PART 2 // chapter 6-7

[모나리자]

라주미힌은 잠시 서서 생각에 잠긴 후 손을 내렸다. "그럼 지옥에 가라." 그는 부드럽고 생각에 잠긴 듯 말했다. "그만해." 라스콜니코프가 움직이려고 하자 그는 소리쳤다. "내 말 들어. 내가 말해 줄게, 너희는 모두 떠드는 바보, 포즈를 취하는 바보 무리야! 너희가 조금이라도 문제가 있으면 마치 달걀을 놓고 암탉이 하듯 곰곰이 생각해. 그리고 너희는 그것조차도 표절자야! 너희 안에는 독립적인 삶의 흔적이 없어! 너희는 향유 연고로 만들어졌고

혈관에는 피 대신 림프가 흐르고 있어.

나는 너희 중 누구도 믿지 않아! 어떤 상황에서든 너희 모두에게 가장 중요한 것은 인간이 아닌 사람이 되는 거야! 그만해!" 그는 라스콜니코프가 다시 움직이고 있는 것을 알아차리고 두 배로 격노하여 소리쳤다. "내 말을 들어!" 오늘 저녁에 이사를 한다는 걸 알잖아. 이제쯤은 도착했을 거야. 하지만 삼촌을 두고 갔어. 방금 달려갔어. 손님들을 맞이하러. 그리고 네가 바보가 아니었다면, 평범한 바보가 아니었다면, 완벽한 바보가 아니었다면, 번역이 아니라 원본이었다면... 알다시피, 로디아, 네가 똑똑한 사람인 건 알지만, 너는 바보야!—그리고 네가 바보가 아니었다면 오늘 저녁에 내게 찾아왔을 거야. 거리에서 부츠를 닳게 하는 대신!

네가 나간 이상 어쩔 수 없지! 나는 너에게 안락한 안락의자를 줄 거야. 우리 집주인이 하나 가지고 있어... 차 한 잔, 손님... 아니면 소파에 누워도 돼. 어떤 식으로든 우리와 함께할 수 있을 거야... 조시모프도 올 거야. 올래?" "아니." "말도 안 돼!" 라주미힌이 참을성을 잃고 소리쳤다. "어떻게 알아? 스스로 대답할 수 없잖아! 당신은 그것에 대해 아무것도 모르죠.... 저는 수천 번이나 사람들과 치열하게 싸우고 나서 그들에게 달려갔어요.... 부끄러워서 남자에게 돌아가는 거예요!

그러니까 기억하세요, 3층에 있는 포트친코프의 집....” “왜요, 라주미힌 씨, 저는 당신이 순전히 자비심으로 누군가가 당신을 때리도록 내버려 두었을 거라고 생각해요.” “때리라고요? 누구? 저요? 그냥 생각만 해도 코를 삐죽이겠어요! 포트친코프의 집, 47, 바부슈킨의 아파트....” “저는 가지 않을 거예요, 라주미힌.” 라스콜니코프가 돌아서서 걸어갔습니다. “당신이 모를 거라고 확신해요.” 라주미힌이 그를 향해 소리쳤습니다. “모르면 당신을 알 수 없어요! 잠깐만요, 야, 자메토프가 거기에 있어요?”

“네.” “그를 보셨어요?” “네.” “그와 이야기했어요?” “네.” “뭐에 대해서요? 당신을 혼란스럽게 하세요, 그럼 말하지 마세요. 포친코프의 집, 47, 바부슈킨의 아파트, 기억나!" 라스콜니코프는 걸어가서 사도비 거리로 모퉁이를 돌았다. 라주미힌은 생각에 잠긴 듯 그를 바라보았다. 그러고는 손을 흔들며 집으로 들어갔지만 계단에 이르지 못하고 멈췄다. "이봐요," 그는 거의 큰 소리로 말했다. "그는 현명하게 말했지만... 나는 바보야! 마치 미친 사람이 현명하게 말하지 않는 것처럼!

그리고 이것이 바로 조시모프가 두려워하는 것 같았다." 그는 이마를 손가락으로 쳤다. "만약... 그를 혼자 가게 둘 수 있을까? 그는 스스로 익사할지도 몰라... 아, 정말 큰 실수야! 나는 할 수 없어." 그리고 그는 라스콜니코프를 따라잡기 위해 달려갔지만 그의 흔적은 없었다. 그는 저주를 퍼붓고 재빠르게 팔레 드 크리스털로 돌아와 자메토프에게 물었다. 라스콜니코프는 X—— 다리로 곧장 걸어가서 가운데에 서서 두 팔꿈치를 난간에 기대고 먼 곳을 응시했다. 라주미힌과 헤어지면서 그는 너무나 약해져서 이곳에 거의 도달할 수 없을 것 같았다. 그는 거리 어딘가에 앉거나 누워 있고 싶었다.

그는 물 위로 몸을 숙이고 기계적으로 일몰의 마지막 분홍빛 홍조,

황혼이 모여드는 가운데 어두워지는 집들, 왼쪽 강둑에 있는 멀리 있는 다락방 창문, 저물어 가는 태양의 마지막 광선에 불타는 것처럼 번쩍이는 것, 운하의 어두워지는 물을 바라보았고, 물이 그의 주의를 사로잡는 듯했다. 마침내 그의 눈앞에 붉은 원이 번쩍였고, 집들이 움직이는 듯했고, 지나가는 사람들, 운하 강둑, 마차가 모두 그의 눈앞에서 춤을 추었다. 갑자기 그는 움직이기 시작했고, 아마도 기괴하고 흉측한 광경에 다시 기절하는 것을 면했을 것이다.

그는 오른쪽에 누군가가 서 있는 것을 알아챘다. 그는 머리에 수건을 두른 키 큰 여자를 보았고, 길고 노랗고 쇠약해진 얼굴과 붉은 움푹 들어간 눈을 가지고 있었다. 그녀는 그를 똑바로 바라보고 있었지만, 분명히 그녀는 아무것도 보지 못했고 아무도 알아보지 못했다. 갑자기 그녀는 오른손을 난간에 기대고, 오른쪽 다리를 난간 위로 들어올린 다음, 왼손을 들어 운하로 몸을 던졌습니다. 더러운 물이 갈라져 잠시 동안 희생자를 삼켰지만, 잠시 후 익사하는 여자가 수면으로 떠올라, 물살에 따라 천천히 움직였고, 머리와 다리는 물속에 있었고, 치마는 풍선처럼 등 위로 부풀어 있었습니다.

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Razumihin stood a moment, thought and let his hand drop. “Well, go to hell then,” he said gently and thoughtfully. “Stay,” he roared, as Raskolnikov was about to move. “Listen to me. Let me tell you, that you are all a set of babbling, posing idiots! If you’ve any little trouble you brood over it like a hen over an egg. And you are plagiarists even in that! There isn’t a sign of independent life in you! You are made of spermaceti ointment and

you’ve lymph in your veins instead of blood.

I don’t believe in anyone of you! In any circumstances the first thing for all of you is to be unlike a human being! Stop!” he cried with redoubled fury, noticing that Raskolnikov was again making a movement—“hear me out! You know I’m having a house-warming this evening, I dare say they’ve arrived by now, but I left my uncle there—I just ran in—to receive the guests. And if you weren’t a fool, a common fool, a perfect fool, if you were an original instead of a translation... you see, Rodya, I recognise you’re a clever fellow, but you’re a fool!—and if you weren’t a fool you’d come round to me this evening instead of wearing out your boots in the street!

Since you have gone out, there’s no help for it! I’d give you a snug easy chair, my landlady has one... a cup of tea, company.... Or you could lie on the sofa—any way you would be with us.... Zossimov will be there too. Will you come?” “No.” “R-rubbish!” Razumihin shouted, out of patience. “How do you know? You can’t answer for yourself! You don’t know anything about it.... Thousands of times I’ve fought tooth and nail with people and run back to them afterwards.... One feels ashamed and goes back to a man!

So remember, Potchinkov’s house on the third storey....” “Why, Mr. Razumihin, I do believe you’d let anybody beat you from sheer benevolence.” “Beat? Whom? Me? I’d twist his nose off at the mere idea! Potchinkov’s house, 47, Babushkin’s flat....” “I shall not come, Razumihin.” Raskolnikov turned and walked away. “I bet you will,” Razumihin shouted after him. “I refuse to know you if you don’t! Stay, hey, is Zametov in there?”

“Yes.” “Did you see him?” “Yes.” “Talked to him?” “Yes.” “What about? Confound you, don’t tell me then. Potchinkov’s house, 47, Babushkin’s flat, remember!” Raskolnikov walked on and turned the corner into Sadovy Street. Razumihin looked after him thoughtfully. Then with a wave of his hand he went into the house but stopped short of the stairs. “Confound it,” he went on almost aloud. “He talked sensibly but yet... I am a fool! As if madmen didn’t talk sensibly!

And this was just what Zossimov seemed afraid of.” He struck his finger on his forehead. “What if... how could I let him go off alone? He may drown himself.... Ach, what a blunder! I can’t.” And he ran back to overtake Raskolnikov, but there was no trace of him. With a curse he returned with rapid steps to the Palais de Cristal to question Zametov. Raskolnikov walked straight to X—— Bridge, stood in the middle, and leaning both elbows on the rail stared into the distance. On parting with Razumihin, he felt so much weaker that he could scarcely reach this place. He longed to sit or lie down somewhere in the street.

Bending over the water, he gazed mechanically at the last pink flush of the sunset, at the

row of houses growing dark in the gathering twilight, at one distant attic window on the left bank, flashing as though on fire in the last rays of the setting sun, at the darkening water of the canal, and the water seemed to catch his attention. At last red circles flashed before his eyes, the houses seemed moving, the passers-by, the canal banks, the carriages, all danced before his eyes. Suddenly he started, saved again perhaps from swooning by an uncanny and hideous sight.

He became aware of someone standing on the right side of him; he looked and saw a tall woman with a kerchief on her head, with a long, yellow, wasted face and red sunken eyes. She was looking straight at him, but obviously she saw nothing and recognised no one. Suddenly she leaned her right hand on the parapet, lifted her right leg over the railing, then her left and threw herself into the canal. The filthy water parted and swallowed up its victim for a moment, but an instant later the drowning woman floated to the surface, moving slowly with the current, her head and legs in the water, her skirt inflated like a balloon over her back.