BUSINESS유머(ENGLISH)

2003.11.05My father who barely graduated from high school always says that education is a valuable tool. When my sister wrote home from college to say her roommate was quitting school because she felt college was a rat race, my father wrote back : "Tell your roommate that life is the rat race. And college teaches you which rat to bet on." ▲rat race : 쥐들의 전쟁[구어] 격심하고 무의미한 경쟁, 경쟁사회  2003.11.06A Scotsman, dressed in his clan tartan, was standing on the platform of Kingsbridge railway station, Dublin, when another kilted Scot came along and inquired, “Where you bound for?”“I am going to Killarney on my honeymoon,” was the reply. “Where is your wife?” “Am not taking her,” said the bridegroom, ”She has been there before, so I left her home.” ▲clan : 씨족,벌족(특히 스코틀랜드 고지 사람들의)▲tartan : 스코틀랜드 고지 사람들의 격자무늬 옷▲kilt : 킬트(스코틀랜드 고지 사람들의 주름치마)▲Killarney : 킬라니(아이랜드 남서부의 아름다운 호수)  2003.11.07George’s wife had often come to her parish priest with complaints of her husband’s continual drinking and late hours. One day, the priest boarded a bus, spotted George deeply immersed in the paper, and sat down beside him. Finally, George looked up, nodded, and said, “Father, What causes gout?” “Gout,” said the priest, “is usually the result of too much drinking, late hours and sinful life.” “Well,” said George with a smirk, “it says here that Pope’s got gout bad.” ▲parish priest : 교구신부▲be immersed in : ∼에 몰두하다▲gout : 통풍▲smirk : 능글맞은 웃음 2003.11.08한사람의 슬기At the rural council, community leaders were discussing a proposal to build a wall round the churchyard. The general tone of the meeting was strongly in favor of the motion, until a member rose and said;“It’s obvious those outside the cemetery don’t want to get in, and those inside can’t get out. What on earth do we need a wall for?” The motion was dropped.▲ rural council : (시골)마을회의▲ community leaders : 마을 지도자들▲ churchyard : 교회부속 묘지▲ motion : 동의안▲ What on earth : 도대체 어째서 2003.11.10PayrollAmerican employers hired more than double the workers expected in October, pushing the jobless rate to its lowest since April and reinforcing hopes the labor market is catching up with the broader recovery. October's surge in employment - a jump of 126,000 in the number of workers on payrolls outside the farm sector - became the third monthly rise in a row. The October number was the largest rise since January, far outstripping analyst expectations for a 58,000 gain.  Treasury bond prices slumped after the data, which showed sizzling third-quarter 2003.11.11"I suppose you're right." said the man as he was dressing, "when you told me last night that there was a burglar in the house. ""Why?" "Because all the money that was in my pocket is gone." "Well, if you'd been brave and got up and shot the burglar you'd have your money this morning?" Possibly, but then I should have become a widower. She gave him back half the money. ▲burglar 도둑▲widower 홀아비  2003.11.12While serving in the army during the Korean War, an American officer was reassigned from combat to a training school in Seoul. He had a Korean orderly, whose newly acquired knowledge of English often produced results almost as frightening as life in the front lines. He would wake the officer each day by loudly whispering, “Captain, your time has come.” ▲reassigned from combat : 전투부대로부터(다른데로)재배치되어▲orderly : (군대의)전령, 잡역부, 하우스▲Time has come(너의)최후가 왔다, 곧 죽을 때가 되었다. 2003.11.13.A 75-year-old man won a million dollars in the sweep stakes. Since the grandfather had bad heart, the family was afraid the fact might excite and kill him. So they had their pastor come over and tell the old man the news. The paster asked the patient what he would do it he won a million dollars. "I'd give you and the church half of it," said the man. At that, the pastor fell over dead.▲ sweep stakes : 건 돈이 몽땅 당첨자에게 돌아가는 복권▲ fall over : 앞으로 고꾸라지다. DDU(관세미지급인도조건) : Delivered Duty Unpaid  - 수입통관을 제외하고, 목적지까지 물품을 인도하는 것으로, 목적지에 도착하는 운송수단으로 부터 양하하지 아니한 상태로 인도한다는 내용을 추가.  - 관세(duty)라는 용어는 통관절차의 책임과 절차, 관세, 조세 및 기타 부과금의 지급까지를 포함하는 의미로 사용.   - 수입통관절차와 그 비용과 위험을 매도인의 부담으로 하고자 할 경우에는, 계약상에 그 취지를 명시하도록 하였다.   - 모든 운송 방식에 사용할 수 있으나, 목적항의 갑판상이나 부두상에서 인도하는 해상운송에서는 DES나 DEQ 조건을 사용하도록 권고하고 있다.   - 매도인이 매수인뿐만 아니라 매수인이 지정한 기타 자에게도 인도할 수 있도록 내용을 추가함으로써 매수인 또는 그 지정인이 물품의 양하작업을 책임지도록 하였다. (DDP 조건에서도 동일)    DDP(관세지급필인도조건) : Delivered Duty Paid - 수입통관을 필하고 목적지까지 물품을 운반하여 인도하는 것으로, DDU 조건에서와 마찬가지로 목적지에 도착하는 운송수단으로 부터 양하하지 아니한 상태로 인도한다는 내용을 추가함.    2003.11.14A sheik from an oil rich Arab country tipped a New York restaurant waiter $100. Astonished, the waiter said. “I think you made a mistake.” “Let that be a lesson to you,” said the sheik.  If you expect me to come in here again, the service has got to improve.” ▲sheik : (회교 사회의)족장, 교주▲astonish : 깜짝 놀라게 하다▲Let that be a lesson to you : 그것으로부터 교훈을 얻어라.  2003.11.15A health inspector walked into a seedy-looking restaurant and asked for the proprietor. “I notice a sign outside that you’re serving rabbit stew today. Is it all rabbit?” “Well, actually it isn’t,” the proprietor had to admit. “There’s a little horse meat in it, too.” “How much horse meat?” quizzed the inspector. “It’s fifty-fifty mixture,” the man replied. “This is, one horse and one rabbit.” ▲health inspector : 위생검사관▲seedy-looking : 초라한 모습의▲ proprietor : 소유자, 경영자  2003.11.20.Two neighbors, riding home from work on the bus, were discussing the high cost of home repairs. "In recent weeks alone," one explained, "the TV man made two calls, a carpenter came to fix a leaky roof, an electrician was in to replace faulty wiring and they all charged exorbitant fees. Any more calamities will wreck the budget!" They got off and were headed for their respective homes when one of them froze-there was a plumber's van in his driveway. "Just for once," he said slowly, "I hope my wife is having an affair. ▲calamity : 재앙, 재해,불운▲wreck budget : 예산이 결딴나다.▲exorbitant : 엄청난, 터무니없는▲have an affair : 연애관계를 갖다. 정을 통하다. 2003.11.21 취직난At the post office the other day I realized how serious is the current economic slump. I watched a young man stamp a stack of letters and put all but one of them in the mail drop. Then he gazed lovingly at the last one, kissed it and dropped it down the slot. “Girlfriend?” I asked with a smile. “No, a job application,” he replied. I bought him lunch.▲ economic slump : 경제불황▲ a stack of letters : 여러 통의 편지▲gaze : 뚫어지게 보다, 응시하다 (at, on, upon, into) 2003.11.25.Porter was lining up his putt on the 8th green when suddenly a woman dressed in a bridal gown came running to ward him. “This is our wedding day,” she shouted. “How could you do this to me?” Listen, Linda,” said the golf nut, “I told you only if it’s raining . Only if it’s raining!” ▲gown : 긴 겉옷               arms and gown 전쟁과 평화               cap and gown 가운과 사각모 ((대학생?교수의 정장; cf. academic custume))▲bridal : 신부의; 혼례의▲ward : 감시하다, 억류, 감금▲line up one’s putt : 퍼트를 칠 준비를 하다▲golf nut : 골프광 2003.11.28 여자의꿈A college student had been dating a pretty blonde and brought her home one weekend for his parents to meet. Then suddenly the whole thing was off. He produced a letter she had written him setting forth what she expected out of marriage: a beautiful home, trip abroad, a convertible, and more. "How did you answer the letter?" "I merely told her that when I married I hoped to have children, but I didn't want my wife to be one of them," the son replied.▲set forth : 밝히다, 제시하다▲     2003.12.01 Personal BankruptcyThe number of personal bankruptcies is on the rise in the    2003.12.02미술애호In a room of his mansion, a nobleman once placed all his fine old paintings, and one mirror, to serve as an art gallery. Before each of these masterpieces, and also in front of the mirror, he laid a beautiful rug to protect his floor. After many years, the rugs before the paintings are frayed thin with the passing of many feet. The rug before the mirror, however, is almost new. It has been replaced for twenty-fifth time.▲fray : 닳다. 해어지다▲replace : 갈아놓다 2003.12.03 여자의 인내력“Woman has a remarkable perseverance. They can really withstand pain.” “How do you know so well?” “Yes see I’m running a shoe store specializing in high-heeled shoes.”▲ perseverance : 참을성▲withstand : ∼을견디어내다 2003.12.04 국위선양During the Cold War, in what they thought would be a great propaganda coup for the enhancement of their national prestige, a Russian government agent sent an order to an American rubber company for 1,000 gross of contraceptives 18 inches long and 8 inches in circumference. The American rubber company, well aware of the Russian motive, filled the order. But each container was label : MEDIUM Size.▲propaganda coup : 선전상의 쾌거▲enhancement of national prestige : 국위선양▲gross : 그로스(12다스, 곧 144개)▲circumference : 둘레 2003.12.05경영학 Two partners who studied business administration at a prestigious university opened a store that failed in a month. A third man, who had no schooling, bought the store from them and made a great success of it. “We can't understand it," they said to the man. "We studied business administration and failed. You, who never went to school, are a big success. Why?" "I buy a thing for one dollar and sell it for two dollars. I'm satisfied with my one percent profit," he said.▲ business administration : 경영학▲ prestigious university : 유명대학  2003.12.09(화) 남과 남After a long night at the bar, Joe gave the woman a ride home. She asked him in for nightcap. One thing led to another… After making love Joe rolled over and noticed a framed picture of another man on the bedside table. “Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously. “No,” she replied. “Your boyfriend then?” he asked, snuggling up to him. “Well, who is he then?” Calmly, the girl replied, “That’s me before the operation.▲nightcap : 잠자리에 들기 전의 마지막 한 잔▲snuggle : 바싹 다가붙다.▲roll over:굴러 넘어지다; <사람을> 자빠뜨리다; 【증권】 <상환 기한이 된 채무채권 등을> 신규 발행 채권으로 바꿔 사다.  2003.12.10 앵무새“Herbert,” said the mother to her six-year-old son, “is it possible that you are teaching the parrot to use dirty slang?” “No, mamma,” replied Herbert. “I was just telling him what not to say.”  2003.12.11 배나온 사람The little boy was in the habit of sucking his thumb all the time. His mother tried every way to break him of the habit. Then, one day she pointed to a fat man with a huge stomach and said that he had grown his stomach because he did not stop sucking his thumb. The next day the child was with his mother in a supermarket, and kept staring at a pregnant woman. Finally, he said to the woman, "I know what you've been doing." 2003.12.12 구세대섹스교육The bride’s mother had some old-fashioned ideas of marriage and passed them on to her daughter. “Never let your husband see you in the nude,” she advised. “Always wear something.” Two weeks after the wedding, the couple were preparing to retire when the fellow asked. “ Has there been any insanity in your family?” “No  2003.12.16 일하는 것과 노는  것Question: “What is a minor snowstorm?”Answer : “A minor snowstorm is a weather condition that makes it impossible for you to get to work.”Question : “ What is a major snowstorm?”Answer : “A major snowstorm is a weather condition that makes it impossible for you to get to a party.”  2003.12.17 술맛Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant owner waited nervously for the clerics’ reaction. “Quick, George,” he whispered to his waiter, “ What did they say?” “Nothing,” said the waiter. “They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets.”▲spike :음료에 술을 타다▲cleric :성직자▲slip into :슬쩍 –에넣다  2003.12.18 실업대책“So you think you could end all unemployment, do you?” asked the interviewer. “And how, if I may inquire?” “Why, I’d put all the men on one island and all the women on another.” “And what would they be doing then?” “They’ll all be busy building boats!”  2003.12.19 우주의 이치David-“You know, George, there is no point in looking for a beautiful, intelligent, healthy young woman.”George - “Why is that?”David – “All the beautiful intelligent, healthy young women are taken. It’s a basic law of the universe. And if you don’t like it, go somewhere else.”▲There is no point in looking for : 을 찾아봤자 헛수고다▲basic law of the universe : 우주의 기본 법칙 2003.12.22 잠언시리즈Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.▲ irreplaceable : 교체할 수 없는, 대신할 수 없는▲promote : 승진시키다 2003.12.23  연속극If people ever doubted the power of television soap operas, they had only to hear the following conversation in a department store: First woman : “What time is it?” Second woman : “Fifteen minutes past ‘General Hospital’.” 2003.12.24 남과여Many a relationship could be thrown a curve ball if women always told the truth in bed. Imagine the revelation…She : Get off of me, will you!He : What's the matter, am I hurting you?She : No, you're not hurting me, you're annoying me. You think you could hurt me with that?▲curve ball : 속임수, 책략▲revelation : 폭로, 뜻밖의 사실▲annoy :짜증나게 하다 2003.12.29 듣고픈 소리Three friends die in a car crash and find themselves at the Gates of Heaven. They are each asked a question by St. Peter. “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first guy says, “I would like them   2004.01.16 결사적 거사 05-07-19 여자와 나이Answering the doorbell one evening, I found my elderly neighbors standing in the hall with a piece of cake on a plate."My wife is eighty-six years old todays," he announced. "She wants you to have some of her birthday cake." I thanked him and sent my best wishes to his wife. About ten minutes later he was back, wearing a sheepish grin. " Sorry," he said, "I'd like to tell you my wife is only eighty-five today."sheepish grin : 어색한 웃음