38 (All this time)

[피터]

I'm still hesitating over the word to describe how I feel about what I have experienced. All of a sudden, I had a thought that I have really mattered on this place by all means. Yes. It sounds completely right. But at the same time, another thought shot across my mind. Is that all? This is a reasonable concern and so I feel like I need something to start afresh. Deep down, I'd prefer to stay the same, but I know little change in my status is not going to change anything about the rest of my life. Most of all, age might have softened my stubbornness and this seemed to make me see everything attractive. Do you know me? However, on the other hand, I'm still hesitating over something critical. That's most probably because I'm facing the need for a change at a paradigm-shifting level. I admit that I have enjoyed my life all this time that has been unrealistically good enough on my behalf. So what? In short, I built a life of meaning on a personal basis, but there seem to be other things I need to do for others. I guess it won't be a cinch to lead a life of accomplishment. It's a matter of competitiveness and productivity. That's why I'm striving to push my career boundary forward by buying into all the things that the more successful are saying. Is that a fact for you? Now still hesitating on the verge of truth, I 'd say I just started practicing ball games. I find this to be a little difficult now, seeing that I have poor hand-eye coordination. Thus I'm not quite sure how much more I could be successful but here goes nothing. Don't be discouraged! You could be a really cool guy that can spread some love and get a lot of douchey comments at the same time. After all, I'm determined to strike a nice balance of meaning and accomplishment. Looking back, I have been chair-imprisoned for a long time. Kicking out of my comfort zone, I'm supposed to act from a sense of duty. Having no particular reason for doubting this, the bare thought of it is  empowering!