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장고 (長考) 뒤에
오는 악수 (惡手)는 비생산적이다
영어 이야기 2023
co-rumination
(부정적인 일을 주로) 되풀이 생각하다
우리는 크고 작은 문제
또는 중용하거나 사소한 문제를 해결할 수 없는 때
'문제 해결사'에게 부탁할 때가 많다.
그때 그 해결사가 그 (또는 그녀)에게 부탁한 것을
들어주고 싶은 생각이 없을 때 이런 말을 한다
"이 일을 잘 아는 사람과 상의하고 고민해 보겠습니다."
나는 전문적인 상담자는 아니지만
많은 사람의 문제 (특히 영혼이나 심리적인 것)를 해결한 경험이 많다.
그러면서 '고민해 보겠다,'는 답을 한 기억은 단 한 번도 없다
그렇다고 생각도 하지 않고 Yes or No 를 한 것은 아니다
오늘의 영어 이야기는 co-rumination 이다.
co 는 '함께'라는 접두어이고
rumination 은 초식 동물이 반추 (反芻)한다는 뜻이다.
소나 양과 같은 초식동물들은 먹은 것을 소화시키려고 반추하지만
인간들의 반추는 '생각의 깊은 반복'이다.
즉흥적이 아니라 깊은 생각 끝에 결론을 내린다는 긍정적인 뜻이다
문제는 상의해서 해결할 수 있는 것 보다
반대의 경우가 많으므로
rumination (반추, 심사숙고)은 긍정적으로 쓰이지만
co-rumination 은 그렇지 않다
Rumination refers to repetitive thoughts without problem-solving,
반추 (또는 재고)는 문제 해결을 생각하지 않는 반복적 생각인 반면
whereas CO-RUMINATION refers to continuously revisiting, extensively discussing,
and speculating about problems within a dyadic context
되풀이 생각하는 것은 두 개의 다른 생각 안에서
계속적으로 생각하는 것, 폭 넓은 논의 그리고 문제에 대한 추측등과 관계있다.
"사공이 많으면 배가 산으로 간다"는 속담이나
"장고 (長考) 끝에 악수 (惡手) 둔다,"는 말과
co-rumination 과 비슷한 표현이다
사회학적으로 보면 ~
CO-RUMINATION can lead people to dwell on negative feelings.
"쓸데없이 반복하는 생각은 사람들로 하며금
부정적 느낌을 가지고 살게 이끌지도 모른다,"고 한다
I tried to decide something important not with CO-RUMINATION
but with rumination.
나는 쓸데없이 많이 생각하지 않고
(긍정적) 재고를 하면서 중요한 일을 결정하려고 노력했다.
뚜렷한 철학가 자신감이 있으면 '눈치' 보지 않고
문제를 해결할 수 있다
Excessive complaining and rehashing personal problems with someone else
is known as co-rumination and can amplify stress, especially in those who are already feeling down
Rumination refers to repetitive thoughts without problem- solving,
whereas co-rumination refers to continuously revisiting, extensively discussing, and speculating about problems within a dyadic context
Co-rumination involves repeatedly discussing and rehashing our problems and difficult feelings with someone else without coming up with a solution or resolution.
Co-rumination can lead people to dwell on negative feelings.
Co-rumination: Frequent or obsessive discussion of a problem, usually among girls or women
For boys, co-rumination was associated only with greater positive friendship quality
and not increased depression and anxiety.
However, for girls there was a trade-off in that co-rumination also predicted increasing depressive and anxiety symptoms,
Co-rumination refers to talking excessively about problems and is characterized by rehashing problems, speculating about problems, and dwelling on negative feelings.
Studies have also shown that co-rumination can predict internalizing symptoms such as depression and anxiety. Since co-rumination involves repeatedly going over problems again and again this clearly may lead to depression and anxiety.
Holly Parker, Ph.D.
Your Future Self
RELATIONSHIPS
How to Talk About Mistakes in a Romantic Relationship
Couples who talk about errors may make a difference in how they both feel.
Posted April 27, 2023
Reviewed by Lybi Ma
KEY POINTS
Researchers developed a scale to measure three forms of communication between romantic partners after a relationship misdeed.
The types of communication were related to co-rumination, which is a discussion that happens multiple times or takes more time.
Results revealed that co-reflection was related to beneficial responses, while co-brooding and co-avoidance were linked to negative responses.
The study design doesn’t make it possible to make causal claims, and the study needs to be repeated with diverse groups of people.
Please note that the content in this piece refers only to non-abusive relationships.
Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels
Source: Ketut Subiyanto/Pexels
When I teach my class on the psychology of close relationships, at some point I get around to talking about the “not so bright and shining” moments that partners have. You know, those moments when someone inevitably takes a wrong turn and does something that’s likely to feel upsetting to their partner. To be clear, even though not all misdeeds are inevitable, it’s a certainty that, generally speaking, an offense of some type or another will happen because we’re all human and everyone makes mistakes.
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For instance, perhaps you promised to do your partner a favor and then lost sight of it. Maybe you’re regretting those inconsiderate words you uttered a couple of days ago. Or your partner might have been really opening up to you in a vulnerable way, but you closed up and weren’t listening. No matter whether we’re talking about a mistake that’s more significant or a smaller misstep, stumbles are going to happen in a couple's journey together and, as long as that couple chooses to remain together, it’s healthy and important to be able to repair hurts in an effective way.
This brings us to the question of how couples might be able to fruitfully repair interpersonal wounds. In a recently published study, a team of researchers examined this question as they created a new questionnaire with the idea of “co-rumination” in mind. Co-rumination is “the extended and or recurring discussion of issues in social relationships.” They drew upon past psychological research suggesting that how an individual person thinks about difficult experiences is linked with that person feeling better or worse. More specifically, they referred to two concepts that have been linked to the idea of rumination: Reflection and brooding. Reflection involves thinking about the problem to try and work it out, whereas brooding involves repeating the same types of thoughts about what’s wrong and how upset a person feels, and magnifying the problem.
As you can probably guess, the former is useful and gets you somewhere, and the latter can be harmful, even though it can seem compelling. Although these elements of rumination have been applied to relationships (that is, co-reflection and co-brooding being two sides of co-rumination), the research team pointed out that these ideas haven’t really been used to understand how romantic partners might talk in the wake of a misstep and whether co-reflection and co-brooding may be connected to how the conversation goes.
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First, they created and studied a measure of co-rumination and found that it mapped onto three forms of communication: Co-reflection, co-brooding, and co-avoidance. Co-reflection involved trying to reach a shared understanding and address an issue, whereas co-brooding involved focusing on one’s own views and feelings and not making headway on an issue. Co-avoidance involved staying away from the issue altogether. Then, the research team looked at how these three elements were connected with how partners feel after discussions about relationship mistakes. Co-reflection was the only style that was linked with better experiences for partners, such as more dedication to the relationship, more goodwill, and a person’s ability to truly take responsibility and forgive themselves. For co-brooding and co-avoidance, these styles were connected to experiences such as less goodwill, more vindictiveness, less dedication, and less of a capacity to really take responsibility and pardon oneself.
Certainly, no study is perfect. The team correctly highlighted the need for more research with more diverse groups of people. Also, the investigators were right to state that their research doesn’t make it possible to say that co-reflection, co-brooding, or co-avoidance causes a particular outcome, and other studies should clarify the link between how partners talk about relationship errors and what emerges from their conversations. All the same, given that co-reflecting is connected with more beneficial experiences for partners, it’s probably not a bad idea to try it the next time you and your partner are addressing a stumble and hurt feelings.
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What could this look like? Based on the team’s research and their questionnaire, here are some possible ideas:
Try to really acknowledge, accept, and support how your partner feels (for example, hurt, hopeful, scared, angry, sad, confused).
Try to set aside your own position for a moment. Instead, try to really listen to your partner and see if you can understand where they’re coming from.
Try to be open and receptive to your partner in the conversation.
References