인생에 친구란 무엇인가 - 프랜시스 베이컨 -

[혜성]

그 말을 한 사람에게 있어, “고독을 즐기는 자는 짐승이거나 신이다”라는 그 한 문장처럼, 진실과 거짓을 이처럼 짧은 말 속에 함께 담아내는 일은 참으로 어려웠을 것이다. 실제로 어떤 사람이 사회에 대해 타고난 은밀한 혐오와 거부감을 지니고 있다면, 그것은 어느 정도 야생 짐승의 성질을 닮은 것이 분명하다. 그러나 그것이 신적인 본성과 조금이라도 닮았다는 생각은 전혀 옳지 않다. 다만 그것이 고독 자체를 즐기기 때문이 아니라, 더 높은 차원의 교류를 위해 스스로를 세상으로부터 분리하려는 사랑과 열망에서 비롯된 것이라면 예외가 될 수 있다. 이런 모습은 고대 이교도들 가운데서도 허구적으로 꾸며진 경우가 있었으니, 크레타의 에피메니데스, 로마의 누마, 시칠리아의 엠페도클레스, 티아나의 아폴로니우스 같은 인물들이 그러하다. 반면 교회의 옛 은둔자들과 성인들 가운데에서는 그것이 참되고 실제로 나타나기도 했다. 그러나 사람들은 고독이 무엇이며, 그것이 어디까지 미치는지를 거의 알지 못한다. 군중이 있다고 해서 반드시 벗이 있는 것은 아니며, 얼굴들은 그저 그림이 걸린 전시실과 같고, 사랑이 없는 대화는 단지 울리는 꽹과리 소리에 불과하다. 라틴 격언 “큰 도시는 큰 고독이다”라는 말도 어느 정도 이를 말해 준다. 큰 도시에서는 친구들이 흩어져 있어 작은 공동체에서처럼 친밀한 교제가 이루어지기 어렵기 때문이다. 그러나 더 나아가, 진정한 친구가 없는 상태야말로 가장 순수하고 비참한 고독이라 말할 수 있다. 친구가 없다면 세상은 황무지와 다름없다. 그리고 이런 의미에서 보자면, 본성이나 감정 구조상 우정을 나누기에 적합하지 않은 사람은 인간이 아니라 짐승의 성질을 지닌 것이다.

우정의 첫 번째 열매는 마음속에 가득 차오르는 감정들을 덜어내고 풀어주는 데 있다. 온갖 감정은 마음을 부풀리고 억누르는데, 친구는 그것을 풀어주는 역할을 한다. 우리는 몸에서도 막힘과 질식이 가장 위험한 병이라는 것을 안다. 마음도 마찬가지다. 간을 풀기 위해서는 사르사파릴라를, 비장을 위해서는 철분을, 폐를 위해서는 유황을, 뇌를 위해서는 카스토리움을 쓰지만, 마음을 열어 주는 처방은 오직 진실한 친구뿐이다. 친구에게는 슬픔과 기쁨, 두려움과 희망, 의심과 계획, 그리고 마음을 짓누르는 모든 것을 털어놓을 수 있다. 이는 일종의 세속적인 고백과도 같다.

위대한 왕들과 군주들이 이 우정의 열매를 얼마나 높이 평가했는지를 보면 놀라울 따름이다. 그들은 때로 자신의 안전과 권력까지 위험에 빠뜨리면서까지 그것을 얻으려 했다. 군주는 신분의 격차 때문에 이러한 우정의 결실을 쉽게 얻을 수 없으므로, 자신과 거의 동등한 위치에 오를 사람을 만들어야 했고, 이것이 종종 문제를 낳기도 했다. 현대 언어에서는 이런 사람들을 총애받는 자(favorite)라고 부르지만, 로마인들은 그들을 ‘걱정을 함께 나누는 자들’이라 불렀다. 그것이야말로 우정을 묶는 본질이기 때문이다. 실제로 가장 현명한 군주들조차 신하 가운데 몇 사람을 친구로 삼고, 다른 이들도 그렇게 부르도록 허락했다.

술라는 폼페이우스를 크게 끌어올렸고, 카이사르는 데키무스 브루투스를 깊이 신뢰했다. 그러나 바로 그 사람이 카이사르를 죽음으로 이끌었다. 아우구스투스는 아그리파를 크게 등용했고, 티베리우스는 세야누스를 친구로 삼았다. 세베루스 황제 역시 플라우티아누스를 극진히 총애했다. 이처럼 지혜롭고 강인한 군주들조차 자신의 행복을 완전하게 만들기 위해 친구를 필요로 했다는 사실은 매우 분명하다. 그들에게는 아내와 자식이 있었지만, 그것만으로는 우정의 자리를 대신할 수 없었다.

또한 친구 없이 비밀을 혼자 간직하는 것이 얼마나 해로운지에 대한 사례도 있다. 부르고뉴 공작 샤를은 비밀을 누구와도 나누지 않았고, 그 결과 말년에 그의 판단력이 약해졌다고 한다. 루이 11세 역시 비슷한 경우였다. 피타고라스의 말 “심장을 먹지 말라”는 비유는 어둡지만 진실하다. 친구 없이 혼자 모든 것을 삼키는 사람은 자기 마음을 갉아먹는 것과 같다. 그러나 친구와 나누는 것은 기쁨을 두 배로 만들고 슬픔을 반으로 줄인다.

우정의 두 번째 열매는 이해력과 판단력을 밝히는 데 있다. 친구와의 대화는 생각을 정리하고 명확하게 만든다. 생각을 말로 표현하는 순간, 사람은 스스로 더 현명해진다. 페르시아 왕에게 테미스토클레스가 “말은 펼쳐진 직물과 같아서 그 속의 무늬가 드러난다”고 한 말은 이를 잘 보여준다. 또한 친구의 충고는 자기 판단보다 더 맑고 순수하다. 사람은 스스로를 가장 쉽게 속이기 때문이다. 친구의 솔직한 충고는 마음을 건강하게 지켜 주는 최고의 약이다.

마지막으로 우정의 세 번째 열매는 삶의 모든 행동에서 도움을 주고 함께 짐을 나누는 것이다. 사람은 혼자서 할 수 없는 일이 많다. 그러나 친구가 있다면 그는 마치 또 하나의 자신을 가진 것과 같다. 친구는 우리가 대신 말해 주고, 대신 행동해 줄 수 있다. 스스로 말하기 어려운 것도 친구를 통해서는 자연스럽게 표현할 수 있다. 또한 사람은 아버지, 남편, 적 등 여러 역할에 얽매이지만, 친구는 상황에 맞게 자유롭게 행동할 수 있다.

결국, 사람이 스스로의 역할을 제대로 해낼 수 없다면, 친구가 필요하다. 친구가 없다면, 그는 무대에서 내려와야 할지도 모른다.

프랜시스 베이컨, 「인생에 친구란 무엇인가」 -

IT HAD been hard for him that spake it to have put more truth and untruth together in few words, than in that speech, Whatsoever is delighted in solitude, is either a wild beast or a god. For it is most true, that a natural and secret hatred, and aversation towards society, in any man, hath somewhat of the savage beast; but it is most untrue, that it should have any character at all, of the divine nature; except it proceed, not out of a pleasure in solitude, but out of a love and desire to sequester a man’s self, for a higher conversation: such as is found to have been falsely and feignedly in some of the heathen; as Epimenides the Candian, Numa the Roman, Empedocles the Sicilian, and Apollonius of Tyana; and truly and really, in divers of the ancient hermits and holy fathers of the church. But little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. For a crowd is not company; and faces are but a gallery of pictures; and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love. The Latin adage meeteth with it a little: Magna civitas, magna solitudo; because in a great town friends are scattered; so that there is not that fellowship, for the most part, which is in less neighborhoods. But we may go further, and affirm most truly, that it is a mere and miserable solitude to want true friends; without which the world is but a wilderness; and even in this sense also of solitude, whosoever in the frame of his nature and affections, is unfit for friendship, he taketh it of the beast, and not from humanity.

A principal fruit of friendship, is the ease and discharge of the fulness and swellings of the heart, which passions of all kinds do cause and induce. We know diseases of stoppings, and suffocations, are the most dangerous in the body; and it is not much otherwise in the mind; you may take sarza to open the liver, steel to open the spleen, flowers of sulphur for the lungs, castoreum for the brain; but no receipt openeth the heart, but a true friend; to whom you may impart griefs, joys, fears, hopes, suspicions, counsels, and whatsoever lieth upon the heart to oppress it, in a kind of civil shrift or confession.

It is a strange thing to observe, how high a rate great kings and monarchs do set upon this fruit of friendship, whereof we speak: so great, as they purchase it, many times, at the hazard of their own safety and greatness. For princes, in regard of the distance of their fortune from that of their subjects and servants, cannot gather this fruit, except (to make themselves capable thereof) they raise some persons to be, as it were, companions and almost equals to themselves, which many times sorteth to inconvenience. The modern languages give unto such persons the name of favorites, or privadoes; as if it were matter of grace, or conversation. But the Roman name attaineth the true use and cause thereof, naming them participes curarum; for it is that which tieth the knot. And we see plainly that this hath been done, not by weak and passionate princes only, but by the wisest and most politic that ever reigned; who have oftentimes joined to themselves some of their servants; whom both themselves have called friends, and allowed other likewise to call them in the same manner; using the word which is received between private men.

L. Sylla, when he commanded Rome, raised Pompey (after surnamed the Great) to that height, that Pompey vaunted himself for Sylla’s overmatch. For when he had carried the consulship for a friend of his, against the pursuit of Sylla, and that Sylla did a little resent thereat, and began to speak great, Pompey turned upon him again, and in effect bade him be quiet; for that more men adored the sun rising, than the sun setting. With Julius Caesar, Decimus Brutus had obtained that interest as he set him down in his testament, for heir in remainder, after his nephew. And this was the man that had power with him, to draw him forth to his death. For when Caesar would have discharged the senate, in regard of some ill presages, and specially a dream of Calpurnia; this man lifted him gently by the arm out of his chair, telling him he hoped he would not dismiss the senate, till his wife had dreamt a better dream. And it seemeth his favor was so great, as Antonius, in a letter which is recited verbatim in one of Cicero’s Philippics, calleth him venefica, witch; as if he had enchanted Caesar. Augustus raised Agrippa (though of mean birth) to that height, as when he consulted with Maecenas, about the marriage of his daughter Julia, Maecenas took the liberty to tell him, that he must either marry his daughter to Agrippa, or take away his life; there was no third way, he had made him so great. With Tiberius Caesar, Sejanus had ascended to that height, as they two were termed, and reckoned, as a pair of friends. Tiberius in a letter to him saith, Haec pro amicitia nostra non occultavi; and the whole senate dedicated an altar to Friendship, as to a goddess, in respect of the great dearness of friendship, between them two. The like, or more, was between Septimius Severus and Plautianus. For he forced his eldest son to marry the daughter of Plautianus; and would often maintain Plautianus, in doing affronts to his son; and did write also in a letter to the senate, by these words: I love the man so well, as I wish he may over-live me. Now if these princes had been as a Trajan, or a Marcus Aurelius, a man might have thought that this had proceeded of an abundant goodness of nature; but being men so wise, of such strength and severity of mind, and so extreme lovers of themselves, as all these were, it proveth most plainly that they found their own felicity (though as great as ever happened to mortal men) but as an half piece, except they mought have a friend, to make it entire; and yet, which is more, they were princes that had wives, sons, nephews; and yet all these could not supply the comfort of friendship.

It is not to be forgotten, what Comineus observeth of his first master, Duke Charles the Hardy, namely, that he would communicate his secrets with none; and least of all, those secrets which troubled him most. Whereupon he goeth on, and saith that towards his latter time, that closeness did impair, and a little perish his understanding. Surely Comineus mought have made the same judgment also, if it had pleased him, of his second master, Lewis the Eleventh, whose closeness was indeed his tormentor. The parable of Pythagoras is dark, but true; Cor ne edito; Eat not the heart. Certainly, if a man would give it a hard phrase, those that want friends, to open themselves unto, are carnnibals of their own hearts. But one thing is most admirable (wherewith I will conclude this first fruit of friendship), which is, that this communicating of a man’s self to his friend, works two contrary effects; for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in halves. For there is no man, that imparteth his joys to his friend, but he joyeth the more; and no man that imparteth his griefs to his friend, but he grieveth the less. So that it is in truth, of operation upon a man’s mind, of like virtue as the alchemists use to attribute to their stone, for man’s body; that it worketh all contrary effects, but still to the good and benefit of nature. But yet without praying in aid of alchemists, there is a manifest image of this, in the ordinary course of nature. For in bodies, union strengtheneth and cherisheth any natural action; and on the other side, weakeneth and dulleth any violent impression: and even so it is of minds.

The second fruit of friendship, is healthful and sovereign for the understanding, as the first is for the affections. For friendship maketh indeed a fair day in the affections, from storm and tempests; but it maketh daylight in the understanding, out of darkness, and confusion of thoughts. Neither is this to be understood only of faithful counsel, which a man receiveth from his friend; but before you come to that, certain it is, that whosoever hath his mind fraught with many thoughts, his wits and understanding do clarify and break up, in the communicating and discoursing with another; he tosseth his thoughts more easily; he marshalleth them more orderly, he seeth how they look when they are turned into words: finally, he waxeth wiser than himself; and that more by an hour’s discourse, than by a day’s meditation. It was well said by Themistocles, to the king of Persia, That speech was like cloth of Arras, opened and put abroad; whereby the imagery doth appear in figure; whereas in thoughts they lie but as in packs. Neither is this second fruit of friendship, in opening the understanding, restrained only to such friends as are able to give a man counsel; (they indeed are best;) but even without that, a man learneth of himself, and bringeth his own thoughts to light, and whetteth his wits as against a stone, which itself cuts not. In a word, a man were better relate himself to a statua, or picture, than to suffer his thoughts to pass in smother.

Add now, to make this second fruit of friendship complete, that other point, which lieth more open, and falleth within vulgar observation; which is faithful counsel from a friend. Heraclitus saith well in one of his enigmas, Dry light is ever the best. And certain it is, that the light that a man receiveth by counsel from another, is drier and purer, than that which cometh from his own understanding and judgment; which is ever infused, and drenched, in his affections and customs. So as there is as much difference between the counsel, that a friend giveth, and that a man giveth himself, as there is between the counsel of a friend, and of a flatterer. For there is no such flatterer as is a man’s self; and there is no such remedy against flattery of a man’s self, as the liberty of a friend. Counsel is of two sorts: the one concerning manners, the other concerning business. For the first, the best preservative to keep the mind in health, is the faithful admonition of a friend. The calling of a man’s self to a strict account, is a medicine, sometime too piercing and corrosive. Reading good books of morality, is a little flat and dead. Observing our faults in others, is sometimes improper for our case. But the best receipt (best, I say, to work, and best to take) is the admonition of a friend. It is a strange thing to behold, what gross errors and extreme absurdities many (especially of the greater sort) do commit, for want of a friend to tell them of them; to the great damage both of their fame and fortune: for, as St. James saith, they are as men that look sometimes into a glass, and presently forget their own shape and favor. As for business, a man may think, if he win, that two eyes see no more than one; or that a gamester seeth always more than a looker-on; or that a man in anger, is as wise as he that hath said over the four and twenty letters; or that a musket may be shot off as well upon the arm, as upon a rest; and such other fond and high imaginations, to think himself all in all. But when all is done, the help of good counsel, is that which setteth business straight. And if any man think that he will take counsel, but it shall be by pieces; asking counsel in one business, of one man, and in another business, of another man; it is well (that is to say, better, perhaps, than if he asked none at all); but he runneth two dangers: one, that he shall not be faithfully counselled; for it is a rare thing, except it be from a perfect and entire friend, to have counsel given, but such as shall be bowed and crooked to some ends, which he hath, that giveth it. The other, that he shall have counsel given, hurtful and unsafe (though with good meaning), and mixed partly of mischief and partly of remedy; even as if you would call a physician, that is thought good for the cure of the disease you complain of, but is unacquainted with your body; and therefore may put you in way for a present cure, but overthroweth your health in some other kind; and so cure the disease, and kill the patient. But a friend that is wholly acquainted with a man’s estate, will beware, by furthering any present business, how he dasheth upon other inconvenience. And therefore rest not upon scattered counsels; they will rather distract and mislead, than settle and direct.

After these two noble fruits of friendship (peace in the affections, and support of the judgment), followeth the last fruit; which is like the pomegranate, full of many kernels; I mean aid, and bearing a part, in all actions and occasions. Here the best way to represent to life the manifold use of friendship, is to cast and see how many things there are, which a man cannot do himself; and then it will appear, that it was a sparing speech of the ancients, to say, that a friend is another himself; for that a friend is far more than himself. Men have their time, and die many times, in desire of some things which they principally take to heart; the bestowing of a child, the finishing of a work, or the like. If a man have a true friend, he may rest almost secure that the care of those things will continue after him. So that a man hath, as it were, two lives in his desires. A man hath a body, and that body is confined to a place; but where friendship is, all offices of life are as it were granted to him, and his deputy. For he may exercise them by his friend. How many things are there which a man cannot, with any face or comeliness, say or do himself? A man can scarce allege his own merits with modesty, much less extol them; a man cannot sometimes brook to supplicate or beg; and a number of the like. But all these things are graceful, in a friend’s mouth, which are blushing in a man’s own. So again, a man’s person hath many proper relations, which he cannot put off. A man cannot speak to his son but as a father; to his wife but as a husband; to his enemy but upon terms: whereas a friend may speak as the case requires, and not as it sorteth with the person. But to enumerate these things were endless; I have given the rule, where a man cannot fitly play his own part; if he have not a friend, he may quit the stage.

- Of Friendship, 『Francis Bacon』-