평화를 사랑하는 세계인으로 - 5 - 6. 얼어붙은 시아버지의 마음을 녹인 10년의 눈물

[대태양/김현수]

평화를 사랑하는 세계인으로
5장 참된 가정이 참된 인간을 완성한다

6. 얼어붙은 시아버지의 마음을 녹인 10년의 눈물

1 ‘일본인 며느리가 밀양의 효부가 됐다’는 기사가 여러 일간지에 일제히 실린 적이 있었습니다. 종교단체의 소개로 집안의 반대를 무릅쓰고 한국에 시집온 일본인 며느리가 거동이 불편한 시어머니와 연로한 시아버지를 지성으로 봉양하여 주위 사람들의 추천으로 효부상을 받았다는 내용입니다. 

2 그녀는 결혼 첫날부터 지체 장애 2급으로 하반신 불구인 시어머니를 등에 업고 병원을 전전하며 병수발을 들었습니다. 시부모님을 모시느라 고향 한번 마음 놓고 가보지 못한 그녀는 마땅히 해야 할 도리를 했을 뿐이라며 효부상을 받은 것에 대해 오히려 민망해했다고 합니다.  

3 그 일본인 며느리는 우리 교회의 교차결혼을 통해 우리나라에 온 야시마 가즈코八島和子입니다. 교차결혼이란 종교, 국가, 인종을 초월하여 남녀가 결혼으로 맺어지는 것을 의미합니다. 농촌에 가면 장가를 가지 못한 청년들이 넘쳐납니다.

4 교차결혼으로 우리나라 농촌 총각들과 결혼한 신부들은 어떠한 조건도 따지지 않고 한국에 와서 남편을 만나 가정을 이루고 삽니다. 또한 병든 시부모를 살리고, 좌절해있던 남편에게 기운을 북돋아주며, 자식을 낳아 기릅니다. 그들은 우리나라 사람들이 살기 힘들다고 떠나버린 농촌을 지키고 살려냅니다. 얼마나 고맙고 귀한 일입니까? 이렇게 고귀한 일이 이미 30년 넘게 계속되어 왔습니다.

5 지금까지 교차결혼을 통해 우리나라에 정착한 외국 여성들은 수천 명이 넘습니다. 젊은이들이 모두 떠나버려 그동안 아기 울음소리를 듣지 못했던 동네 노인들은 그들이 낳은 아이를 친손자가 태어난 것처럼 기쁘게 반깁니다. 

6 충청도의 한 지역에 있는 초등학교는 전교생 80여 명 중 절반이 넘는 아이들이 교차결혼으로 맺어진 우리 교회 식구들의 2세라고 합니다. 그 학교의 교장은 더 이상 학생 수가 줄어들면 학교를 폐교해야 한다며 우리 교회 식구들이 다른 지역으로 이사가는 일이 없기를 매일 기도합니다. 지금 우리나라에는 교차결혼으로 태어난 어린이 2만 명이 초등교육을 받고 있습니다.   

7 요즘도 광복절이 되면 “일본인이 지은 죄를 사죄합니다” 라며 머리를 조아리는 특별한 일본인의 모습이 텔레비전 뉴스에 등장합니다. 자신이 직접 지은 죄는 아니지만 조상이 지은 죄를 대신 사죄하는 것입니다. 그들 역시 십중팔구는 교차결혼을 통해 국가 간의 장벽을 허물어버린 우리 식구들입니다. 그들 덕분에 일본을 원수처럼 여기던 우리 마음의 벽이 많이 허물어질 수 있었습니다.

8 나를 잘 따르던 아주 영특한 청년이 있었습니다. 1988년에 결혼을 하려고 배필을 구하는데 마침 일본여자가 짝이 되었습니다. 청년의 아버지는 "하필이면 일본여자를 며느리로 맞아야 하다니 …"말을 잇지 못했습니다.

9 그는 일제 강점기 때 징용으로 끌려가서 이와테岩手 탄광에서 강제 노동을 한 사람이었습니다. 어찌나 일이 힘들던지 죽음을 무릅쓰고 탄광을 탈출한 그는 시모노세키下關까지 몇 십 일 동안 걸어가서 부산 가는 배를 얻어 타고 가까스로 고국으로 돌아왔습니다. 그러니 일본에 대한 증오가 하늘에 닿을 정도였습니다.

10 "이 불효막심한 놈 같으니라고. 우리 집 족보에서 당장 빼버리겠다. 우리 집에는 절대로 원수 나라의 여자를 들일 수 없으니 당장 데리고 사라져라! 너하고는 맞지 않는 짝이니 집을 나가든지 죽든지 알아서 해라!"

11 아버지의 태도는 강경했습니다. 하지만 청년은 자신의 뜻을 관철시켜 일본 신부와 결혼을 한 후 낙안에 있는 고향집으로 신부를 데리고 갔습니다. 아버지는 대문도 열어주지 않았습니다. 어쩔 수 없이 두 사람의 결혼을 받아들인 후에도 며느리를 향한 구박은 계속됐습니다. 며느리가 힘들어 할 때마다 "너희가 나한테 한 것에 비하면 이건 아무 것도 아니다. 이럴 줄 모르고 우리 집에 시집왔느냐?"며 면박을 주었습니다. 

12 또 시아버지는 명절에 온 가족이 모일 때마다 일본 며느리를 곁에 앉혀놓고는 이와테 탄광 시절의 얘기를 하고 또 했습니다. 그때마다 며느리는 "아버님, 제가 일본을 대신하여 사죄드립니다. 잘못했습니다." 하며 눈물을 흘리고 용서를 빌었습니다. 일본 며느리는 시아버지의 한풀이가 계속되는 동안 지겹도록 반복되는 이야기를 끝까지 들어주고 한없이 머리를 조아렸습니다.  

13 그렇게 10 년쯤 지난 후에야 시아버지는 며느리에 대한 박해를 멈추었습니다. 원수를 대하듯 하던 차가운 태도가 누그러들며 며느리를 예뻐하는 모습에 놀란 식구들이 물었습니다. "아니 요즘엔 며느리한테 왜 그렇게 다정히 하십니까? 일본 여잔데 밉지 않으세요? " "이젠 안 미워. 내 마음 속에 쌓였던 한이 다 풀렸거든. 그동안 나는 며느리를 미워한 것이 아니야. 징용 가서 쌓인 한을 괜히 며느리에게 퍼부은 거지. 이 아이 덕분에 내 한이 다 풀렸어. 이제부터는 내 며느리이니까 예뻐해야지." 

14 일본인들이 지은 죄를 며느리가 대신 갚은 것입니다. 이것이 인류가 평화세계로 가는 속죄의 길입니다.

平和を愛する世界人として 
第五章 真の家庭が真の人間を完成する―結婚と愛
 
6. 凍りついた舅の心を溶かしだ十年の涙
 
「日本人の嫁が密陽の孝婦(孝行心の厚い嫁)になった」という記事が、韓国のさまざまな日刊紙に一斉に載ったことがありました。宗教団体の紹介で家族の反対を押し切って韓国に嫁いできた日本人の嫁が、体の不自由な姑と年老いた舅を真心を込めて奉養し、周囲の人たちの推薦で親孝行賞(慶尚南道密陽市)を受けたという内容です。

彼女は結婚した翌日から、身体障害二級で下半身不随の姑を背負って病院を転々としながら看病を始めました。舅と姑の世話をするために一度も心置きなく帰国できなかった彼女は、当然の責務を果たしただけだと、親孝行賞をもらったことに対してかえって心苦しく思ったそうです。
 
その日本人の嫁は、私たちの教会の「交叉祝福」を通して韓国に来た八島和子です。交叉祝福とは、宗教、国家、人種を超越して、男女が結婚で結ばれることを意味します。農村に行けば、結婚できない青年たちがあふれています。

交叉祝福で韓国の農村の青年たちと結婚した新婦たちは、どのような条件も付けずに韓国に来て夫に会い、家庭を築いて暮らしています。また、病気の舅や姑を助け、挫折していた夫を励まし、子供を生んで育てます。彼女たちは、韓国人が暮らすのが大変だからと離れてしまった農村を守り、生き返らせています。どれほどありがたく、貴いことでしょうか。このように高貴なことが、すでに三十年以上続いてきました。
 
今まで交叉祝福を通して韓国に定着した外国の女性たちは、数千人を超えます。若者たちが皆出て行って、これまで赤ん坊の泣き声を聞くことができなかった村の年寄りたちは、彼女たちが生んだ子供を自分の孫が生まれたかのように喜んで迎えます。

忠清道のある地域の小学校は、全校生徒八十人中、半分以上が交叉祝福で結ばれた私たちの教会の信徒の二世だそうです。その学校の校長は、これ以上生徒の人数が減れば学校を閉鎖しなければならないと、私たちの教会の信徒たちが他の地域に引っ越していかないように毎日祈っています。今、韓国では、交叉祝福で生まれた子供たち二万人以上が初等教育を受けています。
 
最近も、八月十五日の光復節になると、「日本人が犯した罪を謝罪します」と言って頭を下げる、特別な日本人の姿がテレビニュースに登場します。自分が直接犯した罪ではないのに、先祖が犯した罪を代わりに謝罪するのです。

彼らもやはり、十中八九、交叉祝福を通して国家間の障壁を崩した私たちの教会の信徒です。彼らのおかげで、日本を怨讐 (深い怨みのあるかたき、敵) のように思っていた私たちの心の壁を大きく崩すことができました。
 
私によく従ってきたとても英明な青年がいました。結婚の時が来て、一九八八年に配偶者を求めたところ、相手は日本の女性でした。青年の父親は「よりによって日本人を嫁に迎えなければならないとは……」と言葉を失ったそうです。

彼は、日本の統治時代に徴用で連れていかれ、岩手の炭鉱で強制労働に従事した人でした。仕事がとてもつらく、死を覚悟して炭鉱を脱出した彼は、下関まで数十日かけて歩いていき、釜山行きの船に乗ってようやく故国に戻ってきました。ですから、日本に対する憎悪は天にも届くかと思われるほどでした。
 
「このとんでもない親不孝者め！わが家の族譜からすぐに抜いてしまおう。わが家には一歩たりとも怨讐の国の女を入れることはできない。すぐに連れて消えてしまえ！おまえとは意見が合わん。家を出ようが死のうが、おまえの勝手にしろ！」
 
父親の態度は強硬でした。しかし、青年は自らの意志を貫き、日本人女性と結婚した後、楽安 (全羅南道) にある故郷の家に新婦を連れていきました。父親は門も開けてくれませんでした。

渋々二人の結婚を受け入れた後も、嫁に対するいじめは続きました。嫁がつらそうにしていると、「おまえたちが私にしたことに比べれば、このくらいは何でもない。こうなることも分からずに、この家に嫁に来たのか」と叱責しました。
 
また、舅は、名節 (正月や秋夕など韓国の伝統的な祝日のこと) で家族が集まるたびに、日本の嫁をそばに座らせて、岩手炭鉱時代の話を繰り返し聞かせました。

そのたびに嫁は、「お父さん。私が日本の代わりに謝罪します。申し訳ありませんでした」と涙を流して許しを請いました。日本の嫁は、舅の心の怨みがなくなるまで、幾度となく繰り返される話を最後まで聞いて、何度も頭を下げました。
 
そうやって十年くらい経って、ようやく舅は嫁に対するいじめを止めました。怨讐に対するような冷たい態度が消え、嫁をかわいがるようになったので、驚いた家族が尋ねました。

「最近、嫁のことをどうしてあんなにかわいがるのですか。日本の女性なのに憎くないのですか」
 
「もう憎くはない。心の中に積もり積もった怨みはすべてなくなった。これまでだって嫁を憎んでいたわけではないのだ。徴用された時の怨みを嫁にぶつけていただけだ。この子のおかげで私の怨みがすべて解けた。これからは、私の嫁だからかわいがらなくては」
 
日本人が犯した罪を日本女性の嫁が代わりに償ったのです。人類が平和世界に向かう贖罪の道とはこのようなものです。

As a peace-loving global citizen
CHAPTER FIVE - True Families Create True People
 
6. Ten Years of Tears Melt a Father-in-Law’s Heart
 
Not long ago the Korean media carried a story about a Japanese woman living in Milyang, Korea, who received an award for her filial service to her family.

The article said that the woman had come to Korea as the wife of a Korean man who had met her through an introduction by a certain religious group and married her despite opposition from his family.

The Japanese wife had cared for her Korean mother-in-law, who had difficulty moving around, and her aged father-in-law with great devotion. The people in the community then recommended her to be recognized for her filial actions, the article said.

The mother-in-law was paralyzed from the waist down and classified by the Korean public health authorities as being in the second highest level of physical handicap. From the first day of her marriage, the daughter-in-law carried her mother-in-law on her back to different hospitals so she could be treated.

Because she spent so much time devoting herself to her parents-in-law, she rarely had time to visit her own family in Japan. When she heard that she was going to be awarded for her actions, she protested, saying she was merely doing what was right.

This Japanese daughter-in-law in the news is Kazuko Yashima. She came to Korea through the international and intercultural marriages of our church.

These are marriages where men and women are matched across religious, national, or racial differences. There are many young men in Korea’s rural areas who cannot find brides. The brides who come to Korea in these international and intercultural marriages do so unconditionally.
 
They care for their aged parents-in-law, inspire their husbands to have strength and hope, and bear and raise children. They go to live in the rural communities that Koreans have left behind because it is so difficult to live there. What a wonderful and precious thing they are doing. This program has been going on for more than thirty years.

Thousands of women from other countries have settled in Korea through such international and intercultural marriages. In rural Korean communities where the young people have left for the cities and the sound of a baby’s cry has not been heard for a long time, the old people are overjoyed to see the birth of babies to these couples, and they treat the babies as if they were their own grandchildren.

In one elementary school in Choong-cheong Province, more than half the eighty students are children of the international and intercultural marriages arranged by our church.

The school’s principal has said the school will have to close if its student body declines any further, and so he prays daily that our church members will not move away from the community. In Korea today, some twenty thousand children of international and intercultural marriages are enrolled in elementary schools around the country.

Every year around the anniversary of Korea’s independence from Japan, television news programs carry stories about some very special Japanese who stand before the camera and apologize for the actions of their country in Korea during the period of occupation. They themselves did not commit those crimes, but they apologize for the actions of their ancestors.

Most of these people are members of our church who have torn down the walls separating nations by means of international and intercultural marriages. Because of their actions, the walls in the hearts of Koreans who think of the Japanese as our enemies are increasingly crumbling.
 
In 1988, a young and well-educated man who had joined our church wanted to get married and sought to be matched. He was matched with a Japanese woman. The father of this young man reacted very negatively to the match.

“Of all the women in the world, you have to marry a Japanese?” he said.

During the Japanese occupation, his father had been one of the Koreans conscripted into forced labor and taken to a coal mine in Iwate Prefecture in northwestern Japan.

He risked his life to escape the mine and walked for well over a month to Shimonoseki, where he was able to board a ship back to Korea. He harbored a tremendous hatred for Japan. On hearing the news of his son’s match to a Japanese woman, he
threatened to disown him.

“You betray the family,” he said. “I will have your name taken out of the family register. No woman from that enemy country will ever set foot in this house, so take her and go away. She is not right for you, so I don’t care whether you go or whether you die.”
 
The father was adamant. The young man, however, went ahead and did what he felt was right. He married the Japanese woman and took his bride to his hometown in Nagan, Korea. The father would not even open the front gate for them.

Sometime later, he reluctantly accepted their marriage, but his persecution of his daughter-in-law continued. Every time she seemed to have difficulty with something, he would say, “That’s nothing, compared with what your people did to me. You should have expected this much when you decided to marry into our family.”
 
Every time the relatives would gather for a major holiday, the father-in-law would have her sit near him, and he would tell her all the things that were done to him in the Iwate coal mine.

Each time, the daughter-in-law would respond by saying, “Father, I apologize to you on behalf of Japan. I am sorry.” She would shed tears and ask for his forgiveness. For as long as he would vent his anger at her, she would listen to him tell the same stories over and over until he was finished, and she would continue to apologize.
 
This went on for about ten years, and then it stopped. Relatives noticed that his cold attitude toward the daughter-in-law had become much warmer and that he even seemed to like her. So they asked him, “Why are you behaving so kindly toward your daughter-in-law. She’s a Japanese woman. Don’t you hate her?”
 
“I don’t hate her anymore,” he said. “All the hatred that had accumulated in my heart has gone away.
 
“I never hated her,” he added. “I was just venting on her all the hatred that was in me for having been conscripted to work in the mine. Because of her, the hatred has all disappeared. From now, I’m going to be kind to her, because she’s my daughter-in-law.”
 
The daughter-in-law paid for the sins of the Japanese. This is an example of the path of redemption that will lead humankind into a world of peace.

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