(토요모임) [12. Jan. 2019] Saturday meeting topic

[리사홍]

Hello, everyone.

Tomorrow we will talk about "Love & relationship"

The first topic has provided by Jake! Thanks again Jake for sharing Saturday's topic with us!

No one would ever wants to lose their loving ones but it happens.

Let's read the article and discuss dating tips and advice! 

Please feel free to share your opinions and if let's figure out who has the best dating tips! 

10 Dating Lessons We Learned from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

It’s been 15 years since Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey struck rom-com gold with How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The movie had all the makings of a great early-aughts chick flick: a smart and career-driven female lead, the heightened glitz and glamour of Manhattan, and a semi-absurd plot that somehow still managed to seem plausible.

As with any film, certain aspects don't quite translate a decade and a half later. In today's dating app-fueled culture, if twenty-something Andie Anderson (Hudson) met a guy she really liked IRL, she probably wouldn't do everything in her power to push him away—no matter the story she was writing for work. She would probably choose one of the randoms on Hinge for her experiment and actually pursue a relationship with the guy she was into, Ben (McConaughey). As for whether any decently successful and sensible person would put up with her antics? Likely not, even if a major advertising account was at stake. This is the Instagram age, and every documented love fern lives on forever—whether you want it to or not.

1. Calling your significant other out on his or her BS is crucial.

Ben’s family invited Andie to join in on a rousing round of Bullshit, a card game that’s all about “being able to read people,” according to Ben. It was quickly clear that Ben had met his match—which made sense, since they were BSing each other for the duration of their relationship. Luckily, in the end, they dropped the acts and finally got real with one another—as we all should.

2. Never underestimate a man or woman on a mission.

Both Andie and Ben are proof of the fact that you really can achieve the unimaginable if you’re devoted enough—whether it’s to your significant other or to a bet. Seriously, why would Ben stay with a prospective partner who redecorated his bathroom in pink and stocked the medicine cabinet with Vagisil after only a few dates? Because he committed to a goal and wanted to land the ad campaign for a diamond company, that’s why. (Hopefully, in dating, your motivations are a little different.)

3. Always, always, always ask for details before agreeing to a date night activity.

If a pair of front-row tickets are on the line, don’t assume you’re going to a Knicks playoff game. If you fail to ask the proper questions about the plan, you will most likely end up at a Celine Dion concert (although who would be upset about this turn of events, we can’t imagine).

4. Don’t give weird names to your significant other’s body parts.

This one is pretty self-explanatory, but Ben did not appreciate his manhood being referred to as Princess Sophia. Just don’t do this.

5. And don’t call each other by overly cutesy nicknames, either.

When Andie repeatedly called Ben “Benny Boo-Boo” and "Benky," it got old—and fast. If you want to call each other by lovey-dovey nicknames behind closed doors, that’s your prerogative—but please don’t make your friends suffer through listening to it.

6. It’s important to give each other space.

All Ben wanted was to let loose with a boys’ night, but Andie wasn’t having it. Granted, she was trying to get him to break up with her. But even so, her intrusion upon his poker night was a prime example of what not to do in a relationship.

7. If you plan to see a couples’ therapist, do a quick background check on the counselor first.

First off, if you need to go to couples’ therapy only a week in, you should probably call it quits. However, if you are going to see a therapist under appropriate circumstances, do your due diligence beforehand to make sure that your shrink is legit—and not just your significant other’s BFF in disguise.

8. Don’t make a life-changing commitment unless you're ready for the shared responsibility.

If you’re at a point in your relationship where you’ve barely even committed to each other, you should probably wait on the whole pet adoption thing. Make sure you’re in it for the right reasons, and not just to take “little plaid family” photos—unless you’re OK sharing custody of your furball should things go south.

9. Don’t reach out to your potential future in-laws until you’re officially 

introduced—no matter what.

Andie struck up a relationship with Ben’s mom without his knowing, and it's safe to say, it freaked him out. Her phone calls with Glenda definitely crossed a line, and things are no different when it comes to reaching out over social media. Just don’t do it unless you have your partner’s blessing or have already met IRL.

10. You can’t run away from your relationship problems, no matter how fast your taxi is going.

At the end of the day, any and all relationship baggage is going to catch up with you. So instead of trying to escape it all by running off to a new city and a new life, get some actual closure—ideally before you’re in the middle of a bridge en route to the airport.

Question

1.        Have you ever lose a guy/girl by these mistakes?

2.       Why having a relationship so important to you?

3.       What are the things you’ve done to keep a guy/girl?

4.       If you’re married, what is your advice on single girls/guys?

The 10 Biggest Mistakes Men Make In Relationships

We all have our own unique challenges related to the way we see and interact with the world around us. The good news is that if you really do want to know how to get a girl to like you and be your girlfriend, a lot of your challenges could be avoided by becoming more conscious of the huge differences in how men and women navigate the world.

There are so many ways that otherwise good people mess up what could be healthy relationships.

Believe me — I hear them all — but most of them fit into just a few key categories. For simplicity sake, I want to outline some of the most common relationship mistakes men make to help guys get their girl — and keep her.

So here they are, the 10 biggest relationship mistakes men make,

1. You don't bring her presence.

No, not that kind of presents. I'm talking about a gift of another kind. I'm talking about the same qualities that make YOU feel good.

You know how it feels when you're grounded, centered and on top of your game? You're crystal clear on who you are and what you want. You say what you mean and you mean what you say. You stand firm and you're unwavering in the face of resistance.

Sounds great, right? Well, as good as it feels to you, women who navigate by feminine energy love and crave that even more than you. It's hot, and it literally makes the ladies swoon when you hold that space. It makes them feel safe and protected because she trusts that you have what it takes to be her rock.

By the same token, every time you act indecisive, fearful, uncertain, or all over the place, it breaks that connection and makes her lose attraction, untrusting, and even repulsed. This is a huge one, guys. It literally can make you or break you.

2. You don't "get" or understand women.

Feminine energy navigates the world via emotion, so sometimes it may appear that she's all over the place: happy one minute and raging the next. You should know that description falls far, far short of the definition of "psycho."

While that may be hard to understand when we masculine types navigate by logic and making sense, just trust me when I tell you that you'd do the same if you had her body chemistry.

When you understand that her emotions aren't irritating interruptions to your boring status quo, but instead a welcome diversion that actually livens up your world and brings you the best things in life like passion, fun, and excitement, you'll see she actually makes your world better every single day.

Face it: left to your own devices, you'd probably work too much and have a lot less to look forward to on a regular basis. Look at it this way: the masculine experience is kind of like a coloring book drawing: clear, simple, bold outlines that are fine standing alone on their own.

However, they are totally lacking in tone, depth, dimension or color of any kind. But then the feminine energy brings all the colors of the rainbow to it and it becomes brighter, more vibrant and even radiant.

Sure, every now and then, the darker colors come out and they may even color outside the lines, but it does make life more interesting. Approach it this way and you'll have a whole new appreciation for all the gifts your lady can bring to your world.

3. You are scared or intimidated by her.

I hate to even bring this one up, but some of you know it's true so let's just get it out of the way. Guys tend to want to be in control and the truth of the matter is feminine energy is all about flow. Men can't really hold back the "flow" of the tides, and feminine energy can't effectively be controlled long-term either.

Tougher guys than you have tried to control it but it doesn't work. A smart man knows how to channel that energy instead.

Sometimes it's like a storm. It can be a perfectly beautiful day, and the next thing you know, the clouds appear, the skies get dark and all hell breaks loose. Rather than controlling it, you ride it out, respect it, and know it's all part of the cycle of life.

There's no sunshine without rain; no happiness without grief; no black without white. The good news is that on the other side of the storm, the sun comes back out, and life is beautiful again.

 4. You made other things more important than her.

Feminine energy responds to adoration and praise. She needs your attention and the presence we already talked about. A compliment and your conscious focus will light her up from the inside and you will get to bask in the glow of her beautiful feminine radiance.

On the other hand, because masculine energy tends to be single-focused, targeted and an inseparable part of who you are as a man, you will — on occasion — ignore her, overlook her and maybe even take her for granted while your attention is elsewhere. This is to be expected; especially when it comes to work and providing for her, but just know that like all things, it has to be balanced.

Remember, any time you fail to make her feel special and put something or someone else ahead of her for an extended time, trouble is on the horizon. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

5. You're oblivious to her feelings.

Now that you know that feminine energy navigates the world via emotion, you'll need to learn to become consciously aware of how that works or you will struggle in relationships with women. Those are your choices, so choose carefully. I hate to see someone lose half their stuff in order to get that lesson so believe me, it pays to get outside of your own self-absorbed viewpoint and be cognizant of how your partner is feeling.

Do you remember that "single-focused" aspect to men that we already discussed, especially when it comes to work? That's where a lot of the trouble starts in this area, but it is a learned skill.

By the way, notice I didn't say you had to "fix" her emotions. They don't need to be fixed, even though we all think we need to fix problems. You just have to notice them, acknowledge them, and ride them out with her while you support her. That's not so hard, right?

6. You didn't build trust or you broke it.

This is an area where men struggle quite a bit due to several factors. We're logical while they're emotional so we tend to be way less committed, especially early on. By the same token, feminine energy tends to think she's in a "relationship" far sooner than men because she processes emotionally. That combination of logic and lack of early commitment often leads to men looking at other options rather quickly.​

Whatever mitigating factors may exist, the fact remains that trust is critical for a great relationship. Once it's compromised or even threatened, it is difficult for two parties to regain it. So whenever possible, I urge you to proceed in this area with caution.

7. You're too wishy-washy and made her feel unsafe.

This is the flip side of the presence I talked about in item number one. As intoxicating as a strong, present man can be, a wishy-washy guy who's all over the place can be positively repulsive. It's a huge turn-off and for good reason.

Feminine energy's number one need at all costs is to feel "safe." She can't feel safe at all if she's with a spineless, jellyfish of a guy that she can push around. She may act like she wants to call the shots herself all the time the truth is, it is absolutely exhausting for a feminine woman to live in her masculine energy for that long.

Do both of you a favor and step up into being the kind of man she can rely on to look after what's best for both of you. Trust me, if you do this, you'll both thank me for it.

8. You're too self-absorbed.

Masculine energy is heavily predisposed and wired to pursue his mission and achieve goals. He displays his value by his ability to solve problems and fix things. As a result, his needs are often met on the most consistent basis through his work or career.

In fact, one of the biggest red flags of a relationship in trouble is a man who spends a lot of time at work — not because he may be having an affair — but simply because his needs are being met primarily in the sphere of work and not in his relationship.

As I said in mistake number four, any time you put work or anything else ahead of your relationship for an extended time, trouble is on the horizon. Honestly, if you're not willing to make the effort to manage your work/life balance, you're essentially being unfair to both a potential partner and yourself.

9. You don't see the value of what she brings to you.

Usually when someone is far more interested in work, recreational activities or maybe even hobbies, they are simply living in alignment with their deepest values. Relationships — or at least the one you may be in at the moment — simply don't measure up to the payoff you're getting in other areas.

People will always invest their energy where they feel they get the biggest payoff. A man who is inspired and supported in his mission by his woman will find a way to have both, but it's up to him to prove he has the bandwidth to support both.

Remember: You can get all the promotions and raises you want — or land the huge deals that really get your heart pumping — but the question I have for you is: how rewarding is it really if you don't have someone special to celebrate your victories with at the end of the day?

10. You don't know what you want out of life.​

It's my hope that after reading this advice on the relationship mistakes men make, you'll start to focus less on old mistakes from the past, and instead focus more on the new information I've shared and how to turn it all around.

The simplest answer is that if you've had more pain than joy from your relationships in the past, and it stands to reason that you wouldn't exactly be in a hurry to try again, but that's just the pain and fear talking.

No matter what you decide, the reality is that your knowledge, awareness, and efforts are creating the life you're leading, whether you like it or not. We can all only get so far by ourselves. As you'll likely hear at many weddings, the beauty of marriage or relationships is that you get to multiply the joy in life and divide the pain when you meet the right one for you.    

Whatever decision you make, I support that as the right one for you at this time.

Questions

1. Do you agree? If you’re not, why not?

2. What are other mistakes men makes in relationships?

3. Tell us what are women’s expectation in men

    <<<<< 16 Horrible dates>>>>>

    1. The job interview:

"We decided to go out for drinks and I offered to drive. When we got to the bar he asked our waitress for a job application and to speak to the manager. The waitress said they weren't hiring, but he demanded he speak with a manager anyway. After he submitted his application, I ordered a beer and he ordered a water. We chatted for about 45 minutes before he abruptly ended the date. I guess he really just needed a ride to submit a job application."

2. The date that ended up at Denny's:

"I took a bus about an hour away to meet this girl for dinner. We went to a nice restaurant — I had a couple of drinks while she had an entire bottle of wine and some champagne. The date was not going well so I headed back to the bus station. I ended up missing the last bus out of town and, on top of that, my card kept getting declined. I had nowhere to stay so I walked three miles to a Denny’s. After tearfully explaining my night to the manager, he let me sleep in a booth and gave me free breakfast in the morning."

3. The date with a KISS-enthusiast:

"I was set up by a friend with a guy who seemed really nice at first. I soon realized that he was absolutely obsessed with the band KISS. He spoke at length about wanting to be buried in a KISS coffin. I was thrilled when the date was over, right up until the moment he asked if I wanted to go back to his place and test out his KISS condoms. No. No. No. I still shudder every time I hear a KISS song."

4. The date with a drug-dealing hustler:

"I was out to dinner with this guy when he suddenly went outside for a smoke break. Whatever, do you — but I looked out the window to see him talking to someone else. It looked a bit odd and ~sketchy~, so when he came back in Iarked him who that was. He told me he sells meth as a side job. 

5. The date with a big spender:

"I was set up on a blind date and told to dress nice for dinner. We ended up at Famous Dave’s. He told me I had to choose between the kids menu chicken tenders or the half-rack of ribs because he had a coupon. "

6. The butter knife, five-dick double whammy:

"Things were pretty normal during the first half of the night, but then things got weird. He sat next to me in the restaurant booth and proceeded to slide a butter knife up and down my thigh. He then went on to ask what my response would be if he told me he had five dicks. Yeah, never saw that guy again."

7. The generous date:

"I was at a restaurant with a guy who seemed really quiet and polite. All of a sudden, he blurted out, 'I’ve decided how I’m going to propose to you!' Um what? 'On an Alaskan cruise under the Aurora Borealis lights with a huge diamond ring so you’ll give it up to me every single night!' Absolutely speechless and just flabbergasted, I blurted out the most asinine thing I could think of, 'I don’t like big diamonds...'"

8. The awkward coworker date:

"An older woman I used to work with decided to set me up with her son. He asked if I'd like to come over for dinner. This is not normally something I would agree to, but I did since I knew his mom. Turned out he still lived at home with her. While I was planning my exit strategy, she got up and asked, 'Would you two like some privacy for coitus?' I thanked them for a lovely meal and made up a lie about how I had to leave. I never felt comfortable around her at work again."

9. The "food watcher"

"I was 24 when I agreed to go on a date with a woman about 20 years older than me. She arrived at the restaurant and said she wasn't hungry and that she just wanted to watch me eat. Weird, but OK. When the waiter asked if we wanted dessert, I said no — but she insisted I did. She just sat there, watching me eat the entire dessert. I got the check as fast as I could. As I hurried out the door, she yelled, 'I thought we had a real connection!'

10. The Croc-enthusiast date:

"My friend's boyfriend set me up on a blind date. My date showed up in basketball shorts and Crocs. I couldn't believe it, but I decided to go ahead and give him a shot. His voice was monotone and all he wanted to talk about was his penis and how he owned like 100 pairs of Crocs. After the date, my friend's boyfriend said the guy didn't like me because I talked too much. Some nerve."

11. The awkward movie experience:

"I was in high school and went on a double blind date with my best friend and two boys from school. My friend and her date hit it off — my date and I, not so much. We decided to go to a movie after and I ended up buying us all tickets to see Paul Blart: Mall Cop. At the end of the movie, my date just got up and walked away without even saying goodbye. My failure of a date later got a job at the movie theater and would have to awkwardly rip my movie tickets from time to time."

12. The PowerPoint presentation:

"My date picked me up and drove us to a restaurant. When we got there he grabbed his backpack, which I thought was strange. He then specifically requested a table next to an outlet. I soon found out what he needed his backpack and outlet for. I kid you not, he pulled out his laptop to show me a PowerPoint presentation on a pyramid scheme he wanted to recruit me for. He spent the entire date trying to recruit me."

13. The date with a trench-coat-wearing shrimp lover:

"One time I went on a blind date with a guy who loved shrimp. I’m not talking about a normal, acceptable level of shrimp love. I didn't know if it was nerves or not, but he spent the majority of the date talking about shrimp. Oh, he also only wore trench coats. And he also cosplayed as Madeline...from the children's book..."

14. The awkward mom date:

"I went on a date with a guy who would call his mom every time he found out we had something in common. Every. Single. Time. It was weird. Was he trying to set me up with his mom or himself?"

15. The date with a jewel thief:

"I went on a blind date with a guy who described himself as 'rich and talented.' Weird, because he took me to a Taco Bell. We went through the drive-thru and then we headed to his place. He kept gawking over my ruby bracelet and asked me to take it off. I ended the date ASAP. The best part of the whole situation was finding out he was actually a jewel thief who did some jail time. He ended up going back to jail not long after for robbing a famous jewelry store."

16. Finally, the pee fetish date:

"I agreed to meet up with a guy I knew through mutual friends. We decided to drive around for about an hour, just talking and getting to know one another. It was going well so we started making out. He then whispered to me, 'Would you pee in my mouth...with a funnel?' Luckily my cousin texted me and I said I had to leave. As he got out of the car he asked me how much I usually pee so he could go buy me a funnel at the store. I blocked him as soon as he got out of my car."

1. What was your worst date? why?

2. Have you ever gone on a date with a guy/a woman who wasn't your type at all?

3. What was the most successful date of your time?

4. Who do you think should contact first after the first date?

5. What do you prefer to wear on your first date? why?

6. What do you want a guy/a woman to wear on the first date?

7. Where do you prefer to meet on your first date? and why?

8. What type of person are you looking for?

10. Do you reveal all aspect of yourself on first date? why or why not?

The Pros and Cons of Online Dating

Firstly, if you are looking into personal development, personality type, or psychological state management, you need to take a look at our free MP3 designed to 'tune' your brainwaves.  To get it, click here

Now-a-days, more and more people are turning to online dating sites for a chance at love. Some search for love on the internet because they are shy or timid, while others search online because they do not have time for “traditional dating” opportunities. Regardless of the reason, online dating is now common in mainstream America and throughout the world. According to the statistics website, Statistic Brain (2014), approximately 41,000,000 people in the United States have tried online dating at some point in their lives.

Moreover, most online dating participants rank personality (30%) as the #1 trait in a potential partner (Statistic Brain, 2014). Some of the advantages associated with online dating are: a lower level of stress, a sense of mystery, and better problem-solving and communication strategies. Some of the disadvantages include: “catfishing” (identity issues), safety concerns, and less chances for intimacy. As millions of people turn to the internet for love, it is important to be aware of the “pluses” and “minuses” associated with this type of dating.

Online Dating:  The Benefits

Less Stress

Well, online dating is associated with a lower level of relationship stress. How? Well, because you are not physically dating at this point, there are no arguments about where to go to eat, or whether or not to go “Dutch” when it comes time to pay for dinner or other activities. Moreover, it is harder to scream at one another through the computer, cell phone, or iPad, when your relationship primarily resides online. Also, those who have online relationships tend to have fewer conflicts with one another. Why? Well, because everything feels somewhat abstract online. Issues that would be overwhelming in the “real world” do not seem “as bad” in the virtual one. And, most online couples are more cooperative with one another, because they do not get to see one another on a regular basis. Therefore, in most cases, it is easier to resolve issues, and “put conflicts to bed” when the brunt of your communication is online. 

Mystery

Another plus is that online dating provides a sense of mystery. Not being able to see what the other person is doing 24/7 can be intriguing for some daters. Also, some daters prefer to focus on a potential mate’s personality, without the stress of sexual interactions. Moreover, these individuals place more value on personality traits than physical traits like appearance. Most of the fun comes from revealing, piece by piece, aspects of your personality, and having your potential mate do the same. And, if you have never seen your online suitor (in person), imagining what he or she looks like may be quite a turn on! Some people crave mystery and intrigue, and online dating provides that. 

Communication

Furthermore, online dating helps daters improve their communication and problem-solving skills. In other words, when all you have is written communication (i.e. emails, texts, social network platforms, chat sessions, etc.), the way you talk to one another is extremely important. It is also important to note that when you are communicating primarily through emails, texts, chat rooms, etc., your message can get lost. For instance, your potential mate may make a “shady” comment about your appearance, while texting you one day. Now, he or she may be joking, but you are unable to determine from the text, the true intent behind the comment, therefore you become upset and angry.

It should be noted when online dating that your texts, messages, etc. may not accurately convey what you or the other person is trying to say. Therefore, always take written messages with a “grain of salt,” and always give the other person a chance to explain the meaning behind the message, before blowing up at him or her. One of the best “pluses” about online dating is that it also gives you and the other person an opportunity to practice your problem-solving skills. Because, you are not able to see each other regularly, you are forced to work out your relationship problems online. As a result, you and your potential mate must use effective and positive problem-solving strategies to resolve issues. Together, with the right communication and problem-solving strategies, you and your potential mate can successfully work through any problems that arise.  

Online Dating:  The Limitations

Fake Profiles


Although there are numerous “pluses” to online dating, there are also some “minuses.” When you are engaged in an online relationship with someone, you are at-risk for “catfishing” (identity issues). More specifically, you are at-risk of someone lying to you about who he or she really is. In some cases, it may just be a lie about his or her appearance, but in other cases, it could be multiple lies about finances, relatives, criminal background, education, and even personality. It is important to remember that some people on the internet are not “good people,” therefore you need to be selective when providing information to people that you meet online.

The Dangers

Why? Well, some people may use that information to swindle money out of you, or in severe cases - harm you. You should be fine with online dating as long as you stay cautious and aware. Do not allow your heart to overshadow your mind, and your dating experience will be all that you ever dreamed of. The worst thing you can experience is “catfishing.” If your gut tells you that something “just isn’t right,” go with that feeling – your gut is trying to tell you something. Do not dismiss those feelings because you really want to find a partner or get married. Listen to the little voice in your head that is telling you to “run.”

As mentioned before, it is important that you look out for yourself, when dating online. Why? Well, because all kinds of people use online dating services. Some people are mentally ill, sociopathic, criminal, and/or con artists, while others are good people, who just want to find love. The problem is that you don’t always know what you are getting upfront. In other words, you may think you are dating an upstanding person, who loves animals, and spending time with his or her friends and family, but in reality this person may be a con artist or criminal that is only out to scam or hurt you. Do not give out your phone number, address, full name, workplace location, etc. until you have been “online dating” for a while, and you feel comfortable sharing that information with the other person. 

Keep Your Address Private

Also, refrain from having your potential mate pick you up at your home for the first few dates, after you starting meeting in person. Schedule to meet in a public place, and tell friends and family where you are going, when you are going to be back home, and who you are going with. If possible, do a background check on the other individual, before committing to a date. Safety is the key. Your life is worth more than a date, so always be cautious when meeting someone for the first time.

Reduced Physical Intimacy

Lastly, with online dating, there are less chances of physical intimacy. Why? Well, because you don’t see each other on a regular basis, especially at the beginning of the relationship. It can be hard to be in an online relationship, and not be able to physically touch the person you are “falling” for, and in some cases, this lack of physical intimacy can cause problems in the relationship. Regardless, do not rush the relationship – there is not a specific time when you should meet and/or become intimate with one another. Once again, go with your gut, and start off slow (i.e. hugs, kisses, and cuddles), if need be. If your potential mate does not accept or agree with waiting, he or she is probably not the best fit for you, and you should move on with someone who is. 

Considerations

You can find love, regardless of whether or not it originates in the flesh or online. Love is love, and it can pop up in the strangest times and places. Although there are some disadvantages associated with online dating, there are also disadvantages associated with “traditional dating.” The key to cultivating a healthy relationship with another person is to always be cautious, and take your time. If it is meant to be, the relationship will flourish in time. Your soulmate is out there – you just have to be patient. Open your heart and mind, and love will find you. 

- Dr. R. Y. Langham

1. Have you gone on a online date? what do you think about the online dating?

2. Would you consider being in a relationship with someone you met online?

3. Have you ever deceived by someone who met online?

* Feel free to share your opinions.

4 Ways the Power of Suggestion Can Change Your Life

Ever had someone tell you that a dental or medical procedure "will really hurt,” that a test "was really hard,” or that a new boss "is impossible to deal with”—and then had those scenarios play out just as predicted?

Turns out, those early suggestions probably shaped your reality.

A deliberate suggestion can influence how well people remember things, how they respond to medical treatments, and even how well they will perform and behave, according to research by Maryanne Garry, Robert Michael, and Irving Kirsch.

The reason, they say, is attributable to something called response expectancies. This means that the way we anticipate our response to a situation influences how we will actually respond. In other words, once you expect something to happen, your behaviors, thoughts, and reactions will actually contribute to making that expectation occur.

If you think you’ll ace an interview and expect it to go well, you’re more likely to do a good job

Using suggestion in this way can be a powerful tool in accomplishing our goals

Think you’ll struggle at a new job? You’ll likely feel more negative and create less-favorable outcomes. Has it been suggested that no one in your family knows how to have a healthy marriage

In fact, research finds that the influence of suggestion (and our expectation) is so far-reaching that scientists are now looking at how the power of suggestion and expectancy can aid in health care, criminaleducation

4 Ways to Use the Power of Suggestion

You can use the power of suggestion right now, though, to create the experiences you desire in your own life. Here are four ways to do it:

1. Tune in to the moment. This is good advice for just about anything. But as with so many things, awareness is required to help us identify the suggestions that are coming our way in the first place. If you are not aware of the messages you’re sending or receiving from others, it’s tough to counteract the negative suggestions you hear. So tune into what’s going on around you. Get more curious, and the suggestions that could influence you will be easier to spot. Then you can give special attention

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2. Create a network of support. Identify the people that believe in you and stay close to them. Psychologists have shown that we are influenced by both deliberate and non-deliberate suggestions. How people talk to us—their gestures, tones, and implications—matter just as much as their words. Positive influence begets positive suggestions. Think about whom you spend the most time with, and make sure that they bring positive energy—that alone will help to create more positive outcomes in your life.

Think too about how your behavior is suggestive. When you are interacting with others (or, especially, parenting), you are making non-deliberate suggestions with your body language

3. Maintain a flexible mindset. When we are locked into a fixed mindset we tend to take failure personally and see little opportunity for improvement. This is limiting. Better to remain open to any outcome, and when suggestions or influences come into your life, consider those that take you closer to your goals. With flexible thinking

4. Understand that the power of suggestion is always working. If you expect something to happen—if someone or something suggests to you a specific outcome—your expectations of that outcome play a major role in its occurrence. The expectation or suggestion alone, often unconsciously, changes your behavior and your responses to help bring into reality the outcome you are expecting.

Knowing all this, don’t expect anything less than the best. I suggest that you deserve it.

1. Do you believe in self-suggestion?

2. Have you achieved your goals by making self-suggestion?

   What was the achievement that you made?

3. Share some tips how you do self-suggestion.