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Howdy ! It's me Scarlett ! This week we have 4 topics. Do not be obsessed with all the articles too much. Just pick some articles what you have interests and prepare your opinions related to those articles. :) Hope you enjoy the topics. ◈ Motivational Speech : The Pursuit of Happyness ---------------------- Steve Jobs' Vision of the World ---------------------- Bill gates just Tweeted career advice to graduates ◈ Leadership : Top 10 Qualities That Make A Great Leader ◈ Psychology : Most People Have Great Potential. But Very Few of Them Unleash It ◈ Relationship : 7 Reasons It’s Harder For Smart People To Find Love ◈ Healthcare : Can you really die from a broken heart? ---------------------- 10 steps to heal a broken heart |
With luv
Scarlett
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The Pursuit of Happyness
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Steve Jobs' Vision of the World
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<Questions>
Q1. Do you think you live your life as you planned or as the other designed?
Q2. If you have one thing that you want to change around you in your society, what is it? Why?
Q3. When you find any troubles something wrong in your society, how do you deal with it? Do you adapt yourself to that system? or Do you try to fix it? Why?
Q4. What is the art of living in your definition?
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Top 10 Qualities That Make A Great Leader
DEC 19, 2012
Having a great idea, and assembling a team to bring that concept to life is the first step in creating a successful business venture. While finding a new and unique idea is rare enough; the ability to successfully execute this idea is what separates the dreamers from the entrepreneurs. However you see yourself, whatever your age may be, as soon as you make that exciting first hire, you have taken the first steps in becoming a powerful leader. When money is tight, stress levels are high, and the visions of instant success don’t happen like you thought, it’s easy to let those emotions get to you, and thereby your team. Take a breath, calm yourself down, and remind yourself of the leader you are and would like to become. Here are some key qualities that every good leader should possess, and learn to emphasize.
Honesty
Whatever ethical plane you hold yourself to, when you are responsible for a team of people, its important to raise the bar even higher. Your business and its employees are a reflection of yourself, and if you make honest and ethical behavior a key value, your team will follow suit.
As we do at Onevest, the ecosystem where venture investors and founders connect, we try to make a list of values and core beliefs that both you and your brand represent, and post this in your office. Promote a healthy interoffice lifestyle, and encourage your team to live up to these standards. By emphasizing these standards, and displaying them yourself, you will hopefully influence the office environment into a friendly and helpful workspace.
Delegate
Finessing your brand vision is essential to creating an organized and efficient business, but if you don’t learn to trust your team with that vision, you might never progress to the next stage. Its important to remember that trusting your team with your idea is a sign of strength, not weakness. Delegating tasks to the appropriate departments is one of the most important skills you can develop as your business grows. The emails and tasks will begin to pile up, and the more you stretch yourself thin, the lower the quality of your work will become, and the less you will produce.
The key to delegation is identifying the strengths of your team, and capitalizing on them. Find out what each team member enjoys doing most. Chances are if they find that task more enjoyable, they will likely put more thought and effort behind it. This will not only prove to your team that you trust and believe in them, but will also free up your time to focus on the higher level tasks, that should not be delegated. It’s a fine balance, but one that will have a huge impact on the productivity of your business.
Communication
Knowing what you want accomplished may seem clear in your head, but if you try to explain it to someone else and are met with a blank expression, you know there is a problem. If this has been your experience, then you may want to focus on honing your communication skills. Being able to clearly and succinctly describe what you want done is extremely important. If you can’t relate your vision to your team, you won’t all be working towards the same goal.
Training new members and creating a productive work environment all depend on healthy lines of communication. Whether that stems from an open door policy to your office, or making it a point to talk to your staff on a daily basis, making yourself available to discuss interoffice issues is vital. Your team will learn to trust and depend on you, and will be less hesitant to work harder.
If your website crashes, you lose that major client, or your funding dries up, guiding your team through the process without panicking is as challenging as it is important. Morale is linked to productivity, and it’s your job as the team leader to instill a positive energy. That’s where your sense of humor will finally pay off. Encourage your team to laugh at the mistakes instead of crying. If you are constantly learning to find the humor in the struggles, your work environment will become a happy and healthy space, where your employees look forward to working in, rather than dreading it. Make it a point to crack jokes with your team and encourage personal discussions of weekend plans and trips. It’s these short breaks from the task at hand that help keep productivity levels high and morale even higher.
At Onevest, we place a huge emphasis on humor and a light atmosphere. Our office is dog friendly, and we really believe it is the small, light hearted moments in the day that help keep our work creative and fresh. One tradition that we like to do and brings the team closer is we plan a fun prank on all new employees, on their first day. It breaks the ice and immediately creates that sense of familiarity.
Confidence
There may be days where the future of your brand is worrisome and things aren’t going according to plan. This is true with any business, large or small, and the most important thing is not to panic. Part of your job as a leader is to put out fires and maintain the team morale. Keep up your confidence level, and assure everyone that setbacks are natural and the important thing is to focus on the larger goal. As the leader, by staying calm and confident, you will help keep the team feeling the same. Remember, your team will take cues from you, so if you exude a level of calm damage control, your team will pick up on that feeling. The key objective is to keep everyone working and moving ahead.
Commitment
If you expect your team to work hard and produce quality content, you’re going to need to lead by example. There is no greater motivation than seeing the boss down in the trenches working alongside everyone else, showing that hard work is being done on every level. By proving your commitment to the brand and your role, you will not only earn the respect of your team, but will also instill that same hardworking energy among your staff. It’s important to show your commitment not only to the work at hand, but also to your promises. If you pledged to host a holiday party, or uphold summer Fridays, keep your word. You want to create a reputation for not just working hard, but also be known as a fair leader.Once you have gained the respect of your team, they are more likely to deliver the peak amount of quality work possible.
Positive Attitude
You want to keep your team motivated towards the continued success of the company, and keep the energy levels up. Whether that means providing snacks, coffee, relationship advice, or even just an occasional beer in the office, remember that everyone on your team is a person. Keep the office mood a fine balance between productivity and playfulness.
If your team is feeling happy and upbeat, chances are they won’t mind staying that extra hour to finish a report, or devoting their best work to the brand.
Creativity
Some decisions will not always be so clear-cut. You may be forced at times to deviate from your set course and make an on the fly decision. This is where your creativity will prove to be vital. It is during these critical situations that your team will look to you for guidance and you may be forced to make a quick decision. As a leader, its important to learn to think outside the box and to choose which of two bad choices is the best option. Don’t immediately choose the first or easiest possibility; sometimes its best to give these issues some thought, and even turn to your team for guidance. By utilizing all possible options before making a rash decision, you can typically reach the end conclusion you were aiming for.
Intuition
When leading a team through uncharted waters, there is no roadmap on what to do. Everything is uncertain, and the higher the risk, the higher the pressure. That is where your natural intuition has to kick in. Guiding your team through the process of your day-to-day tasks can be honed down to a science. But when something unexpected occurs, or you are thrown into a new scenario, your team will look to you for guidance. Drawing on past experience is a good reflex, as is reaching out to your mentors for support. Eventually though, the tough decisions will be up to you to decide and you will need to depend on your gut instinct for answers. Learning to trust yourself is as important as your team learning to trust you.
Inspire
Creating a business often involves a bit of forecasting. Especially in the beginning stages of a startup, inspiring your team to see the vision of the successes to come is vital. Make your team feel invested in the accomplishments of the company. Whether everyone owns a piece of equity, or you operate on a bonus system, generating enthusiasm for the hard work you are all putting in is so important. Being able to inspire your team is great for focusing on the future goals, but it is also important for the current issues. When you are all mired deep in work, morale is low, and energy levels are fading, recognize that everyone needs a break now and then. Acknowledge the work that everyone has dedicated and commend the team on each of their efforts. It is your job to keep spirits up, and that begins with an appreciation for the hard work.
Approach
Not all human beings are the same. A basic concept, but something that is often overlooked. You have cultural perspectives, language barriers, different educational backgrounds, personality traits and varying value systems with which individuals come pre-conditioned that greatly affects how information is processed and interpreted. Some people work well under pressure, others don’t. Some respond best to tough love, others take it personally and shut down. In order to optimize your effectiveness as a leader, you must have the ability to customize your approach on a person by person basis, based on the situation at hand. Your capacity to execute this concept will play a huge role in your ability to get the best work out of your team and other partners along he journey.
Article source : http://www.forbes.com/sites/tanyaprive/2012/12/19/top-10-qualities-that-make-a-great-leader/
<Questions>
Q1. What is the definition of 'Leadership' ?
Q2. According to an article, 10 qualities were introduced that makes a good leader. They are Honesty, Delegate, Communication, Confidence, Commitment, Positive Attitude, Creativity, Intuition, Inspire and Approach.
Do you think what is the most important quality that makes a great leader?
Q3. How a leader is different from a hero/ heroine?
Q4. What kinds of person you are? A leader type or a follower type?
Q5. Why people need a good leader?
Q6. What kinds of leadership do you prefer?
Q7. Talk about a role model who was a good leader !
Q8. Do you think '이순신' was a good leader?
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Most People Have Great Potential.
But Very Few of Them Unleash It
Rima Pundir
After having worked with magazines like Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping and Prevention, Rima J Pundir hung up her work heels and became a WAHM.
Has any authority figure ever come up to you and told you that you have the potential for so much more, but are not reaching for it? Or have you yourself ever felt that despite achieving all that you have, there’s a lot in you that needs to be explored and reached for, but you are pulling yourself back somehow? The first step to self-actualization is often realizing this. Once you have done so, the actual journey can begin.
Why Do We Need Self Actualization?
Self-actualization is a theory created by Abraham Maslow that “represents growth of an individual toward fulfillment of the highest needs; those for meaning in life, in particular.”.
Basically, think of who or what you are today and what you could be, ideally, down the road that leads you to search for the truth in yourself, for the true potential in yourself and for the all the good and altruistic tendencies in you. A person who has achieved self-actualization knows all of life’s meaning and purpose – be it basic needs or a higher calling.
According to Maslow, self-actualization is a step-by-step process: first you satisfy your basic needs (things like money, shelter, food), then comes the need to satisfy the social desires (love, friends, family) and then comes the most difficult step: to be as self-confident a person, as mentally and internally strong, as you can be, no matter the challenges or circumstances. So the need for self-actualization is simple – to be the best that we can be.
Essential Skills Needed To Reach Self-Actualization
Perhaps the first step to self-actualization is the fact that you are not yet your ideal self, but that’s okay. You first need to learn to accept who you truly are, however lacking you may be in certain aspects. The second thing to realize is the path to self-actualization is perhaps a winding, interesting but never-ending road – there’s always more to learn, even if it’s about your own, true self.
So here go the essential skills you need, and the steps you need to take to reach self-actualization, as guided by Maslow :
Skill 1: Accept Yourself Holistically, And Just Be You
You are unique, be it in your achievements, talents or even fallacies. There isn’t anyone like you – and the mistakes you made, they are nothing but milestones in your way to success.
Be who you truly are and want to be. Cloaking your true nature in a bid to please others will work only so much, and for so long. Ultimately, the ones around you need to see and accept the real you but before that you have to see and accept the real you, yourself. Don’t be or say or do what others want you to, think about what is right and wrong – and always follow the path that seems right to you. The key thing to do here is to remember that it has to be selfless, ego free and on the path of righteousness.
Remember not to compare yourself to anyone – no matter how much better, more successful or simply “more” someone else is. You are you, and you are your best canvas. Remember that you write your own destiny, and that you are the one in control of who you want to be. Tell yourself that, in front of the mirror if you need to.
Skill 2: Be Honest, Brutally, With Yourself And Gently With Others
The decisions you make in life need to come from an honest and truthful place – be true to yourself always. Not to say that being dishonest with others is a good thing, but if you start lying to yourself, there’s no end to the vicious cycle you’ll end up trapping yourself in. What you do, why you did it and what you will do next all needs to come from a place of stark honesty and nothing else.
Maintain a diary of your actions and their explanations. Many of us often tell little white lies about our lives to others. The reason mostly being that we are dissatisfied with ourselves, or ashamed of something we feel we lack, and so we often cover-up and hedge and pretend to be something we are not. Problem is that when we lie to others, we end up believing it ourselves and then the line between truth and honesty tends to get blurred. The path to self-actualization is paved with bricks of truth, always.
Skill 3: Think Of Challenges As Obstacles, Not Insurmountable Walls
Sooner or later you will face resistance in your solitary walk to self-actualization. People may not like that you have changed, they may not like that you are choosing to pull away from them or the life you were leading earlier – and they will try to pull you back. Still others will brand you as stubborn, or principled, or too idealistic or just plain wacko.
You have to let these things slide off of you. You have to rise above it all and not be bothered by it. Do not change your way in case challenges are thrown your way, do not shift to the path of least resistance to “smooth” things over. No one said that this road was going to be easy, but the results and the journey in itself will make you the happiest you can ever be.
Skill 4: Live In the Moment, And Be Grateful For All That You Are
People on the path of self-actualization have truly understood that their time on this planet is finite, as is everybody’s. And this finiteness is also very dubious: you never know what the next moment will bring, or when you’d suddenly meet your Maker. Living in each and every moment is one way to ensure that when it is your time to go, you go with nary regret.
Remember to be grateful for all the little things in life – the sun on your face, the fragrance of rain-wet earth, the loved ones in your life, all the good things that happened to you and all the bad things too (for they made you learn and rise up to the occasion) and of course, for just being you.
Skill 5: Never Stop Questioning or Learning, Ever
The meaning of life, for people who have reached self-actualization or are well on their way to it, is a never ending quest. This quest is not materialistic or even ambitious in its nature, rather, it is simply a thirst for knowledge, for self-development and for being better than who you were a day, hour or even minute ago.
People who want to reach self-actualization have already accepted the best and the worst about themselves. Now they are on road to better themselves, to help someone along the way if they can, and to make a positive change in the world if they so can. They know, understand and accept that there is no such thing as perfection and that life, despite all the challenges and hardships, is a beautiful gift meant to be enjoyed to the fullest in the literal sense of knowledge too.
The Pitfalls That You Need To Avoid On The Path To Self-Actualization
People on the path to self-actualization have learnt to take failure in their stride, accept and even delight in their imperfections and have a control over their emotions. 9 Here’s what not to do:
- Stop mulling on your failures or “deficiencies”:
No one is perfect, accept that and accept yourself.
- Stop “not knowing”:
Ignorance is as big a sin – learn about yourself, the world and keep the quest on.
- Nip that self-pity:
So you didn’t achieve a goal or two or ten – shake it off and start striving again. Feeling sorry for yourself will not get you anywhere.
- Kill your ego:
Your ego and your high opinion of yourself will get you nowhere if you want to be on the path to self-actualization. Kill your ego and be as selfless as possible.
- Do not be too materialistic:
No, we are not asking you to give up your worldly possessions or pursuits. But don’t make them your sole goal, there has to be a higher calling than that sometimes.
All in all, if you stay true to yourself and your beliefs, try to be as good and morally upright a person that you can be and keep on the quest to be a better person – you are on a good road to self-actualization, and will soon reach your goals. Remember that is not the end, just a great new beginning!
REFERENCES
[1] Psychology Today: The Theory of Self-Actualization
[2] Self Growth: On the Ro ad to Unconditional Self-Acceptance
[3] Operation Meditation: How To Reach Self Actualization
[4] Pysch Central: Therapists Spill 12 Ways To Accept Yourself
[5] Tiny Buddha: 4 Steps To Tell The Truth About Yourself And To Yourself
[6] Live Bold And Bloom: 20 Ways To Overcome Life Challenges
[7] Reader’s Digest: Mindfulness Tips
[8] Distractify: 11 Ways To Never Stop Learning From Everyday Life
[9] 1Vigor: Self Actualization
Article source : http://www.lifehack.org/586147/essential-skills-required-for-achieving-self-actualization
< Questions >
Q1. What is the definition of self actualization?
Q2. Self-actualization is a step-by-step process according to Maslow: you satisfy your 'Basic Needs', then comes the need to satisfy the 'Social desires' and lastly comes to the process to be as 'Self-confident a person', as mentally and internally strong, as you can be, no matter the challenges or circumstances. Do you think What is the most important needs for youself?
Q3. You write your own destiny, and that you are the one in control of who you want to be. In this perspective, what is the ideal image of yourself? Describe it in detail.
Q4. There are 5 skills to reach 'Self-Actualization'. Why don't you judge yourself with below criteria?
Skill 1: Accept Yourself Holistically, And Just Be You
Skill 2: Be Honest, Brutally, With Yourself And Gently With Others
Skill 3: Think Of Challenges As Obstacles, Not Insurmountable Walls
Skill 4: Live In the Moment, And Be Grateful For All That You Are
Skill 5: Never Stop Questioning or Learning, Ever
Q5. Do you know what you really want to do or want to be? What is it? What is the obstacles to reach your own goals? When you face that obstacles in front of you, how do you react to it?
Q6. Are you honest to yourself or to others?
Q7. Have you ever thought about your life’s meaning and purpose deeply?
Q8. There are 5 pitfalls that you need to avoid on the path to self-actualization as belows. How about you? Do you have those tendencies?
- Stop mulling on your failures or “deficiencies”
- Stop “not knowing”
- Nip that self-pity
- Kill your ego
- Do not be too materialistic
Q9. Who are you Serving?/ What are you creating? / What are you scared of?
*** http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-w-guay/reach-selfactualization-i_b_8295942.html
7 Reasons It’s Harder For Smart People To Find Love
Love does not come easy for smart people. Here’s why.
1. We don’t consider a romantic relationship as a top priority.
To us, life is full of all kinds of possibilities and we often have great ideas to be put into practice. We tend to spend more time and efforts on our work but not just on a romantic relationship.
2. We are more brains than beauty.
While not always the case, we may tend to be more attractive on the inside than on the outside. Generally speaking, smart people have a “hidden beauty” and it takes a special person to appreciate and acknowledge it.
3. We consider our intelligence as its own reward.
Being smart gives us self-fulfillment that takes the place of a need to be fulfilled in a relationship for some people. We get our greatest fulfillment from our achievements.
4. We dig deep
This can be a difficult thing when it comes to dating. We tend to dig deep into a person’s soul to ascertain the level of interest and commitment.
5. We don’t dance around issues.
We confront problems in a relationship with the confidence that we are in the right — some people don’t like that! We are smart and we know what is right and what is wrong, and we do not mind letting you know what is wrong with the relationship.
6. It’s difficult to understand us at times.
Our mind is complicated and it’s hard to explain everything. But we do try hard to be understood.
7. We often miss subtle cues.
Our focus is on things of larger scope. Therefore, we might miss out on subtle hints of interest from other people on petty things. We don’t aim to offend, but we just can’t even notice.
Article source : http://www.lifehack.org/350315/11-reasons-its-harder-for-smart-people-find-love?dgs=1
<Questions>
Q1. When you start relationship, which factor do you consider the most?
Q2. Do you have ideal type? Who is he/she? What is the reason for your choice?
Q3. Talk about a time when you got tired of your relationship. What were the main reasons?
Q4. Do you have goals in your life? Please name top 3 items !
Can you really die from a broken heart?
Science weighs in.
ANGELA KUCIA 28 DEC 2015
Dying of a broken heart is more than a myth. Takotsubo cardiomyopathy (also known as broken heart syndrome) is a condition first recognised by Japanese researchers more than 20 years ago, and it has gained a great deal of attention in Western countries in the past 10 years. Takotsubo cardiomyopathy (TTC) temporarily affects the ability of the heart to pump efficiently. When this happens, the person experiences the same symptoms as those of a heart attack, including chest pain and shortness of breath. Less commonly, it can cause death.
Although the symptoms of a heart attack and TTC are the same, they have different causes. Whereas a heart attack is caused by a blockage in one of the coronary arteries supplying the heart muscle, the exact mechanism of TTC is not entirely clear.
TTC is associated with patterns of abnormal contraction of the left ventricle, the heart’s main pumping chamber, but it is not caused by blocked coronary arteries. The condition is being widely researched internationally, but it is generally accepted by the scientific community that stress hormones, such as adrenalin, are partly at fault.
What causes broken heart syndrome?
In most cases TTC is preceded by severe psychological or physical stress. The condition was first recognised in women who had experienced a traumatic emotional event, such as the death of a spouse. Hence, the commonly used name 'broken heart syndrome'.
The types of stressors associated with TTC vary widely, from what may seem to be trivial events to severe life-changing events. Some of the more common psychological stressors include death of a spouse or other significant family member, family arguments, negative events in the workplace, psychiatric illness, loss of property, loss of a pet, anniversary of a death and traumatic social or environmental events such as war, earthquakes and floods.
Examples of commonly reported physical stressors include acute medical illness or trauma, stroke, epilepsy, heat stress, being diagnosed with diseases such as cancer and giving birth.
The list of stressors associated with TTC appears to be endless. From the thousands of cases reported, it seems almost anything can cause TTC if it elicits a stress response in an individual. It has been suggested that TTC can even occur with emotional responses to happy events.
Who suffers?
According to research, TTC appears to predominantly affect postmenopausal women. Around 90 percent of reported cases are in women aged between 65 and 70 years. As the condition becomes more widely recognised, cases are being reported in other groups, including younger women, men and children.
It is not clear why women seem to be more susceptible to the development of TTC, or why some people and not others develop TTC in response to a stressful event. It may be that some of us have less psychological resilience to stress. Alternatively, it may be a physical factor in some people, such as an inability by their body to cope with sudden large amounts of stress hormones.
How is it diagnosed?
The diagnosis of TTC is usually made when a person presents to an emergency department with heart attack symptoms and undergoes coronary angiography, a procedure to examine the coronary arteries for blockages.
During angiography, clinicians will note that a coronary artery blockage is not the cause of the symptoms. Rather, they will see the abnormal contraction pattern of the left ventricle associated with TTC.
TTC occurs in around 2 percent of people who have coronary angiography for a suspected heart attack, but there is no doubt that TTC is under-recognised. There are a few reasons for this.
At the time TTC was first recognised in Japan, there was little interest from the West in what was initially thought to be a rare phenomenon. Also, stress is not a good fit in the paradigm of cardiovascular disease development where risk factors such as blood pressure, cholesterol, age and weight can be precisely measured for risk management and treatment. And our incomplete understanding of TTC limits our ability to recognise all situations in which TTC may occur, in whom and to what extent.
TTC can cause death but this is relatively rare and often associated with a concurrent medical illness. The good news is that most people with TTC make a full recovery within a few weeks. Some people will have recurrent episodes and as yet we do not have any therapies to prevent this.
Treatment
The treatment for TTC is initially the same as for a heart attack, but once TTC is diagnosed, there will be some changes to medications. Drugs known as angiotensin-converting enzyme (ACE) inhibitors (which relax the blood vessels) and beta blockers (which control heart rhythm and reduce high blood pressure) are generally used to reduce the workload on the heart. But currently it is not clear which medications are most helpful in treating TTC or for how long they should be used.
There is increasing evidence that negative emotions including stress, depression, anger, frustration, panic, fear and anxiety are associated with an increased risk of developing heart problems. They are also associated with poorer outcomes for people with existing heart problems.
TTC is yet another example of the adverse effects of stress on health. With heightened awareness of the condition, and increasing levels of stress in our society, we are likely to see a greater incidence of TTC over time.
The ConversationAngela Kucia, Senior Lecturer in Nursing, University of South Australia.
This article was originally published by The Conversation. Read the original article.
Article source : http://www.sciencealert.com/can-you-really-die-from-a-broken-heart
10 steps to heal a broken heart
The searing pain of a failed relationship is the greatest suffering many of us will ever experience. Now, leading hypnotist Paul McKenna and psychotherapist Dr Hugh Willbourn claim they can teach you to mend a broken heart. Using their unique 10 step method, you can remove emotional pain and feel free to enjoy life fully again - in days.
• ACCEPT THE PAIN
Accept that you will have to go through some pain. It is an unavoidable truth that if you loved enough to be heartbroken, you have to experience some suffering.
When you lose something that mattered to you, it is natural and important to feel sad about it: that feeling is an essential part of the healing process.
The problem with broken-hearted people is that they seem to be reliving their misery over and over again. If you cannot seem to break the cycle of painful memories, the chances are that you are locked into repeating dysfunctional patterns of behaviour. Your pain has become a mental habit. This habit can, and must, be broken.
This is not to belittle the strength of your feelings or the importance of the habits you've built up during your relationship. Without habit, none of us would function. But there comes a time when the pain becomes unhealthy.
When you enter your bedroom at night, you switch on the light without thinking. If you obsess about your ex, and feel unhappy all the time, it's likely that your unconscious mind is 'switching on' your emotions in exactly the same way.
Without realising it, you have programmed yourself to feel a pang of grief every time you hear that tune you danced to, or see your ex's empty chair across the kitchen table.
• CHANGE YOUR HABITS
Now you have to break those connections. Turn off the music that reminds you of your ex. Make your home look and feel different from when your loved one was around. Move the furniture.
Take up a new activity. And keep moving: exercise is the single most effective therapy for depression.
The point of these changes is to break up the old associations and give yourself a new environment for your new life. The changes you make don't have to be permanent. Even if it is just using a different shampoo and deleting your ex's number from the memory of your mobile, change something. Now.
• CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS
The next step is to do the same thing on the inside - transform your habits of thought. In a relationship, we build up a huge array of such habits. When the love affair ends, these patterns can still be running.
To change your thinking habits, you need to understand a little more about them.
Have you ever witnessed the same event as someone else, and later found out their account of it was completely different from yours? Each of you saw the event through a 'frame', made up of your personal beliefs, feelings and internal habits.
If you are finding it devastatingly difficult to handle the end of your relationship, you may need to change this 'frame'. You will need to reframe your heartbreak. Stop seeing it as the end of your happiness. Instead, turn it into a challenge; view it as an opportunity.
Being heartbroken can make you feel worthless and hopeless - but that is because the frame you are using is too narrow. Learning to see your situation with a different frame is a wonderful liberation.
• VIEW YOUR RELATIONSHIP FROM THE OUTSIDE
The following exercise will help you look at your circumstances from different points of view, so you gain helpful insights.
1. Think about the break-up of your relationship. What are the judgments or generalisations you have made about yourself and your ex?
2. Now think of someone you admire - a character from history or a real friend. Imagine they are watching a movie of this part of your life, and step into their shoes to watch it instead. Imagine what their comments would be.
3. Now imagine that a neutral observer is watching the movie of your life. Step into their shoes and watch it from there.
4. Notice the differences that you see from each point of view. Which ones are helpful? Which ones make you feel better? Use these perspectives to view your relationship in a new light.
People who get over difficulties well rarely see what has happened to them as a disaster. They frame it as a challenge. It is a matter of a point of view. It is not what happens to us, but how we interpret it that determines the outcome for us.
• CHANGE HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF AND HIM
The next stage is to focus on your mental picture of your lost love. By changing how you represent your ex in your mind, you can greatly reduce or even eliminate your distress.
You must learn to control your 'visualisation'. Every single one of us makes pictures in our imagination - and we can all learn how to change the pictures. It is important to learn to do this, because our bodies react to what we imagine in the same way that they react to what is actually happening to us. Memory and imagination affect our feelings in the same way as reality does.
We are constantly altering our state by the pictures we make in our imagination and the way we talk to ourselves. So it is vital to control those pictures and not let them run away with our feelings.
• CHANGE HOW YOU SEE YOUR PAST
1. Answer the following question. Which side of your front door is the lock on? To answer, you have had to make a mental picture of the door. You have made a visualisation.
2. Now try to imagine what your front door would look like if it was bright orange or had yellow stripes down it. Make it bigger. Move it away so that it is smaller. Move it further away and down a bit so you are looking down on it. Make it open. Change it in different ways.
3. Think about your ex now. As soon as you remember what someone looks like, you are using visualisation. What is the expression on his or her face? Observe what your ex is wearing and what he or she is doing. Where do you see the picture of them? In front of you, or to the left or the right? Is it lifesize or smaller? Is it a movie or a still image? Is it solid or transparent? Now, as you keep that image in your mind's eye, notice the feelings that arise. Make a note of those feelings.
4. Now you could remember or imagine them differently. You can imagine you are a great film director. You can reshoot the scenes of your memory and imagination in any way you want. You can change the action, soundtrack, lighting, camera angles, framing, focus and speed. Change how you are visualising your ex and notice how it affects your feelings.
5. Bring to mind the picture you had of your ex.
6. Notice where it appears and how big it is.
7. Now drain the colour out until it looks like an old black and white picture.
8. Move the image further away until it is one-tenth of its original size.
9. Shrink it even further, right down to a little black dot.
10. Notice how your feelings have changed and compare how you feel now to the note you made earlier.
You will notice that some changes have a bigger effect than others. Images that are closer, bigger, brighter and more colourful have greater emotional intensity than those that are duller, smaller and further away.
Standing outside your memories and watching as if they were a movie helps you distance yourself from them.
• FALL OUR OF LOVE - FOR GOOD
Now you are ready to tackle the central problem using the visualisation technique. Part of being heartbroken is the fact that you still feel in love. It hurts because part of you is still attached to your ex. This exercise helps that piece of you release itself.
1. List five occasions when you felt very in love with your ex. List them so you can easily call them to mind.
2. Start with the first of those memories. Play with it. Move the image away from you so that you can see yourself in the picture. Make it small.
3. Drain out the colour so it is black and white, then make it transparent. When you look at your memory like this, it will seem as if the event is happening to someone else, and the emotional intensity will be reduced still further. You are starting to re-code your memory.
4. When you have finished re-coding the first memory, do the same for the next one. Work through them until you have done all five.
5. Remember in detail five negative experiences with your expartner, where you felt very definitely put off by him or her. List the five experiences.
6. Take the least appealing memory and fully return to that moment. Try to relive it.
7. Now turn up the colour and the clarity. Make the memory as bright and clear as you can, and experience the feelings more and more strongly.
8. Go through each of the other four negative memories of your ex-partner, and relive them. Carry on until even thinking about them puts you off.
When you think about the bad experiences again and again, the negative memories begin to join up so that there is no space between them for the feelings of love, yearning and regret.
Concentrate on the exercise and do it methodically. Some people have found that doing this just once makes them feel different. To make sure the effect sticks, do it every day for two weeks.
• UNDERSTAND YOUR EMOTIONS
The next stage is to learn to understand your emotional reactions better. Your feelings of heartbreak are unlikely to disappear unless you cope with what they are trying to tell you.
An emotion is a bit like someone knocking on your door to deliver a message. If you don't answer, it keeps knocking until you do open up.
Opening the door to your feelings means learning to understand them. This can be hard, because heartbreak is complicated by other feelings: anger, fear and shame.
• BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL FIND LOVE AGAIN
You could fall into the trap of remaining convinced that your ex is the only person you could ever love. This is unlikely to be true on a planet with six billion people.
So why do you believe it? Can it be because you are desperately trying to avoid accepting that the relationship is over? Or are you afraid that the bad feelings associated with heartbreak will never go away?
That fear makes you anxious, and keeps you feeling bad for longer. The burden of your heartbreak has grown heavier, and a vicious circle has been established.
• LIVING HAPPILY AFTER YOUR BREAK-UP
A good way of giving yourself a boost - and coping with complicated feelings - is to imagine a bright future.
1. Imagine the future as a corridor in front of you. Imagine walking down it, away from the present, towards a door.
2. Open the door, and see beyond it a world in which you have recovered from your heartbreaking relationship.
3. See what you look like, what you are wearing, where you are going, whom you are seeing.
4. Now step into this new world and into the new happy you. Imagine the whole experience from the inside, seeing what you would see, hearing what you would hear, and feeling how good and happy things are now.
It is not a matter of believing the image is real: just imagine it as vividly as possible.
In heartbreak, there is often a backlog of emotional learning to get through. Do one bit at a time. Your unconscious mind will protect you, and give you a rest so that you can deal with the next bit. You will learn to step out of the memories, leave them behind, and start a new life.
• Extracted from How To Mend Your Broken Heart by Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn (Bantam Press, £7.99). ° 2003, Paul McKenna and Hugh Willbourn.
Article source : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-165247/10-steps-heal-broken-heart.html
<Questions>
Q1. Do you think you can die from a broken heart?
Q2. Have you ever fainted due to the certain incident?
Q3. Have you ever broken up with your ex-girlfriend/ ex-boyfriend? Why did you spilit up?
How did you feel about your loss?
Q4. How do you mend a broken heart? Please share your own treatment !
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