<p style="text-align: center;">Too late to reverse falling birth rate unless more drastic measure adopted</p><p style="text-align: center;"> </p><p>Since 2006, the amount of money that the Korean government has poured into reviving the country’s falling birth rates comes to some 380 trillion won. Further, a new presidential committee was launched this March by President Yoon Suk Yeol  to better oversee the population crisis and boost the country’s plunging birth rate which logged 0.78 as of last year. Despite enormous efforts and investments by the current Yoon administration, the country’s birth rate shows no signs of recovering, continuing the downward spiral as it hit a historic low of 0.70 in the third quarter of this year. The rate has even drawn international attention with a columnist from the New York Times calling the current depopulation rate worse than during the Black Death that swept across Europe during the 14th century. The latest statistics indicate that the Yoon Suk Yeol administration’s birth policy is not working</p><p> </p><p>The government has failed to improve the country’s birth rate because it has solely focused on economic factors when so many other factors including societal and structural inequalities are at play. The current birth policy mainly revolves around issuing monetary rewards to parents for delivering babies and giving them monthly allowance and child benefits. Although the main aim of this economic driven approach is to relieve the financial burden, it has failed to deliver the goal as the amount given is not adequate at all especially considering the soaring inflation and the astronomical costs required to support a baby through adulthood. Especially in a country where parents are expected to invest heavily in private education of children, the financial burden on raising a child is even more aggravated compared to other developed nations.</p><p> </p><p>For Yoon administration's economic approach to work, it needs to adopt a drastic measure such as offering zero interest housing loans or free tuition. In light of this, the recent announcement by the city of Incheon to roll out a financial support scheme of 100 million to support the cost of raising a child from birth through the age of 18 seems promising as it will significantly relieve the financial burden. The Yoon administration needs to seriously consider expanding the financial support scheme in an unprecedented scale, going forward.</p><p> </p><p>Another problem of the Yoon administration’s policy is that it largely prioritizes parents in the form of child benefits and paid parental leaves, resulting in the oversight of the (unmarried) Korean youths. It is important that the government focuses on the young generation because many of them have given up on marriage amid rising economic pressures and high unemployment rates. Currently, many youths in South Korea face heated competition in securing a stable job and housing in big cities, causing them to delay marriage with some even discarding the idea which has resulted in the declining marriage rates on top of declinging birth rates. Indeed, latest statistics show that young Koreans have even given up on dating, citing economic reasons. As such, the government needs to adopt more support measures for the young generation as rising singlehood and falling marriage rates inevitably aggravates the country's birth rates.</p><p> </p><p>To conclude, the Yoon administration’s birth policy has failed to produce concrete results largely due to its excessive focus on economic factors and married couples. In the process, it has overlooked Korean youths and other (social) factors at play such as housing problems and unemployment rates largely affecting the future generation. The Yoon administration needs to adopt drastic measures and take more comprehensive approach because the country’s birth rate, if continuing its downward spiral, will jeopardize its existence. At the financial level, it needs to drastically expand the scale to effectively relieve the financial burden in the form of free interest loan or free tuition while also addressing various social factors affecting the young Korean’s decision to delay or discard marriage.</p>
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잘 읽었습니다. 영어는 쉼표가 잘 쓰이는 언어이니 쉼표가 적절히 활용된다면 더 가독성이 높아질 듯 합니다. 수치와 사례가 잘 언급된 점 좋았습니다!
P.S 지엽적인 지적일 수 있으나, "the country’s falling birth rates" >> 이렇게 소유격으로 birth rate를 쓸 때는 복수가 아닌 단수로 써주는 것으로 알고 있습니다. "The current birth policy" >> 이 부분은 특정한 출산 관련 정책 한 가지를 언급하시는 게 아니라면 복수로 써주시는 게 어떨까 합니다.
첫댓글 잘 읽었습니다! 주장을 잘 받쳐주는 근거들이
있어 좋은 글이라고 생각합니다. 정보성이 많은 글이라 좋지만 퇴고에서 글자수를 줄이시면 결론에서 언급한 주장들을 더 짧게 요약하면 될 것 같습니다!
잘 읽었습니다. 영어는 쉼표가 잘 쓰이는 언어이니 쉼표가 적절히 활용된다면 더 가독성이 높아질 듯 합니다. 수치와 사례가 잘 언급된 점 좋았습니다!
P.S 지엽적인 지적일 수 있으나, "the country’s falling birth rates" >> 이렇게 소유격으로 birth rate를 쓸 때는 복수가 아닌 단수로 써주는 것으로 알고 있습니다. "The current birth policy" >> 이 부분은 특정한 출산 관련 정책 한 가지를 언급하시는 게 아니라면 복수로 써주시는 게 어떨까 합니다.
잘 읽었습니다! 저출산 정책 대상으로 1) 결혼한 부부 2) 청년층 두 인구 모두 언급한 지점이 돋보였습니다. 문장 간 흐름도 매끄럽고 좋았습니다
개인적으로 3문단을 2문단에 합치면 문제-대안까지 자연스럽게 연결될 것 같습니다.
마지막 문단에서 첫 두 문장은 앞 내용과 반복되는 듯 하여, 퇴고하실 때 글자수를 줄이고자 한다면 이 부분을 생략해도 좋겠습니다!
잘 읽었습니다~ 논지가 깔끔하고 논거가 명확해서 긴 글임에도 잘 읽혔습니다. 다만 결론 부분을 조금 더 압축해서 글의 밀도를 올려주셔도 좋을 것 같습니다!