Forgive and forget
Dear Annie: My husband, "Lester," was killed in an auto accident last month. Yesterday, I finally received the last items from his car. When I went through them, I found a paperback book that was disgusting, pornographic trash. The loss of my husband has been overwhelming, but finding this book was a new low.
I knew Lester was addicted to pornography. It affected our intimate life together because he was more interested in pornography than in me. Three years ago, a former high school classmate sent Lester topless pictures of herself, and he started e-mailing her. My trust evaporated, and our 14-year marriage was on the rocks. A marriage counselor helped us work through our problems, and Lester agreed there would be no more porn.
I thought our marriage was OK again, but after finding that X-rated garbage in his car, I have doubts that anything Lester ever said or did was true. Lester always told me he loved me. He told our friends he adored me. Now I think he may have been lying. Since he's not here to defend himself, how am I supposed to get through the pain of losing him so suddenly in the accident, and then losing him again through this betrayal? -- Heartbroken
Dear Heartbroken: This must have been quite a shock for you, and it no doubt turned your world upside-down. Please don't look backward and rehash everything Lester said and did in an effort to spot the lies. Lester's behavior! was, to a certain extent, beyond his control. It doesn't mean he wasn't trying or that he loved you any less. You need to have faith in that and forgive him. If you still cannot manage to do that, ask your doctor to refer you to a grief counselor.
Dear Annie: I recently tried to recruit volunteers to help advocate for abused and neglected children. I was unpleasantly surprised at most people's reactions when I merely asked them if they would like some information. One after another, people refused even to take our literature.
Here's some information that may help your readers overcome their inertia: Over 1,250 children will DIE each year as the direct result of identifiable abuse or neglect. One of every four girls and one of every five boys will be sexually assaulted by the age of 18. These are children and grandchildren just like yours.
If you knew your next-door neighbor was locking his child in a closet, beating him or sexually abusing her day after day, would you do something? Thousands of our neighbors are doing horrible things to children all over the country. Check the statistics in your own hometown. I bet you'll be surprised. I was.
To learn more about what you can do, go to www.preventchildabuse.org. There also are many non-profit organizations that could use donations, such as National Court Appointed Special Advocates (www.NationalCasa.org).
Children are our future. Please, take a little time out of your schedule to help a child whose only wish is to be cared for decently. -- I Care in The USA
Dear I Care: Thank you for reminding our readers that child abuse happens every day, all over the world, and it's something we must not ignore. We hope everyone will take the time to check those Web sites you've listed.
The increasing Anti-sites
When many of you go in the internet you can find many informations on self-site, offered by the person or organization itself. They are a pleasure and also a service for the citizens offering informations, doing publicity works. They usually have a board where people who drop by, to leave a little message or opinions. Many write compliments and some also write ill opinions pretty harsh.
However, you can see a big differnece in the internet these days. You will be surprised at how much there are many "anti-site" upon regular site or the contents(the particular person, organizations...).
When we first heard of "anti-site"was usually when many citizens disaggreed for some rules made by government, other facilities or some social issues. But these days, so many anti-sites about certain politicians, stars are increasing in unmeasurable rate.
Instead of writing on the regualr sites are that the people running them try to write in full detail and put up many facts on what they assert. They criticise in order to change some behavior!s of their target. So the site's content and other off-line acting go on with full planning and it can have a powerful influence on the target. And anti-company sites have complaints on untrustful company, product which gives useful advices to others. Some companies have become more careful in producing or services than before.
On the negative side of anti-sites are that these days unmeasurable anti-sites are being made-up and increasing in such fast speed. But as much as the numbers grow the people who makes it are sometimes lack of true factor or correct criticism on their target. The ujst start the anti-site with the dislike about the target and write down searing or made up rumors. These are found in many cases, anti-sites about stars. In these cases the internet can be a pretty dangerous atmosphere because it is so fast in tranporting informations and the anonymity can make one's hesitation less in writing their opinions or made up rumors.
Through the development of internet we can now see one's like or dislike on certain person, organizations with just a click. The freedom to show one's taste has now brought the anti-sites to be made up.
As much as the target gets popular or gets attention, the target makes their own site, others make a supporting sites or anti-sites. It is becoming a more natural lapse.
Q1 You must have heard of some "anti-site" made up these days. What kind of "anti-site" are you aware of? What were they like?
Q2 What do you think is the positive side and negative side of "anti-site"?
Q3 Currently the increase of new "anti-site" is explosive. Do you think the on-line anti-site is a good way of showing dislike and it can influence or change the target?
Q4 The "anti-site" will be hard to dissapear. It will go on and even more "anti-site" will be made up. What changes do you think the anti-site should make or add?