PART 2 // chapter 2-1

[모나리자]

"그리고 이미 수색이 있었다면? 내 방에서 발견한다면?" 하지만 여기가 그의 방이었다. 아무것도 없고 아무도 없었다. 아무도 들여다보지 않았다. 나스타샤조차도 만지지 않았다. 하지만 세상에! 어떻게 그 모든 물건을 구멍에 두고 왔을까? 그는 구석으로 달려가 종이 아래로 손을 넣고 물건을 꺼내 주머니에 넣었다. 모두 여덟 가지 물건이 있었다. 귀걸이나 그런 게 달린 작은 상자 두 개, 그는 거의 보지도 않았다. 그리고 작은 가죽 상자 네 개.

신문에 싸인 사슬도 있었고, 신문에 싸인 다른 물건도 있었는데, 장식처럼 보였다... 그는 그것들을 모두 외투의 다른 주머니와 바지의 남은 주머니에 넣고 가능한 한 숨기려고 했다.

그는 지갑도 가져갔다. 그러고 나서 그는 방에서 나갔고, 문을 열어두었다. 그는 빠르고 단호하게 걸었고, 산산이 조각난 기분이었지만, 감각은 있었다. 그는 추격을 두려워했고, 30분 후, 아마도 15분 후에 추격하라는 지시가 내려질까 봐 두려워했고, 그래서 무슨 일이 있어도 그 전에 모든 흔적을 숨겨야 했습니다.

그는 아직 힘이 남아 있고, 추론 능력이 남아 있는 동안 모든 것을 정리해야 했습니다... 어디로 가야 할까요? 그것은 오래 전에 결정되었습니다. "운하에 던져버리면 물 속에 숨겨진 모든 흔적이 사라질 것입니다." 그래서 그는 정신이 나간 밤에 일어나서 떠나고 싶은 충동을 여러 번 느꼈을 때 서둘러 모든 것을 없애기로 결정했습니다. 하지만 그것을 없애는 것은 매우 어려운 일로 판명되었습니다. 그는 30분 이상 예카테리닌스키 운하의 제방을 따라 방황했고 물로 내려가는 계단을 여러 번 보았지만 계획을 실행할 생각이 들지 않았습니다. 계단 가장자리에 뗏목이 서 있었고, 여성들이 그 위에서 옷을 빨거나, 보트가 정박해 있었고, 사람들이 사방에 몰려 있었습니다.

게다가 그는 사방의 강둑에서 보이고 눈에 띄었습니다. 남자가 일부러 내려가서 멈추고 물에 무언가를 던지는 것은 의심스러워 보일 것입니다. 그리고 상자가 가라앉는 대신 떠오른다면 어떨까요? 물론 그럴 것입니다. 그렇더라도 그가 만난 모든 사람들이 그를 지켜보는 것 외에는 할 일이 없는 듯 응시하고 주변을 둘러보는 것 같았습니다. "왜 그럴까, 아니면 내 기분일까?" 그는 생각했습니다.

마침내 네바로 가는 것이 더 나을 것이라는 생각이 떠올랐습니다. 거기에는 사람이 그렇게 많지 않고, 덜 눈에 띄고, 모든 면에서 더 편리할 것입니다. 무엇보다도 더 멀리 떨어져 있기 때문입니다. 그는 어떻게 이 위험한 과거에 대해 걱정하고 불안해하면서 30분 동안 헤매고 다닐 수 있었는지 궁금했습니다.

그리고 그는 비이성적인 계획 때문에 그 30분을 잃었습니다. 그저 정신이 나간 상태에서 생각했기 때문입니다! 그는 극도로 방황하고 건망증이 생겼고, 그것을 알고 있었습니다. 그는 분명히 서둘러야 했습니다. 그는 V—— 프로스펙트를 따라 네바 강을 향해 걸어갔지만, 그 길에서 또 다른 생각이 떠올랐습니다. "왜 네바 강으로 가야 할까요? 멀리 떨어진 섬으로 다시 가서 숲이나 덤불 아래 외딴 곳에 물건을 숨기고 그 자리를 표시하는 게 낫지 않을까요?" 그리고

그는 명확한 판단을 내릴 수 없다고 느꼈지만, 그 생각은 타당한 것 같았습니다. 하지만 그는 그곳에 갈 운명이 아니었습니다.

V—— 프로스펙트에서 광장으로 나오자, 그는 왼쪽에 두 개의 빈 벽 사이로 안뜰로 이어지는 통로를 보았습니다. 오른쪽에는 4층짜리 집의 빈 하얗게 칠하지 않은 벽이 안뜰로 멀리 뻗어 있었습니다. 왼쪽에는 나무로 된 판자가 안뜰로 20걸음 정도 평행하게 뻗어 있었고, 그런 다음 급하게 왼쪽으로 돌아갔습니다. 여기는 쓰레기가 널려 있는 울타리로 막힌 황무지였다. 안뜰 끝자락에 낮고 더러운 돌 창고의 모서리가 있었는데, 어떤 작업장의 일부인 듯했다.

아마 마차 제작자나 목수의 창고였을 것이다. 입구에서 온통 석탄 먼지로 검게 그을렸다. 여기가 쓰레기를 버릴 곳일 거라고 그는 생각했다. 마당에 아무도 보이지 않자 그는 슬쩍 들어갔고, 문 근처에 싱크대가 있는 것을 보았다. 많은 노동자나 마부들이 있는 마당에 흔히 있는 그런 싱크대였다. 그리고 위의 간판에는 분필로 "여기에 서는 것은 엄격히 금지되어 있습니다."라는 오래된 재치가 적혀 있었다. 이게 더 나았다. 그가 들어가는 데 의심스러운 점이 하나도 없을 테니까. "여기에 다 버리고 도망갈 수 있을 거야!"

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“And what if there has been a search already? What if I find them in my room?” But here was his room. Nothing and no one in it. No one had peeped in. Even Nastasya had not touched it. But heavens! how could he have left all those things in the hole? He rushed to the corner, slipped his hand under the paper, pulled the things out and lined his pockets with them. There were eight articles in all: two little boxes with ear-rings or something of the sort, he hardly looked to see; then four small leather cases.

There was a chain, too, merely wrapped in newspaper and something else in newspaper, that looked like a decoration.... He put them all in the different pockets of his overcoat, and the remaining pocket of his trousers, trying to conceal them as much as possible.

He took the purse, too. Then he went out of his room, leaving the door open. He walked quickly and resolutely, and though he felt shattered, he had his senses about him. He was afraid of pursuit, he was afraid that in another half-hour, another quarter of an hour perhaps, instructions would be issued for his pursuit, and so at all costs, he must hide all traces before then.

He must clear everything up while he still had some strength, some reasoning power left him.... Where was he to go? That had long been settled: “Fling them into the canal, and all traces hidden in the water, the thing would be at an end.” So he had decided in the night of his delirium when several times he had had the impulse to get up and go away, to make haste, and get rid of it all. But to get rid of it, turned out to be a very difficult task. He wandered along the bank of the Ekaterininsky Canal for half an hour or more and looked several times at the steps running down to the water, but he could not think of carrying out his plan; either rafts stood at the steps’ edge, and women were washing clothes on them, or boats were moored there, and people were swarming everywhere.

Moreover he could be seen and noticed from the banks on all sides; it would look suspicious for a man to go down on purpose, stop, and throw something into the water. And what if the boxes were to float instead of sinking? And of course they would. Even as it was, everyone he met seemed to stare and look round, as if they had nothing to do but to watch him. “Why is it, or can it be my fancy?” he thought.

At last the thought struck him that it might be better to go to the Neva. There were not so many people there, he would be less observed, and it would be more convenient in every way, above all it was further off. He wondered how he could have been wandering for a good half-hour, worried and anxious in this dangerous past without thinking of it before.

And that half-hour he had lost over an irrational plan, simply because he had thought of it in delirium! He had become extremely absent and forgetful and he was aware of it. He certainly must make haste. He walked towards the Neva along V—— Prospect, but on the way another idea struck him. “Why to the Neva? Would it not be better to go somewhere far off, to the Islands again, and there hide the things in some solitary place, in a wood or under a bush, and mark the spot perhaps?” And

though he felt incapable of clear judgment, the idea seemed to him a sound one. But he was not destined to go there.

For coming out of V—— Prospect towards the square, he saw on the left a passage leading between two blank walls to a courtyard. On the right hand, the blank unwhitewashed wall of a four-storied house stretched far into the court; on the left, a wooden hoarding ran parallel with it for twenty paces into the court, and then turned sharply to the left. Here was a deserted fenced-off place where rubbish of different sorts was lying. At the end of the court, the corner of a low, smutty, stone shed, apparently part of some workshop, peeped from behind the hoarding.

It was probably a carriage builder’s or carpenter’s shed; the whole place from the entrance was black with coal dust. Here would be the place to throw it, he thought. Not seeing anyone in the yard, he slipped in, and at once saw near the gate a sink, such as is often put in yards where there are many workmen or cab-drivers; and on the hoarding above had been scribbled in chalk the time-honoured witticism, “Standing here strictly forbidden.” This was all the better, for there would be nothing suspicious about his going in. “Here I could throw it all in a heap and get away!”