<p>I came close to losing my temper over trifle things and I realized again I have a short temper. This is no laughing matter. I should refrain from being rude or incosiderate enough to make her angry. She's nice and kind to be called a good lady by all accounts. That's all my fault whatever the reason. I must learn to ignore what irritates me for survival. If not, I will be more pathetic as life goes on. I know I can't take back what I have done. And it's really hard to win her heart. I should value her decision and I should admit she has always inspired me with her homespun wisdom. She was kind enough to draw up guidelines to clarify things between us. It may be easy for me to say. Everything hinges on my attitude. I should be more careful. I'm aware I'm a long way off my ultimate goal at this stage. I'm not foresighted. I really don't deserve her help, but I'm sure glad I have been cared about! The first thing I need to know about me is that I am unpredictable. It's time for me to put everything I'm proud of behind and pick up pieces for restructuring. Because I have to keep going in the midst of this uncertainty and uncontrollable anger. To sum up, I could barely contain myself in the middle of the anger, hearing her even as I cried out in confusion. The strong emtion is supposed to dictate the rest of my life. I'll never give up. I'm determined not to give way to the strong feelings. Yeah, I'm fighting a fierce battle against myself. I feel I have the results in my hands. But I'm not happy because I did not do well. I should be more serious. I should encourage myself more and more as I encounter so many kinds of oppositions from multiple sources. I know a little more can be a disaster. Like they say, it is the straw that breaks the camel's back. I'm running out of time. It will have been described as most critical hour in my life. Like the layers of time accumulated within 20 years we have spent together, it won't be easy to cut back on the unwanted guests who's gathering around the relationship. Keeping them away from this seems like a tough task but I should make every effort to build trust with her. </p>
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