What London can give me.
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Initially, I got an one-way ticket to London with only 1000 quids in my hand, totally spontaneously, with no plan at all.
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I 'planned' to be based in London travelling around till the money runs out.
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That luckily lasted for 5 months, and I became pretty much a socialite in the west end, enjoying parties in Anabelle, homehouse, shorditch house and private parties...
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The life was- to be precise- rather 'seemed' to be la vie en rose and I was absolutely care free, a glamorous party girl on a glitzing dance floor.
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London was great and that was a way out of persistent depressive mood in korea. I thought I knew what I wanted. And I was not lost at all in a chicken coop bus where 10 languages banging my ears.
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Second time, I returned to London for Master's degree. The life was miserable, all day was merely alternating between study and work.
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Life was too demanding, squeezing out all the left saps of laughter, vigor, curiosity in my eyes and my soul.
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I felt into even more severe depression which lasted well over 2weeks. Depression..., as defined in DSM-IV criteria. anhedonic emotional status, no interest, hopelessness.. despite no thoughts of self harm, it became my personality.
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I had to fill my self up with emotional vitamin C. And my mother's unconditional love was perfect source to re-vitalize my soul.
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Creep and crawl self esteem got back to walking and running.
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Now I got a job in a british company that I have a different perspective about what London can give me and my life seems to get back on the right track.
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Pretty secure job, I have my own room. Still buzzing mobile to call me out for fancy parties in the central London.
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However, something missing...something always missing that I cannot identify.
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funny enough, even in the better situation. I always lack of trust, sense of belonging and the love..and the love.
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Tonight, I am desperate for my mom's special cuisine, hot vegetable soup with full of emotional vitamine.
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She still says she is so thankful for the God that I now have a full time employment and try to build my future in the UK for myself.
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She stills says that she does not need any present from me that I am the present of her life from the God.
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It would be hard to summarize my crazy time in the UK. But all fed me to grow up more. I may be not that articulate to express my thoughts and feelings. But this work had to be done at some point before this year is gone.. from the time I embarked on an intrepid adventure to explore the extreme sides of the life to myself at present.
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Again, I should remind myself that life is not always rose and champaign, nevertheless eventually it is left to myself to be happy.
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Thank you for all again.
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merry christmast and happy new year.
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Best wishes.
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Angie J Lee
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Hello Angela, If I may ask a few things as it is very very intriguing, Was it your glamour or beauty that enabled you to mingle with Brits in the west end on your very 1st vistit to London? or intelligece, of course, I should say. Very Impressive! How could you ever so quick to be in the ladder of socialite status in the west end. Were you already fluent in the language at the time? You summed up your life in a short line of space very well, but you just left some indication that there's still something missing in your life. Wat is it then? - Perhaps, a true love or something like that?
Did you not have time to meet great ppl in those parties? Not me personally as all the parties I have ever been to were, frankly, sort of squat parties. hhh., All happened are like in an empty mirror. I have not really come across that many Koreans, particularily males who have successfully blended into the British community yet. I mean, not only jobwise but culturally in all aspects . I guess it is not easy unless you had your early education here in Britain, how about you?...Lastly, the paragraph 2nd from the bottom, what work are you referring to? Excuz-moir for my lack of spelling ,
first. I mingle with people from everywehre all walks of life. mostly, 1 british 1 american, canadian, german, not anymore french, some spanish. as you might know, London is pretty much multi cultural. I guess to enjoy london, just you need toknow right people to mix, right place to party. 2. My english was not bad at that time since I had stayed in Newzealand for 6months. 3.Regarding somethign missing...perhaps some emotional support and the values that I miss here, that I should find out more. I dont like the word 'true love' since I dont believe true or false judgement in love.
4. Yes, there were good chances to meet some interesting people, but it doesnt not mean that I clicked with them. 5. I do not think early education in the UK is essential to the vibrant social life at all. London is a great place where you can build up human network with interesting and influential people from the squre one. Only reason that I write in English is that I dont have a programme to type korean. For the last..I am willing to know some korean people. especially some female friends would be good companies. intelligent,genuine and intriguing character would be a bonus.
I did not expect anyone woudl read and leave a comment, but I am glad that you enjoyed reading it. Thanks. All the best and lovely sparkely christmas.!
Just woke up, can't open my eyes. just a little comments for now, yes, the 'true xxxx' does not sound nice anymore - sometimes, I would not use the term often. it does carry this'stale' palate in it.
Different ppl ask me sometimes where I am from and I say 'I am from everywhere', 'I am from Disneyland','I am from the Police',whatever. I do not care as much as the way I used to. don't know why. Maybe the ppl from 'different walks of life' have done something to my head,in my mindset. I can see mature attitudes deriving from art, philosophy and psychiatry in the 'true or flase judgement in love' hh. In relation to no.5. I believe you can get there to a certain extent.then,there you go,when it comes to intimacy foreign ones are relatively easy but aren't Brits slightly odd,sophisticated ones?
Though not essential, that might just be on the surface level unless otherwise you had spent considerable time here. Understanding their humour, thoughts and life to the core is not that simple. I do not know.
그 동안의 영국에서의 달고, 쓰고, 짜고, 울고, 웃고, depressed했던 시간들을 intensitve하게 압축해서 쓰셨는데, 결국은 영국에 잘 정착해가시는것 같아 보기 좋네요.^^ 어딘가 나와 비슷한 부분이 많은듯.. 나는 좀 더 인내해야 내 자리를 만들수 있을것 같긴한데.. 2009년이 지나고 클스마스될때쯤, 나도 Angie같은 간증(? ㅋㅋ)하게되길 바라며.. Congrats
첫댓글 영어 한참 재미 들리신 분 같네요...ㅋㅋ 좋아요.
하나도모르겟음ㅜㅜ
긴글 잘 읽었습니다... 영국회사에 취업하셨다니 왕 부럽습니다... 그 만큼 고생 많이 하신 결과라고 생각하며... 메리 크리스마스~
영국회사..저도 취업하고시퍼요~자리찾으신 런던 삶에 축하를!!
Hello Angela, If I may ask a few things as it is very very intriguing, Was it your glamour or beauty that enabled you to mingle with Brits in the west end on your very 1st vistit to London? or intelligece, of course, I should say. Very Impressive! How could you ever so quick to be in the ladder of socialite status in the west end. Were you already fluent in the language at the time? You summed up your life in a short line of space very well, but you just left some indication that there's still something missing in your life. Wat is it then? - Perhaps, a true love or something like that?
Did you not have time to meet great ppl in those parties? Not me personally as all the parties I have ever been to were, frankly, sort of squat parties. hhh., All happened are like in an empty mirror. I have not really come across that many Koreans, particularily males who have successfully blended into the British community yet. I mean, not only jobwise but culturally in all aspects . I guess it is not easy unless you had your early education here in Britain, how about you?...Lastly, the paragraph 2nd from the bottom, what work are you referring to? Excuz-moir for my lack of spelling ,
All the best. Yes , "What Lonon offers you" is great!!!
first. I mingle with people from everywehre all walks of life. mostly, 1 british 1 american, canadian, german, not anymore french, some spanish. as you might know, London is pretty much multi cultural. I guess to enjoy london, just you need toknow right people to mix, right place to party. 2. My english was not bad at that time since I had stayed in Newzealand for 6months. 3.Regarding somethign missing...perhaps some emotional support and the values that I miss here, that I should find out more. I dont like the word 'true love' since I dont believe true or false judgement in love.
4. Yes, there were good chances to meet some interesting people, but it doesnt not mean that I clicked with them. 5. I do not think early education in the UK is essential to the vibrant social life at all. London is a great place where you can build up human network with interesting and influential people from the squre one. Only reason that I write in English is that I dont have a programme to type korean. For the last..I am willing to know some korean people. especially some female friends would be good companies. intelligent,genuine and intriguing character would be a bonus.
woudl be great to have a company to have some tea.
I did not expect anyone woudl read and leave a comment, but I am glad that you enjoyed reading it. Thanks. All the best and lovely sparkely christmas.!
크리스마스는 지났지만 그래도 happy new year!!!이건 할수 있네요 ㅎ
Just woke up, can't open my eyes. just a little comments for now, yes, the 'true xxxx' does not sound nice anymore - sometimes, I would not use the term often. it does carry this'stale' palate in it.
Different ppl ask me sometimes where I am from and I say 'I am from everywhere', 'I am from Disneyland','I am from the Police',whatever. I do not care as much as the way I used to. don't know why. Maybe the ppl from 'different walks of life' have done something to my head,in my mindset. I can see mature attitudes deriving from art, philosophy and psychiatry in the 'true or flase judgement in love' hh. In relation to no.5. I believe you can get there to a certain extent.then,there you go,when it comes to intimacy foreign ones are relatively easy but aren't Brits slightly odd,sophisticated ones?
Though not essential, that might just be on the surface level unless otherwise you had spent considerable time here. Understanding their humour, thoughts and life to the core is not that simple. I do not know.
love, 그 단어만으로도 가슴에서 뜨거운 게 솟아나오네요. 어머니로부터 전해받고 계시는 그 애정의 크기가 그리고 그애정이 지탱하고 있는 것들의 무게가 와닿습니다. 잘 읽고 갑니다.. 좋은 이야기 감사해요.
저 여쭈어 볼게 있어서 그러는데요. 메일 주소 좀 알려주시겠어요. king's college 석사 관련해서 여쭐려구요. 전 약사인데 그 쪽으로 좀 궁금한게 있어서요. 부탁드립니다. 정회원이 아니라 이메일 보내기가 안 되네요.
그 동안의 영국에서의 달고, 쓰고, 짜고, 울고, 웃고, depressed했던 시간들을 intensitve하게 압축해서 쓰셨는데, 결국은 영국에 잘 정착해가시는것 같아 보기 좋네요.^^ 어딘가 나와 비슷한 부분이 많은듯.. 나는 좀 더 인내해야 내 자리를 만들수 있을것 같긴한데.. 2009년이 지나고 클스마스될때쯤, 나도 Angie같은 간증(? ㅋㅋ)하게되길 바라며.. Congrats