PART 2 // chapter 3-3

[모나리자]

그는 두 잔을 따르고, 저녁을 남겨두고, 다시 소파에 앉았다. 이전처럼 그는 왼팔을 병든 사람의 머리에 두르고, 그를 일으켜 세운 다음, 숟가락으로 차를 주며, 마치 이 과정이 친구의 회복을 위한 가장 중요하고 효과적인 수단인 것처럼, 다시 한 번 숟가락 하나하나를 꾸준하고 진지하게 불어넣었다.

라스콜니코프는 아무 말도 하지 않고 저항도 하지 않았지만, 그는 소파에 기대지 않고 앉을 만큼 충분히 힘이 세다고 느꼈고, 그저 컵이나 숟가락을 잡을 수 없었을 뿐만 아니라, 심지어 걸어다닐 수도 있었을 것이다. 하지만 어떤 기이하고 거의 동물적인 교활함에서 그는 자신의 힘을 숨기고 잠시 동안 몸을 낮추고, 필요하다면 아직 자신의 능력을 완전히 발휘하지 못한 척하면서, 그동안 무슨 일이 일어나고 있는지 알아내기 위해 귀를 기울이는 아이디어를 생각해냈다.

하지만 그는 혐오감을 극복할 수 없었다. 그는 차를 열두 숟갈 마신 후, 갑자기 머리를 놓고, 변덕스럽게 숟가락을 밀어내고, 베개에 다시 몸을 맡겼다. 이제 그의 머리 아래에는 실제로 베개가 놓여 있었고, 깨끗한 케이스에 담긴 솜털 베개도 있었습니다. 그는 그것을 보고 주목했습니다. "파셴카가 오늘 라즈베리 차를 만들어 줄 라즈베리 잼을 좀 줘야 해." 라주미힌이 말하며 의자로 돌아가 수프와 맥주를 다시 먹었습니다.

"그리고 그녀는 어디서 당신을 위해 라즈베리를 구해올까요?" 나스타샤가 다섯 손가락으로 접시를 잡고 설탕 덩어리를 통해 차를 마시며 물었습니다. "그녀는 가게에서 구할 거야, 자기야. 로디아, 당신이 누워 있는 동안 온갖 일이 일어났어. 당신이 주소를 남기지 않고 그렇게 엉뚱하게 도망쳤을 때, 나는 너무 화가 나서 당신을 찾아내서 처벌하기로 결심했어. 나는 그날 바로 일을 시작했어.

당신을 위해 얼마나 많은 것을 알아내려고 뛰어다녔는지! 당신의 이 숙박 시설은 잊었지만, 사실 전혀 기억하지 못했어. 사실, 몰랐거든; 그리고 당신의 옛 숙소에 관해서는, 그것은 파이브 코너스, 할라모프의 집에 있었던 것으로만 기억할 수 있었습니다. 저는 계속 할라모프의 집을 찾으려고 노력했고, 나중에 그것은 할라모프의 집이 아니라 부흐의 집이라는 것이 밝혀졌습니다. 때때로 얼마나 혼란스러운지! 그래서 저는 화를 내고, 다음 날 주소록에 갔고, 그저 상상만 했을 뿐, 그들은 2분 만에 당신을 찾았습니다!

당신의 이름이 거기에 있습니다." "제 이름!" "그럴 것 같습니다. 하지만 제가 거기에 있는 동안 그들은 코벨레프 장군을 찾을 수 없었습니다. 글쎄요, 긴 이야기입니다. 하지만 제가 이곳에 도착하자마자 저는 곧 당신의 모든 일을 알게 되었습니다. 모든 것, 모든 것, 형제여, 저는 모든 것을 알고 있습니다. 여기 있는 나스타샤가 당신에게 말할 것입니다. 나는 니코딤 포미치와 일리야 페트로비치, 그리고 집수리와 자메토프 씨, 경찰서의 서기장 알렉산드르 그리고리예비치, 그리고 마지막으로 파셴카를 알게 되었다. 나스타샤는 알고 있다...” “그가 그녀를 쫓고 있다.” 나스타샤가 교활하게 웃으며 중얼거렸다.

“나스타샤 니키포로브나, 왜 차에 설탕을 넣지 않니?” “너는 하나야!” 나스타샤가 갑자기 소리치며 킥킥 웃었다. “나는 니키포로브나가 아니라 페트로브나야.” 그녀는 갑자기 웃음에서 깨어나며 덧붙였다. “내가 적어둘게. 글쎄, 형님, 간단히 말해서, 나는 이 지역의 모든 악의적인 영향력을 근절하기 위해 여기서 정기적인 폭발을 일으키려고 했지만, 파셴카가 승리했다. 형님, 그녀가 그렇게... 매력적이라고 ​​생각할 줄은 몰랐어요. 어, 어떻게 생각하세요?” 라스콜니코프는 말을 하지 않았지만, 그는 여전히 그를 바라보며 불안에 가득 차 있었다.

"그리고 모든 면에서 바라던 모든 것이 있었지." 라주미힌은 그의 침묵에 전혀 당황하지 않고 말을 이었다. "아, 교활한 개!" 나스타샤가 다시 비명을 질렀다. 이 대화는 그녀에게 형언할 수 없는 기쁨을 안겨주었다. "형님, 처음에 제대로 된 방식으로 일을 시작하지 않으셔서 안타깝습니다. 그녀에게 다르게 접근했어야 했습니다. 그녀는 말하자면 가장 책임감 없는 인물입니다. 하지만 그녀의 성격에 대해서는 나중에 이야기하겠습니다.... 그녀가 당신에게 저녁을 보내는 것을 포기할 정도로 일이 이렇게까지 진행되게 둘 수 있었습니까? 그리고 I O U? I O U에 서명한 것은 미친 짓이었을 겁니다.

그리고 그녀의 딸 나탈리아 예고로브나가 살아 있을 때 결혼을 약속한 것은?... 저는 다 알고 있습니다! 하지만 그것이 섬세한 문제라는 것을 알고 있고 저는 엉덩이입니다. 용서해 주세요. 하지만 어리석음에 대해 말하자면, 프라스코비야 파블로브나가 첫눈에 생각하는 것만큼 어리석지 않다는 걸 알고 있나요?" "아니요." 라스콜니코프가 중얼거리며 시선을 돌렸지만 대화를 이어가는 게 낫다고 생각했다.

He poured out two cups, left his dinner, and sat on the sofa again. As before, he put his left arm round the sick man’s head, raised him up and gave him tea in spoonfuls, again blowing each spoonful steadily and earnestly, as though this process was the principal and most effective means towards his friend’s recovery.

Raskolnikov said nothing and made no resistance, though he felt quite strong enough to sit up on the sofa without support and could not merely have held a cup or a spoon, but even perhaps could have walked about. But from some queer, almost animal, cunning he conceived the idea of hiding his strength and lying low for a time, pretending if necessary not to be yet in full possession of his faculties, and meanwhile listening to find out what was going on.

Yet he could not overcome his sense of repugnance. After sipping a dozen spoonfuls of tea, he suddenly released his head, pushed the spoon away capriciously, and sank back on the pillow. There were actually real pillows under his head now, down pillows in clean cases, he observed that, too, and took note of it. “Pashenka must give us some raspberry jam to-day to make him some raspberry tea,” said Razumihin, going back to his chair and attacking his soup and beer again.

“And where is she to get raspberries for you?” asked Nastasya, balancing a saucer on her five outspread fingers and sipping tea through a lump of sugar. “She’ll get it at the shop, my dear. You see, Rodya, all sorts of things have been happening while you have been laid up. When you decamped in that rascally way without leaving your address, I felt so angry that I resolved to find you out and punish you. I set to work that very day.

How I ran about making inquiries for you! This lodging of yours I had forgotten, though I never remembered it, indeed, because I did not know it; and as for your old lodgings, I could only remember it was at the Five Corners, Harlamov’s house. I kept trying to find that Harlamov’s house, and afterwards it turned out that it was not Harlamov’s, but Buch’s. How one muddles up sound sometimes! So I lost my temper, and I went on the chance to the address bureau next day, and only fancy, in two minutes they looked you up!

Your name is down there.” “My name!” “I should think so; and yet a General Kobelev they could not find while I was there. Well, it’s a long story. But as soon as I did land on this place, I soon got to know all your affairs—all, all, brother, I know everything; Nastasya here will tell you. I made the acquaintance of Nikodim Fomitch and Ilya Petrovitch, and the house-porter and Mr. Zametov, Alexandr Grigorievitch, the head clerk in the police office, and, last, but not least, of Pashenka; Nastasya here knows....” “He’s got round her,” Nastasya murmured, smiling slyly.

“Why don’t you put the sugar in your tea, Nastasya Nikiforovna?” “You are a one!” Nastasya cried suddenly, going off into a giggle. “I am not Nikiforovna, but Petrovna,” she added suddenly, recovering from her mirth. “I’ll make a note of it. Well, brother, to make a long story short, I was going in for a regular explosion here to uproot all malignant influences in the locality, but Pashenka won the day. I had not expected, brother, to find her so... prepossessing. Eh, what do you think?” Raskolnikov did not speak, but he still kept his eyes fixed upon him, full of alarm.

“And all that could be wished, indeed, in every respect,” Razumihin went on, not at all embarrassed by his silence. “Ah, the sly dog!” Nastasya shrieked again. This conversation afforded her unspeakable delight. “It’s a pity, brother, that you did not set to work in the right way at first. You ought to have approached her differently. She is, so to speak, a most unaccountable character. But we will talk about her character later.... How could you let things come to such a pass that she gave up sending you your dinner? And that I O U? You must have been mad to sign an I O U.

And that promise of marriage when her daughter, Natalya Yegorovna, was alive?... I know all about it! But I see that’s a delicate matter and I am an ass; forgive me. But, talking of foolishness, do you know Praskovya Pavlovna is not nearly so foolish as you would think at first sight?” “No,” mumbled Raskolnikov, looking away, but feeling that it was better to keep up the conversation.