PART 2 // chapter 3-4

[모나리자]

"그녀는 그렇지 않죠?" 라주미힌이 그에게서 답을 얻어 기뻐하며 소리쳤다. "하지만 그녀도 그다지 똑똑하지 않잖아요? 그녀는 본질적으로, 본질적으로 책임을 질 수 없는 인물이에요! 저는 때때로 매우 당황해요, 확실히 말씀드립니다... 그녀는 40살일 거예요. 그녀는 36살이라고 말했고, 물론 그렇게 말할 모든 권리가 있어요.

하지만 저는 그녀를 지적으로, 단순히 형이상학적 관점에서 판단한다고 맹세합니다. 우리 사이에 일종의 상징주의가 생겨났어요. 일종의 대수학이거나 뭐 그런 거예요! 이해가 안 가요! 글쎄요, 그건 다 헛소리예요. 다만, 당신은 이제 학생이 아니고 수업과 옷을 잃었고, 그 젊은 아가씨의 죽음으로 그녀가 당신을 친척으로 대할 필요가 없다는 것을 보고, 그녀는 갑자기 놀랐어요. 그리고 당신이 굴에 숨어 그녀와의 모든 오래된 관계를 끊자, 그녀는 당신을 없애려고 계획했어요.

그리고 그녀는 오랫동안 그 디자인을 소중히 간직해왔지만, 당신이 당신의 어머니가 지불할 것이라고 그녀에게 직접 확신시켰기 때문에 I O U를 잃게 되어 유감이었습니다."

"내가 그렇게 말한 것은 천박했습니다... 제 어머니 자신은 거의 거지입니다... 그리고 저는 제 숙소를 유지하고... 먹을 것을 얻기 위해 거짓말을 했습니다." 라스콜니코프가 크고 분명하게 말했습니다. "네, 당신은 매우 현명하게 행동했습니다. 하지만 가장 나쁜 것은 그때 사업가인 체바로프 씨가 나타났다는 것입니다.

파셴카는 결코 스스로를 위해 아무것도 할 생각을 하지 않았을 것입니다. 그녀는 너무 수줍어합니다. 하지만 사업가는 결코 수줍어하지 않으며, 그는 첫 번째로 'I O U를 실현할 희망이 있습니까?'라고 질문합니다. 답은 있습니다. 왜냐하면 그는 로디아가 굶어 죽어야 한다면 125루블의 연금으로 그녀를 구해줄 어머니가 있고, 그를 위해 속박에 빠질 자매도 있기 때문입니다. 그게 그가 쌓고 있던 것이었습니다.... 왜 시작하세요? 이제 당신의 모든 일의 내막을 알고 있습니다, 내 사랑하는 아들아—당신이 파센카의 사위가 될 때 그녀에게 그렇게 솔직했던 것은 아무것도 아닙니다. 그리고 저는 친구로서 이 모든 것을 말합니다....

하지만 저는 그것이 무엇인지 말씀드리겠습니다. 정직하고 예민한 사람은 솔직하고 사업가는 '귀를 기울이고 계속 당신을 먹어치웁니다'. 글쎄요, 그러자 그녀는 체바로프에게 지불의 의미로 I O U를 주었고, 그는 주저 없이 지불을 공식적으로 요구했습니다. 이 모든 것을 들었을 때 저도 양심을 깨끗이 하기 위해 그를 폭파하고 싶었지만, 그때쯤에는 저와 파센카 사이에 조화가 이루어졌고, 저는 모든 일을 중단하고 당신이 지불해야 한다고 주장했습니다.

저는 당신을 위해 경비를 섰습니다, 형님. 이해하시나요? 우리는 체바로프를 불러서 10루블을 던지고 그에게서 I O U를 돌려받았고, 이제 당신에게 그것을 제시할 영광을 얻었습니다. 그녀는 지금 당신의 말을 믿습니다. 여기, 받아, 내가 찢어 버렸어." 라주미힌이 그 메모를 탁자 위에 놓았다. 라스콜니코프는 그를 바라보며 아무 말도 하지 않고 벽을 향했다. 라주미힌조차도 찌르는 듯한 아픔을 느꼈다. "알겠어요, 형님." 그는 잠시 후 말했다. "제가 또 바보짓을 하고 있었군요. 제 수다로 당신을 즐겁게 하려고 했는데, 오히려 당신을 화나게 했을 뿐인 것 같아요." "제가 정신이 나갔을 때 당신을 알아보지 못했어요?"

라스콜니코프는 잠시 멈춘 후 고개를 돌리지 않고 물었다.

"그래요, 그리고 당신은 그것에 대해 격노했어요. 특히 어느 날 제가 자메토프를 데려왔을 때요." "자메토프? 서기장? 왜?" 라스콜니코프는 재빨리 돌아서서 라주미힌을 바라보았다. "무슨 일이에요?... ​​무슨 일로 화가 났어요? 그는 제가 당신에 대해 많이 이야기했기 때문에 당신을 알고 싶어 했어요.... 그가 아니면 어떻게 그렇게 많은 것을 알 수 있었겠어요?

그는 훌륭한 친구야, 형, 일류야... 물론, 그 나름대로 말이야. 지금은 친구야. 거의 매일 만나. 나도 이 지경이 되었어, 알다시피. 방금 이사를 왔어. 한두 번 루이제 이바노브나에 같이 갔었어... 루이제 기억나, 루이제 이바노브나? "내가 정신없이 뭐 말했어?" "그럴 것 같아! 정신이 나갔어." "내가 뭐라고 떠벌렸어?" "그럼 뭐 떠벌렸어? 사람들이 떠벌리는 건 뭐지... 글쎄, 형님, 이제 시간을 낭비해서는 안 돼. 일하러." 그는 테이블에서 일어나 모자를 집어들었다. "내가 뭐라고 떠벌렸어?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“She isn’t, is she?” cried Razumihin, delighted to get an answer out of him. “But she is not very clever either, eh? She is essentially, essentially an unaccountable character! I am sometimes quite at a loss, I assure you.... She must be forty; she says she is thirty-six, and of course she has every right to say so.

But I swear I judge her intellectually, simply from the metaphysical point of view; there is a sort of symbolism sprung up between us, a sort of algebra or what not! I don’t understand it! Well, that’s all nonsense. Only, seeing that you are not a student now and have lost your lessons and your clothes, and that through the young lady’s death she has no need to treat you as a relation, she suddenly took fright; and as you hid in your den and dropped all your old relations with her, she planned to get rid of you.

And she’s been cherishing that design a long time, but was sorry to lose the I O U, for you assured her yourself that your mother would pay.”

“It was base of me to say that.... My mother herself is almost a beggar... and I told a lie to keep my lodging... and be fed,” Raskolnikov said loudly and distinctly. “Yes, you did very sensibly. But the worst of it is that at that point Mr. Tchebarov turns up, a business man.

Pashenka would never have thought of doing anything on her own account, she is too retiring; but the business man is by no means retiring, and first thing he puts the question, ‘Is there any hope of realising the I O U?’ Answer: there is, because he has a mother who would save her Rodya with her hundred and twenty-five roubles pension, if she has to starve herself; and a sister, too, who would go into bondage for his sake. That’s what he was building upon.... Why do you start? I know all the ins and outs of your affairs now, my dear boy—it’s not for nothing that you were so open with Pashenka when you were her prospective son-in-law, and I say all this as a friend....

But I tell you what it is; an honest and sensitive man is open; and a business man ‘listens and goes on eating’ you up. Well, then she gave the I O U by way of payment to this Tchebarov, and without hesitation he made a formal demand for payment. When I heard of all this I wanted to blow him up, too, to clear my conscience, but by that time harmony reigned between me and Pashenka, and I insisted on stopping the whole affair, engaging that you would pay.

I went security for you, brother. Do you understand? We called Tchebarov, flung him ten roubles and got the I O U back from him, and here I have the honour of presenting it to you. She trusts your word now. Here, take it, you see I have torn it.” Razumihin put the note on the table. Raskolnikov looked at him and turned to the wall without uttering a word. Even Razumihin felt a twinge. “I see, brother,” he said a moment later, “that I have been playing the fool again. I thought I should amuse you with my chatter, and I believe I have only made you cross.” “Was it you I did not recognise when I was delirious?”

Raskolnikov asked, after a moment’s pause without turning his head.

“Yes, and you flew into a rage about it, especially when I brought Zametov one day.” “Zametov? The head clerk? What for?” Raskolnikov turned round quickly and fixed his eyes on Razumihin. “What’s the matter with you?... What are you upset about? He wanted to make your acquaintance because I talked to him a lot about you.... How could I have found out so much except from him?

He is a capital fellow, brother, first-rate... in his own way, of course. Now we are friends—see each other almost every day. I have moved into this part, you know. I have only just moved. I’ve been with him to Luise Ivanovna once or twice.... Do you remember Luise, Luise Ivanovna? “Did I say anything in delirium?” “I should think so! You were beside yourself.” “What did I rave about?” “What next? What did you rave about? What people do rave about.... Well, brother, now I must not lose time. To work.” He got up from the table and took up his cap. “What did I rave about?”