Since I was born, my parents fought a lot violently. We had a lot of family problems. Since I was a kindergartener, I did not eat, I did not talk, I was not able to focus what's in front of me or around me, and I was an alien. I was almost like a hungry African kid that you can count my ribs. My classmates thought I was a dumb mute. I could not focus in school or even when I was with someone because I kept seeing in my mind upsetting or shocking things replaying over and over in my mind that I could not see or hear a person right in front of me. I just stared blankly. So people thought I was whether dumb or rude which made them hate me and do bad stuff to me. At school, I was a loner, I had no friends, and I had a lot of problems, such as; I couldn't say "no" to anyone and I was a crybaby who cried for hours or even for the whole day. I couldn't stop crying because I felt so 억울해 upset since I could not talk because I was too shy and too scared of humans. I usually cried at school when I could not talk back to say that it wasn't me and that I got framed. At home, my dad was horrible to my mom. My mom poured all her stress that she got from my dad to me. I was child abused physically, mentally, and verbally. She gave me weird, horrible punishments. I desperately wanted to become a normal human. It seemed like I was going to stay like this forever and was afraid. However, even at this point, I still believed God existed and reminded myself that at least I was the kindest, gentlest kid even if I couldn't talk, eat, hear, or see. And I believed He could answer some of my prayers.<p>
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When I went into the Jr. High school, all the problems I had before disappeared. I was a Christian now. I began to become a normal human being little by little as I had bible studies. But my problems and stress were still hidden deep inside me and and my child abuse experience turned into an actual disease. Weird things kept happening to me and I didn't know some stuff that I saw were Satan's power. One of the weird thing was that every night while I was sleeping, I heard great, perfect music playing in my mind that I've never heard before in my life. I was half asleep every night and one night I was so tired of it I decided to do something about it. But when I did, I had a powerful demonic experience. It was even more powerful than the sleep paralysis I had before. I could not even make up a sentence this time to say, "In the name of Jesus, evil spirits leave!" because my brain wasn't functioning. The only thing I could make up in my mind was "Jesus". So I yelled out Jesus three times and I finally got out of it. My whole body was shaking with fear and I walked to my mom's bed and slept with her. I told my mom what happened and she told her home church group what happened and they all prayed for me. And after that I never heard music while I was sleeping again. Jesus's name is powerful and group prayers are powerful. But I wondered all the years, why did Satan bother me with music though? Why music? <p>
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Now after school semester ended, I went to a retreat, I was so filled with joy from the Holy Spirit. I received the gift of tongue and the pastor saw visions and gave me prophetic words for my future. I never thought God would ever choose me! From all the kids there, I was the shyest, weakest, most needy, fragil, strange kid with no confidence, no wisdom, no talent, nothing. And he chose me?! All the kids clapped for me and praised God once they heard what the pastor said I was going to be. I was very very touched and thanked God. I wanted to be like that pastor, being able to hear God and do His work. But after the retreat ended, I was scared. I misunderstood God and I did not want to die for God. I began to have a far relationship with God. <p>
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When I went into high school, everything was horrible and traumatic. I was sick and tired of my mom upsetting me, hurting me so I finally blew up in front of my mom, yelled at her while crying and argued with her. Sometimes this would be with my dad too. Whenever I did, my hands and feet felt electricity and it hurt. On my hands and feet, I could see my green veins become thick and pop out like I was about to become like Hulk, and my hands and feet were becoming paralyzed because of stress while I was hyperventilizing and foaming in my mouth while I was crying and trying to yell about all the unfair and upsetting things she did to me. I felt dizzy, my heart was beating so fast and loud that it hurt and I felt faint. Other things, I got addicted to food. I couldn't control my eating that I got stomachache, diarrhea, constipation, headache, sleepiness, fever, and indigestion that I was absent and late to school most of the time. I even threw up during my sleep because I ate so much. I got insomnia and narcolepsy at the same time. I don't know how that could be but my sleeping problem was a mystery. One time I slept 3days straight because I wanted to sleep till I die and just get over with life. But I still believed in God and asked for help sometimes. <p>
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One morning, my alarm rang and I could not get up again. I felt like my life would end here if I never woke up to go to school that day. I was half asleep. I prayed to God, "God please help me to wake up and go to school today or else I'll not have any future and I'll be dead." Then, after like 3min of still in my bed sleeping, I heard a loud, gentle, loving whisper close to my ear which said, "수림아 일어나", (April wake up in Korean) using my Korean name which only my parents call me by that name. I woke up surprised and turned my head where the whisper was and opened my eyes but no one was there. I was able to go to school that day. God knew how hard it is for me to wake up that he sent me an angel to help me wake up! He loved me! He saved me! However, I forgot instantly what happened after a few days. Devil made all the good things that happened to me or miracles that God did for me to be hidden deep inside my mind to never remind me of it again. I had Major Depression. And almost all the symptoms of it. And a mystery sickness. For 2 years every night, I turned into a monster like I was under a spell. Like Princess Fiona in the movie, "Shrek". But my skin turned red instead of green. Haha.. Anyways, every night, I got rashes all over my body. And it went away the next morning. My mom and my dad began to have more worse problems and bad stuff kept happening to our family. They had too much problems that they did not care about my problems and it hurt me. I was stuck in a cycle of pain and suffering physically, emotionally, and mentally like a crazy psyco person. I had PTSD, anxiety, sleep paralysis, ect. But my mom and my dad were even more psychos, they tried to kill each other or my mom tried to kill me.<p>
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In college, my disorders became worse. When I turned 21, I had to become an international student and getting a health insurance was required to go to school. Since I had health insurance now, I was able to go to a psychiatrist and get pills for Major depression. I tried all kinds of pills and even pills for other disorders that I might have since the psychiatrist did not know what exactly I had. I felt like dying from all the side-effects. I kept getting better and worse, better and worse. And finally for one year, I rebelled against my parents. I stopped listening to my strict parents. I think I was demon possessed... I changed to a completely different person. I was excited but I was shocked and scared at myself sometimes. I was almost crazy. I wasn't myself. I was addicted to the world. I did everything and whatever to make myself feel good and happy but the happiness in this world was all temporary. I became depressed and lonely right away. I felt ashamed of my sins and I felt like I was dying because all the mental disorders I had were still active and killing me. I was sick and tired of it and couldn't handle them anymore that I wished I was dead. <p>
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One night, I was crying in pain, with loneliness that I felt like I wasn't breathing. I was sick of eating comfort foods to make me sick again. And my heart was strangely hurting again even when no one was there in my room bruising my heart. I kept seeing flash backs of traumatic events of my past in my mind. It was like a depressing, upsetting video player in my head that will never stop playing forever till I die. I could do nothing but helplessly cry. I could not rest or sleep. If I sleep, I will dream of my mom or dad upsetting me again which might almost give me a heart attack again like last time. I couldn't take this pain anymore, I wanted all my disorders to be gone. Only way for them to be gone was to end my life. So I cried out to God knowing he could kill me, "God kill me! Right now! I don't want to be here in this world." I waited but he didn't kill me. So I kept crying my eyes out saying, "Why aren't you killing me? Just make me disappear! Ok what about now? NOW! Now? Isn't it easy for you to kill me? Do it now!!!" I kept crying to God desperately to kill me but he wouldn't. After I was very tired of asking him, I said, "God, if you can't kill me, then save me.... I'll do anything. I'll do anything you say, just please save me. I'll give you my life, you can do whatever you want with it because I don't care about my life anymore! Just end my disorders and sufferings!" <p>
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After that, I started to pray almost everyday to send me someone holy to help lead me to God. Few weeks later, God sent me a new friend named Jessica Shin. She gave me bible studies every Monday. Whenever I told her about my depressing things, she took out the Bible, found some verse that related to what I was talking about and told me to read for myself out loud at that moment. All she did was help me open a Bible and start reading it because I could not even open a Bible by myself. Later I became excited about the Bible, I was curious about the end times, what's going on now and what God will do. I felt like the guy in the movie, "National Treasure" because at home, alone in my room everyday, it was so fun studying clues in the Bible and finding puzzle pieces and getting answers after answers! Whenever I felt pain, I immediately turned on a praise song or opened any page in the Bible and read it. And it made me feel better after a while. All I did was go to bible studies almost everyday. And my parents were also changed just by seeing me changed. They do not fight violently anymore, they don't try to suicide anymore, and they started to go to church again. And the bad stuff happening to our family started to lessen. All the curious things I had, they were finally answered. And after a few months I stopped and noticed, ALL my disorders and sufferings were gone miraculously. I was a normal person now. Praise God!!!!!<p>
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I learned that Satan was bothering me with music before because he was a composer or leader of God's choir. And the music has power. Satan's music, worldly music destroys you but God's music, praise songs saves you. So it's important to worship God because God's music has stronger power. Also I learned that the psychic abilities I had when I was little was from Satan, I thought it was from God. We need to discern what is from God and what is from satan and not be deceived. I was completely deceived and was sinning. And I learned that not only I had to confess but I had to forgive my parents and people to break off from chains and be saved as well. Because if you don't forgive, Jesus will not forgive you also. (Matt 6:14-15) Just like The Parable of the Unmercifully Servant.<p>
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I became much better than before. January 2013 was when I became completely healed of ALL my disorders, I wasn't sick anymore! However, the little bad habits still remained. Like: Eating in the middle of the night, always being late to school, church, and even friend's hang out, having unstable sleeping schedule. Compared to how I was before when I had all the sickness, I thought it was nothing. However, I realized it was effecting my daily schedule and my life was unstable. I couldn't be productive most of the time because of all the troubles that was still being made from my bad habits. I still felt the helplessness and asked God if I was still lost, asked if I'm still not discerning what is God's and what is Satan's. If I still have evil spirits. I also had strong desire to rebuke evil spirits for other people in the name of Jesus. I desperately wanted to learn more about how to resist the devil. I wanted to do God's work, I wanted to realize what God's will for me was. I wanted to die for God now. That afternoon, I started reading Acts from the beginning, and I felt so blessed by seeing God's work and how God moved through these holy people. I wanted to live for God like this too, it was so heroic and admiring in Gods eyes. And I wanted to know more about the Holy Spirit. I wished I found a leader like the prophetic pastor I met in the retreat I went when I was young. I read till it was about 6pm when my friend, Kevin texted me. He suddenly had a strong urge to text me that he was texting me while he was driving because he could not wait till he parked. I met him through my friend Jessica who God send to me to help lead myself to God. Kevin told me about Hodah and asked if I wanted to go that night. I went and Hodah was just what I was looking for! I found my leader, Deacon Ko! I asked a lot of questions to him that day and was glad to find someone who could teach me about the Holy Spirit and how to cast out evil spirits, ect. When I was going home, Kevin said that Holy Spirit was keep telling him to contact April and invite her to Hodah. It's really true that you seek and you will find it. (Matt 7:7) I also love all the Hodah people. I forgot how I was longing for a long time to receive a hug and cry with relief. They hug me with Jesus's love and they hug like my mom hugged me when I was a toddler. I longed to just run to my mom whenever something bad happened and cry while hugging. But when I got a little older, once my mom saw me cry she only yelled at me and said hurtful, discouraging things and did not comfort me anymore. I want my mom to come to Hodah also so that I can hug her and finally cry in comfort together and show her Jesus's love. And I also received deliverance later. I never knew I had so much demons even after I got rid of all my disorders before I came to Hodah. I also got rid of the evil spirits that was bothering me and my family. My dad shows kindness and love to my mom now, i can't believe it, it's amazing. I thought that it was impossible for my dad and my mom to change their personality even a bit. I also learned to realize which voice was the devil's trying to deceive me and which voice was God's trying to lead me. I want to learn more about God and have intimate relationship with God. And I want to be prepared when Jesus comes again. And I love God!
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this story touched my heart. i to some times felt like to ask god to kill me. i didn't have any problem with my family expect for my brother how would all ways put me down. make me fell like i was nothing . so i fell your pain. i would have trouble sleeping because i thought my brother would pop out and scare or hurt me i was good at school but didnt talk to any one because i was to shy.few years later i went to KOG kid retreat there i was saved from sin. i realized how to find my sin and and keep most of them away.bless the lord someone felt my pain too.
사랑받기 위해 태어난 수림이..♥ 하나님아빠 사랑 못받게 그동안 우리 수림이를 악한영들이 너무 많이 아프게 했지만 이젠 그시간들이 다 끝이나고 하나님품안에서 안식하는 수림이가 되었네요.. 하나님아빠가 우리 수림아가를 품에 꼬옥 안고 있어요. 그 품안에서 우리 수림이가 이제 안식해요. 하나님을 찾고 부르짖고 살려달라고 했던 그 고통스런 시간이 다 끝이나고 호다방주하나님 품안에서 안식하며 쉼을 얻어요.. 수림이를 볼 때 마다 얼마나 예쁜지 .. 고마와요.. 살아있어주어 너무 고마와요.. 예수님이 수림이를 사랑할 수있게 예수님께 기회를 줘서 너무 고마워요..
Wow!!! Hallelujah!! What a dramatic testimony is!! Thank you for sharing us your whole life story. Even though you had a lot of suffering by evil spirits and illnesses, I realize that Jesus loves you so much and be with you always to protect and guide you.
Now congratulations on your freedom in the truth and Jesus.
Like Jesus said to Lazarus " Come out" and then said to them " Take off the grave clothes and let him go"
Now you must be the same person who will set the captives, prisoners and brokenhearted people free and perform Isaiah chapter 61.
You are a beautiful Jesus' bride and he was always with you. You couldn't see him but he was watching you all the time. when you open your mind to him a little, he squeeze in to you and now you see him. He was with you and will be with you forever. bless you and love you.
Sister April, I saw you from the day 1 you came to HODAH! I was with you all the time, I witness all the changes you have since we first met! I saw HOLY SPIRIT was working in you, but with this vivid testimony, I praise Lord again and confirm you that your Father God's love was, is, and will be with you forever!! Awesome testimony, so happy for you and Lord, thanks for your courage to share your testimonial with us, Love you with Jesus' love!! See?? Your testimonial is "A Key to Heaven" to lot of us who was the same as you were before, Love You!!
Wow, April! I am blown away to hear about all the Father has been doing in you and is still doing! I have to say it has been a pleasure to walk alongside you and chat from time to time and just witness the redemption that is taking place in your life. You truly have a humble and thirsty heart, and I know the Lord is so touched and moved by that! His goodness never ends, sister... this is just the beginning!! =)
Amen April! Jesus Christ works in mysterious ways. I'm glad you are completely healed! Seeing you from day 1, I can tell you that you changed a lot. All that negative energy become positive. Your face is brighter, too. Praise the LORD!
I'm so proud of you April! Your spirit never let go of Jesus, even at the worst of times. God sees that heart and He weeps with joy because of you. And we all love you so much sweetie :) You will be steadfast in The Lord because you are a living miracle of God. Thank you for sharing with us! Love love love love!
첫댓글 dear April,
this story touched my heart. i to some times felt like to ask god to kill me.
i didn't have any problem with my family expect for my brother how would all ways put me down.
make me fell like i was nothing . so i fell your pain. i would have trouble sleeping because i thought
my brother would pop out and scare or hurt me i was good at school but didnt talk to any one because
i was to shy.few years later i went to KOG kid retreat there i was saved from sin. i realized how to find
my sin and and keep most of them away.bless the lord someone felt my pain too.
love,
Jeremiah moon
사랑받기 위해 태어난 수림이..♥
하나님아빠 사랑 못받게 그동안 우리 수림이를
악한영들이 너무 많이 아프게 했지만 이젠 그시간들이
다 끝이나고 하나님품안에서 안식하는 수림이가
되었네요..
하나님아빠가 우리 수림아가를 품에 꼬옥 안고 있어요.
그 품안에서 우리 수림이가 이제 안식해요.
하나님을 찾고 부르짖고 살려달라고 했던 그 고통스런
시간이 다 끝이나고 호다방주하나님 품안에서 안식하며
쉼을 얻어요..
수림이를 볼 때 마다 얼마나 예쁜지 ..
고마와요..
살아있어주어 너무 고마와요..
예수님이 수림이를 사랑할 수있게 예수님께
기회를 줘서 너무 고마워요..
하나님의 사랑이 수림이를 통해 물이바다덮음이
되어 넘칠것아지요..
이제는 안식안에서 수림이를 보며 하나님의 사랑을
볼것이지요..
얼마나 아름다운 성령님이 수림이와 함께하는지요..
많이 사랑해요..
모든 삶을 축복해요..
빅허그 !! 뽀뽀!!
올한해도 신랑 예수님과 사랑에 완전히 취해서
하늘을 둥둥 나는 한해가 되길 축복해요!
수림이 가정에 하나님의 사랑이 넘치는 천국이
되게 하심을 감사해요!
수림 사랑해!! ♥♥
Wow!!! Hallelujah!! What a dramatic testimony is!!
Thank you for sharing us your whole life story.
Even though you had a lot of suffering by evil spirits and illnesses,
I realize that Jesus loves you so much and be with you always to protect and guide you.
Now congratulations on your freedom in the truth and Jesus.
Like Jesus said to Lazarus " Come out" and then said to them " Take off the grave clothes and let him go"
Now you must be the same person who will set the captives, prisoners and brokenhearted people free
and perform Isaiah chapter 61.
Love and Bless Ya!!
You are a beautiful Jesus' bride and he was always with you. You couldn't see him but he was watching you all the time. when you open your mind to him a little, he squeeze in to you and now you see him. He was with you and will be with you forever. bless you and love you.
Sister April, I saw you from the day 1 you came to HODAH! I was with you all the time, I witness all the changes you have since we
first met! I saw HOLY SPIRIT was working in you, but with this vivid testimony, I praise Lord again and confirm you that your Father God's love was,
is, and will be with you forever!! Awesome testimony, so happy for you and Lord, thanks for your courage to share your testimonial with us,
Love you with Jesus' love!! See?? Your testimonial is "A Key to Heaven" to lot of us who was the same as you were before, Love You!!
Wow, April! I am blown away to hear about all the Father has been doing in you and is still doing! I have to say it has been a pleasure to walk alongside you and chat from time to time and just witness the redemption that is taking place in your life. You truly have a humble and thirsty heart, and I know the Lord is so touched and moved by that! His goodness never ends, sister... this is just the beginning!! =)
Amen April! Jesus Christ works in mysterious ways.
I'm glad you are completely healed!
Seeing you from day 1, I can tell you that you changed a lot.
All that negative energy become positive.
Your face is brighter, too.
Praise the LORD!
I'm so proud of you April!
Your spirit never let go of Jesus, even at the worst of times.
God sees that heart and He weeps with joy because of you.
And we all love you so much sweetie :)
You will be steadfast in The Lord because you are a living miracle of God.
Thank you for sharing with us!
Love love love love!