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Look at that dog! Ooh ooh ooh He's got them pretty little eyes (DOGS BARKING) And the biggest belly you've ever seen Ooh ooh ooh He's got his hat to the back 'Cause he's cool like that Oh, hey! (BARKS) Ah! And they don't know how he makes me feel (GROANS) Sorry! Ooh, my lil snowman Does what no one else can You can't tell me he ain't for real (LAUGHS) Baby, baby, my bah)' Ooh ooh ooh (CHOMPING) Baby, baby, my bah)' (JACK URINATING) Ooh ooh ooh Ooh, my lil snowman Does what no one else can You can't tell me he ain't for real MARIAH: Jack, stop! Sorry! Jack! (BARKING) Mommy, it's a monster. Make him stop, Mommy. Ooh, my lil snowman He's the coolest cat in town (CRYING) (MARIAH GROANS) He's jolly and he's happy Nothing's gonna bring him down (SCREAMING) (BARKS) All the people say That there ain't no way (SOBS) This Christmas he ain't comin' around Ooh, my lil snowman He's the finest boy to me Oh, no. Whoa! Ooh! Yikes! Whoa! ERNESTO: Right, check it out. (CHILDREN GIGGLING) Whoo! Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Come on, Mariah. MAN: Watch out! Whose dog is that? (BARKING) Ooh, my lil snowman Does what no one else can You can't tell me he ain't for real PRINCIPAL REYES: Hello, Mariah. (GASPS) Oh! Hello, Principal Reyes. (CONTINUES BARKING) That's not your dog, is it? MAN: Hey, that's my scarf! Oh! No, of course not. So irresponsible letting a dog run loose here. (TUTTING) Dangerous. Hey, Mariah! MARIAH: Whoa! Help! (SCREAMING) MARIAH: No! Jack didn't take out the principal. The one who was recommending me to lead Model United Nations. (CHILDREN LAUGHING) Whoa! (BOTH GROAN) Mariah. (GRUNTS) I'm so sorry, Principal Reyes. Are you okay? (JACK BARKING) Jack! Not my face, Jack. I thought you said that wasn't your dog. He's not. Stop! Jack! I'm surprised at you, Mariah. I've never known you to lie. (GLASS PIECE SHATTERS) (GROANS) Is this your new dog? He's the best. Where's your skates? He's not my dog, and he's not the best, and I don't have time to skate. Why are you so busy suddenly? (SIGHS) Well, you know, you snooze, you lose. MARIAH: I had a wonderful reputation. Upstanding, thoughtful, witty... Jack was determined to ruin it. He has no shame. Hey, he's putting us to shame. (GROANS) Okay. You can put up one display, just one. Really? Oh! This is so great, Penny, 'cause wait till you see what I've got in mind. (CHEERING) Small, understated, tasteful. Oh, absolutely. Evening, partner. (SIGHS) Hello, sweetheart. Off the couch, Mr. Whiskers. Are you ready to call it quits? MARIAH: No way. I've gotten this far. I'm not giving up now. Besides, Jack and I are having the best time. He's the best. (GROWLING) (SIGHS) (BARKING) MARIAH: What on Earth? Jack, what have we talked about? (JACK WHIMPERING) Argh! (LOW WHINING) (SIGHS) BUD: Mariah, didn't you take Jack out? We've been out all day. BUD: Well, he's left a little present for you at the bottom of the stairs. You better get busy. What? How is that even possible? I never took my eyes off you. (SIGHS) Can't believe this. (YAWN S) PENELOPE: Need some help, honey? Nope, I got this. Not a problem. Stay. MARIAH: Apparently, my brother wasn't the only one who had trouble closing doors. Nice look. Fashion was very important to me, as you can see. Yep, what I said about closing doors. (WHIMPERING) Jack, Jack, it's me, come back. Ugh! No way! (LOUD GRUNT) BUD: Mariah, what's going on? Nothing. Everything's just perfectly perfect. On! (LAUGHING) Well, I'll be. (SIGHS) I had to clean up after him. And now... (SIGHS) LUCY: on! I see he really decked the halls. (LAUGHS) I seem to remember someone who had me cleanin' up a lot. You went through diapers like nobody's business. Oh, Grandma, please, do you have to bring up me as a baby? (LAUGHING) Oh, honey, don't ever ask me not to bring up you as a baby. Come on, I'll help you out. Thanks, Grandma, but I got this. I can do it. Mmm-mmm-mmm. (SIGHS) Jack, come out, I look normal now. Yuck! Don't lick me. (GIGGLES) Okay, okay, please, just don't lick me. Let's go to bed. (LAUGHS) You're silly. MARIAH: Okay, so we had moments of sweetness, but little did I know, it was only the calm before the storm. (WHINING) You got your bone, you've got water, food. You're good. You stay in there. BUD: Wow! Nice. (FRONT DOOR CLOSES) You're sure that dog's secure? Sure, let's go. Gonna be late. Honey, he's too lonely to be left there. (JACK WHIMPERING) Oh, gosh. Okay, I'll bring him. FRED: Oh, I see you're finally making an effort, Bill. Nice (CLEARS THROAT) item you got there. Oh, is that Mr. Marshmallow or a snowman? (JACK BARKS) Oh! Hi, Mr. Ingersoll! (BARKS) (LAUGHING) (AIR HISSING) Uh-oh! (INGRID LAUGHING) Oh! Dog has good taste. (INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS) (SIGHS) Well, we can't wait all night for Mariah, even if she is the soloist. The show must go on. Everybody! (BLOWS WHISTLE SOFTLY) Deck the halls with boughs of holly Fa la la la la, la la la la 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la, la la la la BUD: Better hurry, Supergirl. Don we now gay apparel Troll the ancient Christmas carol Fa la la la la, la la la la See the blazing Yule before us Fa la la la la, la la la la Strike the harp and join the chorus Fa la la la la, la la la la Follow me in merry measure Shh! Jack! Cut it out! (HOWLING) Fa la la la la, la la la la Deck the halls with Pup's got a set of pipes on him, that's for sure! And a set of teeth. 'Tis the season to be jolly Fa la la la la, la la la la Don we now our gay apparel Troll the ancient Christmas carol Fa la la la la, la la la la Follow me in merry treasure While I tell of Christmas treasure Fa la la la la, la la la la (DOGS HOWLING) Fast away the old year passes Fa la la la la, la la la la I've never heard this version. This rocks! Sing we joyous all together Heedless of the wind and weather Make them stop, Mommy. (RUMBLING) (ALL GASPING) I wanna go home! Mariah! MARIAH: The spring musical wasn't looking so great at that point. In fact, it looked like I could say goodbye to choir altogether, thanks to Jack. Jack! Cool it! MARIAH: And Jack wasn't finished destroying my reputation. Oh, no. He had much bigger plans for me. Hey, buddy. Mariah, Mom says you need to get ready for your dress rehearsal if you wanna be early. (SIGHS) I was supposed to do that. Yesterday. I would have done it. It's okay. I know you hate it. Hey, where'd Jack go? Did you close the back door? Uh... MARIAH: Jack? You up here? Jack? MARIAH: Unbelievable how such a small creature could be capable of so much destruction. (BARKS) Jack! Drop it! Jack, give that to me. Nice doggie. Don't move! Give that to me. Jack! (GROANS) (GROANS) Jack. Come here, you! (STRAINS) Give it to me! Oh, no, no, no! PENELOPE: Mariah, are you okay? Jack's not getting into trouble, is he? No. Everything's great. (SIGHS) You little... (SOBS) Hey, Mariah. Yeah? What's wrong? Oh, no! I could help. H ow? I don't mess up everything. I didn't say you did. BETH: I got an idea. Okay. What is it? MARIAH: Yep, that was the Christmas I was turned into a trespasser to save Grandpa, and a thief because of Jack. We're just borrowing it. (GIGGLING) She looks Christmassy. MARIAH: What do you think? Works for me. I guess. MARIAH: Are you kidding? I could make anything look good. Even a borrowed Mrs. Santa suit that had been outside for maybe 10 Christmases. What about the dog? I don't have one yet. Yes, you do. Hmm. Pretty cute. Better than leaving him here. He'd eat the house. (SIGHS) Something tells me this is not a good idea. MARIAH: And did I listen? No. PENELOPE: We better get going. Don't forget your toys for the toy drive. Thanks for helping me, Beth. At least he didn't ruin this. Not for you, buster. (HUMMING) Don we now our gay apparel Troll the ancient Christmas carol Fa la la la la What is wrong with you? OVER SPEAKER: Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho-ho! Ho-ho-ho! Come on, Jack, we're late. Don't you know, you snooze, you lose? Gotta go. Bye, Mom. MR. TYABJI: We're going to get started, so please, everyone, take a seat and settle, if you wouldn't mind. I, Mr. Tyabji, the Community Charity League Director, welcome you to the Fashion and Friends show! Thank you for coming. Proceeds will benefit our local pet shelter, a cause we all care deeply about. Let's see how you and your best friend can be fashionable this season. Let's get this show started! (APPLAUSE) MR. TYABJI: Who says dog is only man's best friend? Here's Cindy with her best pal Orbid wearing this attractive matching ensemble. What happened to you? I'm so sorry, girls. I... Is that the dog you brought caroling? He's just a stand-in, till I get my real dog. Don't worry, he'll be fine. (WHINES) Hey, where'd you get a hat? Looks great. Good thinking. MR. TYABJI: And look who's ready for duck hunting season. Mario and Sparky with a red camouflage number. Is something wrong with him? MR. TYABJI: Who says fashion can't be functional? Uh... Stage fright? These high quality sporty outfits and more are available at Ingersoll's Hardware. MARIAH: Oh, yes, this was my finest Christmas performance, and Jack made it all possible. MR. TYABJI: And just when you thought Christmas was over... Okay, that's us. Chausette, walk on. Liebchen, heel. MARIAH: Oh, boy. Here goes nothin'. MR. TYABJI: on sale at Mendel's Yardage and Sundries. Buy a size up and your daughters and their pets will be ready for next year's holiday season. (GASPS) What are the Ingersolls doing here? What's wrong? They are big sponsors. They're going to arrest me. For modeling? Shh! Let's go. Come on, Jack. Don't fail me now. MARIAH: Jack performed as well as I had imagined Princess would. That's amazing! I want a dog like that. So cool! What an amazing dog! (WHISTLES) MARIAH: But that lasted for about two seconds. (APPLAUSE) Ingrid, there's something familiar about that Santa suit, isn't there? (SHUSHING) (WHISPERS) Sit, Jack. (JACK WHIMPERS) Oh! (GASPS) (INDISTINCT MURMURING) Jack. (BARKS) Whoa! (GIGGLING) (JACK VOMITS) Ahhh! MR. TYABJI: Keep calm, ladies and gentlemen. Stay in your seats. We'll get janitorial in right away. That's disgusting! GIRL: Gross. MARIAH: I don't know how I ever lived that down. I tried to repair some of the damage Jack caused, but things just kept going downhill that Christmas. (BILL GROANS) Oh! (LAUGHS) Let's see you find this one, Ingersoll. Yes, yes, yes! (SCREAMING) (BILL GROANS) (MARIAH SIGHS) (BARKS) I'm sure they don't want me in the show anymore. Oh, honey, I doubt that. He hoarked up the sleeve of my Santa suit! (GRUNTS LOUDLY) Hmm... Well... Mr. Ingersoll's lights stopped blinking again. Mom, gotta get some more ribbon. You stay. Don't forget to close the door! (LAUGHING) (DOOR CLOSES) MARIAH: I don't think I ever would have been bold enough to sneak onto the Ingersolls' property alone, at night, but after all the trouble Jack had caused, I guess I had nothing to lose. (WHISPERS) Grandpa? Grandpa? Grandpa, are you here? (GASPS) MARIAH: You gotta be kidding me. Now, Mariah, it's not what it looks like. MARIAH: Looks to me like he was about to fall into a fish pond and get electrocuted. Oh, no! Gosh! Wow! I'm going to the outlet. I'll unplug you. Oh, forget about that 'cause Ingersoll, of course, locked it. Hmm, smart. Okay, don't move. Don't breathe. Please don't fall. Please don't fall. (BOTH SHRIEK) You are trespassing? (SHUSHING) Grandpa? (CONTINUES SHUSHING) (LAUGHING) Oh, wow! If he falls through that ice with all those lights on... Zap! Yeah. I get it. I got a plan. You have a plan? If you can trespass, I can have a plan. Ooh! (BRANCH CREAKS) (GASPS) Oh, gosh. Oh, gee. Busted, jail time. Juvie! Drama queen. Community service if. Let's go! Nuh-uh! I can't. Can't move. BRETT: Too tall. Too short. Just right. Come on! MARIAH: What are we doing? BRETT: Lift this guy. (STRUGGLING) (SIGHS) Come on, grab a leg. No! Grandpa's leg. Oh! (MARIAH GASPS) BRETT: NOW pull! (SCREAMS) (MARIAH STRAINING) Ooh! Oh, dear. (SIGHS) (BARKING) It's just us, little guy. Hey, someone stole my sandwich. Was it you, Jack, buddy? LUCY: Old man? Where are you? I'm coming. That's it. Ingersoll got me beat. (BILL SIGHS) You saved him. MARIAH: HOW humiliating. My slacker little brother had to take charge. See? I'm not totally worthless. I know. (BARKING) (GIGGLING) Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. MARIAH: Okay, so I guess if it hadn't been for Jack, I wouldn't have gone to save Grandpa, either, given I had nothing to lose after Jack ruined my reputation with my Community Charity League director and my choir leader and my principal and my friends. (SIGHS) I almost could forgive him, but then... (JACK BARKS) (LOW GROWLING) Jack! No! Get back here, you little scamp! (LAUGHTER) It's Santa Claus! OVER SPEAKER: Ho-ho-ho! I got you!! Mommy, it's a monster! I wanna go home! (MARIAH GRUNTS) (ALL LAUGHING) (SIGHS) Come on, Jack. What did I tell you about licking my face? (GROANS) Okay, not good. MARIAH: Not good at all. I happened to know the elves were the mayor's personal favorite, and I think the Ingersolls donated them. I wasn't very confident about getting Princess anymore. It was the night before Christmas Eve. I only had one more day to prove I could take care of a dog, but I didn't think there was anything worse Jack could do at this point. (CHITTERING) (LOW GROWL) (BARKING) (GROWLING) PENELOPE: What's going on? BUD: I'm sure it's nothing. BRETT: What's wrong? What on Earth? BILL: Oh, dear. What? Huh. Priceless. (BUD SNEEZES LOUDLY) (MARIAH GASPS) (SNEEZES) (GASPS) It's Santa Claus! It's Jack! (BARKS) What a mess you've made of our living room, Jack! He's made a mess of Christmas. He's made a mess of my whole life. You're the worst dog ever! I can't wait to get rid of you. (WHINING) Mariah! He's just a pup. (sesame) (GRUNTS) (SIGHS) Uh, I'm sorry I yelled at you, Jack. Grandma's right. You're just a pup. (SIGHS) Won't you come out? Well, suit yourself. MARIAH: Now Jack really had done his worst. Or had he? The fire is burning The room's all aglow Outside the December wind blows Away in the distance The carolers sing in the snow (WHIMPERS) Everybody's laughing The world is celebrating And everyone's so happy except for me tonight Because I miss you Most at Christmas time And I can't get you Get you off my mind Every other season comes along and I'm all right But then I miss you MARIAH: Jack? Most at Christmas time Jack! Where are you hiding? Brett! The door! The shelter will call us if they find him, honey. There's nothing else we can do. BUD: I finished calling the neighbors. They couldn't... They can't stand Jack. They aren't gonna help. Well, they haven't seen him. Well, what will I tell Uncle Reg? He'll be heartbroken. He'll never speak to me again. Mariah, I have a confession to make. He wasn't really Uncle Reggie's dog. What? What? He was a stray Reggie found. He was gonna drop him at the shelter, but then I got... One of your ideas? BUD: I got a collar. I thought if you had a taste of a brute like Jack, you'd change your mind about having a dog. So you wouldn't have to say no. Son, I might be a devil of a prankster, but even I wouldn't stoop to such a rotten trick. That's so, so... Passive aggressive? Yeah. It was a dirty trick. No one could have handled that mutt. I'm so sorry. We still should find him. We will, but there's somewhere we need to be first. That's right. The adoption center closes early on Christmas Eve. You mean... Let's go pick up Princess. Really? We decided. Decided. Oh, Daddy! Thank you! Hopefully Princess won't be anything like Jack. I'll say. Huh? Oh! You made it. I wasn't sure you were coming back. Remember, Dougie, I told you some folks had come and put a deposit on this puppy. Would you like to pick out another pet, son? No, thanks. Not today. Bye, Rascal. (LOW WHIMPER) Oh, my. That's the first time she's ever made a sound. I didn't know she could bark. Come on, son. Yeah, I know. You snooze, you lose. No, you don't lose. Wait! I... What is it, sweetie? The puppy is yours. What? What? What do you mean? If you still want her, you can have her. For real? Thank you. Rascal! I'm not sure I understand, Mariah. You said Princess was your dream dog. I was wrong. My dream dog is Jack. Jack? That monster? He isn't a monster to me. Well, maybe he is a monster, but I love him. You couldn't. She could. What do you think? Can't just take a dog in and not keep it. Okay, but he ran away. I know. And it's my fault. I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas Is you Where are you going? It is freezing out there. (CLATTERS) I've gotta find Jack. Here, Mariah. I made these. Thanks, guys. Let's go hang 'em up. (GASPS) Mariah, we heard about Jack. We came to help you find him. You... You did? Of course. I thought you were mad at me for not hanging outwith you. But Jack messed up the rehearsal. MR. TYABJI: But that's what puppies do. Don't be silly. You're our friend. Yeah. We wanna help you find him. He's got a rather nice howl, actually, an alto. But we ruined the caroling. We don't care about that. We care about you. And your pet. He is your pet, isn't he? Yes. He is. And we're gonna find him. (CHEERING) Here, everybody! Take some fliers. I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need And I don't care about the presents MARIAH: Jack! Jack! Underneath the Christmas tree I don't need to hang my stocking Here, Jack! There upon the fireplace Jack! Jack! Santa Claus won't make me happy With a toy on Christmas Day I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you You, baby I won't ask for much this Christmas I won't even wish for snow I'm just gonna keep on waiting Underneath the mistletoe I won't make a list and send it To the North Pole for Saint Nick Jack! Jack! I won't even stay awake To hear those magic reindeer click 'Cause I just want you here tonight Here, buddy! Holding on to me so tight What more can I do? Baby, all I want for Christmas Is you Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack All the lights are shining So brightly everywhere Jack! And the sound of children's laughter fills the air Here, boy! Jack? And everyone is singin' I hear those sleigh bells ringin' Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need? MR. TYABJI: Principal Reyes! Won't you please bring my baby to me? Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas Here, Jack! Where are you? This is all I'm asking for I just wanna see my baby Standing right outside my door Oh, I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true Baby, all I want for Christmas Is you Jack! All I want for Christmas Is you, baby Where could he be? There isn't anywhere we haven't looked. Why don't you ask Santa? I don't think he wants to talk to me. Oh... That's right. Bad idea. What is it? I think I will ask Santa. OVER SPEAKERS: Ho-ho-ho! (SIGHS) Jack! I'm so sorry for being so bossy. And for talking about Princess all the time. I love you, and I want you to be my dog. Who's she talking to? (SHUSHING) I don't get it. Is he in there? I promise to be perfect. Forget about perfect. I'll just do my best to take good care of you if you'll give me a chance. Come on, Jack. Come to me. Come on, boy. Come. OVER SPEAKERS: Ho-ho-ho! (GASPS) (CHEERING) Ugh! Okay! Go for it! Jack! You're so crazy! (LAUGHING) BRETT: We found Jack! All right! Merry Christmas! ALL: Merry Christmas! (ALL GASP) ALL: Tacky. Grand, isn't it? Oh, it's something all right. (BARKS) Hey, I see you found your pup. Glad to see it. Thank you. Merry Christmas. Hopefully, that'll restore some Christmas spirit that you all are clearly in need of. (PENELOPE SIGHS) (GIGGLING) Oh, that does it. Bill, you have my permission to decorate till you drop. Yes! I really wanted this! Oh! (LAUGHTER) Santa really came through this time. Thank you. Sit, Jack. Would you look at that? Told ya, got to be beef. MARIAH: Turns out, Dad wasn't allergic to dogs after all. Guess that sneezing stopped. Yep. It's a Christmas... (SNEEZES) (CHITTERING) (SHRIEKING) Get 'em! Come here! There he goes! There they are! Get 'em! Yeah! BUD: Over there! Behind that snowman! Jack was innocent. It was the squirrels the whole time. PENELOPE: Get those squirrels! (MUSIC PLAYING) (CHUCKLING) (BARKS) MARIAH: So, you see, my first love was a lot of trouble. But definitely worth it, and definitely snuggly. (ALL CLAMORING) MARIAH: Jack showed me my dog didn't have to be perfect. And I didn't have to be perfect, because love is.
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