2월 4주차_우지원

[우지원]

A medical disaster is unfolding as the trainee doctors protest against the government's plan to raise the enrollment quota at medical schools. As of Feb. 20, about 74% of the total trainee doctors across the country have turned in their resignations in mass.  Surgeries are canceled and hospitals are turning away patients due to lack of medical staff, and patients and their families are gripped by panic. While the government must stand firm and respond to the workout according to medical law, it’s time for the government and medical sector to come together for a dialogue, seek  a resolution at hand. 

Student quota of medical schools have been frozen for 27 years. Enrollment quota increase cannot be postponed any longer. Every year over the past two decades, enrollment quota increase has been consistently emphasized in research from health centers. Yet doctors have protested every time, including the mass protest in 2020 when the government planned a modest increase of 450. Doctor's behavior of forgoing the well-being of the people for the sake of their interests should be terminated under any circumstances. Without prompt intervention, an increasing number of patients are at risk of experiencing severe harm or even succumbing to untreated conditions in the near future. Even if the quota is raised as planned beginning next year, newly admitted students would require a decade to fully operate in medical rooms. If not now, then never. 

Some oppose the enrollment increase amid woes over the quality of medical students being questioned if the quota surges by 2000. However, if we increase the quota by 2,000, the top 3-4% students would be admitted in medical schools, only a slight shift from the current 1- 2%. Looking at medical students in Europe, one of the finest places for medical treatments, while top-ranked students go to medical schools, not all top 1-2 % enroll in medical school. Yet, Europe boasts superior medical systems. Concerns about quality or education should come after a discussion on admission quota increase. 

However, unplanned enrollment increase will only worsen the current situation of overpopulation in medical fields that mainly deal with non-payment items like plastic surgeries and ophthalmology.  This is where an “essential health care policy package” comes in. Along with the admission increase, the government plans to execute policies that will help the current medical system. The package increases the number of medical staff in university hospitals to encourage collaboration among regional hospitals for a more organized healthcare community. The package also proposes additional benefits for doctors in intensive-care rooms, aiming to improve the work-life balance that has driven many doctors away. Government also plans to augment the number of doctors per severely-ill patient, coupled with increased pay, to establish a fair compensation system and foster enhanced work efficiency. This unequivocally demonstrates the government's commitment to addressing and rectifying deficiencies in the existing medical system. 

A sense of resentment intensified in the medical sector over the government’s unilateral way of dealing with the matter without having talks with doctors in advance. They should meet halfway. Lives of innocent patients are jeopardized due to the war of nerves between the government and doctors. Both sides must find a way out at hand once a middle ground is found and design a road map for an incremental increase over the long term.   

[송정현]

전체적으로 퀄리티가 높은 글이었습니다.

Intro:에서 현상황에 대해 깔끔하게 잘 설명해준것 같습니다. Intro의 마지막 문장은 좋았으나 오타로 인해 감점 요인이 될 수 있을 것 같습니다.

수정 사항: workout > walkout (작은 오타지만 한끝 차이로 의미가 완전 달라져 주의 하셔야 할 것 같습니다.
수정된 문장 (참고): While the government must stand firm and respond strongly to the walkout according to medical law, it’s time for the government and medical sector to come together for a dialogue, and seek a resolution at hand.

2번째 문단: Student quota of medical schools have been frozen for 27 years
- 아마 다른 데이터를 참고하셨을 수 있겠으나 대부분의 기사나 자료에서 2006년부터 17/18years 라고 하는 것 같습니다. 혹시 모르니 사실 확인을 한 번 더 하시면 좋을 것 같습니다

[송정현]

3번째 문단: Looking at medical students in Europe, one of the finest places for medical treatments, while top-ranked students go to medical schools .........

해당 문장의 주된 뜻은 어느정도 감은 잡았으나. 정확한 의미 전달력은 조금 떨어지는 것 같습니다. 문장을 나눠서 rephrasing 하면 좋을 것 같습니다

4번째 문단: However, unplanned enrollment increase will only worsen the current situation of overpopulation in medical fields that mainly deal with ....
수정된 문장 (참고용) However, hasty quota expansion will only aggravate the current problem of overconcentration in certain medical specialties such as plastic surgery..

[UNGP]

수치와 사례, 현 주제에 맞는 전문용어들이 영어로 잘 나와있어 주제에 대해 공부를 하였다는 느낌을 주는 글이었습니다. 다음 글들에서도 구체적인 수치와 사례를 계속 뒷받침해준다면 더욱 경쟁력있는 글이 되지 않을까 싶습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.

[김정후]

잘 읽었습니다!!

사안에 대한 명확한 자료와 철저한 논증이 인상깊었습니다.
글 구성에서도 재반론이 적절히 섞여있어서 좋았습니다.

다만 의대 증원과 관련해, 논지는 하나로 읽혔지만 지원님만의 세부적인 쟁점이 조금 더 추가되면 좋을 것 같다는 생각이 들었습니다.
만약 퇴고를 하신다면 현재 정부-의료계 충돌로 생긴 의료 공백이 시민 사회에 어떤 위험함을 초래하는지 조금 더 강조되면 어떨까 합니다!

수고많으셨습니다!