MISHA One of the plotters, a handsome looking man in his mid
thirties.
YURI One of the plotters. A small average looking man in his
mid thirties.
ALEXI One of the plotters. A charismatic looking man in his mid
thirties
DRAGANOFF Yuri's wife. A heavy set woman with large drooping breast
in her mid thirties
BUSTANOVA Draganoffs's younger sister. A Sexy and voluptuous
woman in her late twenties.
The Under Ware Police A young muscular man.
Commisars's Voice Pre recorded voice of the under ware factory boss
and the target of the assassination plot.
**** All characters Speak with a Thick Slavic Accent
Scene
An industrial city in the heart of a communist nation.
Time
Late 1920's
ACT I
Scene I
Setting: A rest area inside an under ware factory
At Rise: Misha, Yuri and Alexi wearing overalls,
chat away during a break from work.
ALEXI
We greet him like we usually do. Give him the usual salute and then you Yuri, you distract him.
YURI
How am I going to distract him? He is like a bull. He charges full speed ahead when he enters the factory. He doesn’t even stop to spit. Forget it; it can’t be done.
ALEXI
What do you mean it can’t be done? Tell him about your wife’s sister.
YURI
What about my wife’s sister?
ALEXI
Tell him about her firm breasts, her beautiful ass. Tell him that you have designed a new under ware and you respectfully want to have her model it for him.
YURI
What do I know about designing an under ware. I work in the packaging department. I package things; I know nothing about designing an under ware. Beside how can I get my wife’s sister to model it for him? Huh?
ALEXI
You above all should know about designing an under ware. It’s all about packaging.
Think about how you can package those beautiful breasts of hers into a box and you’ll have your design.
MISHA
What are you two talking about? We just need to distract him for a few seconds. You are not going to present him with an actual design.
YURI
What if we fail or we are interrupted in the act? … Then I’ll be in the awkward position of having my sister in law modeling an under ware design that I don’t have.
ALEXI
If Brutus had people about him like you, he could have never been able to kill Czar.
MISHA
You are comparing the killing of an under ware factory boss to the killing of Czar? What is the matter with you?
YURI
The entire idea stinks. It’s impossible to kill a communist. We'll never get away with it.
ALEXI
That’s ludicrous. We are talking about a member of the human organism. He is all flesh and blood like the rest of us.
YURI
Flesh and blood I can deal with, but he is a member of the party. You can’t kill a party member.
ALEXI
Why not? His blood is as red as anyone. Beside, a knife does not discriminate, when it cuts, it cuts deeply and without prejudice. With a right hand to guide it, a knife can cut through anything even a communist.
YURI
Kill a communist with a knife? Impossible… Don’t you understand? You've got to be a communist to kill a communist.
MISHA
Aye, He has a point there. If you want to kill someone in the party you have to join the party. Once you are inside you can kill anyone; even a party member.
ALEXI
Have you both gone mad? Do you hear what you are saying?
Misha this was your idea to begin with. And you Yuri, weren’t you the one who bragged about drawing the first blood. Now look at yourselves; talking like scared women.
MISHA
My idea?! What are you talking about? It was Yuri’s idea. I wouldn’t want to take the credit away from him.
YURI
Are you trying to implicate me in this retarded plot of yours? I was against the whole thing from the beginning. Some mastermind you are? If we had failed, you would have pointed the finger at me; you little snitch.
MISHA
Who are you calling a snitch, you coward? Two nights ago you were enacting a scene from the would-be assassination of the Commissar. You paraded before us waving a knife; shouting slogans against the party. What a hypocrite you are.
YURI
Two nights ago? Who can remember two nights ago? Beside, we were drunk.
ALEXI
Two would be assassins! You are a disgrace, a joke. You could not even kill a cockroach if your lives depended on it.
YURI
At least we can rest assure that cockroaches will survive and beat both the communists and the capitalists in the race for the world domination.
MISHA
One wonders? These communists have shown more resilience than they are given credit for. And these capitalists, these garbage piles of humanity have invented new scientific methods of pest control. Who knows, they may even think of ways to profit from raising cockroaches; perhaps as a food source.
YURI
Not to worry, in the face of current food shortages, we'll beat them to it. I would not be surprised to find out that the communists have been feeding us cockroaches all this time. I mean, have you any idea what goes into a can of processed food? There are parts of animals in there that even a vulture wouldn't touch.
MISHA
And why not? Mankind has ignored the entire insect phylum as a dietary source of nutrition for centuries. Think of the variety and possibilities that we can capitalize on.
YURI
Now you are talking and thinking like a red-blooded capitalist; the concept is disgusting
yet it's profitable.
ALEXI
Ah, enough. I had a fill of your babbling. These discussions are petty and non-constructive. Are you two going to help me kill the Commissar or not?
YURI
We mustn't rush to act rashly. Killing a communist is a complicated matter. It requires careful planning and rational approach.
ALEXI
It requires balls; something you two lack.
MISHA
Listen to yourself? The idea of killing a communist is preposterous. It's a tempestuous idea that could lead only to one thing; a slow and torturous doom.
ALEXI
Anything is better than this daily demoralizing and humiliating work.
I am an intellectual, a thinker not a fucking laborer.
MISHA
You want to turn us into killers?
ALEXI
Just forget it. You are a disgrace to manhood. I don't need your help. I'll do it on my own. I'll show them.
YURI
Be reasonable Alexi. If you get caught we’ll get into trouble.
ALEXI
Don’t worry I’ll never say anything to implicate you two.
YURI
You don’t have to say anything to implicate us. We'll be declared guilty just for associating with you. They'll black list us for life; watch our every move. We'll be passed
YURI (Continued)
over for promotions and even worst, they may take away our coupons and shorten our rations at the government stores. You think you can fool them
by pretending to have master minded an assassination plot of this caliber on your own?
MISHA
Yuri is right. There is no such thing in their vocabulary as an individual act of crime. Collective thinking, collective consciousness manifest itself in every aspect of life; including crime. Individual crime is a thing of the past. Anyway, it’s not cost effective to put on trial one person at a time. It’s more efficient if they round up three or more people. After all, they have to meet their quotas.
ALEXI
Enough excuses. … I am not going to let the Commissar get away with this. Just look at the products we are manufacturing. Ninety nine percent of our products are defective. And you know why? Because, he buys cheap supplies so he could pocket the savings for himself.
MISHA
And if so, killing him is not going to stop anything. It’s the system that is corrupt.
ALEXI
Look at the drooping breasts of the women in this country. It's been ten years since I have seen a firm breast on a woman. And you know why? Because all the corsets we produce are defective. They provide no support. I can’t stand watching those wobbling breasts any more. I want to see firm breasts on the bodies of the women of our country. And we are not going to see that unless we get rid of Commissar and his likes for good.
MISHA
And how about these dreadful men under ware? They feel like sandpaper against one's skin. The first time you wear them you'll get this itching sensation; you want to scratch yourself bloody. I feel suffocated wearing them. They wrap around my balls like the iron curtain.
YURI
I say we write a compliant to the Ministry of Culture.
ALEXI
Ministry of Culture?! What do they have to do with corset or underwear production? Beside what would you say?
YURI
We can say that we are made fun of all over the world because of our under ware. Our
Whole culture is being ridiculed because these under wares have miss-shaped us.
ALEXI
Go ahead write your letter. They’ll have a big laugh about it and then they’ll put us in jail as counter revolutionaries.
MISHA
Maybe writing the ministry is not a bad idea.
ALEXI
Sure while you are at it complain about the lack of basic human rights, shortage of food, etc…etc… Surely, that will get their attention… You both are such imbeciles. Do you think they care about your opinions?
YURI
What do you want us to do? Kill a man? We are not butchers; we are just disgruntled intellectuals. Beside; they would replace him with someone worse.
ALEXI
We’ll kill the replacement too if he turns out rotten and whoever comes after him until they send someone decent.
YURI
You want someone decent, then move to another country or better yet to another planet. There is no such animal. Beside, you think killing a man is decent?
MISHA
We are so sad. Look at us three grown men hungering to see firm breasts and tight buttocks.
YURI (Sighs)
I remember my wife’s firm round breasts. How I used to admire them, hunger for them. They were like rocks. Then there was the revolution and her breast started to sag, as did our individual spirit.
MISHA
And those pre revolutionaries assess; you could crack them like walnuts.
ALEXI
Like everything else they dropped in quality and quantity after the revolution.
YURI
What happened to us?
MISHA
Gravity gentlemen… we are discounting gravity. It has a lot to do with drooping breasts.
ALEXI
The concept of gravity is a ploy invented by the stinky, greedy Western capitalist pigs; so it is stated in the party manifesto.
YURI
What are you saying? … You are being silly. It’s a scientific fact; not even the communists can deny that.
ALEXI
Why not, they can deny the existence of god, why can’t they deny gravity.
MISHA
Alexi… Alexi…. Alexi , they did not get rid of god and the church altogether, they just replaced them with the party. Instead of going to church now we go to the party committee meetings, drink vodka instead of wine, praise Lenin instead of Jesus, and pledge our alliance to the party instead of the church.
YURI
Yes he is right, they replaced the cross with a hammer and sickle. It's too bad they did not incorporate god into their ideology.
ALEXI
He did not qualify. God makes a terrible communist. He is compassionate, he likes to share, he forgives and above all he rewards people for good deeds and hard work; traits such as these are shunned upon in a socialist dictatorship state.
YURI
The Biblical God is the originator of capitalism. He is territorial and has a monopoly over everything. Don't forget what happened to Adam and Eve; one bite on a stinky apple and boom, out they went…. And what a bureaucrat god makes. He puts the communists to shame. Look at all the rules and regulations he has bestowed upon us. Reentry to heaven is as difficult as getting an exit visa out of the country.
MISHA
Party.. church … it's one business replacing another. Socialism, it’s a brilliant concept but it will not last. And you know why? I tell you. Because, Lenin was not nailed to the cross like Jesus was. He did not sacrifice himself like Jesus did. Every revolution, every cause needs a sacrificial hero. And it's not enough for the hero to simply die; the manner in which he or she dies is of most importance. Take Jesus for instance, if he had died rotting in some dark prison, you think anyone would have cared or remembered. No, the Romans made a Jesus out of Jesus. They did it by butchering him slowly in front of the world. He became an instant symbol of defiance against the rule and the power of the Roman Empire.
YURI
Why do you think the Jews didn't embrace Jesus then?
MISHA
Conflict of interest. They had hoped for a Jewish savior, champion of a Jewish god and cause. You see… the Jewish god is only theoretically universal. In practice, it belongs only to the Jewish people. To share their god with others meant losing control over a powerful monopoly.
If the Jewish religious establishment had conceded to the idea of Jesus, then there was no longer a need to tax the resources of the Jewish people. The Jewish church would have seized to flourish or exist.
Remember Jesus wasn’t talking about raising a temple, he was lifting the human consciousness and spirit closer to that of a universal god. It was a radical idea. It must have stroked fear in the heart of the orthodox Jewish community.
To keep alit the everlasting light of hope, to keep their faith and their way of life alive; they had to make their people buy into a Jewish dream; a Jewish savior.
Embracing Jesus would have brought a closure to many of their religious and philosophical arguments. It would have been an act of religious suicide; a sacrilege.
It was a choice between nailing to the cross the Jewish myth or the body of Jesus.
But even the Jews underestimated the power of the myth that spawned after Jesus death.
ALEXI
The Jews are the one to be blamed for the spread of socialism and communism. They inspired and financed a world wide social insurrection.
MISHA
Let's not blame the Jews for our own failure to ascertain the evils of communism.
At any rate, the Jews were among the first victims of the violence and the atrocities committed in the name of social justice by the communist regime. The contribution of
the Jews to the expansion of capitalism is more significant than that of socialism. Their entire culture has always flourished in the intestine of the capitalism ideals. Their sense of self worth and morality is forged with the very meaning of profit; a concept that is
alien in the world of communism. Beside, the founders of communism were bunch of atheists. They saw religion as the common root of all human miseries.
YURI
True enough. Look at Marx for God sake, he had a dual religious identity. He faced discrimination on both sides of the fence. No wonder he grew up to despise religion.
…. I wonder if he ever loved a woman?
ALEXI
Ehh .. I don’t care about Marx, Lenin, church or god. It might sound superficial but we have more immediate earthly concerns, like drooping breasts and pinched up balls. It's our manhood that is at stake.
MISHA
What can we do about it? We are just three simple factory workers; three retired intellectuals.
ALEXI
Where do you think the communists would be if it were not for us intellectuals? We practically handed them the country.
MISHA
Certainly, but as intellectuals we are just sitting ducks waiting to be blown away to pieces by the communists. It's an open season to hunt anyone who has the intelligence to questions the validity of the party social policies. Nothing is allowed to disturb the monotonous social order. Let's face it, it's dangerous nowadays…. no... it's suicidal to be exact, to act as champions of morality and social justice.
YURI
There must be something we can do to stop them.
ALEXI
If only we could make a pack with the devil?
MISHA
Presently, they have rid the society of the one residing in hell, but they have engaged the services of another, one who is even more formidable; The Capitalist West.
ALEXI
You don't suppose they would help us?
MISHA
Fat chance, there is no profit in it. But wait few years. Once socialism falters economically and when the communists lay to waste all of our resources, then my dear
MISHA (Continued)
Alexi our markets and our workforce would be prime targets to be exploited and manipulated by the Western-Capitalists. They would flood our markets with their goods, corrupt our youth and our culture with their materialist oriented values. They would make whores out of our women. It would be a dark day in our history when our children would know and recite the words to product advertisements instead of reciting our poetry. And before you realize, product logos will replace our cultural icons.
YURI
Our Archenemies couldn't have planned or wished for a more dyer circumstances. Let's face it, we are doomed and there is nothing we can do about it.
MISHA
Inevitably, communism will crumble under the weight of its own ideological unattainable goals. Then the party itself will send invitations to the Western capitalists for cooperation.
ALEXI
Eh. Stop it you two. I tell you there is a solution. It's right in front of our eyes. We must kill the Commissar. We must declare war on the communists and the party stooges.
YURI
And then what?
ALEXI
We'll set the wheels of change in motion anew. We'll start a real revolution.
MISHA
Killing Commissar is a risky and tricky business. If we were to pull it off, we
would need to persuade someone close to him to assist us; someone like Kissassrof.
YURI
Yes what a great idea. He’ll do it too? Why wouldn’t he? He’ll be next in line to get promoted and replace the Commissar.
ALEXI
No, we should not involve anyone else; certainly not Kissassrof. He is a devoted bureaucrat; a fanatic socialist slave. He’ll never agree to do anything that is not officially signed and stamped by the party.
YURI
True enough. He probably doesn't even screw his wife without the written consent of the party.
ALEXI
He will never betray the Commissar or the party. In a way he is the worst kind of communist; he is idealistic, honest and still believes in this social democratic propaganda crap.
YURI
He admires the Commissar and chases him around like a dog. His eyes brightens and his tail wiggles even if slightly so the Commissar look his way. And Commissar knows how to handle him. He anoints him with a new title every year.
ALEXI
How many titles can one have?
YURI
It's hard to say, but the longer and more unpronounceable the title the more important the person.
MISHA
You mean unapproachable? … What's the use of all these idle talks fellows? This line of thinking will put us in jail in no time. What will become of our manhood then? Can you see yourselves surviving in a state run prison?
YURI
He has a point. People like us will not last a day. If we don't die outright from starvation and the horrific conditions in the prison, we'll fall victim into the hands of sexually frustrated inmates. I rather to be enslaved by the system than by a hairy prison mate. Let's drop this act of lunacy, we'll never go through with it anyway.
ALEXI
How could we walk away, lie down and stay on the sidelines? Don't you see? They are trying to destroy us. It’s all an evil plot to destroy our generation. They are trying to demoralize us; incapacitate us, morally, physically, emotionally and now they are delivering the final blow; crippling our sexual organs. They like to crush the last
residual of resistance in us. They want to get rid of our race and replace us with their own official colons.
MISHA
What are you talking about? Let’s not get carried away. … We are talking under ware here for god's sake. It has nothing to do with politics.
ALEXI
So you would think. Just the other day my friend who happens to be a brilliant research doctor at the state medical center revealed some disturbing information to me. Based on the state hospital records, the number of cases involving impotency among men has tripled in the past two years. When he reported the alarming statistics to the board of health he was reprimanded. He was told that his license to practice medicine would be revoked promptly if he did not stop spreading false rumors around. He was forced to retrieve his report and send an apology to the board citing a clerical error as the cause of the premature conclusion in his report.
YURI
Of course, it's only natural. How could you get a hard on when you are looking at a jelly of a breast instead of a rock? And those big fat assess, they are always in the way of one's progress.
ALEXI
You would not believe what he said the cause of so many impotency cases were ----
MISHA
Listening to the communist leaders political speeches?
ALEXI
No, he claimed the culprit is the under ware the men are wearing.
MISHA
How absurd!
ALEXI
He had scientific evidence showing that wearing tight and defective men under ware causes decrease in the sperm count.
MISHA
I don't believe it! What a fraud; it's all a farce I tell you.
YURI
Why, it makes perfect sense to me. These under wares suffocate one's balls. Your balls need to be housed properly. They need the freedom to roam about. If they are constricted or not aired out properly, then they won’t be happy and produce sperms.
ALEXI
I suspect they want to control the population by this mean and subdue the resistance movement.
MISHA
It sounds too fantastic to be true?
ALEXI
Is it now? I bet you that the secret police is behind all this. It’s part of this big social cleansing plan engineered by the highest echelon in the party leadership. And I have no doubt that the Commissar is in charge of it all.
MISHA
This is too ingenious of a plot to have been engineered by our secret police. They are too busy running the black market. And suppose this was true, the best way to fight them is to stop wearing the damn under ware.
YURI
Huh, listen to you. If they stop you, that’s the first thing they check for. And if you don’t have them on, they’ll question you or arrest you on the spot.
MISHA
Come on Yuri, They can’t force you to wear their under ware. Beside, how are they going to enforce it? What are they going to do? Have the secret police follow you to the urinal to check if you have put on the party labeled under ware? Can't you see how ridiculous and impractical this sounds?
YURI
Don't you get it? It's like wearing a party badge. It identifies you as one on them. Your balls are your dignity, your life and the party must have its fist wrapped around them at all time.
MISHA
Stop it you two. It's no wonder that we have become such mental zombies. These things are nothing but rumors fabricated and spread by the secret police to inject fear and doubts into the hearts of the people.
ALEXI
Hisshh … quiet! Someone is coming.
(The Under Ware Police enters holding
a long black dildo in his hand. He eyes the
three sternly. He stops in the center-stage
and turns his back to the audience. A
painted writing on his back reads
"The Under Ware Police." His tight
red short depicts a picture of Lenin on one
side and hammer and sickle on the other.
He slowly exits while looking suspiciously
at the three and beating the dildo's head
against the palm of his hand.
YURI
What the hell was that?
ALEXI
He is the new facilitator.
YURI
What does he facilitate?
ALEXI
He facilitates early or permanent retirement. …
YURI
Damned communist agent! What do you suppose that was in his hand?
ALEXI
A communication device of some sort…
YURI
I hope he did not hear us!
ALEXI
They are everywhere. We have to be more careful.
MISHA
Look at us, we see a communist and we piss in our pants. We are pathetic conspirators.
We can't even conspire to kill a Communist on a theoretical level; how are we going to accomplish it in real life?
ALEXI
Do you expect us to announce our plan to the entire world? Beside a bit of fear is a healthy thing, it keeps one alert.
MISHA
Fear? I am talking paranoia. Our whole culture is infected by it; and you two exhibit
its destructive social impact poignantly. How could you believe in such trash? You probably keep your under ware on even when you are screwing a woman. Paranoid my friends; that’s what you two are….. paranoid.
YURI
Are we now? Then tell me how would they determine who is and who is not a counter revolutionary?
MISHA
Not by one's under ware. Ah. It's pointless to talk to you.
YURI
Have you any idea how many prisons we have in this country? … You think they have built them for a show?
MISHA
They should have built more mental asylums for your kind ---
YURI
The prisons are filled with people like you. You think they have committed
any crimes? …. No…. Non compliancy has been their only offense. They refuse to be
herded around by the party. They express their opinion openly and they do it without remorse or fear.
MISHA
And so what is your point? What does this have to do with wearing a party branded under ware?
YURI
Don't you see? It's an act of defiance; a crime against the core of the establishment.
You wear the wrong under ware and boom you disappear from all the records and put in jail until you rot.
MISHA
I never realized the dept of your ignorance. You already live in a prison, the one in your mind. But you are not alone. We all live in one kind of a prison or another.
YURI
Please spare us your philosophical rhetoric. Save them for the communist tribunal when they hand you a jail sentence.
MISHA
This discussion is hopeless. … We are hopeless. ….
ALEXI
Don't say that. Don't you see? They want you to feel hopeless. The minute you give up then they have won. But we are not going to let that happen. This is why it is crucial to carry out our plan. We just need one dead communist. Just one to show the world that they are not invincible. We must destroy this myth that a communist can not be killed. Once people see that it can be done, they'll rise and get rid of them all.
MISHA
You think killing one lousy communist is going to change anything? You may succeed to kill a communist but you can not kill its ghost. There are thousands of aspiring peasant minded people who would kill for a chance to become the next Commissar. Even as we speak they are lining up before the communist party central committees to apply for membership. You can't kill a ghost with a knife.
ALEXI
A ghost without a host body is just a harmless wanderer.
MISHA
Then you must prepare to kill the majority of the population.
ALEXI
Perhaps we won't be able to stop the communists but at least we may manage to slow them down. We can make them suffer; pay a price for their inept sense of social justice.
MISHA
These are the babbling of a mind that has gone astray from the path of logic.
You are a dreamer Alexi.
ALEXI
Call me what you want. But I alone will not go down without a fight. The Commissar must be eliminated. He imposes an immediate danger to every men and women in this country. He is disfiguring us all. It's a national disgrace.
YURI
But must we kill him so? Must we soil our hands with his blood and shrink to their levels?
ALEXI
What else can we do? You think we can reason with him or the lot of them. How do you think they got where they are? Violence is the only language they respect.
MISHA
Our hay days of being revolutionaries are over Alexi. In time the system will collapse without any assistance from us.
ALEXI
In time? One thing we are short of is time. You think they would stop marching if we stop going to their parades?
MISHA
All armies will one-day stop fighting and march toward home. How many fronts can they assail before they go weary and fall?
ALEXI
Home you say? Our Home is a utopian social paradise that does not exist. It embodies a state of undisturbed social chaos glued and held together by fabricated lies. To set it in order, we must rid it from the communist pests and parasites. We must act to preserve what is left of our home and our race. It's our sexual identity and our sexual survival that is at stake.
YURI
Bravo Alexi… I couldn’t have said it better myself.
ALEXI
We can not sit idle and watch them tear away at the last bastion of our individuality. They want to turn the entire country into a collective farm where they would feed us a restrict diet of ideas and herd and graze us in fields littered with land mines of hypocrisy. They have cast upon us an invisible net of lies that suffocates our individual
spirit. It would be unethical and immoral to standby and to allow them ravage our
ALEXI (Continued)
dignity; our humanity.
YURI
We can't let them get away with it. No we shall not allow it.
MISHA
You think you’ll fair better under any other system? People have been herded around
like farm animals for centuries and let me tell you most of them are better off because of it.
YURI
They know nothing better. They are blind; they need guidance.
MISHA
And who are we to guide them; the chosen ones? We have already misguided them once, why would they listen to us or trust us? And what would you have us do, revert to capitalism?
YURI
That would be for the people to decide, but we must give them the choice.
Freedom is not an alternative, it’s a essential for living.
MISHA
Freedom?! There is no such thing. It's an illusion. Look at the so-called nations of the free world. The people in those countries are not free. They are prisoners of their commercial markets; slaves to their economic dreams. Their identity and self worth is measured by their economic status.
YURI
At least they are free to do what they want.
MISHA
They are under an illusion that they are free. Their governments are the pillars upon which the greatest illusions of all times have been staged; the illusions of personal freedom and choice. They gloat over their so-called grand civilization unaware that it has sprung up over night from the sewage of human thought and reason.
Casting a ballot inside a box does not make one free but it does give one a warm impression of freedom and individual choice; when all one has is a choice of one evil or one oppressor over another.
ALEXI
As usual you over analyze and exaggerate everything. Your thoughts and analysis are crippling and exasperating. Just tell me something Misha, will you live a life of a slave? Will you let them make a social and sexual Eunuch out of you? Don't tell me that you would tolerate that!
MISHA
Of course I would not.
ALEXI
And you Yuri? How about you?
YURI
Never.
ALEXI
Then the choice is clear. We must act swiftly to safeguard our values.
YURI
Not to mention our balls!
MISHA
It's an ugly business and I am not quite convinced that violence will lend itself favorably to our desired end. We are not killers.
ALEXI
This is no time to contemplate Misha. It's time for action.
YURI
Yes, Alexi is right. We must strike now. It won't be long before we lose our ability to get a decent erection. We only have few more good years left; you know.
ALEXI
What do you say Misha?
MISHA (Sigh)
Against all logic I commit to this folly.
ALEXI
Good man. Let us shake hands my friends. Remember this day, this time, this place, for it shall be remembered throughout the history as the day of deliverance of our manhood from the yoke of the social democratic party.
ALL Three
Here here …
YURI
Wait a second I think something is happening in my pants. I can't believe it, but it just moved. I think I am getting an erection.
ALEXI
You see the healing has already begun. The revolution has risen its sleeping head.