비판보다
구체화하는 논쟁
영어 이야기
formulate
[fɔ́ːrmjulèit]
형성하다,
마련하다
진술하다
서로 돕고 의지하고 의견을 교환하면서
가정을 비롯한 크고 작은 사회가 구성되며
소기 (所期)의 목적을 이루려고 노력하고 있다.
그렇게 목적을 향해 달릴 때 원하지 않는 일들이 생기기도 한다
그리고 그 공동체가 크면 클수록 책임을 진 지도자의 결단이 필요하며
그 지도자를 좇는 사람들은 지도자의 결단을 촉구하기도 한다.
FORMULATE a solution to the problem we're facing.
우리가 지금 당면하고 있는 문제 해결책을 마련하라
물론 그 지도자가 문제 해결의 정답을 내놓았을 때
지도자의 지도력은 칭송을 받게 된다.
Most of employees were impressed by the way their boss could FORMULATE his ideas.
대부분의 종업원들은 그들의 지도자가 그의 아이디어들을
마련할 수 있는 방법에 의해 감명을 받았다.
formulate 은 forrmula (의식 또는 방법)이라는 낱말에
접미어 ate (구체화하다)를 합친 것이므로
삶에 필요한 길을 구체화한다는 뜻에서 시작되었다.
그래서 이런 문장이 우리 삶에서 구체화하기를 바란다.
To FORMULATE is to come up with a plan.
먀련한다는 것은 계획을 제시하는 것이다.
"장고 (長考) 끝에 악수 (惡手) 둔다,"는 말이 있다.
To think over to long sometimes might be to FORMULATE a plan wrong
언제나 그래왔지만 국회의원 선거를 앞두고
대한민국 국민들은 '비판의 늪' 속에서 허덕이고 있는데
건전하지 못한 비판은 국민들을 피곤하게 한다.
Each of the little criticisms is FORMULATED in a particular way:
toward the negative.
각각의 작은 비판은 특정한 방법으로
구체적으로 말하면 부정적 방법으로 공식화된다.
(Psychology Today, February 27, 2024)
"It took me a while to FORMULATE my thoughts into a coherent argument."
내 생각들을 일관성있는 논쟁으로 구채화하는데 시간이 좀 걸렸다
(長考 끝에 惡手두지 않기를 바라며 ~)
is formulated in a particular way: toward the negative.
Loren Soeiro, Ph.D. ABPP
I Hear You
How to Bring Up Hard Topics in an Easy Way
To turn conflict into agreement, try reframing what you're asking for.
Posted February 27, 2024
Reviewed by Ray Parker
KEY POINTS
1880부터 차차 up down
Jackie paused to formulate her reply.
To formulate is to come up with a plan.
Can you formulate a solution to the problem we're facing?
The school board needs to formulate policy on bullying.
You should formulate a plan for improving your grades.
Can you formulate a plan for reducing expenses?
"It took me a while to formulate my thoughts into a coherent argument."
I was impressed by the way he could formulate his ideas.
The government is currently formulating a plan to address climate change."
Framing your criticisms and requests in negative ways is likely to cause arguments.
Defensive replies are often triggered by remarks framed toward the negative.
Instead, try asking for what you want and avoiding negative words like "don't" or "didn't."
“I don’t like that outfit.”
“Turn down that terrible music.”
“You did not do this assignment well.”
“I really hate it when you do that.”
“This is the wrong road to take.”
If you’re like me, you won’t enjoy hearing any of the above remarks—from your partner, boss, or children.
No one ever really wants to hear direct criticism, but difficult truths still need to be communicated.
Mistakes happen; people close to you may take wrong turns, make unexpected clothing choices, and play music you don’t enjoy.
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Life is full of unavoidable little conflicts that get on our nerves and chip away at our good moods.
Usually, though, there is a way to speak up and address them without making things worse.
The most important thing to understand about criticism is that the offense it provokes generally doesn’t arise from the substance of what you’re saying but from how you’ve said it.
Think about it: Aren’t most people reasonably able to understand that they’ve made a mistake or chosen an outfit that not everyone will appreciate?
Remember what it felt like when you were a student, and your teacher explained that you’d made a mistake in your work but could easily be fixed—would that have been so difficult to hear?
The real issue, then, isn’t the content but the form. And the best way to think about the form of what you’re saying has to do with something quite black and white—or, to be specific, positive and negative.
Each of the little criticisms I listed above (which I made up but drew from real-life examples patients have told me over the years.) is formulated in a particular way: toward the negative.
The first example, “I don’t like that outfit,” focuses on something the speaker doesn’t like. The second, “Turn down that terrible music,” goes out of its way to insult the music and demands that its volume be reduced.
The third points out that an assignment has been done badly; the fourth uses a very strong word, “hate,” to come down on another person’s behavior.
And the last, “This is the wrong road,” simply points out that the driver’s choice is wrong and bad.
formulate (v.)
"to express in a formula," 1837, from formula + -ate (2). Won out over formulize (1842); formularize (1845). Related: Formulated; formulating.
also from 1837
Entries linking to formulate
1630s, "words used in a ceremony or ritual" (earlier as a Latin word in English), from Latin formula "form, draft, contract, regulation;" in law, "a rule, method;" literally "small form," diminutive of forma "form" (see form (n.)). Modern sense is colored by Carlyle's use (1837) of the word in a sense of "rule slavishly followed without understanding" [OED]. From 1706 as "a prescription, a recipe;" mathematical use is from 1796; chemistry sense is from 1842. In motor racing, "class or specification of a car" (usually by engine size), 1927.
1848, noun of action from formulate (v.).
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If you’ve already noticed the similarities among these examples and the way they are all framed—toward things that are “wrong” or “hated” or “terrible” or “disliked”—perhaps you’ve also suspected what is wrong with this.
Simply put, framing one’s remarks toward the negative is almost guaranteed to elicit a defensive response.
If you tell someone else you don’t like something, they’ll most likely shut you down by saying, “Well, I do,” and leaving it at that. If you say you don’t like what they’re wearing, their first impulse will probably be to contradict you and to say why they chose it.
Essentially, you’ve just attacked them, and in doing so, you’ve provoked their psychological defenses. (You may also cause hurt feelings, but I’m choosing to center on defensiveness for our purposes.)
To say it another way: When you premise your remarks on criticism, the person you’re speaking to will feel a small burst of defiance inside, and the response you’re most likely to hear will be an expression of that defiance—and a negation of whatever you’ve said. You might hear, “This song is awesome,” or “I don’t care, I always go this way,” or even just “Deal with it.”
And if your original remark hasn’t gone over well with them, their response probably won’t strike you in any kind of friendly way, either, and before you know it, you’ll be in a fight.
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Now, take a step back, as you might have to do when in the middle of a tough conversation with a friend or partner.
Reconsider the gist of what you’re trying to say. What are you really asking for—a change of some kind?
Is there a way to reframe your statement to ask for that change without losing the essential meaning?
If you don’t like the music your friend is playing, your goal isn’t to get them to admit that they have terrible taste, but really only to change whatever’s playing to something else.
If you don’t like the road your partner has chosen, you probably only want to get to your destination quickly rather than override their choices entirely.
PERSUASION ESSENTIAL READS
If You Really Want to Convince Someone, Start With the No
How to Change Someone's Mind, According to Neuroscience
So, is there a way to express these needs without turning them into criticism?
There is if you reframe your remarks away from the negative and toward the positive. You’re really saying the same thing—expressing your preferences in a way that differs but without triggering that defensiveness I mentioned earlier. To wit, “I like the other shirt a little better” is much less likely to cause a fight than “I don’t like that outfit.” You’re saying what you like rather than complaining about what you don’t.
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Try the other examples, too:
“Turn down that terrible music” vs. “Can we put on something else for a while?”
“You did this assignment badly.” vs. “I think you might need to revisit this part.”
“I really hate it when you do that.” vs. “I really like it when you do this instead.”
“This is the wrong road to take.” vs. “I’ve always thought the other way was faster.”
Pexels / Timur Weber
Pexels / Timur Weber
In each case, you make the same points without making it personal. It’s a small thing, of course, but in many cases, it’s not as easy as it seems because criticisms can slip out before we notice what we’re saying. But taking a few moments to anticipate what we’re about to say can often save a lot of conflict, argument, or hurt feelings.
In this way, framing your comments toward the positive and doing your best not
to provoke defensive reactions can make it much easier to get difficult points across.]