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Mark Nepo: How to Listen to Your Life
Illustration: Thinkstock
Listening is a
personal pilgrimage that takes time and a willingness to lean into life. With
each trouble that stalls us and each wonder that lifts us, we're asked to put
down our conclusions and feel and think anew. Unpredictable as life itself, the
practice of listening is one of the most mysterious, luminous and challenging
art forms on earth. Each of us is by turns a novice and a master—until the next
difficulty or joy undoes us.
In truth, listening is the first step to peace. When we dare to quiet our minds
and all the thoughts we inherit, the differences between us move back, and the
things we have in common move forward. When we dare to quiet the patterns of
our past, everything starts to reveal its kinship and share its aliveness. And
though we can always learn from others, listening is not a shortcut, but a way
to embody the one life we're given, a way to personalize the practice of being
human.
In real ways, we're invited each day to slow down and listen. But why listen at
all? Because listening stitches the world together. Listening is the doorway to
everything that matters. It enlivens the heart the way breathing enlivens the
lungs. We listen to awaken our heart. We do this to stay vital and alive. This
is the work of reverence: to stay vital and alive by listening with an open
heart.
Yet how do we inhabit these connections and find our way in the world? By
listening our way into lifelong friendships with everything larger than us,
with our life of experience and with each other.
Our friendship with everything larger than us opens us to the wisdom of Source.
This is the work of being. Our friendship with experience opens us to the
wisdom of life on earth. This is the work of being human. And our friendship
with each other opens us to the wisdom of care. This is the work of love. We
need to stay loyal to these three friendships if we have any hope of living an
awakened life. These three friendships—the work of being, the work of being
human and the work of love—frame the journey.
In a daily way, listening is being present enough
to hear the One in the many and the many in the One. Listening is an animating
process by which we feel and understand the moment we are in, repeatedly
connecting the inner world with the world around us, letting one inform the
other.
All of this helps us hear who we are because our
identity and the reach of our gifts can only be known in relationship. The wave
would not exist if not for the reach of the ocean that lifts it, and the
mountain would not exist if not for the steadfastness of the earth that
supports it. Listening helps us discover our relationship to all that supports
us in life. Listening helps us find our place as a living part in a living
Universe. And each moment is a new place to start, no matter how overwhelmed we
might feel. For the living Universe can be entered at any time by listening to
our inmost self. This begins by meeting ourselves and opening our minds to
silence. It helps to think of silence as the connective tissue for all life. By
listening to silence, we can be nourished by everything that is larger than us.
It is giving our complete attention to the
silence that holds our self that awakens us to both the soul's calling and the
call of the soul. While the soul's calling is the work we are born to do, the
call of the soul is the irrepressible yearning to experience aliveness. The
center of our aliveness doesn't care what we achieve or accomplish, only that
we stay close to the pulse of what it means to be alive. In doing this, we stay
close to the energy of all life.
The deeper we look at listening, the more we
find that it has to do with being present, because a commitment to being fully
present enables us to listen more to others, to their dreams and pain, to the
retelling of their stories. It deepens our compassion. And listening to the
history of our heart allows us to hear and feel the sweet ache of being alive.
Each of these ways of listening—to our inmost
self, to the silence that joins everything, to the soul's calling for
meaningful work, to the call of the soul to simply be alive, to the complete
presence of others that holding nothing back opens in us, and to the tug of
life and its sweet ache of constant connection—is a practice that deepens our
understanding of who we are and of the precious life we're given in our time on
earth.
Question
1. Have you ever been aware of power of listening power in your daily life? Let’s share your experience of realizing the power of listening.
2.
The change
in the world has been rapid and drastic in every aspect of life. What sort of action
do you think is needed to keep yourself stable and focused on inmost identity?
Make certain the people around you have good values, good judgment, and are
loyal. Allow them to impress you but be sure they're comfortable coming to you
for feedback. Most important, hire people smarter than you!
—Ivanka Trump, executive VP, Trump Organization; principal of Ivanka Trump
fashion and accessories lines
We're a block from a hospital, so in my 31 years here I've met many people
who've just received bad news. If you see someone in distress, don't hesitate
to talk to them. Once you've heard their story, sometimes all you have to say
is "I'll be thinking of you." Your words are more powerful than you
think.
—Jimmy Vecere, bartender at 12th Street Irish Pub, Philadelphia
Sex researchers have found that one of the biggest turn-ons for women is
feeling desired. So believing that you're desirable is key. Choose a part of
your body you admire. It might be your eyes, your hari, the curve of your
calves. Now focus on that part in your mind and "see" it as your
partner would see it. It may feel silly, but imagine he's thinking, "Wow,
I want her so bad." And remember: You don't have to wait until you're in
the mood. Sometimes you just need to get started and the mood will follow.
—Gail Saltz, MD, author of The
Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life
A lot of people ask me how I knew Mad
Men or Breaking Bad would make great TV. I knew because
when I read those scripts, I felt something. I didn't do any market testing or
focus groups—I just asked myself, Would I want to watch this? When you're
weighing an opportunity, make the question that simple: "Do I really want
this, or am I doing it for the money or the prestige or because I think I
should?" It can't just be about those things. It has to make you feel
good, too. And by the way, if opportunities aren't knocking, you can make your
own. When I was looking for work several years ago, I took everyone I knew in
New York, where I'd just moved, to dinner or drinks or tea. I explained that I
was open to anything. Six months later, one of those dinner dates called about
a possible job at AMC. If I hadn't put myself out there, that never would have
happened.
—Christina Wayne former senior VP at AMC, current president of Cineflix
Studios, and an executive producer of the new BBC America series Copper
First, get a drink. If it's a cocktail, it'll loosen you up, but even if it's
just club soda, it's good to have a prop to hold if you're feeling nervous.
Next, approach someone—a person, not a group—and ask how he or she knows the
host. After that, be authentic and interested and ask questions, and others
will float over and join in. A good host will have considered the mix of
people, so when you arrive, ask, "Who should I meet?" Most important:
Even if you won't know anyone and you're feeling intimidated, you must go. Do not stay home. So many
people are afraid that no one will talk to them and they'll leave feeling
awful—but has that ever happened to you? Me, neither. Usually I end up laughing
and eating and drinking and making friends, and that's what it's all about.
—Marjorie Gubelmann CEO of Vie Luxe and
society hostess extraordinaire
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/20-Things-Everyone-Should-Master-by-Age-40/1#ixzz2GMhrrihU
How to End a Friendship
Be clear that you need distance, but avoid getting into specifics. You might
say, "I've realized I need to take a break from our friendship. I have so
much going on in my life right now, and I need to take more time for
myself." Now isn't the time to try to change your friend or teach her a
lesson. (If you believed you could see things the same way, you wouldn't be
breaking up in the first place.) Above all, be sure you want to break up. It's
unlikely you'll ever be able to return to the same level of intimacy.
—Irene S. Levine, PHD, author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best
Friend
How to Stay in Touch
I don't often get to see or even talk to my closest friends from various stages
of life (including the 16 who were my bridesmaids). But I stay connected with
them—and the thousands of others in my BlackBerry. The key is managing your
friending: The more organized and accessible your friends' information, the
easier it is to stay in touch. So you have to set calendar reminders for
birthdays (I do it for anniversaries, too), and keep your address book
up-to-date. And when someone pops into your mind, let them know, even if it's
just with a "Thinking of you" text. Don't let the moment pass; treat
it as a reminder to reach out.
—Alexandra Wilkis Wilson, cofounder of the five-million-member Gilt Groupe; keeper of 16,500 BlackBerry contacts
How to Not Sweat the Small Stuff
The thing that's grand about spending your time thinking about the universe is
that it makes you feel insignificant. I don't mean that in a bad way. If you
understand that we've now discovered entire solar systems that contain planets
similar to Earth, and that those are just the ones we know about, since most of
the stars we've looked at are within about 300 light-years of Earth and the
distance to the center of our galaxy is nearly 100 times that—then you realize
that the laundry you've left undone and the dumb thing you said yesterday are
about as significant as slime mold.
—Alyssa Goodman, professor of astronomy, Harvard-Smithsonian Center for
Astrophysics
How Not to Embarrass Yourself at Karaoke
Warm up all day. Start by counting aloud when you wake.
Later, laugh out loud; we laugh higher than we talk, so you'll be activating
your upper register.
Lubricate your voice, especially if you're nervous (stress can dry out
your vocal cords). Half an hour before you sing, eat a little bread soaked in
olive oil.
Breathe from your diaphragm. You'll generate the air you need to
produce a melodious tone. Inhale through your nose and push your belly button
out. Exhale and let your navel go back in.
Feel free to change keys. Even the pros sing in a lower register
when their voice gets tired.
Sing with joy, from your heart, and no one will care how you sound.
—Debra Byrd, vocal coach for The Voice and vocal producer for The Next: Fame
Is at Your Doorstep
How to Make New Friends—at Any Age
I tell my patients, "Food, alcohol, and drugs are no substitute for a
relationship." If you're lonely, do something about it. If you love the
arts, take a course at your local community college. And if you can't find a
place to get involved, create one. Besides seeing patients several times a
week, I'm thinking about starting a group where immigrantsand refugees can talk
about their feelings. It's important to be part of a community!
—Hedda Bolgar, 103-year-old practicing psychoanalyst and cofounder of the
Hedda Bolgar Psychotherapy Clinic, in Los Angeles
Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/20-Things-Everyone-Should-Master-by-Age-40/2#ixzz2GMhij0EA
Question
1. Which one is your one of favorite in options above when selecting the tasks for mastering by age 40, and why?
2. Do you agree the list of “to-do by 40” is integral part of our entire life? What else do you see for your personal things to do by age 40.
3. There are invisible norms in our social community, which require social achievement that evaluate the value of individuals. Which one do you think is more significant to maintain our 40’s life between the list above and such social norms?
Every morning five-year-old Tristan starts his school day by reading in bed with his mother. He especially likes Enid Blyton. And even though he often doesn’t bother to get out of his pyjamas in time for his first class of the day, at the age of five he has a reading age of between seven and eight. He is also ahead of his peers in a variety of subjects—all, his mother reckons, thanks to home schooling.
Three decades ago home schooling was illegal in 30 states. It was considered a fringe phenomenon, pursued by cranks, and parents who tried it were often persecuted and sometimes jailed. Today it is legal everywhere, and is probably the fastest-growing form of education in America. According to a new book, “Home Schooling in America”, by Joseph Murphy, a professor at Vanderbilt University, in 1975 10,000-15,000 children were taught at home. Today around 2m are—about the same number as attend charter schools.
Although home schooling started on the counter-cultural left, the conservative right has done most to promote it, abandoning public schools for being too secular and providing no moral framework. Today the ranks of home-schoolers are overwhelmingly Christian, and 78% of parents attend church frequently. According to the National Household Education Survey in 2007, the main motivation for home schooling was for religious or moral instruction (36%), followed by school environment (21%) and the quality of instruction available (17%). After this comes concerns about special education, the distance of travel and even nut allergies.
Home schooling is not exclusively white and Christian. In 2007 a report found that Muslim children were one of the fastest-growing groups; black-home schoolers are around 4% of the total and comprised 61,000 children. The super-wealthy, and parents who must move around a lot, are also taking up home schooling in increasing numbers because of its flexibility.
According to Mr Murphy’s book, parents want to control not only what their children learn, but the values they pick up and the company they keep. They are also increasingly convinced that schools are not that good at teaching. Academically, home-schooled children seem to do well; they enter higher education in proportions similar to those who are conventionally educated, and score as well or better on college entrance exams. Nor, on the evidence of Mr Murphy’s book, are they socially backward: most seem confident, assured and well-adjusted. They also have fewer behavioural problems. But one study did find higher attrition rates when they enter the armed forces.
State laws vary widely in how much regulation they impose on home-schoolers and how much accountability they require. Pennsylvania, California and New York are stricter than most, but parents are not deterred. Mr Murphy says the movement is all part of the breakdown of American schooling from public monopoly; home schooling, he says, “is the most radical form of privatisation”. Public schools can do little but co-operate these days, and most offer access to school facilities, websites, books and other materials. Some even allow home-schoolers to take specialist courses—allowing the school to tap into a portion of public financing they would otherwise lose entirely. Home schooling still has its enemies, but pragmatism is becoming the order of the day.
Question 1
1. Voice of your opinion about home schooling. Any positive or negative perspective?
2. Give us your thought about current Korean education system. Any positive or negative perspective?
3. Do you have any idea on desirable education environment for your kids to be raised as you wish?
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