unforthcoming / fragmented / emblematic

[Christopher kim]

침묵하거나 솔직하지 못한 나를 보며

영어 이야기 1952

unforthcoming

 [ʌnfɔːrθkʌmiŋ] 

말을 잘 안하는

남의 말을 잘 안듣는

"우리의 얼굴은 마음의 생각을 보여주는 monitor 이다."

희노애락 (喜怒哀樂)을 솔직하게 보여준다

그러나 요즈음은 많이 달라졌다

어느 정치인의 얼굴을 보면

그의 마음과 얼굴이라는 monitor 를 연결하는 신경줄이

끊어진 것이 아닌가 하는 생각을 갖게 한다

아마 좋은 연기자이기 때문일 것이다

연기자는 아니라 해도 요즈음의 젊은 세대 또한

마음과 얼굴의 연결장치가 고장이 난 것이라는 생각을 들게 한다

Most of young adults in a cafe sit at the table, earphones and headset

 on the surface before other friends

an UNFROTHCOMING expression‎ on their faces.

cafe 에 있는 대부분의 젊은 친구들은 earphone 과 헤드셋을 끼고

그들의 소통이 안되는 표현하는 얼굴을 다른 친구들에게 대하며 앉아있다

인간의 솔직하고 아름다운 본능과 표정이 '기계의 노예'가  되어

무표정한 식물처럼 변하고 있다

젊음을 발산하고 전진해야 할 그들이 변하고 있다

고립의 늪 속으로 빠져들고 있는 듯 하다

I was afraid the might be so shy and UNFORTHCOMING that they would put people off,

나는 그들이 너무 수줍고 자기 표정을 숨기므로 그들이 사람들을 떨쳐내고 있다

They became to fall into a swamp named isotation.

그들은 소외라는 이름의 높으로 짜져들고 있다

unforthcoming 는 un (not) + forth (앞으로) + coming 으로 되어있는 낱말이다

'앞으로 나오지 않고 숨어있다'는 뜻이다

소외라는 이름의 늪에서 튀어나와 생기를 되찾을 때가 언제가 될지 답답하다

옛날에는 학생들이 뚜어놀다가 교실 유리차을 깨기도 했다

The teacher demanded to know who broke the window

while he was out of the room, but the students understandably were UNFORTHCOMING.

그 선생이 교실에 나와있는 동안에 누가 창문을 깨뜨렸는지 알고 싶어했으나

학생들은 '당연하게 꿀먹은 벙어리가 되어 있었다.

나이가 들어 외국에서 새로운 삶을 시작한 사람들의 대부분은

친구 사귀기가 어렵다고 한다

They have lives new lives with UNFORTHCOMING about their background, sources of income and personal life.

그들은 (옛) 배경과 수입의 근원 그리고 개인적 삶에 대해

입을 다물며 살아왔다.

People are often UNFORTHCOMING with their feelings.

Yet even in such a reserved environment, shyness often prevented him

from leaving favorable impressions on people.

사람들은 종종 그들의 느낌에 대해 함구하고 있는데

그러한 내성적 분위기 속에서

부끄러움은 사람에게 갖고 있는 좋은 인상으로부터

떠나는 것을 막아줄 때도 종종 있다

(Pshcology Today, February 15, 2023)

나는 종종 부부문제에 대한 상담을 많이 한 편인데 

이런 하소연을 듣는 일이 많았ㄷ

Rather than being honest, my husband was UNFORTHCOMING about

where he had been and refused to answer my questions.

내 남편은 정직하기 보다 그가 어디 있었는지에 대해 입을 다물었고

내 질문에 답하기를 거부했다," 고 하소연했다

나 자신이 의도하지 않게 속에 있는 것을 감춰야 할 때가 많았음을 고백한다

I have been very UNFORTHCOMING about what I had thought.

내가 생각했던 것에 대해 솔직하지 못해왔다

Rather than being honest, my husband was unforthcoming about where he had been and refused to answer my questions. 

I was afraid he might be so shy and unforthcoming that he would put people off,

but he writes enthusiastically about the men he is with.

The teacher demanded to know who broke the window while he was out of the room, but the students understandably were unforthcoming.

Co-worker Penny Taylor described her as changing from " outgoing, talkative " to " quiet and unforthcoming "

an unforthcoming and taciturn man

The student was shy and unforthcoming, often keeping a low profile and rarely mingled with many of his classmates.

He is unforthcoming about his background, sources of income and personal life.

Didion is a private person with a bewilderingly unforthcoming manner.

Rather than being honest, my husband was unforthcoming about where he had been and refused to answer my questions. 

He was very unforthcoming about what had happened

He was unforthcoming about his childhood.
Abdulrahman Bindamnan
Zero-Generation Students
SHYNESS
3 Tips to Overcome Shyness
Overcoming shyness often requires a long-term plan of transformative change.
Posted February 15, 2023
Reviewed by Devon Frye

KEY POINTS

Nearly one in two Americans identify as shy.

Shyness configures itself differently from one culture to another. ‎

Shy people may struggle to leave favorable impressions on others.
‎
To overcome shyness, consider embracing humility, thinking like a strategist, and ‎understanding the process of change.
‎
I've been meeting with Mohammed to understand his experience of immigrating to the United States. Mohammed was raised in Yemen and was excessively shy as a child.

Today, he is so economical with words that he often seems to finish speaking before he starts.

Mohammed grew up in a province in Yemen known as Hadhramout where, he says, people are often unforthcoming with their feelings. Yet even in such a reserved environment, Mohammed's pronounced shyness often prevented him from leaving favorable impressions on people.

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forthcoming (adj.)

late 15c., "about to happen or appear," present-participle adjective from Middle English forthcomen, from Old English forðcuman "to come forth, come to pass;" see forth + come (v.). Meaning "informative, responsive" is from 1835, via the notion of "in such a position or condition, as a person or a thing, that his or its presence when needed can be counted on." A once-common verb formation; English also had forthbring, forthcall, forthdo, forthgo, forthpass, forthset, all now obsolete.

When I asked Mohammed just how his shyness had negatively affected him, he recounted a moment from 2014, when he received a scholarship to study in the United States.

The scholarship was announced during a large gathering. Mohammed was extremely happy and wanted to thank the sponsors for the opportunity they had given him.

But he found he couldn't utter a word. His shyness prevented him from expressing his gratitude and sharing the joyful experience with the crowd.

“I've always been an observant person,” Mohammed told me. “I'm never the center of attention.” Throughout my own conversations with him, his speaking style could be best described as fragmented. He never tells extended and coherent stories and seems to dislike doing so.

Anyone listening would have to ask a lot of questions if they wanted to learn anything from him.

Mohammed told me that when he was once asked to speak in front of an audience, he found a way to get out of it.

He simply couldn't muster the courage to overcome his shyness and fear.

When I asked Mohammed what he thought was at the root of his shyness, he suggested that it is deeply cultural.

In Hadhramout, he says, people are notorious for being shy, and many of his relatives and friends suffered from the same chronic shyness he did.

It's a shyness that seems to be unique to Hadhramout, he says—when people engage in mundane daily interactions there, they rarely talk, and the concept of “small talk” doesn't exist in the Hadhrami culture.

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However, shyness is limited neither to Mohammed nor to his province in Yemen.

Approximately 40 to 50 percent of American adults consider themselves shy—meaning that nearly one in two Americans struggle with shyness.

As Mohammed can attest, it's a struggle that can have consequences.

Psychologist Brian Gilmartin, for example, has studied the ways in which chronic shyness complicates both platonic and romantic love.

Although psychologists have conducted some research on the consequences of shyness on individuals and societies, the trait has yet to be extensively investigated across cultures.

Yet Mohammed's story is emblematic of the need to study shyness cross-culturally.

3 Tips To Address Shyness
What can shy people do to manage their shyness and navigate the world more effectively? I suggest the following:

THE BASICS
What Is Shyness?
Find counselling near me
Embrace your shyness with humility. If shyness is negatively impacting your life, don't just ignore it; instead, embrace your predicament and openly acknowledge the need for change. Shyness is often painful and embarrassing, but fostering the humility necessary to admit there's a problem is the first step on the road to change.
Think like a strategist. Having the right mindset is necessary to bring about any desired change. "Thinking like a strategist" means realizing that time is the most sacred and precious commodity you have and strategically thinking about the pros and cons of each approach in order to tackle your shyness most effectively. Thinking like a strategist doesn't mean consuming all the information about shyness that exists; rather, it means being deliberate and practicing good judgment as you embark on the path to changing your temperament
Understand the process of change. Personality change is rarely easy. It is very challenging to, in essence, let certain parts of yourselves die while simultaneously bringing new parts to life. Moreover, such personal transformation doesn't tend to be linear, but sporadic and iterative. You may conquer your shyness one day but fail to do so the next. This is to be expected.
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Conclusion
When shyness prevents a person from meeting their goals in life, it becomes a problematic condition that requires attention. Shyness tends to configure itself differently across cultures. Even so, the process of overcoming shyness is typically a long-term plan of transformative change.

This starts with simply accepting the conditions of shyness. Once that is achieved, then you have to think like a strategist since time and resources are limited. Finally, you should understand that change is not going to occur overnight—but rather through persistent and consistent efforts.