(토요모임) [26. Oct. 2019] Saturday meeting topic

[Scarlet]

Howdy ! 

It's me Scarlett !   

This week we have 3 topics. 

◈ Art of Living :

--- Answered! Life’s 25 Toughest Questions

--- 6 Things You Should Do When You’re Mentally Drained 

◈ Women empowerment : Teach girls bravery, not perfection

◈ Friendship

--- The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life

--- Making New Friends Gets A Lot Harder As We Grow Up Because We Are Not As Open As We Were

--- I Deleted 564 Friends On Facebook But I Have Saved 100 Real Life Friendships

Hope you enjoy the topics. 

With luv 

Scarlett

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Answered! Life’s 25 Toughest Questions

1. Can love really last a lifetime?

Absolutely — but only if you chuck the fairy tale of living happily ever after. A team of scientists recently found that romantic love involves chemical changes in the brain that last 12 to 18 months. After that, you and your partner are on your own. Relationships require maintenance. Pay a visit to a nursing home if you want to see proof of lasting love. Recently I spoke to a man whose wife of 60 years was suffering from advanced Alzheimer’s disease. He came to sit with her every day and hold her hand. “She’s been my best friend since high school,” he told me. “We made a promise to stick together.” Now, that’s a love story.

2. Why do married folks begin to look like one another? 

Watch any two people who like each other talking, and you’ll see a lot of mirroring. One smiles, and so does the other. One nods or raises her eyebrows, and so does the other. Faces are like melodies with a natural urge to stay in sync. Multiply those movements by several decades of marriage, all those years of simultaneous sagging and drooping, and it’s no wonder!

3. Can a marriage survive betrayal? 

Yes. It takes time and work, but experts are pretty unanimous on this one. In her book The Monogamy Myth, Peggy Vaughan estimates that 60 percent of husbands and 40 percent of wives will have an affair at some point in their marriages. That’s no advertisement for straying — but the news is good for couples hoping to recover from devastating breaches of trust. The offended partner needs to make the choice to forgive — and learn to live with a memory that can’t simply be erased. Infidelity is never forgotten, but it can gradually fade into the murky background of a strong, mature marriage.

4. Why does summer zoom by and winter drag on forever? 

Because context defines experience. As Albert Einstein once said: “When you are courting a nice girl, an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder, a second seems like an hour.”

5. Do animals really have a sixth sense? 

Or seventh or eighth! A box jellyfish has 24 eyes, an earthworm’s entire body is covered with taste receptors, a cockroach can detect movement 2,000 times the diameter of a hydrogen atom — and your dog’s sense of smell is up to 100,000 times greater than yours (some dogs have been known to smell human cancers). It’s safe to say that animals experience a much different world than we do.

6. Why does the line you’re in always move the slowest? 

Because you’re late for your kid’s band practice, and you curse your luck and envy those speeding by. Conversely, when you’re in the fast line, unfettered by stress, you don’t even notice the poor schlubs in the slow lane. Good luck rarely commands one’s attention like bad luck. (See answer on buttered toast, “The Ultimate Test,” below.)

7. By what age should you know what you want to do with your life? 

Any moment now. This used to be a question the young asked. Now it’s a quandary for baby boomers. The Bureau of Labor Statistics reports that younger boomers have abandoned the American ideal of picking a job and sticking with it. Between the ages of 18 and 36, these boomers held an average of 9.6 jobs. That’s a lot of exploration. The wisdom of elders in all cultures seems to be this: There’s nothing to do with a life but live it. As Gandhi pointed out, “Almost anything you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.”

8. Where do traffic jams come from? 

Scientists are hard at work on this one, studying computer models of the physics of gridlock and inventing all new traffic-light algorithms. Some of them postulate that the rhythms of automobile traffic are influenced by the same cyclical forces that cause waves in the ocean. For the average commuter, though, it may be helpful to think of it this way: congestion. There are just too many darn people trying to do the same thing at once. (Flush every toilet in a single office building simultaneously, and see what happens.) All of this by way of saying: Buy a newspaper, load up some favorite tunes on your MP3 player, and take the bus.

9. When is your future behind you? 

When you stop chasing dreams. So don’t stop!

10. Do you have to love your job? 

No. Love your children, your spouse and your country. Love your parents, your neighbor and your dog. Loving is too important an emotion to attach to the way you make a living. But it’s OK to strive for satisfaction. According to a recent Harris Poll, across America 59% of workers say they are extremely, somewhat or slightly satisfied with their jobs, but a depressing 33% feel as if they’ve reached a career dead end. If you’re among the latter and thinking about a new job, consider the fact that employees in small firms said they felt more engaged in their work than did their corporate counterparts.

11. Can a man and a woman ever just be friends? 

For a short time perhaps. Making the friendship last requires that you find each other at least vaguely repulsive. Good luck!

12. When do you take away Grandpa’s car keys? 

Twenty-two states currently require frequent testing for senior drivers. The American Medical Association and the AARP, however, say safe driving has more to do with functional ability than age. True, seniors are more at risk for reduced vision, hearing loss and impairments associated with arthritis — but all of these conditions depend on the individual. So when it seems to you that Pop is becoming a danger to himself and a danger to others, tell him straight. Point out that his reactions have slowed or his judgment is losing its edge. Suggest he not drive anymore. Be firm, but at the same time, don’t treat him like a child. Allow him his dignity. Offer him

a ride.

13. Do siblings who fight really end up liking each other? 

I surveyed my older sisters, both of whom have vivid memories of how I tripped, pummeled, and whacked them with various large plastic dolls (hey, they started it — they teased me!), and both confirmed my suspicion that nowadays they like me just fine. I sure like them. All the experts will tell you that fighting among siblings is normal. The key is how parents handle it. Rule No 1: Don’t take sides. Never get into a discussion of who started what or what is more fair. Stop fights with a time-out for all offenders. My mother would send us to separate rooms. So we invented string phones and a pulley system to transport necessary treats and toys. And whatever we were fighting about was forgotten.

14. How do you know when to end a friendship? 

As soon as you get that sneaking suspicion that it never really began.

15. Why do we turn into our parents when we swore we wouldn’t? 

Because really, when all is said and done, we admire them.

16. Can a half-empty person become a half-full person? 

A current theory is that people have an “emotional set point.” Some folks are just made happier than others. Pessimists will see this as bad news, believing it really doesn’t matter what you do — they are never going to be any happier. But there is hope — as any optimist will see! Happiness has more to do with how you construe the events in your life than the actual events themselves.

17. When do kids become adults? 

Biologically, it’s happening earlier; emotionally, it seems to be happening later. Nowadays puberty occurs in females between ages 8 and 14, between 9 and 15 in males. A generation ago, when you turned 18, you were out the door and on your own. Now we see kids in the Boomerang Generation coming home to Mom and Dad after college, hoping for a hand with bills, laundry, meals and other responsibilities of adulthood. It’s cute for a while, less adorable the older the kid gets.

18. Can a mother be friends with her teenage daughter? 

No. Most teens aren’t ready for anything close to a mature friendship. According to current research, the brain continues to develop into a person’s 20s. Mothers often want to befriend their daughters; fathers, their sons. But this is not in anyone’s best interest. Teenagers need to form identities distinct from their parents. That means: lots of privacy, even some secrets. It’s usually easier for a teenage girl to befriend the friend of her mother, and it’s usually best for the mother to leave it at that.

19. Does money really buy happiness? 

No. Because happiness isn’t for sale. Many people get tripped up by this one, amassing wealth only to find themselves cycling into a bottomless pit of unsatisfiable yearning. Turns out, joy and misery are not that far apart when it comes to very big wads of cash. Consider the case of a Kentucky couple who won $34 million in 2000. Thrilled to be released from the demands of their boring old jobs, they frittered their fortune away on fancy cars, mansions, all the usual stuff — losing everything that mattered in the process. They divorced, he died of an alcohol-related illness, and she died alone in her new house just five years after cashing the winning ticket. When it comes to happiness, only people you love, and who love you, can bring it. If you have enough dough to buy yourself a luxurious yacht, but no real friends to sail with, you’re sunk.

20. Can spenders and savers stay married? 

Sure — and they won’t run out of things to talk about either. Disagreements over money are a leading cause of divorce, so experts advise lots of work around this issue if, financially speaking, you’ve found yourself married to your opposite. Tip: Always talk in terms of “ours” instead of “mine” or “yours,” and work your strengths. The saver should be allowed to draft the budget; the spender gets to be

in charge of vacations, celebrations and ordering extra toppings on the pizza.

21. Is money the root of all evil? 

No. Greed is. Elvis nailed this one when he said, “Sharing money is what gives it its value.”

22. What do you do if you see a parent berating a child? 

Cringe. Take a deep breath. If you truly believe you can help the situation, approach as someone showing sympathy — not as an accuser or member of the parent police. Empathize with the overstressed parent. Suggest that he take a deep breath. Tell him it worked for you.

23. Why is it so hard to say you’re wrong? 

Because it often involves saying, “I’m sorry,” which is even harder. Throughout history people have found it easier to stop speaking to one another, punch, slander, shoot and bomb rather than apologize. Tip: Next time just say, “Whoops,” and see what happens.

24. When should you reveal a secret you said you wouldn’t? 

It’s a matter of damage control. Is the person who asked you to keep the secret in danger of hurting himself or others? If so, intervene. Otherwise, mum’s the word.

25. Does the toast really always fall buttered-side down?

Scientists in the Ask Laskas Kitchen conducted a study for which they first toasted an entire loaf of bread, one slice at a time. They buttered each slice, and dropped it from a variety of heights ranging from tabletop to ceiling. Among their findings: A dropped piece of toast never lands on its edge; stomping your foot and yelling “Darn!” does not change a thing; and the floor in the Ask Laskas Kitchen is not nearly as clean as we’d like. Well, life’s like that. Never as neat as you’d like it to be. But keep buttering your toast. And savor every slice you’ve been given.

Article source : http://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/answers-to-lifes-toughest-25-questions/2/

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6 Things You Should Do When You’re Mentally Drained

(Instead Of Resting On The Couch)

Erica Wagner/ Freelance Writer

 

At one point or another, we all burn out. It wouldn’t be wrong to think that plopping yourself down on the couch for a few days would leave you feeling recharged. You may not know this, but physical fatigue can have more to do with mental exhaustion than the exercise you’re getting that day. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to once in a while take a day, maybe even two and give your body some time to rest. However, it isn’t always the most effective approach when you’re feeling mentally drained. In fact, being a couch potato could actually result in you feeling more drained. Below I’ve listed some effective ways to recharge your mind when it starts feeling burned out.

Change up your routine

It really can be hard to not fall into a routine. Every day you’re doing the same thing over and over, but breaking up that routine can be a really good way to kick that mental exhaustion. Make a point to challenge yourself to do something totally new once a week. I mean, if you’re feeling really enthusiastic, try doing something new once a day. It can be something really simple. Instead of taking your usual way to work, take a different one that may be more scenic. Think about activities that you enjoy that really feed your soul and start doing them. When your mind is opened to new ways of thinking and perceiving, you tend to be much happier overall.

Keep a journal

Keeping a journal is a great way to relieve stress and get it all out on paper.[1] It can be really helpful down the road because it gives you the opportunity to look back and reflect on the progress you’ve made in your life. Journaling also jolts your creativity, builds confidence, boosts comprehension, and encourages you to follow through with goals. It shouldn’t be something that makes you put pressure on yourself, you don’t need to have an entry for every day either. Write down what comes to mind, you’ll feel such a release when you’ve finished. Make it a priority to write in your journal a few times a week. Eventually, you’ll find writing to be an outlet for recharging your brain.

Meditate

You may have seen this one coming. There are so many articles and people out there who rant and rave about the benefits of meditation, but it truly works. Roughly 80 percent of doctor visits are for stress-related issues. A lot of money and time can be saved if you learn to practice self-care through meditation. It can reduce stress, boost immunity, improve sleep, and can quite possibly increase happiness. Five minutes a day is really all you need. Over time you may find meditating more than once a day for longer periods of time is even more beneficial for your mental well-being. As a side note, people who consistently meditate are usually more rational and feel less anxiety when they are confronted with challenges.[2]

Re-eval‎‎uate your relationships

Having relationships is very important, but it’s even more important to really be mindful of how healthy they are. You may find that you have a few toxic relationships in your life. It may seem difficult to end these relationships because often times you grow to be comfortable in them. Sadly, dysfunctional relationships may become a ‘normal’ part of life and you may not realize how mentally exhausting they can be.

Take time to be mindful of all your relationships. It’s crucial to once in a while reassess and decide whether they are adding value to your life and well-being. In toxic romantic relationships, you can become extremely mentally drained when you’re  putting energy into something that just may not be right. People who are mindful of their relationships typically tend to be more confident in their own judgment.

Get some exercise

Exercise isn’t just beneficial for your overall well-being, it’s helpful for when you’re feeling mentally drained as well. You don’t need to get a gym membership to get activity in. We’re all busy, I get it, but setting aside just 20 minutes a day can really make all the difference. Multiple studies have shown the value of exercise in boosting your concentration and mental focus.[3] With a daily 20-minute intense workout, blood flow to the brain increases and you improve your mood, creativity, and memory.

Ditch your ego, be mindful of your soul

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

This can get confused with doing something that brings you a sense of achievement. That feeling of achievement won’t always necessarily bring you joy. Spending a few extra hours at work to get things done can be productive but powering through can really burn you out. Allow yourself to buy the shoes you’ve been wanting to buy for weeks, or take a spontaneous weekend trip with friends or your significant other. In the grand scheme of things, our time on earth really is short. Whatever it may be that you choose to do, do it because it truly brings genuine joy to your soul.

Article source : http://www.lifehack.org/522705/6-things-you-should-do-when-youre-mentally-drained-instead-of-resting-on-the-couch

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< Questions >

Q1. Have you ever burnt out? How did you overcome it? 

Q2. This article suggest some therapies to overcome lethargy. Do you think which one is the most effective measures? 

- Change up your routine

- Keep a journal

- Meditate

- Re-eval‎‎‎uate your relationships

- Get some exercise

- DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

Q3. Please tell us your ordinary days at work. 

Q4. Do you keep a journal? What is the benefits of keeping a journal? 

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Teach girls bravery, not perfection

Posted Mar 2016/ Reshma Saujani

We're raising our girls to be perfect, and we're raising our boys to be brave, says Reshma Saujani, the founder of Girls Who Code. Saujani has taken up the charge to socialize young girls to take risks and learn to program — two skills they need to move society forward. To truly innovate, we cannot leave behind half of our population, she says. "I need each of you to tell every young woman you know to be comfortable with imperfection."

<Teach girls bravery, not perfection Script>

So a few years ago, I did something really brave, or some would say really stupid. I ran for Congress.

For years, I had existed safely behind the scenes in politics as a fundraiser, as an organizer, but in my heart, I always wanted to run. The sitting congresswoman had been in my district since 1992. She had never lost a race, and no one had really even run against her in a Democratic primary. But in my mind, this was my way to make a difference, to disrupt the status quo. The polls, however, told a very different story. My pollsters told me that I was crazy to run, that there was no way that I could win.

But I ran anyway, and in 2012, I became an upstart in a New York City congressional race. I swore I was going to win. I had the endorsement from the New York Daily News, the Wall Street Journal snapped pictures of me on election day, and CNBC called it one of the hottest races in the country. I raised money from everyone I knew, including Indian aunties that were just so happy an Indian girl was running. But on election day, the polls were right, and I only got 19 percent of the vote, and the same papers that said I was a rising political star now said I wasted 1.3 million dollars on 6,321 votes. Don't do the math. It was humiliating.

Now, before you get the wrong idea, this is not a talk about the importance of failure. Nor is it about leaning in. I tell you the story of how I ran for Congress because I was 33 years old and it was the first time in my entire life that I had done something that was truly brave, where I didn't worry about being perfect.

And I'm not alone: so many women I talk to tell me that they gravitate towards careers and professions that they know they're going to be great in, that they know they're going to be perfect in, and it's no wonder why. Most girls are taught to avoid risk and failure. We're taught to smile pretty, play it safe, get all A's. Boys, on the other hand, are taught to play rough, swing high, crawl to the top of the monkey bars and then just jump off headfirst. And by the time they're adults, whether they're negotiating a raise or even asking someone out on a date, they're habituated to take risk after risk. They're rewarded for it. It's often said in Silicon Valley, no one even takes you seriously unless you've had two failed start-ups. In other words, we're raising our girls to be perfect, and we're raising our boys to be brave.

Some people worry about our federal deficit, but I, I worry about our bravery deficit. Our economy, our society, we're just losing out because we're not raising our girls to be brave. The bravery deficit is why women are underrepresented in STEM, in C-suites, in boardrooms, in Congress, and pretty much everywhere you look.

In the 1980s, psychologist Carol Dweck looked at how bright fifth graders handled an assignment that was too difficult for them. She found that bright girls were quick to give up. The higher the IQ, the more likely they were to give up. Bright boys, on the other hand, found the difficult material to be a challenge. They found it energizing. They were more likely to redouble their efforts.

What's going on? Well, at the fifth grade level, girls routinely outperform boys in every subject, including math and science, so it's not a question of ability. The difference is in how boys and girls approach a challenge. And it doesn't just end in fifth grade. An HP report found that men will apply for a job if they meet only 60 percent of the qualifications, but women, women will apply only if they meet 100 percent of the qualifications. 100 percent. This study is usually invoked as evidence that, well, women need a little more confidence. But I think it's evidence that women have been socialized to aspire to perfection, and they're overly cautious.

And even when we're ambitious, even when we're leaning in, that socialization of perfection has caused us to take less risks in our careers. And so those 600,000 jobs that are open right now in computing and tech, women are being left behind, and it means our economy is being left behind on all the innovation and problems women would solve if they were socialized to be brave instead of socialized to be perfect.

So in 2012, I started a company to teach girls to code, and what I found is that by teaching them to code I had socialized them to be brave. Coding, it's an endless process of trial and error, of trying to get the right command in the right place, with sometimes just a semicolon making the difference between success and failure. Code breaks and then it falls apart, and it often takes many, many tries until that magical moment when what you're trying to build comes to life. It requires perseverance. It requires imperfection.

We immediately see in our program our girls' fear of not getting it right, of not being perfect. Every Girls Who Code teacher tells me the same story. During the first week, when the girls are learning how to code, a student will call her over and she'll say, "I don't know what code to write." The teacher will look at her screen, and she'll see a blank text editor. If she didn't know any better, she'd think that her student spent the past 20 minutes just staring at the screen. But if she presses undo a few times, she'll see that her student wrote code and then deleted it. She tried, she came close, but she didn't get it exactly right. Instead of showing the progress that she made, she'd rather show nothing at all. Perfection or bust.

It turns out that our girls are really good at coding, but it's not enough just to teach them to code.

My friend Lev Brie, who is a professor at the University of Columbia and teaches intro to Java tells me about his office hours with computer science students. When the guys are struggling with an assignment, they'll come in and they'll say, "Professor, there's something wrong with my code." The girls will come in and say, "Professor, there's something wrong with me."

We have to begin to undo the socialization of perfection, but we've got to combine it with building a sisterhood that lets girls know that they are not alone. Because trying harder is not going to fix a broken system. I can't tell you how many women tell me,

"I'm afraid to raise my hand, I'm afraid to ask a question, because I don't want to be the only one who doesn't understand, the only one who is struggling. When we teach girls to be brave and we have a supportive network cheering them on, they will build incredible things, and I see this every day. Take, for instance, two of our high school students who built a game called Tampon Run -- yes, Tampon Run -- to fight against the menstruation taboo and sexism in gaming. Or the Syrian refugee who dared show her love for her new country by building an app to help Americans get to the polls. Or a 16-year-old girl who built an algorithm to help detect whether a cancer is benign or malignant in the off chance that she can save her daddy's life because he has cancer. These are just three examples of thousands, thousands of girls who have been socialized to be imperfect, who have learned to keep trying, who have learned perseverance. And whether they become coders or the next Hillary Clinton or Beyoncé, they will not defer their dreams.

And those dreams have never been more important for our country. For the American economy, for any economy to grow, to truly innovate, we cannot leave behind half our population. We have to socialize our girls to be comfortable with imperfection, and we've got to do it now. We cannot wait for them to learn how to be brave like I did when I was 33 years old. We have to teach them to be brave in schools and early in their careers, when it has the most potential to impact their lives and the lives of others, and we have to show them that they will be loved and accepted not for being perfect but for being courageous. And so I need each of you to tell every young woman you know -- your sister, your niece, your employee, your colleague -- to be comfortable with imperfection, because when we teach girls to be imperfect, and we help them leverage it, we will build a movement of young women who are brave and who will build a better world for themselves and for each and every one of us.

Thank you.

Chris Anderson: Reshma, thank you. It's such a powerful vision you have. You have a vision. Tell me how it's going. How many girls are involved now in your program?

Reshma Saujani: Yeah. So in 2012, we taught 20 girls. This year we'll teach 40,000 in all 50 states.

And that number is really powerful, because last year we only graduated 7,500 women in computer science. Like, the problem is so bad that we can make that type of change quickly.

CA: And you're working with some of the companies in this room even, who are welcoming graduates from your program?

RS: Yeah, we have about 80 partners, from Twitter to Facebook to Adobe to IBM to Microsoft to Pixar to Disney, I mean, every single company out there. And if you're not signed up, I'm going to find you, because we need every single tech company to embed a Girls Who Code classroom in their office.

CA: And you have some stories back from some of those companies that when you mix in more gender balance in the engineering teams, good things happen.

RS: Great things happen. I mean, I think that it's crazy to me to think about the fact that right now 85 percent of all consumer purchases are made by women. Women use social media at a rate of 600 percent more than men. We own the Internet, and we should be building the companies of tomorrow. And I think when companies have diverse teams, and they have incredible women that are part of their engineering teams, they build awesome things, and we see it every day.

CA: Reshma, you saw the reaction there. You're doing incredibly important work. This whole community is cheering you on. More power to you. Thank you.

RS: Thank you.

Article source : https://www.ted.com/talks/reshma_saujani_teach_girls_bravery_not_perfection?language=en

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<Questions>

Q1. Are you a bravery-oriented person or a perfection-oriented person? 

Q2. If you have a daughter, would you raise your kid as above article suggested? 

Q3. What is the most important factor to be a competitive person in this world? 

Q4. Are you involved in any community to share experience or wisdom with same gender? 

Q5. Do you find any difficulties or discrimination while you are working as a worker in your field? How do you tackle those troubles? 

Q6. What is the limitations of Confucianism-based society? 

Q7. What cause the discrimination in our society? Gender? Monetary condition? Social status? Religion? Race? Do you think what is the most critical factor? 

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The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life

Anna Chui/ Editor. Life Enthusiast. Amateur Musician.

Are you aware that as you grow up, friendship is the thing that drifts away most easily? Work, vacation, relationships, family times — they’re all so important to life that it’s just hard to put friendship at a higher priority.  

Have you ever been at supper at a friend’s home, you and your friends just didn’t have anything to talk about and had to force yourselves to just talk about something, like “so how have you been recently?”, or “oh the pasta is really nice…”?

This kind of awkward situation only leaves us wondering what friendship is for; but then, we also feel uncomfortable to have to declare that friendship has to be for something — how contradicting we are.

Here’s some good news for you…

Friendship does have its purpose, and having a purpose doesn’t ruin true friendship.

People come to your life for a reason. (Duh.) People do come together to become friends for some reasons though.

Alex Lickerman, the author of The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self talks about the things that draw people together as friends.

Instead of building friendships with random people, we tend to build bonds with people who share the common interests, share common values, have gone through the same difficulties, and who support each other equally.[1]

We’re being selective about friends because not everyone can serve the purpose of being able to exchange thoughts and feelings with us.

When we get to know people, there are four things we really look for.[2]

Firstly, we want reassurance so we know we’re not alone in being a specific way.

Everyone of us has our weak spots. There’s always something that we aren’t satisfied with, or some thoughts that we’re reluctant to share with others because we’re afraid of being judged or being let down.

We need the kind of friend who understands our thoughts and weaknesses; so we can feel comfortable to let down our guard and be comfortable with who we are.

We also want to have fun with people who we can be silly with.

Life is stressful; and we’re taught to always be serious and mature at work and in life as a grown-up. Imagine yourself as an elastic band, if you kept on pulling yourself and stayed tense, you’d eventually break. That’s exactly what would happen if we didn’t get enough fun in life.

Friends here, serve the purpose of letting you be as silly as you want and share the joy and excitement with you.

And we need someone’s help to clarify our minds.

We’re all imperfect people, sometimes we are confused and our minds go chaotic.

For example, very often we are frustrated at work and not quite sure why, but after we share our confusions with friends, we somehow get things figured out and have a clearer mind to go back to work.

A thinking friend who gives us constructive advice and asks us probing questions can inspire us to solve our problems and get to know ourselves better.

Finally, we network to seek collaborators to help us achieve our goals.

We have our own dreams and goals but we are small and fragile as an individual. To get things going, we need collaborators to align their abilities and energies with ours.

Take Emma Watson as an example, she’s an activist in feminism, and she networks to gather like-minded people who also aspire to fight for gender equality through the HeForShe campaign and the feminist book club Our Shared Shelf.

The spiritual core reason for a friendship is help us change and grow.

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn once said,[3]

“You’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with.”

This relates to the law of averages,[4] a theory that the result of anything will be the average of all outcomes.

So if you want to grow, be successful, or simply be happy and positive; the people you spend time with matter.

Moving on from some friendships simply means you’ve understood what real friendship is like.

You may ask, “what about those who don’t share my ambitions or interests? And those who can’t reassure my existence? Or those who I don’t really feel comfortable to be silly with?”

As time goes, you probably will feel difficult to stay friends with these people. Dare to let go of some people who don’t help you change and grow as a better and a happier person.

It doesn’t mean you’ve lost hope or belief in friendship, it simply means you’ve understood what a real friendship is like.

Move on from the friendships that you can hardly maintain. You don’t need to deny having these friends, and you can keep the memories with you. Moving on is just a way to help you get closer to true friendships that are best for you and others.

This article is inspired by The School of Life’s The Purpose of Friendship. Watch the full video here.

Article source : http://www.lifehack.org/560546/the-only-4-types-friends-you-need-life

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Making New Friends Gets A Lot Harder As We Grow Up Because We Are Not As Open As We Were

Ana Erkic/ Social Media Consultant, Online Marketing Strategist, Copywriter, CEO and Co-Founder of Growato

It kind of makes sense, that as we grow older it is much harder to sustain friendships, let alone make new ones. There are a number of reasons for this. First of all, as careers, relationships and kids become our priorities, there is simply not enough time to chill all day with our besties and talk about everything. Moreover, as we get more mature, we get pickier about who we spend our precious time with. Remember when you were a teenager, you could hardly count all the members of your squad? And now, you can barely have one person to talk to once a month. Yet, this doesn’t have to be the end of your social life. Even better yet, now it is the time to make true and closer friendships that will last for a lifetime. Let’s learn how.

The new old friends

In order to warm up for creating new friendships, you can try reconnecting with the old ones first. This doesn’t mean we have to call each and every person we met, no matter how much we liked them. We all know a couple of great people we used to hang out with, that we simply stopped seeing due to our busy schedules. Make time to make a couple of phone calls and see how they are doing. This could be beneficial in many ways:

- Firstly, you will be much more comfortable meeting new people once you start in the familiar ground.

- Secondly, you may make more honest and open friendships with those people now that you have matured and are ready for more meaningful connections.

- Finally, old friends have probably met some new people that could potentially be your new friends as well.

Now that you have made the first step with the old friends, it is time to make some new ones. Here are some suggestions as how to make genuine connection with people you meet.

Be interested rather than interesting

When found in a new social group, most of us would focus on being interesting so as to make people like us. This is fine up to a point, but, if we are looking for ways to connect with people on a deeper level, we should prioritize listening instead of entertaining. People like when they feel they are being heard and when others show honest interest in their thoughts, feelings and beliefs about anything. By actively listening to what someone is expressing, we would show that we are not shallow and narcissistic, but respectful and caring. Moreover, once we take an interest in other people’s lives, we would be much more able to find things we have in common and build on that as we move forward.

Put yourself out there

In order to get something, you have to be able to give something too. Don’t be afraid to share some of your personal thoughts, feelings, or struggles with others. Being vulnerable will make you more human and people will respond to that. This doesn’t mean that you have to go around and tell all of your secrets to everyone who says “Hi!” to you. Once you meet people who you feel you can trust and have a lot in common with, feel free to be more vulnerable and share a bit more. This makes a bridge between good friends to very close friends. As we open up, we are letting people to truly get to know us, which makes us go from an acquaintance to a real human being in their eyes. Also, people will be much more willing to share their deepest feelings with us, as they will feel they can trust us and find a kindred spirit and a loyal friend in us.

Article source : http://www.lifehack.org/555996/making-new-friends-gets-lot-harder-grow-because-are-not-open-were

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I Deleted 564 Friends On Facebook But I Have Saved 100 Real Life Friendships

Jolie Choi/ Gone through a few heartbreaks and lost hundreds of friends but I am still happy with my life.

I was meeting one of my best friends from college last weekend. She lives abroad for work but she will come back at least once a year; every time she’s back she will definitely make an effort to see me and It feels like she never left.

During our chat, she asked: “Do you think it’s getting a lot harder to make friends as we grow up?” I laughed and said: “Who doesn’t think like that?”

Her question stuck in my mind that night, and suddenly I came up with another thought.

I opened my Facebook. Slowly and gradually, I deleted 564 friends that night.

Making friends is actually a lot easier than you think.

Let me prove this.

Imagine you met someone interesting at a party and you feel like it would be great if you guys could stay connected after the party. So the next thing you did was get onto Facebook, search the name, move your fingertip to the magic button “Add friends” and JOB DONE!

Just one magic click and you guys are friends now. Just as simple as that.

However, I think this redirected me to a deeper question.

What’s the true meaning of friends?

I tried to find an answer by recalling memories on how I made friends before “The Dawn Of Facebook”.

We approach new people, we talk to them, we share, we build trust and most importantly we make connections, in real life. After experiencing parts of our lives together, we value them as “friends.”

Then I asked myself while looking at my Facebook friend list, “How many of them have gone through that process?”

This is why I decided that I didn’t want to get overwhelmed by life updates from people who I don’t even recall who they are.

On Selecting “Who I want to delete?”

It’s hard at first, I’m not lying. It’s not because my reason isn’t strong enough, but when you have your mouse hovering over the unfriend button, everything seems to come to a final end.

No one likes to say goodbye and clicking that unfriend button makes ending the relationship official.

But ask yourself, “If Facebook didn’t exist, would you like that person to get access to that much information about your life?” and “Do you really want to know what’s happening in their lives or are you just afraid of missing out?”

Deleting Facebook friend is just as simple as that.

I don’t mean “hey-it’s-nice-knowing-you-for-a-while-but-we-barely-talk-and-I-feel-like-I-don’t-need-you-in-my-life-now-so-farewell-old-friend”, but the truth is an online goodbye doesn’t equal removing that person entirely from your real life.

True friends stay connected even without the help of Facebook (or any kinds of social media). And it’s kinda scary that we need a constant reminder on that.

Will They Get Mad? Maybe I think too much.

What if they come and ask me, “Why did you delete me on Facebook?” And yes, that sounds a bit awkward, doesn’t it?

No one likes to be ignored or removed but I think the problem is people take online relationships too seriously. 

People might think, “It’s not official until it’s Facebook official!”, but let me remind you of this.

Facebook life is just an Online Life and it doesn’t equal your Actual Life. Why would you spend time on getting social validation instead of having real connections with people you claimed to care about? or at least make an effort to really stay tuned with their lives?

Think about it this way.  How can one honestly be offended if you two don’t write on each other’s walls or feel weird to like each other’s photos or status?

Besides, you might be overthinking because they may not even notice. Either they don’t care or they don’t value social validation as much as you do.

But what if they really ask? Then take this as a good sign. This can mean they do care about you but just getting too busy with their lives to catch up. This gives both of you a good chance to reconnect.

So Now I have fewer friends, on Facebook, then what?

Looking at my “friend list”, the number has shrunk by half but my heart feels a lot more fulfilled and satisfying. Scrolling through my feed, it is clean and clear now.

I can finally see some of the updates from my old friends. I noticed that I have missed a lot of their precious moments because I had too many distractions before. So it’s time to catch up with them, both online and offline.

Decluttering unnecessary relationships doesn’t only free me up for more important people in my life but most importantly, I came to realize my mind and life can be so much simpler if I don’t value social media as much as the social standard does.

Article source : http://www.lifehack.org/559549/deleted-564-friends-facebook-but-have-saved-100-real-life-friendships

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<Questions>

Q1. What is the most important relationship in your life? 

Q2. What are friends for? This article suggest 4 kinds of functions of friendship as below. Which type of friend do you need the most? 

- Friendship for Advice

- Friendship for Alliance

- Friendship for Amusement

- Friendship for Reassurance

Q3. Do you agree that making new friends gets a lot harder as we grow up? Why?

Q4. Have you made any friends over the Internet?

Q5. How do you maintain a good friendship?

Q6. Where is a good place to meet new friends?

Q7. Do you usually contact with your friend in person or through online? Why?

Q8. Do you think it is possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex without becoming a girlfriend or boyfriend?

[Brenda Choi]

Thanks Scarlett, we had a good time talking about the topics you uploaded.Really great to meet Lisa, Dean, Paris etc... We're hoping you will have a great result on your ph degree challenge. See you soon!

[Scarlet]

I am pleased to have your comment to enjoy this topic.
Hope you collaborate with Lisa while I am away from Saturday meeting :)
See you soon !~

Scarlett :)

[Brenda Choi]

I am trying to and I 've been in today as well. hope to see soon!