PART 2 // chapter 3-5

[모나리자]

"그 녀석이 어떻게 계속해! 뭔가 비밀을 누설한 게 두려운 거야? 걱정하지 마. 백작 부인에 대해서는 아무 말도 안 했잖아. 하지만 불독에 대해서는 많이 말했고, 귀걸이와 체인에 대해서도, 크레스토프스키 섬에 대해서도, 어떤 하인에 대해서도, 니코딤 포미치에 대해서도, 그리고 부감독인 일리야 페트로비치에 대해서도 말이야. 그리고 네게 특별히 흥미로웠던 또 다른 것은 네 양말이었어. 네가 '내 양말 줘.' 하고 징징거렸지. 자메토프는 네 양말을 찾아 네 방을 뒤졌고, 향기가 나는 반지 장식이 있는 손가락으로 걸레를 네게 주었어.

그때야 너는 위로를 받았고, 그 다음 24시간 동안 너는 그 비참한 물건을 손에 쥐고 있었어. 우리는 네게서 그것을 얻을 수 없었어. 아마 지금 이 순간 네 이불 아래 어딘가에 있을 거야. 그러고 나서 너는 바지에 쓸 프린지를 그렇게 애처롭게 요구했지. 우리는 어떤 종류의 프린지인지 알아내려고 했지만 알아낼 수 없었어. 이제 본론으로 들어가자! 여기 35루블이 있습니다. 저는 그중 10루블을 가져가서 한두 시간 후에 당신에게 계산을 해드리겠습니다. 조시모프에게도 동시에 알려드리겠습니다. 그는 오래 전에 여기 와 있어야 했지만, 벌써 12시가 다 되어갑니다. 그리고 당신, 나스타샤, 내가 없는 동안 자주 들러서 그가 음료나 다른 것을 원하는지 살펴보세요. 그리고 파셴카에게 제가 직접 원하는 것을 말하겠습니다.

안녕!" "그는 그녀를 파셴카라고 부르네요! 아, 그는 깊은 사람이군요!" 나스타샤가 나가면서 말했습니다. 그러고 나서 그녀는 문을 열고 서서 귀를 기울였지만, 그를 따라 아래층으로 달려가는 것을 참을 수 없었습니다. 그녀는 그가 집주인에게 무슨 말을 할지 매우 듣고 싶었습니다. 그녀는 분명히 라주미힌에게 매우 매료되어 있었습니다. 그녀가 방을 나가자마자 병자는 이불을 벗어던지고 미친 사람처럼 침대에서 뛰쳐나왔습니다. 그는 불타고 경련하는 조바심으로 그들이 떠나서 일을 시작할 때까지 기다렸습니다. 하지만 무슨 일을 하려고? 이제, 마치 그를 괴롭히는 듯이, 그것은 그를 피했다.

"맙소사, 한 가지만 말해줘. 그들이 아직 그것을 알고 있는지 아닌지? 그들이 그것을 알고 있지만 단지 척하고, 내가 누워 있는 동안 나를 조롱하고, 그들이 들어와서 그것이 오래 전에 발견되었고 그들이 단지... 이제 나는 무엇을 해야 할까? 그것이 내가 일부러 잊은 것이다. 한꺼번에 잊었다. 나는 1분 전에 기억해냈다." 그는 방 한가운데 서서 비참하고 당혹스러운 표정으로 주변을 응시했다. 그는 문으로 걸어가 문을 열고 귀를 기울였다. 하지만 그것은 그가 원하는 것이 아니었다.

갑자기, 무언가를 떠올리듯 그는 종이 아래에 구멍이 난 구석으로 달려가서 그것을 살펴보기 시작했고, 구멍에 손을 넣고 더듬었다. 하지만 그게 아니었다. 그는 난로로 가서 난로를 열고 재를 뒤지기 시작했다. 바지의 닳은 가장자리와 주머니에서 잘린 누더기가 그가 던진 그대로 그대로 놓여 있었다. 아무도 보지 못했구나! 그때 그는 라주미힌이 방금 그에게 말했던 양말을 떠올렸다.

그래, 이불 아래 소파에 놓여 있었지만, 먼지와 때가 너무 많이 묻어서 자메토프는 아무것도 볼 수 없었을 것이다.

"바, 자메토프! 경찰서야! 왜 경찰서로 불려가? 통지서는 어디 있지? 바! 난 엉뚱한 짓을 하고 있어. 그때는 그랬어. 그때도 양말을 보았지만, 지금은... 지금은 몸이 아팠어. 하지만 자메토프가 왜 온 거지? 라주미힌이 왜 그를 데려왔지?" 그는 다시 소파에 멍하니 앉아 중얼거렸다. "무슨 뜻이지? 아직도 정신이 나간 거지? 아니면 진짜인가? 진짜라고 믿어.... 아, 기억났어. 꼭 도망쳐야 해! 서둘러 도망쳐. 그래, 꼭, 꼭 도망쳐야 해! 그래... 하지만 어디에? 그리고 내 옷은 어디 있지? 부츠가 없어. 놈들이 가져갔어! 숨겼어! 알겠어!

아, 여기 내 코트가 있어—그들은 그것을 넘겼어! 그리고 여기 테이블에 돈이 있어, 신의 감사! 그리고 여기 I O U가 있어... 돈을 가지고 다른 숙소로 가겠어. 그들은 날 못 찾을 거야!... 그래, 하지만 주소국은? 그들은 날 찾을 거야, 라주미힌이 날 찾을 거야. 다 도망가는 게 낫겠어... 멀리... 미국으로 가서 그들이 최악을 다하게 내버려두는 거야! 그리고 I O U를 가져가... 거기서는 쓸모가 있을 거야.... 또 뭘 가져가야 할까? 그들은 내가 아프다고 생각해! 내가 걸을 수 있다는 걸 모르잖아, 하하하! 그들의 눈으로 보면 그들이 다 안다는 걸 알 수 있어! 아래층으로 내려갈 수만 있다면! 그리고 그들이 거기에 경비를 세웠다면—경찰들이야! 이 차는 뭐야? 아, 그리고 여기 맥주가 남았어, 반 병, 차갑게!”

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“How he keeps on! Are you afraid of having let out some secret? Don’t worry yourself; you said nothing about a countess. But you said a lot about a bulldog, and about ear-rings and chains, and about Krestovsky Island, and some porter, and Nikodim Fomitch and Ilya Petrovitch, the assistant superintendent. And another thing that was of special interest to you was your own sock. You whined, ‘Give me my sock.’ Zametov hunted all about your room for your socks, and with his own scented, ring-bedecked fingers he gave you the rag.

And only then were you comforted, and for the next twenty-four hours you held the wretched thing in your hand; we could not get it from you. It is most likely somewhere under your quilt at this moment. And then you asked so piteously for fringe for your trousers. We tried to find out what sort of fringe, but we could not make it out. Now to business! Here are thirty-five roubles; I take ten of them, and shall give you an account of them in an hour or two. I will let Zossimov know at the same time, though he ought to have been here long ago, for it is nearly twelve. And you, Nastasya, look in pretty often while I am away, to see whether he wants a drink or anything else. And I will tell Pashenka what is wanted myself.

Good-bye!” “He calls her Pashenka! Ah, he’s a deep one!” said Nastasya as he went out; then she opened the door and stood listening, but could not resist running downstairs after him. She was very eager to hear what he would say to the landlady. She was evidently quite fascinated by Razumihin. No sooner had she left the room than the sick man flung off the bedclothes and leapt out of bed like a madman. With burning, twitching impatience he had waited for them to be gone so that he might set to work. But to what work? Now, as though to spite him, it eluded him.

“Good God, only tell me one thing: do they know of it yet or not? What if they know it and are only pretending, mocking me while I am laid up, and then they will come in and tell me that it’s been discovered long ago and that they have only... What am I to do now? That’s what I’ve forgotten, as though on purpose; forgotten it all at once, I remembered a minute ago.” He stood in the middle of the room and gazed in miserable bewilderment about him; he walked to the door, opened it, listened; but that was not what he wanted.

Suddenly, as though recalling something, he rushed to the corner where there was a hole under the paper, began examining it, put his hand into the hole, fumbled—but that was not it. He went to the stove, opened it and began rummaging in the ashes; the frayed edges of his trousers and the rags cut off his pocket were lying there just as he had thrown them. No one had looked, then! Then he remembered the sock about which Razumihin had just been telling him.

Yes, there it lay on the sofa under the quilt, but it was so covered with dust and grime that Zametov could not have seen anything on it.

“Bah, Zametov! The police office! And why am I sent for to the police office? Where’s the notice? Bah! I am mixing it up; that was then. I looked at my sock then, too, but now... now I have been ill. But what did Zametov come for? Why did Razumihin bring him?” he muttered, helplessly sitting on the sofa again. “What does it mean? Am I still in delirium, or is it real? I believe it is real.... Ah, I remember; I must escape! Make haste to escape. Yes, I must, I must escape! Yes... but where? And where are my clothes? I’ve no boots. They’ve taken them away! They’ve hidden them! I understand!

Ah, here is my coat—they passed that over! And here is money on the table, thank God! And here’s the I O U... I’ll take the money and go and take another lodging. They won’t find me!... Yes, but the address bureau? They’ll find me, Razumihin will find me. Better escape altogether... far away... to America, and let them do their worst! And take the I O U... it would be of use there.... What else shall I take? They think I am ill! They don’t know that I can walk, ha-ha-ha! I could see by their eyes that they know all about it! If only I could get downstairs! And what if they have set a watch there—policemen! What’s this tea? Ah, and here is beer left, half a bottle, cold!”