다고 해서, 내가 해야 할 것을 포기할 수 없다는 것을 알았어요. 그때부터 자신에게 있는 것을 활용하기로 마음먹었어요.

“엄마, 나 책 읽고 싶어요.”

네온은 전에는 책 읽기를 무척 좋아했어요. 책을 읽을 때마다 친구들이나 부모님이 함께 책을 읽으며 책장을 넘겨 주었어요.

“엄마, 오늘부터 혼자서 읽어 볼게요.”

“그려렴.”

엄마는 책을 책상 위에 올려놓고 부엌으로 갔어요. 네온은 턱으로 책장을 넘기려고 애를 썼어요. 몇 번 시도해 겨우 한 장을 넘겼어요.

“했어요. 혼자서도 했어요.”

“대단해! 네온!”

그것은 네온에 첫 시작이었어요. 겨우 한 장 넘겼을 뿐인데 엄마는 기뻐 눈물까지 흘리며 응원했어요. 턱으로 책장을 넘겨 책 한 권을 며칠이 걸려 다 읽었을 때는 턱이 빨갛게 퉁퉁 부어올랐지만, 포기하지 않았어요. 네온은 책 한 권을 자신의 힘으로 읽었다는 데 더 가슴이 벅찼어요.

그날 그 책은 헬렌 켈러였어요. 헬렌 켈러는 볼 수도 들을 수도 없으면서 장애인을 위해 많은 일을 했다고 책에서는 말하고 있었어요. 네온은 힘들 때마다 헬렌 켈러를 생각하며 용기를 냈어요.

‘보세요. 나는 이 세상의 모든 것을 볼 수 있고, 모든 소리를 들을 수 있잖아요.’

매일매일 되뇌지만, 부딪치는 충격을 어린 네온이 감당하기 힘들 때가 더 많았어요. 네온은 혼자서는 밥도 먹을 수 없고, 화장실도 마음대로 갈 수 없을 때 엄마 몰래 울었어요.

하지만, 네온은 친구들의 도움으로 축구도 하고, 놀이터에서 뛰어놀며 많은 것에 도전했어요. 비록 팔다리가 없지만, 의지와 웃음은 누구보다 강하고 해맑았어요.

이제 네온은 여간해서 울지 않아요. 자신이 울면 엄마 마음이 더 아플 거니까요. 울음이 나오는 날은 입술을 꼭 깨물고 하늘을 바라봐요. 하얀 구름이 날아가면 네온도 구름을 타고 훨훨 날아가는 꿈을 꾸기도 했지요.

‘내가 할 수 있는 일이 뭘까?’

“맞아, 오토타케 히로타다처럼 연설가가 될 거야. 나는 노래도 잘하잖아.”

내가 노래를 잘하는 것은 소리를 지르고 많이 울어서 그렇다고 해요. 또한 네온은 유쾌하고 유머도 많아 친구들을 웃기기도 잘해요. 늘 네온 옆에는 많은 친구가 있어요.

“네온, 전국 웅변대회가 있는데 나가보지 않으련?”

선생님이 말해 주었어요.

“엄마, 나 웅변대회 나가고 싶어요. 저 잘할 자신 있어요.”

네온은 방과 후 엄마한테 말했어요.

“그래, 네온. 평소 네가 하는 말처럼 하면 돼.”

웅변대회 날이에요. 그곳에는 전국에서 모인 대회 참가자와 손주의 웅변을 들으러 온 할머니 할아버지, 그리고 가족, 친구들.

이렇게 많은 사람이 모인 곳은 처음이에요. 단상에는 네온을 위해 의자와 책상이 놓였어요. 엄마가 안아서 단상 의자에 앉혀 주었어요. 관중석이 웅성거리기 시작했어요.

“쟤 좀 봐! 머리와 몸통뿐이네. 재수 없어.”

“저렇게 하고 어떻게 살아있지. 나 같으면 자살이라도 하겠다.”

“얘, 혼자서는 죽지도 못하잖아!”

온갖 소리가 들렸어요. 하지만 네온은 침착했어요.

“안녕하세요. 저 네온이에요. 예, 맞아요. 좀 전에 누군가가 말했듯이 죽고 싶을 때도 있었지만, 저는 혼자서는 죽을 수도 없어요. 하하! 그래서 이렇게 살아 있으니 여러분 앞에 설 수도 있잖아요. 여러분, 저는 특별하지 않아요. 저는 내 몸에 없는 것보다 있는 게 더 많아요. 보세요. 눈도 있죠. 제가 말할 수 있는 입도 있지요. 들을 수 있는 귀도 있지요. 그리고, 저는 맛있는 것을 마음대로 먹을 수 있어요. 왜냐고요? 하하! 응가는 할 수 있거든요.”

“하하하! 호호호!”

홀 안이 웃음으로 가득 찼어요. 네온은 웃음이 가라앉기를 기다렸어요.

“전 이것만 있어도 감사하답니다. 여러분도 여러분이 가진 것을 잘 활용하면 할 수 있는 것은 아주 많답니다.”

관중에서 우레 같은 박수가 쏟아지고, 엉엉 소리 내어 우는 사람도 있었어요. 웅변이 끝나자, 엄마는 활짝 웃으며, 이마에 뽀뽀를 해주고,

“내 아들 장하다.”

라고 말해 줬어요.

어느 날, 네온이 엄마랑 호숫가로 갔어요. 확 트인 호숫물에는 수많은 물오리가 헤엄쳐 다녔어요. 잔잔한 물 위에 산그림자가 아름답게 펼쳐져 있었어요.

“와! 굉장하다. 언젠가는 나도 수영해서 이 호수를 건널 거야.”

네온은 굳게 다짐하고 입으로 스케치북에 그림을 그렸어요. 네온의 입이 손이거든요. 네온은 커다란 호수에 자신이 수영하는 모습을 그리고, 하늘에는 날아가는 새 한 마리를 그려 넣었어요. 네온은 빠르게 날고, 빠르게 달릴 수 있는 꿈을 꾸지 않아요. 호수 옆에 꼬불꼬불 느리게 갈 수 있는 큰길을 그렸어요. 하지만, 그 끝은 남겨 두었어요. 자신이 갈 길이니까요.

그때 한 아이가 아빠 손을 잡고 왔어요. 아이는 엎디어 뭔가를 찾고 있었어요.

“아빠, 이 돌이 적당하겠죠?”

아이는 돌멩이를 아빠에게 건넸어요. 아빠는 두 팔꿈치를 이용해 돌멩이를 잡았어요. 반밖에 없는 팔을 높이 들고 호수를 향해 팔을 뻗었어요. 곧 돌멩이는 사사사! 소리를 내며 물 위를 날았어요. 물오리가 수면 위를 날 듯이.

“와, 아빠 최고다!”

네온도 감탄했어요. 아빠는 앞을 보지 못했어요. 그런데도 근사한 물수제비를 다섯 번이나 떴거든요. 네온은 잔잔한 호수 위에 돌멩이가 날아가는 그림을 추가했어요. 자신이 할 수 있는 것을 차곡차곡 스케치북에 그려 넣었어요.

네온은 자신에게 없는 걸 세지 않고, 오늘도 자신에게 너무나 많은 것을 세어요.

Five-colored “Bibimbap”/Jung soon Lee

"Oh? There are no people in the library."

In the library study room, there was a black girl who looked my age and an Indian woman wearing a hijab. Even in the library hall, the children who came to borrow books were not very noticeable.

"Oh, today is the parent interview day.“

It's the first parent meeting in the fourth grade. On the day of the parent meeting, we don't only have morning classes or go to school. On those days, the library was also empty. My class only had morning classes today. The high school was still in class.

Canada has parent meetings two or three times a semester, but my mom is not allowed to participate. This is because she is not only poor at English, but she also helps my dad's business. I am more used to spending time in the library than at home.

"It's good that it's not complicated.“

It was often uncomfortable to sit close to each other with partitions in between.

I had to tiptoe even to the bathroom. I installed the computer because it was far away from them. The library even has a high-speed printing function, which makes it great for free printing assignments

After class, I take the school bus to the library every day. I also took the school bus today. When I arrive at the library, the automatic door of the library opens, there is an island where librarians stand, and there is a sealed study room right next to it. They are not interested in people's access. So they are more free.

The study room is so quiet that the sound of turning over the bookshelf and even the sound of breathing is harsh to my ears.

Around three or four o'clock in the afternoon, the three of them were preoccupied with their respective studies. Suddenly, they looked back at the unpleasant sound of music. The two boys, who seemed to be in the sixth grade when they came in, were sitting turning chairs and even dancing their hips while listening to smartphone music.

They put in their earphones and it was loud and annoying to my ears. My feeling was on the verge of an explosion.

I put strength in my eyes and looked at them. One guy looked like “ramen” with blonde curls permed.

I thought it would be "ramen" if I poured water into his curly hair. My thorny eyes met his. He was playful, too. For a moment, I laughed like "Fut!"

Unlike his curly hair, the other one looked calm.

From now on, I'll call him the curly guy "the curly hair" and another guy "the yam jeon."

I don't know, but I thought he was being dragged around helplessly by a curly-haired guy. He didn't stop dancing. He winked at me. I ignored it and put my finger on my mouth and said, "Please!"

But curly hair didn't care about that at all.

"Will you be quiet?"

I said I couldn't stand it.

"Oh! It's not me. You don't know that, do you? Thrill in a forbidden place. No way for the smug guys to know. Haha!"

The curly-haired guy raised his middle finger, pointed at his smartphone, and scratched his cheek with one hand.

"Chinese? Monkey?"

I couldn't even make a sound and I muttered in my mouth. I heard a "boom" of a rock falling from my chest. It was scary.

I was worried that the aphasia symptoms I had in the early days of immigration might recur. I bit my molar tightly.

'It's going to be okay.'

I tried to calm down by sweeping my chest down with my trembling hands. But the thud in my chest got louder. I bounced back from my seat like a spring and stood up.

"Oh! What can Chinese do?“

said the curly hair. Then all the cells woke up like thorns.

"I'm going to accuse you of racist comments!"

"Do it. Anything!"

Curly hair and yamjeon carried on with their casual tasks. I ran to the front desk.

"What's the problem?"

Looking at my expression‎, they asked. I couldn't hear my voice.

'Even in their eyes, I would only see myself as a Chinese.'

The curly-haired and yamjeon guy immediately followed me and talked to the librarians with a big smile. I pressed my uncomfortable chest with both hands. Eventually, I couldn't report it and went back to my seat. My throat was burning.

Moments later a fat white female bodyguard came in and approached the black girl and asked.

"What's your name?"

"I'm Domini."

"Can you show me your library pass? I got a report that you were making a lot of noise with your smartphone on."

"Phew!“

I was relieved that it wasn't me, so I could breathe naturally.

The big eyes of a black girl named Domini were like those of a surprised rabbit.

However, the child casually took the library pass out of her bag and said.

"I don't have a smartphone.“

Dominic said proudly.

'How much did she suffer from them to be so casual? I'd be scared if I were that black kid.'

Curly hair and demure came in, and they sat nonchalantly open the book. Curly hair looked at me and stuck out its tongue. The clenched fist shook.

"Is what they're doing wrong? Or are we different from them?"

I've already been huddled by their imposing appearance. It reminded me of the book I read last time.

"Late at night, a black woman got on a bus exhausted and sat down on an empty seat. She knew there was a “Jim Crow law,” but she was tired and had no choice but to sit down. Under the ‘Jim Crow law,’ black people are discriminated against almost everywhere restaurants, hospitals, libraries, churches, and even restrooms are inaccessible or unavailable to white people. Even on the bus, black and white seats were separated.”

Don't sit there! Stand up right now

Why can't I sit when it's empty?

"It's not for black people! Go and stand in the back!"

She refused. The driver stopped the bus and forcibly pulled her out. She was arrested for refusing to do so. The case led to the "Rev. Martin Luther King" campaign to reject bus rides, eventually abolishing black-and-white discrimination on buses.

When I was in the first grade of elementary school, I had just immigrated. That day, I went to the store where my mom works because I was bored that day.

My dad used to do a gas station in a small rural town, and my mom was working cash at the counter. The store was very busy that day. A blond girl who looked like she was 3 or 4 years old came into the store holding her mom's hand. The child was picking out candy by touching this and that on the candy stand. Some kids waited in line. I was frustrated, so I picked up the candy and went to her side.

"Hi, little one! How about this candy? I'll give it to you for free if you like it."

Showing a huge lollipop, I spoke in poor English. The child looked at me and suddenly began to “giggle” and cry.

"What's wrong?"

I was flustered.

"Go away! I'm scared!"

"Me?"

"Get out of my way! My daughter hates Chinese!"

"I'm not Chinese, I'm Korean."

"It looks the same to my daughter."

The white mother's eyes were full of disdain for Asians. I was still too young to accept the situation. I was embarrassed and cried, too. The store was full of me and the child's cries. The police came to check if anyone had reported child abuse.

"What do you mean? Child abuse?"

Dad was surprised and said it out loud. The store was in chaos. After the incident, I told my mom that we should go back to Korea right away.

"Hyejin, it must have been because the kid didn't know."

"No! I want to go to Korea."

Although I was good at everything and full of confidence in Korea, I gradually couldn't speak because I couldn't get used to it here. There were many days when I came home without saying anything at school. When I came back home, I was stuck in the basement.

"Hyejin, it's uncomfortable, but let's hang in there. And you know you should never go out alone, right?"

He said he had no choice but to live in a basement because all the money he brought from Korea was invested in buying a store and there was no money to buy a house. I spoke politely at the time.

"Okay, just for a second…."

I knew my father's company had gone bankrupt and immigrated from Seoul, but the cellar made me cringe even more.

I was shocked and aphasia by the candy incident.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Mom said.

I just stared blankly at the ceiling. And I had to go through psychiatric treatment for two years.

"Hyejin, it's not easy for us to live in other countries. All immigrants live with a "rock" on their chest."

'Mom, I have a pain here.'

I patted my chest with my palm and looked at her in tears. She swept my chest away with her palm. She cried and I cried, too.

'Mom, do you have a rock on your chest? I have one, too.'

I didn't know there was a rock on my mother's chest.

'It's so frustrating.'

And it's been two years since I started going to the library. It's a small town, but the library was pretty big.

"I need to take out the stone on my mom's chest and the stone on my chest!"

I started going to the library with a strong determination, but the trauma kept me from raising my head whenever there was a crisis. Every time I did, I reflected on what my mom said.

"Every immigrant lives with a 'rock' on his or her chest."

I was thinking for a moment, but I heard a female bodyguard.

"What are you putting off without packing your bag?"

"It's not that girl, it's those guys."

I mustered up the courage to shout to the bodyguard,

'How heavy is the rock in DOMIN's heart?'

In their eyes, I was angry to think that I wouldn't be an exception.

The white female bodyguard gave Domini another order to clear her desk.

"If you don't go out in a few minutes, you have no choice but to pull it out."

"Can't you stop? If you're a bodyguard, you know a simple law, right? You can't be unaware of Jim Crow's law."

Then a white female bodyguard looked at me. Like a monkey on a tree. My lips were shaking.

"Who is it?"

The bodyguard looked angry, but when he saw his curly hair and demure, he calmly asked. They shrugged. The bodyguard returned Dominic's library pass and left the study room. My back was damp with cold sweat. My chest was beating off the beat like a sonak rain was popping from the floor.

'Phew! It'll be all right!'

I pressed my chest with my hands. Curly hair and Yum-jeon noticed and tried to sneak away with my school bag. Just in time, two big male bodyguards came in.

Domini carried on with her studies. I was more surprised by Dominic's nonchalant attitude. I looked back at the hijab woman. She was also tapping on her computer keyboard, regardless.

'Everything is fine, but why am I the only one shaking?'

I was out of breath because my chest was stuffy.

'It's okay, Hyejin!'

I started to soothe myself. Two male guards with curly hair and a demure figure held me under my arm.

"It's not me! I mean that black girl and Chinese."

Curly hair cried out in great defiance.

"Go back to your country!"

Nevertheless, Domini stretched her shoulders and stood up.

'Where will that confidence come from?'

The study room was filled with the sound of tapping the keyboard again.

I even straightened my shoulders and waist. I gave her warm eyes. Domini smiled at me.

There are 17 people in my class, including me. Nine of them were from other countries. When kids hang out and play, they don't care about skin color. They just enjoy the play itself. The playground has a wide variety of children, just like our delicious "five-colored bibimbap."

"Wow!"

"Hyejin, pass this way!"

Justin, who was blond, raised his arm and shouted at me. The ball I threw flew lightly into the sky like a bird's hair.

  경희사이버대학교 2019학번 2024년 제17회 민초해외동포문학상 대상수상 등 다수,동화『내 친구 토즈』한영출간, 『사랑별에서 온 아이』출판문화산업진흥원(KPIPA) 2023년 이북, 오디오북 제작지원사업선정작. 『문학상수상작가들의 단편동화 읽기1.2.3』 『우주 이발관』공저CN Dreams 신문, 밴쿠버 교육신문, 밴쿠버 조선, 중앙일보 필진