PART I // chapter 1-4

[모나리자]

노파는 주머니를 뒤져 열쇠를 꺼내더니 커튼 뒤 다른 방으로 사라졌다. 방 한가운데 홀로 남겨진 청년은 호기심 어린 표정으로 귀를 기울이며 생각에 잠겼다. 그는 노파가 서랍장의 자물쇠를 여는 소리를 들을 수 있었다. '맨 위 서랍이겠군.' 그가 생각했다. '그럼 열쇠는 오른쪽 주머니에 넣고 다니는군. 강철 고리에 한데 묶여서... 그런데 다른 열쇠들보다 세 배나 크고 깊게 홈이 파인 열쇠가 하나 있더군. 그건 서랍장 열쇠가 아닐 거야... 그렇다면 다른 서랍이나 금고가 있다는 뜻인데... 알아둘 만한 사실이지. 금고 열쇠는 항상 그런 식이니까... 하지만 이 모든 게 참 비참하군.' 노파가 다시 돌아왔다. "자, 여기 있어요. 한 달에 루블당 10코펙을 치니까, 루블 반(1.5루블)에 대해서는 선불로 15코펙을 떼야 해요.

그리고 전에 빌려드린 2루블에 대해서도 같은 계산법으로 선불 이자 20코펙을 내셔야 하고요. 합치면 35코펙이 되죠. 그러니 시계 값으로 1루블 15코펙을 드려야겠네요. 여기 있어요." "뭐라고요! 고작 1루블 15코펙이라고요?" "그렇죠." 청년은 더 따지지 않고 돈을 받았다. 그는 노파를 바라보며 서둘러 떠나려 하지 않았다. 마치 뭔가 하고 싶은 말이나 행동이 남아 있는 듯했으나, 정작 본인도 그게 무엇인지 정확히 알지 못하는 눈치였다.
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"며칠 내로 다른 물건을 가져올지도 모릅니다, 알료나 이바노브나 씨. 귀중한 물건인데... 은제품이고... 담배갑이죠. 친구한테 돌려받는 대로..." 그는 당황한 듯 말을 흐렸다. "글쎄요, 그건 그때 가서 얘기하죠." "안녕히 계세요. 항상 혼자 계신가요? 자매분은 같이 안 계시고요?" 그는 복도로 나가면서 최대한 아무렇지 않은 척 물었다. "그건 왜 물으시는 거죠, 나리?" "아, 별일 아닙니다. 그냥 물어본 거예요. 성급하시긴... 안녕히 계세요, 알료나 이바노브나 씨." 라스콜니코프는 완전히 혼란스러운 상태로 밖으로 나갔다. 그의 혼란은 갈수록 더해갔다. 계단을 내려가던 그는 갑자기 어떤 생각이 떠오른 듯 두어 번이나 걸음을 멈춰 서기도 했다. 거리로 나왔을 때 그는 소리쳤다. "오, 맙소사, 이 모든 게 얼마나 역겨운가! 내가, 과연 내가... 아니, 말도 안 돼, 헛소리야!" 그는 단호하게 덧붙였다. "어떻게 그런 끔찍한 생각이 내 머릿속에 떠오를 수 있었지? 내 마음이 얼마나 더러운 짓을 꾸밀 수 있는 건지. 그래, 무엇보다 더럽고, 혐오스럽고, 역겹고, 역겨워!—그리고 지난 한 달 동안 나는 줄곧..." 하지만 그 어떤 말이나 탄식으로도 그의 동요를 표현할 수는 없었다. 그 노파에게로 향하던 길에 이미 그의 마음을 짓누르고 괴롭히던 강렬한 혐오감이 이제는 극에 달해 뚜렷한 형태를 띠고 있었기에, 그는 그 비참함에서 벗어나기 위해 어찌할 바를 몰랐다. 그는 술 취한 사람처럼 보도 위를 걸으며 지나가는 사람들을 아랑곳하지 않고 그들과 부딪쳤고, 다음 거리에 이르러서야 비로소 정신을 차렸다. 주위를 둘러보니 그는

보도에서 지하실로 이어지는 계단이 있는 술집 바로 앞에 서 있었다. 바로 그 순간 술 취한 두 남자가 문 밖으로 나와 서로 욕설을 퍼부으면서도 서로를 부축하며 계단을 올라오고 있었다. 라스콜니코프는 생각할 겨를도 없이 곧장 계단을 내려갔다. 그때까지 그는 술집에 들어가 본 적이 한 번도 없었지만, 지금은 현기증이 나고 타는 듯한 갈증에 시달리고 있었다. 그는 시원한 맥주 한 잔을 간절히 원했고, 갑자기 찾아온 무기력함이 공복 때문이라고 여겼다. 그는 어둡고 지저분한 구석의 끈적거리는 작은 탁자에 앉아 맥주를 주문했고, 첫 잔을 단숨에 들이켰다. 그러자 즉시 기분이 한결 나아지고 생각도 맑아졌다. "그건 다 헛소리였어." 그는 희망 섞인 어조로 말했다. "걱정할 일이라곤 전혀 없어! 그저 몸 상태가 좀 안 좋았던 것뿐이야.

맥주 한 잔, 마른 빵 한 조각이면 충분해. 그러면 순식간에 뇌는 강해지고 정신은 맑아지며 의지도 확고해지지! 휴, 정말이지 얼마나 사소한 일이었던가!" 그렇게 냉소적인 생각을 하면서도, 그는 마치 끔찍한 짐에서 갑자기 해방된 사람처럼 어느새 밝은 표정을 짓고 있었다. 그는 방 안에 있는 사람들을 다정한 시선으로 둘러보았다. 하지만 바로 그 순간에도, 그는 이런 행복한 기분 또한 정상적인 상태가 아니라는 막연한 예감을 느끼고 있었다. 당시 선술집에는 사람이 별로 없었다.

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계단에서 마주친 술 취한 두 남자 외에도, 남자 대여섯 명과 콘서티나를 든 소녀 한 명으로 이루어진 일행이 같은 시각에 밖으로 나갔다. 그들이 떠나자 술집 안은 조용하고 다소 썰렁해졌다. 술집에 남아 있던 사람들은 맥주잔 앞에 앉아 있는 남자 한 명과 그의 동행인이었는데, 전자는 꽤 취하긴 했어도 인사불성은 아닌 듯한 장인(匠人) 차림의 사내였고, 후자는 회색 수염을 기르고 품이 넉넉한 짧은 코트를 입은 거구의 사내였다. 후자는 몹시 취해 벤치 위에서 잠이 들어 있었다. 그는 가끔 잠결인 듯 팔을 활짝 벌린 채 손가락을 딱딱거리고 상체를 벤치 위에서 들썩거리며, 무의미한 후렴구를 흥얼거렸다. 그러면서 "아내를 일 년간 지극히 사랑했네, 아내를... 일 년간... 지극히 사랑했네" 같은 구절을 떠올리려 애쓰는 듯했다. 아니면 갑자기 다시 깨어나 "붐비는 거리를 걷다가 예전에 알던 이를 만났네"라고 중얼거리기도 했다. 하지만 그의 흥겨움에 동조하는 사람은 아무도 없었다. 말없이 곁에 있던 동행인은 그의 이런 행동들을 노골적인 적대감과 불신이 섞인 눈길로 바라보았다. 술집 안에는 은퇴한 하급 관리처럼 보이는 또 다른 남자도 있었다. 그는 한쪽에 떨어져 앉아 가끔 맥주를 홀짝이며 주위 사람들을 둘러보고 있었는데, 그 역시 다소 동요하는 기색이었다.

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The old woman fumbled in her pocket for her keys, and disappeared behind the curtain into the other room. The young man, left standing alone in the middle of the room, listened inquisitively, thinking. He could hear her unlocking the chest of drawers. “It must be the top drawer,” he reflected. “So she carries the keys in a pocket on the right. All in one bunch on a steel ring.... And there’s one key there, three times as big as all the others, with deep notches; that can’t be the key of the chest of drawers... then there must be some other chest or strong-box... that’s worth knowing. Strong-boxes always have keys like that... but how degrading it all is.” The old woman came back. “Here, sir: as we say ten copecks the rouble a month, so I must take fifteen copecks from a rouble and a half for the month in advance.
 
But for the two roubles I lent you before, you owe me now twenty copecks on the same reckoning in advance. That makes thirty-five copecks altogether. So I must give you a rouble and fifteen copecks for the watch. Here it is.” “What! only a rouble and fifteen copecks now!” “Just so.” The young man did not dispute it and took the money. He looked at the old woman, and was in no hurry to get away, as though there was still something he wanted to say or to do, but he did not himself quite know what.


“I may be bringing you something else in a day or two, Alyona Ivanovna—a valuable thing—silver—a cigarette-box, as soon as I get it back from a friend...” he broke off in confusion. “Well, we will talk about it then, sir.” “Good-bye—are you always at home alone, your sister is not here with you?” He asked her as casually as possible as he went out into the passage. “What business is she of yours, my good sir?” “Oh, nothing particular, I simply asked. You are too quick.... Good-day, Alyona Ivanovna.” Raskolnikov went out in complete confusion.

여기까지  했음
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This confusion became more and more intense. As he went down the stairs, he even stopped short, two or three times, as though suddenly struck by some thought. When he was in the street he cried out, “Oh, God, how loathsome it all is! and can I, can I possibly.... No, it’s nonsense, it’s rubbish!” he added resolutely. “And how could such an atrocious thing come into my head? What filthy things my heart is capable of. Yes, filthy above all, disgusting, loathsome, loathsome!—and for a whole month I’ve been....” But no words, no exclamations, could express his agitation. The feeling of intense repulsion, which had begun to oppress and torture his heart while he was on his way to the old woman, had by now reached such a pitch and had taken such a definite form that he did not know what to do with himself to escape from his wretchedness. He walked along the pavement like a drunken man, regardless of the passers-by, and jostling against them, and only came to his senses when he was in the next street. Looking round, he noticed 

that he was standing close to a tavern which was entered by steps leading from the pavement to the basement. At that instant two drunken men came out at the door, and abusing and supporting one another, they mounted the steps. Without stopping to think, Raskolnikov went down the steps at once. Till that moment he had never been into a tavern, but now he felt giddy and was tormented by a burning thirst. He longed for a drink of cold beer, and attributed his sudden weakness to the want of food. He sat down at a sticky little table in a dark and dirty corner; ordered some beer, and eagerly drank off the first glassful. At once he felt easier; and his thoughts became clear. “All that’s nonsense,” he said hopefully, “and there is nothing in it all to worry about! It’s simply physical derangement.

Just a glass of beer, a piece of dry bread—and in one moment the brain is stronger, the mind is clearer and the will is firm! Phew, how utterly petty it all is!” But in spite of this scornful reflection, he was by now looking cheerful as though he were suddenly set free from a terrible burden: and he gazed round in a friendly way at the people in the room. But even at that moment he had a dim foreboding that this happier frame of mind was also not normal. There were few people at the time in the tavern.


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Besides the two drunken men he had met on the steps, a group consisting of about five men and a girl with a concertina had gone out at the same time. Their departure left the room quiet and rather empty. The persons still in the tavern were a man who appeared to be an artisan, drunk, but not extremely so, sitting before a pot of beer, and his companion, a huge, stout man with a grey


beard, in a short full-skirted coat. He was very drunk: and had dropped asleep on the bench; every now and then, he began as though in his sleep, cracking his fingers, with his arms wide apart and the upper part of his body bounding about on the bench, while he hummed some meaningless refrain, trying to recall some such lines as these: “His wife a year he fondly loved His wife a—a year he—fondly loved.” Or suddenly waking up again: “Walking along the crowded row He met the one he used to know.” But no one shared his enjoyment: his silent companion looked with positive hostility and mistrust at all these manifestations. There was another man in the room who looked somewhat like a retired government clerk. He was sitting apart, now and then sipping from his pot and looking round at the company. He, too, appeared to be in some agitation.