Engaging in My Own Life
SUZIE ELLER
“You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years
is as nothing before you.
Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem
secure.” Psalm 39:5 (NIV)
We snuck the old 8 mm movie cylinders /out of the home. The box was
broken down /on one corner, and the blue cases inside were fragile.
I remember the first time () I watched them. My mother-in-law took out
the archaic projector. She flashed the films on the wall. Some of the
films were fragile, and they’d break /over and over /as she tried to show
them. Soon, technology changed so much we couldn’t watch them anymore.
The box got dustier and pushed back /further /in the closet.
We took the box out secretly, because we didn’t want to get her hopes
up. I went to a local vendor and asked /if there was anything () he could
do. He took those precious memories /out of my hands and promised to try.
A few days later he called me back. He did it!
When we gave my mother-in-law the DVDs that held over 50 years of her life on them, she wept.
So did I.
Way back then, when the flickering film was projected in her living
room, I appreciated it, but I didn’t see it /the way () she did. Those films
held pictures of her mom and dad. They showed how chaotic it was for
her to be a young mama. She treasured them because life was changing.
She was a grandma, and some of those precious people were no longer in
her life.
As we watched the movies /this time, my mother-in-law sat nearby. Her hands shook; she now uses a walker to get around.
Today, I’m the grandma. [Many of the people //who seemed so young back then] are no longer here.
In today’s passage, the psalmist describes life as a handbreadth,
which is a measure of four fingers. It indicates how brief life is.
While the writer of this psalm lamented that he put too much emphasis /on
wealth and things of the world, I’m reminded of other distractions.
I admit that sometimes I live /as if my precious moments aren’t
valuable. I take people for granted. I disengage /as I scroll through
social media, while real live people //whom I love are nearby. I pile on
work and activities, promising to spend time with those ()
I love /on
another day.
* pile someone or something on; to heap people or things onto someone or something.
It’s so tempting to value what has no lasting value at all and overlook what we’ll one day label a treasure.
That night, I looked around the room. I took in the faces /one by one,
appreciating something about each of them. I put my phone in my purse.
It wasn’t nearly as important /as talking to the one /next to me. The room
was crowded and noisy, and I realized that one day it would be quiet —
for those little ones would be all grown up.
We shot our own videos /that day /with our phones and snazzy
technology. One day, we’ll look back at those and laugh.
We’ll weep at
who is no longer with us. We’ll talk about how young we all were.
My hope is that I’ll watch it and know () I didn’t live those moments
/disengaged or distracted. That I engaged in my own life in the
handbreadth of time () I was given, valuing all those () I love.
Heavenly Father, despite what’s distracting me /from the goodness
right in front of me, show me the true value. I may not be able to put
it aside fully, but show me how to give it the proper place /in my heart
and my life. Lord, help me treasure precious moments as memories in the
making. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.