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'Mutual Respect': These Religious and Secular Israelis Are Living Together by Choice
When a religious wife and a secular husband couldn't find the right community, they established one.
Now, their kibbutz neighborhood is proof that people of different religious beliefs can dwell together
Last month there was a fraught discussion among the residents of Shelafim, a communal neighborhood in Kibbutz Reshafim in the Beit She'an Valley, about whether to allow separation between women and men in the improvised synagogue that operates there every Shabbat. Several months ago one of the families hung up a sheet of fabric in order to separate the genders during prayers, and some people in the neighborhood, where religious and secular people live together by choice, felt uncomfortable with that.
The residents decided to hold a communal discussion on the matter. "People spoke about it out of an understanding that everyone deserves to be heard," says Maya Ertel Wissman, the neighborhood's community manager. "The discussion lasted for almost two hours, and in the end it was decided to find a way to enable everyone to feel a part of the prayers, and we agreed that several alternatives would be raised to enable us to decide. Among the suggestions was placing a mehitza [a separation screen] in only part of the synagogue."
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Such a discussion, revolving around customs and beliefs, should be common in a place that was designed and built to be a mixed communal neighborhood, but Ertel Wissman says that it actually hasn't happened much until now. "Everyone who came here already respects the beliefs and lifestyle of the other, so usually the residents know how to make concessions and to reach agreements about everything related to religion," she says. For example, anyone who wants to barbecue on Friday night can do so, as residents told us, but it's assumed that that person will refrain from doing so if it disturbs religiously observant neighbors.
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Community manager Maya Ertel Wissman.
Credit: Gil Eliyahu
'Everyone who came here respects the beliefs and lifestyle of the other, so usually the residents know how to make concessions.'
At a time when the public space has turned into a battlefield between the religious and secular communities, driven by mutual suspicion and hostility, Shelafim can serve as proof that even people with different opinions and beliefs are capable of living together without trampling on each other's lifestyle. Although it's true that all of them came with a willingness to do so, and apparently don't have extreme views, that doesn't mean that there are no disputes or friction between the neighbors in the small community or that there are no crises along the way, as some of them told us.
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But ultimately, what began as an ambitious initiative of a young couple has become a well-kept communal neighborhood, and has led the regional council to establish a new community in exactly the same spirit.
The residents of this communal expansion neighborhood of Kibbutz Reshafim relate to it as a community independent of the kibbutz. There are 116 families in the neighborhood, numbering 600 people, almost half of them children. All the families have two or more children. Most of the adults are aged 35 to 55 with middle-class professions – psychologists, social workers, architects, teachers, high-tech workers, as well as farmers, doctors and nurses.
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"As opposed to many other neighborhoods or communities, in which religious, traditional and secular people live alongside one another without having chosen to do so, Shelafim was established from the start as a mixed neighborhood," says Yoram Karin, outgoing head of the Emek Hamaayanot Regional Council for the past 15 years. "It grew from the grassroots and attracted families who liked the idea of living together.
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Local authority head Yoram Karin.
Credit: Olivier Fitoussi
'As in every expansion neighborhood, there are questions and disputes regarding a shared life, and vis-à-vis the kibbutz, but the question of religion is actually less controversial. There's mutual respect on this issue.'
"As in every expansion neighborhood, there are questions and disputes regarding a shared life, and vis-à-vis the kibbutz, but the question of religion is actually less controversial. There's mutual respect on this issue. Anyone who so desires attends the synagogue on Shabbat morning, and anyone who wants can drive to the swimming pool in Reshafim. Sometimes one family member goes here and another goes there," says Karin.
Since the establishment of the neighborhood about a decade ago, several families have left, some after deciding that the place doesn't suit them, and others because they decided to live abroad. Currently one of the houses in the neighborhood is up for sale for 3.3 million shekels ($895,000), similar to the price of a house in nearby Kibbutz Hamadia. There are plans to eventually put additional lots up for sale.
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The neighborhood is part of the municipal jurisdiction of the secular Kibbutz Reshafim, which belongs to the kibbutz movement, Hakibbutz Haartzi. It lies between Reshafim and Kibbutz Shluchot, which belongs to Hakibbutz Hadati (the Religious Kibbutz Movement). The neighborhood's name, Shelafim, combines the names of those two kibbutzim. It came into being as a result of cooperation between the kibbutzim, along with the regional council and additional partners.
We arrived at the site, which is next to the Sahne Park and the Nahal Hakibbutzim stream, on a typically warm day. Although it was February, it was very hot and almost impossible to stroll the paths. The neighborhood looks like all the expansion neighborhoods in other kibbutzim, although the public space is not as well kept. The houses are modern in a rainbow of colors, most of them without fences.
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Gan Hashlosha National Park (Sahne) with Shelafim in the background.Credit: Gil Eliyahu
The neighborhood is trying to distance itself as much as possible from the familiar socialist model. "It's not a kibbutz," residents explained when we asked. Although there's an independent committee in charge of running the place, and joint agreements about processes and decisions, everyone lives their life as they choose.
"The community is changing all the time," says Amichay Keidar, a local resident, who is married with five children. Keidar and his family came to the neighborhood from a neighboring kibbutz 15 years ago, when it was still a neighborhood of mobile homes with an uncertain future. "In the kibbutz everything is set and defined and it's harder to effect change. Here it was possible, and we felt that we could exert an influence. I can't say that we didn't have crises and questions along the way regarding living in the neighborhood, but we've invested our entire lives there and as far as we're concerned, it's our home."
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Keidar says that although they lead a religious lifestyle, they wanted to give their children an education that respects everyone. "We arrived at a relatively early stage. Slowly but surely the place grew and changed. Today I can say that day-to-day routine takes precedence over ideology. Someone who's religious is religious, someone who's secular is secular, and there are also traditional families. We live together; religion is in the background, but it's not the main thing." He says that even during last year's demonstrations for and against the judicial overhaul, the differences in viewpoints did not affect the community. "Some supported [the protests] and gathered [to demonstrate] at the junction, and some were opposed, but it was barely discussed here," he says.
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'A planned creation'
The idea to establish Shelafim was born 20 years ago, when Tali and Shahar Ganiel – he's secular and she's religious – wanted to start a new community that would enable them to live together, out of a belief that this was possible and even necessary. At the time they were living in Mehola, a religious moshav in the Jordan Valley. After considerable efforts they were able to harness a group of families who were enthusiastic about their idea, and started to look for a suitable place. They found out about a watermelon field between the two kibbutzim, Shluchot and Reshafim, and suggested building a neighborhood on it that would be independent and would also receive services from the kibbutzim. Shahar turned to the head of the regional council at the time, Yael Shaltieli, who liked the idea, but it was actually her successor Danny Tamari who decided in the end to promote the idea.
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Community founder Tali Ganiel.
'The model demonstrates that it's possible for religious and secular people to live together, that the Torah belongs to everyone. To this day every time I enter the gate of the community, I'm moved by what we built.'
Today it seems odd, even impossible, to promote an idea that originates with the residents, and that requires an allocation of agricultural land as well. But in those days the regional council was contending with an exodus of children of kibbutz members; therefore a new, unique neighborhood with a young population seemed like a necessary response.
Over the years several mixed communities have been established in Israel, among them Kfar Adumim in the northern Judea Desert, an expansion of the community of Nes Harim in the Jerusalem Hills, Eshar in Misgav in the north and Natour in the Golan Heights. Tali Ganiel, who initiated the idea of Shelafim, says that they were inspired by these communities. The big difference at Shelafim is in the unique municipal structure that enables residents of the neighborhood to receive services from Shluchot or from Reshafim, as they choose.
The first challenge the initiators of the neighborhood faced was gaining cooperation between the two adjacent kibbutzim. Despite their ideological differences – one being a secular kibbutz, the other, religious – the kibbutzim cooperated with one another. Each gave up an identical number of residential units that were allocated to the new neighborhood according to the master plan. The difficult situation of the kibbutzim at the time, which were suffering from an exodus of young people, may have encouraged the cooperation.
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A park in Shelafim.Credit: Gil Eliyahu
"I entered this initiative in 2008 as the deputy head of the regional council, and from 2009 I promoted it as the head of the council," says Karin. "In order to promote the idea we enlisted partners, along with the core group that had started the initiative, to create a vision for the neighborhood. Everything was done in good spirit, and you can see that it's still working."
"It was a planned creation in every sense, but it wasn't simple," says Gidon Israeli, who is in charge of promoting settlement in the Emek Hamaayanot Regional Council, and who served as the project manager of the neighborhood throughout its establishment. Israeli explains that the initial idea was to build an independent community, but that wasn't possible because of the government's decision to strengthen existing communities instead of building new ones.
"I'm not sure that that's always the right thing, but we decided that in statutory terms it would be an expansion of Kibbutz Reshafim, and would receive services from both kibbutzim." Later there were additional attempts to turn the neighborhood into an independent community, especially during Ayelet Shaked's tenure as interior minister – but they were unsuccessful.
Ertel Wissman adds that although the government considers the neighborhood an expansion of Reshafim, it is run as a separate and independent community association. "There are no formal education systems, but there's an informal system, which is conducted in the spirit of the place in the afternoons and on Fridays. For example, there's a prayer service at the start of the day for those who want it, and the food there is kosher. In addition, there's a mixed [religious and secular] Scouts group, to enable the children to get together in the afternoons, and there are special activities on holidays or at special events."
'In my opinion, among the general public too there aren't really wars between religious and secular people. There may be extremists on both sides. But look what's happening in the war, everyone is fighting shoulder to shoulder.'
Gidon Israeli
There's a public building with a room that also serves as the committee offices. The auditorium is a multipurpose building, which serves as an event hall, a game and education complex and more. On Shabbat one of the halls becomes a synagogue, and another remains open for activities for children, but the television stays off and phones aren't used.
Duplicating the success
In 2012 the plan for building 250 private homes in the neighborhood was approved, and two years later the first homes were completed, and the residents who until then were living in mobile homes settled into their permanent homes. Subsequently, a second stage was planned and construction is almost complete. Now a third stage is underway.
"All in all it's working, because we have people who know in advance that they're coming to live together," says Israeli. "None are extremists and that makes compromises possible. In my opinion, among the general public too there aren't really wars between religious and secular people. There may be extremists on both sides who are trying to incite that. But look what's happening in the war [in Gaza], everyone is fighting shoulder to shoulder."
Every candidate who's interested in living in the neighborhood undergoes an interview and suitability tests by the acceptance committee. "When they started to take in new members, the intention was to have an equal division: one-third secular, one-third religious and one-third mixed couples. Today there are fewer religious people and more mixed and secular families," says Fanny Shui, a resident of the neighborhood. "I'm religious, although I grew up in a secular home in Carmiel. My husband is formerly religious and respects religion. Our children grew up in the religious education system and now they aren't religious, by choice. If it's important to someone that their children see only people like them, then life here probably won't suit them."
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Fanny Shui, a resident.
Credit: Gil Eliyahu
'Our children grew up in the religious education system, and now they aren't religious, by choice. If it's important to someone that their children see only people like them, then life here probably won't suit them.'
Shui, who was a member of the first group of residents in Shelafim, says friends told her about the initiative. Over time the community grew and absorbed residents who wanted to live in the Beit Shean Valley in a mixed community. Those with whom we spoke said that at first there were more joint activities, but those became less frequent as the community grew.
The neighborhood has independent committees that manage community life and there's a mutual responsibility fund, into which residents pay 20 shekels a month. They also pay 530 shekels to the neighborhood committee. In addition residents pay the arnona property tax that goes to the local council, which provides services for the neighborhood.
Residents also pay for the various services that they use from the adjacent kibbutzim, such as preschool or a membership to the swimming pool. The development budgets come from the regional council, which treats the neighborhood like an independent community. On Waze, for example, the neighborhood is listed as a separate place, although the residents say that when they request a delivery, they name Reshafim as their place of residence.
'On the one hand, we belong to the kibbutz and rely on its services. On the other hand, Shelafim is an independent neighborhood with a character and identity of its own.'
Maya Ertel Wissman
As in every communal place of residence, there are quite a few challenges in shared life, but religion is rarely a topic of dispute, says Ertel Wissman. What is? "During vacations and on holidays there are homeowners who rent out their homes on Airbnb. That means that a child could go out to the playground and meet someone he doesn't know. There were people who objected to that and claimed that it harms the sheltered atmosphere in the community, and on the other hand those who claimed that the additional income helps supplement their regular income," she says.
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Getting around by bike in Shelafim.Credit: Gil Eliyahu
A community discussion was held about the issue, and there were general agreements regarding the identity of the renters, to prevent harm to the atmosphere in the community. There are also disputes between neighbors, as several of the residents told us, regarding noise, lighting and other issues, although there are usually attempts to resolve them before they escalate.
There's a complicated relationship not only among the residents, but also with Reshafim. "On the one hand, we belong to the kibbutz and rely on its services," says Ertel Wissman. "On the other hand, Shelafim is an independent neighborhood with a character and identity of its own. It could happen, for example, where there's no room in the kibbutz preschools. Or they charge the residents a lot of money for services such as education or the pool, which can create frustration for some members of the community. But all in all, there's a shared willingness and we're learning to work together."
Keidar also mentions the challenges of life there. "There's always a desire for things to look different. The religious residents sometimes feel that the public space isn't religious enough, and the secular residents feel that it's not secular enough," he says. "But all in all, there's a good population here and they know how to get along."
"Shahar and I feel that our dream has come true, that it's a place that enables everyone to live his entire life according to his own truth," sums up Ganiel. "That doesn't mean that there aren't arguments among the residents, as is true everywhere, but the model demonstrates that it's possible for religious and secular people to live together, that the Torah belongs to everyone. To this day every time I enter the gate of the community, I'm moved by what we built."
A few years ago the regional council decided to try to duplicate the success of the neighborhood and to build a new mixed community in its jurisdiction. It is in the southern Mount Gilboa area and is slated to have 270 private homes. "At the moment there's a temporary neighborhood there with 14 families living in mobile homes, and development work is now in process. We've already sold 50 lots and there was a strong response," says Karin of the council. "I'm optimistic about the new place. It turns out that despite the complexity there's a demand for this product called a mixed community."
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