PART 2 // chapter 2-3

[모나리자]

그는 쉬지 않고 걸었다. 그는 주의를 돌리고 싶은 끔찍한 갈망을 느꼈지만, 무엇을 해야 할지, 무엇을 시도해야 할지 몰랐다. 새로운 압도적인 감각이 매 순간 그를 점점 더 지배하고 있었다. 이것은 헤아릴 수 없을 정도로, 거의 육체적인, 주변의 모든 것에 대한 혐오감, 완고하고 악의적인 증오의 감정이었다. 그를 만난 모든 사람은 그에게 혐오스러웠다. 그는 그들의 얼굴, 움직임, 몸짓을 싫어했다. 누군가가 그에게 말을 걸었다면, 그는 그에게 침을 뱉거나 물었을지도 모른다고 느꼈다... 그는 갑자기 멈춰 섰다. 바실리예프스키 오스트로프 다리 근처, 리틀 네바 강둑으로 나왔다.

"왜, 그는 여기, 그 집에서 살고 있지." 그는 생각했다. "왜, 나는 스스로 라주미힌에 오지 않았지! 여기서도 똑같은 일이 반복되고 있어.... 하지만 아는 것은 매우 흥미롭다. 내가 의도적으로 왔는지 아니면 우연히 여기까지 걸어온 것인가? 상관없다. 그저께에 나는 모레 그를 보러 갈 것이라고 말했다. 글쎄요, 그럴게요! 게다가 지금은 정말 더 이상 갈 수가 없어요." 그는 5층에 있는 라주미힌의 방으로 올라갔습니다. 라주미힌은 다락방에 집에 있었고, 지금은 바쁘게 글을 쓰고 있었고, 그는 스스로 문을 열었습니다. 그들이 서로를 본 지 4개월이 되었습니다. 라주미힌은 누더기 드레싱 가운을 입고 맨발에 슬리퍼를 신고 앉아 있었고, 엉성하고 면도도 안 하고 씻지도 않았습니다. 그의 얼굴에는 놀라움이 깃들었습니다. "당신이에요?" 그는 소리쳤습니다. 그는 동지를 위아래로 훑어보았다가 잠시 멈춘 후 휘파람을 불었습니다.

"그렇게까지 힘들게! 어머, 형님, 당신은 나를 잘라냈어요!" 그는 라스콜니코프의 누더기를 바라보며 덧붙였습니다. "와서 앉아요, 당신은 피곤하잖아요. 나는 묶일 거예요."

그리고 그는 자신의 것보다 더 나쁜 상태인 미국산 가죽 소파에 몸을 가라앉혔을 때, 라주미힌은 방문객이 아프다는 것을 즉시 알아챘습니다. "어머, 당신은 심각하게 아프다는 걸 알고 있나요?" 그는 맥박을 느끼기 시작했다. 라스콜니코프는 손을 뗐다. "괜찮아요." 그는 말했다. "저는 이걸 위해 왔어요. 저는 수업이 없어요... 저는 원했지만,... 사실은 수업을 원하지 않아요..." "하지만 말이에요! 당신은 정신이 나갔어요, 알잖아요!" 라주미힌이 그를 주의 깊게 지켜보며 말했다. "아니요, 그렇지 않아요." 라스콜니코프는 소파에서 일어났다.

라주미힌의 집으로 가는 계단을 올라갔을 때, 그는 친구를 직접 만나게 될 줄은 몰랐다. 지금 그는 순식간에, 그 순간 그가 가장 싫어하는 것이 넓은 세상의 누구와도 마주치는 것이라는 걸 알았다. 그의 비장이 치솟았다. 그는 라주미힌의 문턱을 넘자마자 분노에 질식할 뻔했다. "안녕." 그는 갑자기 말하고 문으로 걸어갔다. "그만해, 그만해! 이상한 물고기야." "그럴 생각 없어." 다른 사람이 말하며 다시 손을 뗐다.

"그럼 왜 왔어? 미친 거야, 아니면 뭐야? 뭐, 이건... 거의 모욕이야! 널 그렇게 내버려 두지 않을 거야." "글쎄, 그럼, 내가 널 찾아온 건 널 도울 수 있는 사람을 너밖에 모르기 때문이야... 처음부터... 넌 누구보다 친절하고, 똑똑하고, 판단할 줄 알아... 그리고 이제 내가 아무것도 원하지 않는다는 걸 알았어. 알아? 전혀 없어... 누구의 도움도 없고... 누구의 동정도 없어. 나는 혼자야... 혼자야. 와, 그만해. 날 내버려둬." "잠깐만, 청소부야! 너는 완벽한 미친놈이야.

네가 원하는 대로. 나는 수업도 없고, 알겠지? 그게 상관없어. 하지만 서점 주인 헤루비모프가 있어. 그는 수업을 대신해. 나는 그에게 수업 다섯 개를 주고 싶지 않아. 그는 독특한 출판을 하고 있고, 자연 과학 매뉴얼을 발행하고 있고, 얼마나 많이 유통되고 있는지! 그 제목만으로도 돈값을 해! 당신은 항상 내가 바보라고 주장했지만, 제프, 내 아들아, 나보다 더 큰 바보가 있다! 이제 그는 승진을 위해 준비하고 있는데, 그가 아무것도 모른다는 것은 아니지만, 물론 나는 그를 격려한다.

여기에 독일어 텍스트의 두 개의 서명이 있습니다. 제 생각에는 가장 조잡한 사기입니다. 그것은 '여성이 인간인가?'라는 질문을 논의하고, 물론 그녀가 인간임을 승리적으로 증명합니다. 헤루비모프는 이 작품을 여성 문제에 대한 기여로 꺼낼 것입니다. 저는 그것을 번역하고 있습니다. 그는 이 두 개 반의 서명을 여섯 개로 늘릴 것이고, 우리는 반 페이지 길이의 멋진 제목을 만들어서 반 루블에 출판할 것입니다. 그럴 것입니다! 그는 저에게 서명에 대해 6루블을 지불하고, 그것은 그 일에 대해 약 15루블이 되고, 저는 이미 선불로 6루블을 받았습니다.

이걸 다 마치면 고래에 대한 번역을 시작할 겁니다. 그리고 나서 우리가 번역을 위해 표시한 고백록의 두 번째 부분에서 가장 지루한 스캔들 중 일부를 시작할 겁니다. 누군가가 헤루비모프에게 루소가 일종의 라디셰프라고 말했습니다. 제가 그를 모순하지 않는다는 걸 확신할 수 있을 겁니다. 그를 교수형에 처하세요! 글쎄요, '여성은 인간인가?'의 두 번째 서명을 하고 싶으세요? 독일어와 펜과 종이를 가져가세요. 모두 제공되고, 3루블을 가져가세요. 저는 전체에 대해 6루블을 선불로 받았기 때문에 3루블이 당신의 몫으로 올 겁니다.

-------------------------------------------

He walked on without resting. He had a terrible longing for some distraction, but he did not know what to do, what to attempt. A new overwhelming sensation was gaining more and more mastery over him every moment; this was an immeasurable, almost physical, repulsion for everything surrounding him, an obstinate, malignant feeling of hatred. All who met him were loathsome to him—he loathed their faces, their movements, their gestures. If anyone had addressed him, he felt that he might have spat at him or bitten him.... He stopped suddenly, on coming out on the bank of the Little Neva, near the bridge to Vassilyevsky Ostrov.

“Why, he lives here, in that house,” he thought, “why, I have not come to Razumihin of my own accord! Here it’s the same thing over again.... Very interesting to know, though; have I come on purpose or have I simply walked here by chance? Never mind, I said the day before yesterday that I would go and see him the day after; well, and so I will! Besides I really cannot go further now.” He went up to Razumihin’s room on the fifth floor. The latter was at home in his garret, busily writing at the moment, and he opened the door himself. It was four months since they had seen each other. Razumihin was sitting in a ragged dressing-gown, with slippers on his bare feet, unkempt, unshaven and unwashed. His face showed surprise. “Is it you?” he cried. He looked his comrade up and down; then after a brief pause, he whistled.

“As hard up as all that! Why, brother, you’ve cut me out!” he added, looking at Raskolnikov’s rags. “Come sit down, you are tired, I’ll be bound.”

And when he had sunk down on the American leather sofa, which was in even worse condition than his own, Razumihin saw at once that his visitor was ill. “Why, you are seriously ill, do you know that?” He began feeling his pulse. Raskolnikov pulled away his hand. “Never mind,” he said, “I have come for this: I have no lessons.... I wanted,... but I don’t really want lessons....” “But I say! You are delirious, you know!” Razumihin observed, watching him carefully. “No, I am not.” Raskolnikov got up from the sofa.

As he had mounted the stairs to Razumihin’s, he had not realised that he would be meeting his friend face to face. Now, in a flash, he knew, that what he was least of all disposed for at that moment was to be face to face with anyone in the wide world. His spleen rose within him. He almost choked with rage at himself as soon as he crossed Razumihin’s threshold. “Good-bye,” he said abruptly, and walked to the door. “Stop, stop! You queer fish.” “I don’t want to,” said the other, again pulling away his hand.

“Then why the devil have you come? Are you mad, or what? Why, this is... almost insulting! I won’t let you go like that.” “Well, then, I came to you because I know no one but you who could help... to begin... because you are kinder than anyone—cleverer, I mean, and can judge... and now I see that I want nothing. Do you hear? Nothing at all... no one’s services... no one’s sympathy. I am by myself... alone. Come, that’s enough. Leave me alone.”  “Stay a minute, you sweep! You are a perfect madman.

As you like for all I care. I have no lessons, do you see, and I don’t care about that, but there’s a bookseller, Heruvimov—and he takes the place of a lesson. I would not exchange him for five lessons. He’s doing publishing of a kind, and issuing natural science manuals and what a circulation they have! The very titles are worth the money! You always maintained that I was a fool, but by Jove, my boy, there are greater fools than I am! Now he is setting up for being advanced, not that he has an inkling of anything, but, of course, I encourage him.

Here are two signatures of the German text—in my opinion, the crudest charlatanism; it discusses the question, ‘Is woman a human being?’ And, of course, triumphantly proves that she is. Heruvimov is going to bring out this work as a contribution to the woman question; I am translating it; he will expand these two and a half signatures into six, we shall make up a gorgeous title half a page long and bring it out at half a rouble. It will do! He pays me six roubles the signature, it works out to about fifteen roubles for the job, and I’ve had six already in advance.

When we have finished this, we are going to begin a translation about whales, and then some of the dullest scandals out of the second part of Les Confessions we have marked for translation; somebody has told Heruvimov, that Rousseau was a kind of Radishchev. You may be sure I don’t contradict him, hang him! Well, would you like to do the second signature of ‘Is woman a human being?’ If you would, take the German and pens and paper—all those are provided, and take three roubles; for as I have had six roubles in

advance on the whole thing, three roubles come to you for your share.