The heat seems to make almost every part of my stuff not very impressive, but I'm still into casting an innuendo. Since I spent a bunch of opportunities to explain my mistakes, I seem to get hooked to talking to myself without actually saying something. Behind this, there might be some hidden intentions to leave wiggle rooms to claim that I meant something else in cases something were to happen. Can I be considered to be wise enough to have a loose way of speaking that can be interpreted different ways? That being said, I feel like I'm a master at it. But this is no time for such a foolish pride. In the meanwhile I still believe my Father speaks even through the vilest mouth. However I should have been overwhelmed much earlier by the ease with which I swallowed all my own words. It might just be a sloppiness of my thought but it's sure to be very dangerous soon if not inhibited. I don't mean to be sarcastic or funny. The thing is that I'm in the middle of turning a fake paper tiger at last. That's why I'm supposed to suffer the consequence of my previous choices. Maybe I only liked the thought of myself as the most successful person as much as I could do. This really makes me almost have to wonder if I've actively been working to prevent myself from being effective. If I do nothing about this, there is no way I will enjoy the rewards. Not as a larger than life character, I'd better start talking about the way to accept me as I am. And I should stop telling why I'm afraid of my seemingly pending failures. Any one with a brain knows that there's always a chance that they can fail, and I'm a no brainer too. I should trust and toss myself into the maw of uncertainty. Once I start to rally myself, I can survive the self-doubt about what is the right thing to do and I can come up with the idea that I'm still playing a game that is not over.