Long time ago I told you I was going to compete in what I called a "knowledge Superbowl", you wished me luck and since that moment I truly committed to give my best to win.
I'm sorry I couldn't get back to you with the good notices, I didn't get to the podium. Even though I have no regrets cause everything I answered right was what I reviewed and what I got wrong was something I have never heard of in my life. I could make out many excuses and conspiracies but I won't, I just came to tell you the final result cause I wanted to give it a closure in case it was still in any corner of your mind.
As words don't come out when people in real life ask me, I'll leave them here in order to set my soul free. Until the last moment I keep using this place as confessional...
On Sunday they met us at four thirty in the morning at a central location to pick us up and leave from Guanajuato to Acapulco. The truck arrived until 5:30, during the hour we were waiting I was listening to an electrochemistry podcast because it is the subject that is most difficult for me. I didn't talk to anyone because I wanted to concentrate to study, I was listening to music and sleeping throughout the trip. It was approximately 8 hours in which I briefly fell in love with my roommate, I didn't know that he lived with me until the morning when I saw him leaving the house and he told me that we were going to the same place. I had seen him before, but he usually has a bushy beard and now he was shaved, he looks a thousand times better. Like a expert delulu I am, I imagined a life together and I giggled twice or thrice by imagining that after this trip we could become closer. Obviously I don't know how that was going to happen if I never spoke to him or hinted that I wanted to do it.
At the same time, although I don't like him physically, I felt jealous of the person I should call my best friend, because our teammates (there are 4 of us on the team) paid all their attention to her. I don't like being the center of attention, in fact I avoid it, but there is something that bothers me about being the only one who doesn't receive it. I said that I should call her best friend because we are always together and the truth is that we are a good team, we are similar in many things related to school.
Anyway, we got to eat and my first meal in Acapulco was some fish tacos, they were delicious until I added Buffalo sauce to them. I naturally distanced myself from my team and my teacher because I felt like they fit in better without me. I talked more with the geology teacher and her students, although I didn't know what topic to talk about, I was sitting next to her most of the time. As expected from me, I had to spill half of my glass of lemonade on the table... Luckily they didn't give it much importance, nothing of importance. This was at approximately 1 pm. Sunday
We went to register our arrival at the congress at the hotel, we waited all day in line. That day I didn't see the sea or eat fresh coconut. I met two people from a rival university and one of them lied to me saying that he was studying Mining when he was actually studying Metallurgy, I don't know why he lied. They said "how lucky some are" when they saw the sponsors' logos on my shirt.
I never felt intimidated by them, they did seem intelligent, but arrogant. What intimidated me was the name of their institution, UNAM. I thought that I would like to beat them for once so that the name of my school would mean something to them.
Unfortunately this time it was not the case, but I really want to do it in two years at the next convention.
When we finally checked in and were given the hotel bracelet, which by the way I'm still wearing, we met for the first time the slowest elevators I've ever encountered in my entire life.
Andrea and I shared a room, and Thalía was still missing because she arrived on Tuesday night.
When we got to our room it was messy and dirty. Fortunately the lady on duty was there and she moved us to a freshly cleaned room. Hotel beds are always so comfortable.
We changed clothes and went out to dinner because it was Andrea's birthday.We went to Vips, the members of the metallurgy team with the teacher in charge and the geology teacher. The metallurgy teacher has always had something with me because she constantly asks me if I don't smile, if I am that serious with everyone or only with her, etc. That's why I feel that when she saw that I spoke well with the geology teacher she felt confused.
That night I had tortilla soup and a lemonade drink with cranberry syrup. The drink was very good but my food got cold while waiting for other people's food to arrive.
Afterwards we went to the hotel and rested, I studied a little. In case you're wondering what I was studying, I took a book from the library, Chemistry by Chang, I was reading the most important chapters and simplifying the solutions to the problems to only have to accommodate the new data they gave us in the question. Spoiler: never pressed a single button of the calculator in all the competition.
When we woke up early the next day and went to the beach for a moment, I paid $150 MXN for a spot I used for good fifteen minutes, it was a waste of money. Then we went to have breakfast at the hotel, we arrived late because of the elevator. I only ate fruit and yogurt, my teacher said that wasn't going to keep me full and she practically forced me to eat two quesadillas.
On the stretch from the hotel to where the competition was, I listened to Love Gradation because I think it's a song that makes me happy. I was thinking about your 'good luck' message and how great it would be to bring you good news and somehow it motivated me to study more after the round.
We arrived and there were many people, we went to get our badges and they gave us a backpack as a gift. The exhibitors at the stands were already preparing with heavy machinery and posters.
I also had to display a poster, two to be exact. One was about the depression of pyrite in the flotation of sphalerite and the other was about obtaining silver from pyrolusite-quartz refractory ore. It was a shame not to have been able to enjoy that event because there I was going to make many contacts with important people who could later employ me.
First it was geology's turn and it looked like they were going badly. Then it was Metallurgy's turn and we started winning, but we didn't complete the points to move on to the next round. The original dynamic did not take points into account but one university did not show up and they had to do it that way.
It's difficult to talk about this because I'm the loser, but the questions really weren't well distributed, and I'm not the only person who thinks that way. There's no point in continuing to think about that so I will omit it. I now know what I need to prepare more for and I will hold myself accountable.
We just wanted to get out of there, it was humiliating that so many people had seen me study so hard to have given that result. although I know that I gave my best and that it was not in my hands to have won Since I couldn't answer something I didn't know, I felt cheated by myself.
We went to dinner and then to the pharmacy, I wanted to buy a facemask but they didn't have change, so I left it. I bought a necklace that I wanted for a long time, I bought Andrea a necklace for her birthday. even though I didn't want to spend that much money.
we arrived at the hotel and I wanted to go walk in the beach but I was already exhausted. My teacher sent a news report warning about a hurricane coming towards Acapulco, but I didn't take it that seriously, I just thought it would heavy rain.
Andrea and the teammates went out. She actually told me they invited me too but they know that I am reserved and that is why they do not insist so much. Also it was an alcohol-meeting so I would definitely say no.
I started watching a video on YouTube, since studying would be stupid. I fell asleep and the next morning I had breakfast at the hotel, I didn't feel like going out anywhere because I felt like I didn't deserve it. We went to see Minería because they did advance to the next round, but lost in the end.
When we got back we went to eat and talked about school, how everyone was going to talk about us.
When I got to the room I fell asleep while charging my phone, then I woke up and got things ready to go to the beach. I didn't invite Andrea because I wanted to be alone. I saw how she wanted to go too, but she could go alone too.
I swam for a couple of minutes when one of the girls from Mining arrived and started talking to me. Then her friend arrived and they stayed with me. It was fun talking to someone different and new, I liked them, I hope to talk to them soon
We continued swimming but they were afraid of the sea, something funny is that the sea took me in and they were screaming scared while I was relaxed giving them signs that everything was fine, that happened several times in a span of twenty minutes.
It quickly became a couple of hours and the sky became extremely dark.
I went up to my room and Andrea was asleep in bed, she didn't go out. Thalía, the girl who was going to be in our room, had not arrived either. I took a bath and got ready to sleep. Andrea went out with the teammates.
In all that time away from home, my mother had sent me some messages asking if I was okay but to be honest I didn't notice or I have any intention of more communication.
It's been a long time since I felt comfortable being at home with my family, I don't feel like I belong. On the contrary, I get upset and feel bad being around them, so I prefer to be alone and busy.
Anyway, at night I was already asleep and woke up when I heard Andrea arrived. I remember I thought she was extremely nosy by watching the window and taking pics of outside (it was heavy raining) but I didn't say anything.
Five minutes later she woke me up and told me there was something wrong because out window was moving too hard, that we should go to the lobby just in case. She was scared so I tried to calm her and told her to pack important things and stay in the bathroom. The next minute the alarm started ringing and we left the room. All of us on the 18th floor were outside our room not knowing what to do. Some guys said we had to go down, but the wind was already too strong, the windows were broken or about to break. The hallways were puddled and little children were crying.
When we finally decided to go down the stairs, every time we went up one floor the air sucked in through the broken windows and carried away trash cans and doors. There was a moment where we separated into halves because they entered a floor and we continued going down. That was where I lost Andrea and although I found her much later, I couldn't stop looking for her. If she hadn't woken me up I would have continued asleep in the room.
The men I was with always took care of me and helped me out, they helped me get down safely. When a piece of glass got stuck in my slipper, just like a movie, this one guy (who of course I briefly fell in love with) took it off and put back the slipper in my foot.
We went down 18 floors in less than a minute.
I saw how things were sucked into the air, how people were hurt and their worried faces. And in the midst of all that chaos, I found calm. I finally felt at peace, after having desperately searched for a moment in which I didn't think about the competition, my problems with my family, my social anxiety and many other things that weighed me down, I found it in the middle of a hurricane, a moment of peace.
Until this moment I don't think it was big deal but it was, in 27 years there hasn't been any hurricane of that magnitude (5).
We went down to the basement and it started to flood, we went up to the lobby and all the glass and walls were collapsing. They put us in rooms and we didn't last there because the owner of the room wanted to occupy it. I went to the 5th floor and slept there in fear because they said the tail of the hurricane was missing. For me it was minutes but in reality it was 2 hours. It was still raining and I still managed to fall into a deep sleep until the next morning.I woke up and went downstairs to look for my teacher, she stayed on the 19th floor throughout the hurricane. You'd think it was a stupid idea because of how high up it was, but your room was left intact, just as she found it when she first arrived at the hotel.
The hotel people gave us fruit and from then on we didn't hear from them again. I confess, I went to rob a supermarket, we had no food, no signal, no light other than daylight. I had not seen so many people gathered together as when we were stealing from the supermarket
I saw the sky and remembered that in all the time I was in Acapulco I had never seen it, I assumed it was the same everywhere.
As expected, they were not only stealing food, they took the opportunity to rob stores and even cars. I hope they use it for good.
We spent twenty hours on a bus back to Guanajuato, cars next to us were robbed, we almost ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere.
In this experience I was able to see how everyone reacts differently and although it sounds sad, I reaffirmed that I have no one but me. that in difficult, happy, strange moments, at the end of the day it is just me. Not being anyone's priority opened my eyes. I needed to be my own priority. something that of course I could have discovered in any other situation other than experiencing a hurricane.
I lost my phone, they already found it and they are going to send it to my house.
I lost the contest but the hurricane news covered that other disaster
There really is nothing that has no solution, and if you think about death, is it really a bad thing?
I never intended to throw myself down and die, but I wasn't fighting for my life either.
It felt good for a moment not to be on trial, to not have to prove how intelligent or capable I am, to not have to live with people I don't like. Living day to day, carrying twice my weight, walking with feet more wrinkled than a 150-year-old man from having been soaked for days. run because there is a gas leak, cover yourself with towels because there are windows that are going to explode. For me it was a very entertaining experience, which I obviously wouldn't wish on anyone, but if I had to live it again instead of living with the constant stress that I live with in everyday life, I would.
That's where the problem is.
I never thought about my family, I never thought about surviving, about getting out of there. Even in the worst moments, my worries were my physique, my skin, my clothes, not being paid attention to, etc. All stupid.
That's why now that I'm back I'm going to focus on making myself feel at peace. no one cares anyway. I don't say it from depression, I say it from freedom. I'm going to buy clothes in which I feel put together and pretty. I'm going to exercise, I will study about hurricanes. For a long time I didn't feel worthy of attention, consolation, love, admiration. but the reality is that I am a very special person, kind, supportive, attentive, intelligent, responsible, committed and I deserve much more than I think.
I know I'm not shy, I just don't feel comfortable where I am. I will continue to work hard because I want to achieve much more.
One of the things that amazes me the most is how I continue to look for destruction wherever I turn. I think that everyone went through the same thing, that everyone knows what it was like. I will learn to unlearn all the bad thoughts I have carried throughout my life and start from scratch.
I wish you to be very happy and fulfilled, Inseong. That at some point in my life I can meet you and thank you for your hard work, enjoy your music, your voice and wonderful personality. I also hope that many opportunities come your way and that you know how to take advantage of them. Please never stop chasing your dreams, and once you achieve them, run along with them for more.
have a good life, I love you so much!!!
Shout out to Ssong Ssong who endure the hurricane in the 18th floor
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