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<TOPIC 1> 10 first-date fumbles men make

 

Last month my friend Paul met an interesting woman, asked her to dinner, and thought it went superbly — until she turned him down for a second date. He couldn’t understand it; hadn’t she been charmed by his “funny” stories about his ex? Uh-oh, I thought. Paul had unwittingly been Annoying First Date Guy, but didn’t yet know it. It happens at coffee houses, galleries and restaurants every day: a guy with good intentions blows that crucial first date and has no idea why. Want to get clued in? Here are 10 common pitfalls:

1. Going on a rant about a former significant other. No good can come from talking about an ex-girlfriend on a first date. Saying something positive about an ex is threatening, and saying something negative is just plain annoying. My friend Leslie agrees: “My favorite annoying first date is the guy who spent the entire time describing in detail how nasty his ex was,” she says. “By the end of the date, he had pointed out the restaurant where she threw a drink at him and the street corner where she screamed at him about his lack of affection.” The first date is about the two of you getting to know each other. Bringing the ex into the conversation makes it seem like three’s a crowd.

2. Divulging too much personal information that’s not flattering. Take a hint from comedian Chris Rock, whose dating advice goes something like this: When you first meet someone, you’re not you. You’re the ambassador of you. In other words, this is not the time for full disclosure. I went on a first date with a guy who told me that he takes antidepressants, that he tends to be a slob, and that his family doesn’t get along. “I’d really like to see you again,” he said, “but I think I should be upfront about who I am from the beginning.” Even worse are guys who reveal unflattering personal information without even realizing that it isn’t helping their case. “My dog is my life,” a guy told my friend Sherene on their first date. “I’ve had the dog since I was a kid,” he continued... and then he added shamelessly: “I also live with my parents.” The information was bad, but the fact that he had no idea it was bad made it horrifying. Remember: it’s a first date, not a therapy session!

3. Making the date feel like a job interview. Let’s face it: A first date is a kind of job interview (for the position of significant other). But if a woman is going to put on a cute outfit and blow-dry her hair for you, try not to make her feel like she’s in the room with the head of human resources. She’d rather have a casual conversation than be subjected to obvious probes, like: “How long has it been since your last relationship?” Just as bad are men who try to suss out key information by dropping calculating questions into the conversation. My friend Sara found it particularly irritating when a guy tried to figure out her age by asking her opinion of the 1972 Olympics and then saying, “Oh, but you couldn’t possibly remember that” in a questioning tone. Really?

4. Having too much attitude. Laurie, a single woman in New York, was asked by a man during their first date what TV shows she watched. When her date learned that she didn’t like the show Seinfeld, he didn’t believe her. Then, he wouldn’t let it go for the entire meal. “He just couldn’t fathom my not liking that show,” Laurie explained. “It was as if I’d just said, ‘Yes, I live my life without consuming any liquids.’” Guys, if you want a second chance, don’t spend the first one trying to convince your date that she’s not normal because your passion for a syndicated sitcom is not reciprocated.

5. Visibly admiring other women. Most men know better than to stare at other women while on a first date. But it’s just as exasperating if your date asks you what you thought of the latest blockbuster hit, and your response is to go on a tear about how beautiful Angelina Jolie’s lips are. If you think the woman sitting across from you is ever going to be secure enough to kiss you after that, think again.

6. Complaining about the chosen venue for your date. Don’t ask your date to “pick any place you want to go” only to whine about it once you’re there together. That happened to Liz, who chose a place with a lunchtime tasting menu for her first date. Not only did the guy grumble, but “he proceeded to tell me that he had eaten a big breakfast and wondered who could eat a three-course lunch,” she recalls. “I told him ‘I could’ and pointed to myself — and then to every other diner in the restaurant.”

7. Arguing combatively with your date. It’s one thing to talk about current events if there’s a lull in the conversation, but it’s quite another to ask your date’s opinion on anything from the Middle East to the upcoming election cycle and then get into an argument with her, no matter what she says. That happened to 29-year-old Melissa when she and her date got into it about public versus private schools. “I was annoyed that he fought me on so many things — especially on our first date,” says Melissa.

8. Eating your date’s dessert. Unless you’re at a Chinese restaurant, there’s a reason you each have your own plate. Just because a woman might eat more slowly than you do doesn’t give you license to take a bite of her meal — especially without asking first. In Liz’s case, her date didn’t even wait until she’d taken a bite herself before diving in. “When my dessert arrived,” Liz says, “my date reached across the table and speared my gateau au chocolat with his fork. Talk about annoying!”

9. Not walking her to safety at the end of the date. Almost as off-putting as the overzealous man who goes in for a kiss too aggressively is one who leaves his date standing there on the street at the end of the night instead of walking her to the safety of her car or a taxi to give her a ride home. This irked my pal Julia: “True, we were going in two different directions — but, hello? Take care of the girl first!” she says, adding: “Stuff like that usually points to bigger problems.”

10. Saying “I’ll be in touch” after the date goes badly. Your date knows that the evening went badly, and you know she knows it, too... so why say that you’ll call when it’s obvious that you won’t? Here’s a better suggestion: “I’d like him to say, ‘Good to meet you, take care,’” says Monica, who feels that men can still be nice without lying (or making a woman sit by the phone for no reason).

And by the way, my friend Paul heeded some of this advice on a recent date. There were no rants about his ex-girlfriend, no “I’ll be in touch” at the end of a lackluster dinner. Of course, this was a complete turn-on to his date, who thought he was a great catch and has since set him up with a friend of hers. Paul now promises to save his “funny” stories for, oh, at least their second date.

Lori Gottlieb is the author of Stick Figure: A Diary of My Former Self. Her most recent book is Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. For the other side of the story, read Worst first-date moves for women.

Questions:
 

1. Have you ever done listed obove?
    Give an example and how the date went.

2. When you have a first date, is drinking acceptable or not?

3. What is the intention to talk about the ex- at the first date?

4. Do you expose yourself at the first date?
    Do you think exposing self is the good way to get close to the date?

5. Who was the worst fumbled date in your life and what did he/she do?

6. Is there any advice for successful first date? Tell us about your story , if you don't mind.

<TOPIC 2> WHY YOUTH ENDS AT 35 AND OLD AGE BEGINS AT 58

 You may consider yourself middle-aged, but if you’re in your late fifties you might get a shock. Because once you hit 58 you’re over the hill, according to the average Briton. The news may come as a surprise to Gordon Brown, who at 59 has one of the country’s most demanding jobs. Others who may take exception are actress Jane Seymour,59, Dragon’s Den star Duncan Bannatyne, 61, and Kathryn Bigelow, 58, who won Best Director at the Oscars last week. Despite growing evidence that people are leading more active lives and living longer, we seem to regard people in their fifties as past it. Experts from the University of Kent asked 40,000 people from 21 European countries when they felt youth ended and old age began. Among 2,352 UK respondents the view on average was that youth ends at 35 and old age starts at 58. But people aged 15 to 24 thought youth ended at just 28 and old age began at 54. Those in their eighties were more generous. They regarded the final year of youth as 42 and the onset of old age as 67. Youth was perceived to end earliest among respondents in Portugal (at 29) and latest by those in Cyprus (at 45). Daily Express columnist Vanessa Feltz, 48, said: “The way I hear it the perception is nothing like this survey shows. People think 50 is the new 30 and 60 the new 40. Everyone I know thinks the best years are yet to come. They are going on new adventures and trying new things. 

Discussion Questions ;

1. When do you feel like you are getting older? Have you noticed that your tastes in different things(clothes, music, movies, etc.) have changed as you have getting older?

2. Do you still look forward to your birthday, or is it just another day?

3. Do you notice your age when you are with others.... like at a reunion of some kind?  Do you notice your age when you are looking in the mirror?

4. Now teenagers always have thought that 30-year-olds are over the hill. But there's something else going on these days; we're less and less able to say what's normal for a particular age. Yet at the same time we are still asking 'What is this normal for your age?'. What is your thought?

5. What are some strategies to keep looking and feeling young?

SORRY FOR BEING LAZY ㅠㅁㅠ

[Gina(진아)]

날짜 수정해야겠당. 아나야~~^^/
참참참석!!!!!ㅎㅎ

[Teddy(두희)]

i'll be there with you~ :D

[Aloha]

7시 정시참석^^ 아주 오랜만에 가게되었어요 두번째^^ 잘 부탁드려요

[Teddy(두희)]

두번째도 환영합니다~~~ 즐거운 시간 가져보아요~ ^0^

[James Kim]

오늘 용기내어 참석해보겠습니다. ^^

[Teddy(두희)]

반갑습니다~ 스터디에서 뵐께요~ ^3^

[iTgUy]

오늘이군요

[Teddy(두희)]

7시 기억하세요~ ^^

[찬스]

신입회원입니다 오늘 참석하겠습니다~ 두근두근^^

[Teddy(두희)]

환영합니다~ 장소와 시간 잊지마세요~ ^^

[키도(KIDO)]

참석하도록 노력 하겠습니다!! 오랜만인데... 그리고 2번째... 잘 부탁드려요!!ㅠㅠ

[Teddy(두희)]

환영합니다~ ^^