Temma Ehrenfeld
Open Gently
Being Happy Takes Practice
Going beyond "Follow your bliss."
Posted December 21, 2022
Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Thought Catalog/Unsplash
Thought Catalog/Unsplash
key POINTS
Could you be happier? The “positive psychology” movement began in 2000 with an important paper asking researchers who'd
long-focused on mental illness to think more about happiness.
Since that call by psychologists Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihaly,
the field has blossomed. Beyond colloquial advice, like “Stop and smell the flowers,” and “Follow your bliss,” we now have a body of science.
☆ You got to stop and smell the roses
You’ve got to count your many blessings everyday
You’re gonna find your way to heaven is a rough and rocky road
If you don’t stop and smell the roses along the way.
As we slowly move into the summer months after being homebound during spring, it is the perfect time to not only count our blessings, but take time to acknowledge the value and meaning of the most important people and things in your life. ☆
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Studying people who were already unusually happy was a starting point. According to one early study, very happy people tend to be outgoing, agreeable, and have satisfying relationships with friends, romantic partners, and family.
They’re typically content, rather than ecstatic—even the happiest people have occasional bad days.
Later research found that happy people tend to be clear thinkers and more responsible.
Are the rest of us just stuck with ourselves?
On the contrary, evidence from twin studies suggests that happiness is only about 30 to 50 percent genetic, implying that there’s much room for potential improvement.
Dwelling on failures or hurts may be the most common habit that pushes us toward depression rather than well-being. Research by Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California, Riverside, and others, has found that ruminating over painful events, looking for their meaning and causes, can become a form of procrastination rather than problem-solving. Reminiscing about happy memories is a gentler form of introspection.
Another strategy is to see your work as a calling, and look for creative ways to do it better—even if it doesn’t seem glamorous or interesting to others. Amy Wrzesniewski, who teaches at Yale University’s School of Management, found that administrative assistants and hospital maintenance employees who see their jobs in this light are happier than their coworkers.
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A great source of happiness are those periods of absorption when we focus so intently we lose track of time, a state Csikszentmihaly called “flow.” This happens when a task isn’t too easy or overwhelming, but just challenging or engaging enough. If you can enter a state of flow doing your work, you will boost your happiness. We can also find flow in hobbies—from gardening to sports. At all ages, people are happier when engaged in activities that add variety to their lives.
Enjoying variety is not the same as continually wanting the best of everything—or the most options. Fewer choices and accepting that which is "good enough" lead to more contentment, according to Barry Schwartz, a psychology professor at Swarthmore College. For example, ambition will make you anxious if you’re always keeping your eye out for a better job. After all, "perfect is the enemy of good" to borrow a statement often attributed to French Enlightenment philosopher Voltaire.
Here are several happiness-boosters based on strong science:
Spend time in nature. Research indicates that spending time in nature—from parks and gardens to the seashore or mountains—calms your body and is linked to feeling upbeat.
Notice, appreciate, and develop your tendencies towards kindness, for example, by writing down each act of kindness for a week.
Meditate. Much science connects a regular practice—often a loving-kindness meditation—and mindfulness exercises with improved health and happiness.
Smile and laugh. Expressions of happiness cue the body to experience more happiness. The best proof comes from studies of “laughter yoga,” where people gather to laugh and generally find themselves laughing at the funny sounds they’re making—and feel good as a result.
Free up your time. People are happier when they have more time for socializing and hobbies.
Make friendship a priority. This is especially true as we age. Don’t assume that you need a romantic partner or children or grandchildren to feel socially fulfilled.
Spend money on experiences and other people. Research suggests we get more lasting pleasure from hobbies, sports, cultural events, or travel—in a word, experiences—than on stuff, especially if you already have a lot of stuff. We also get more happiness from giving than we do from spending on ourselves.
Take care of yourself. Good nutrition, exercise, and plenty of sleep all boost mood. If you're a night owl, it may help to go to bed earlier. Get sunshine as early in the day as possible.
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Other exercises:
Imagine and write down details of your happiest possible future.
Identify your top five strengths and find a new way to exercise one every day.
Write a letter of gratitude to one important person and deliver it in person.
To get started on a program to develop happiness-boosting habits, see the questionaires and resources posted by Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, at his site Authentic Happiness. You can also find insight and resources through the The Happiness Lab podcast by Yale psychologist Laurie Santos or her free Coursera course, “The Science of Well-Being.”
A version of this article appears at Your Care Everywhere.