I have never been as good with words as I wanted to be. I always have this perfect image in my head of the words I want to write down, but when I actually start writing words seem to fail me.
Whenever I try to write down exactly how much you mean to be I just can't come up with the right things to say, like no words are good enough to describe whatever it is I am feeling.
For a lot of people around me, this huge love and admiration I have for the 8 of you seems weird. They say it's too much. They say I do too much. How could I possibly love people I have never even met THIS much? Why put in so much effort?
The answer is so simple. You are worth it. Streaming for you, voting for you, buying merch and albums and hyping everything you do up is just so worth it.
Seeing you break records and achieve amazing things feels amazing! Knowing I helped make that all happen? Even better! See it as my way of thanking you.
Thanking you for saving me from a very dark and scary place. A place that I still end up in sometimes, only now it feels less all consuming. In the midst of the darkness there is always a light. A light that makes it easier for me to get out of the dark.I know I had a lot of love and support around me, and I know they helped me hold on. They helped me hold on long enough for a new sense of hope to hit me.
Because hope, hope is what you give. Hope that one day I will get where I want to be.
Hope that one day my struggles will be worth it and hope that one day I won't end up in that dark scary place anymore.I feel like with you by my side I am able to achieve so much more. You motivate me to be the best me I can possibly be.Not so long ago I missed a very important appointment. I felt so overwhelmed and it made me feel like a failure. Like I messed everything up and like I was just destined to fail. What was the point? Shouldn't I just give up?I almost did give up.
But I couldn't. I can't ever give up. I have to keep going. I know somehow, someway you would want me to. You'd want me to succeed and I want to succeed too! Not just for you, for myself too. It's not going to be easy, but I know that I am capable. I know to some it sounds lame, but I know it's because of you. Your music motives, your music calms me down and your music helps me through a lot. The messages you share with Atiny are so kind and loving. Everything you do is full of passion and it shows me that hard work never fails.
I won't ever be able to thank you guys enough. Thank you for saving me in so many ways and for motivating me in even more. You'll never know how 1 picture or 1 little message makes my entire day 100x better. You will never know how much your music helps and how insanely much I love you.
It hurts as much as it feels good. The ache in my heart that I feel whenever I remind myself that will most likely never get to tell you this in person will always heal when I think about the love I have for you. You don't have to be right beside me to make me feel like you're here with me. You're always with and you always will be. Thinking about you fill me with the warmest feelings. It makes my heart squeeze in weird ways, ways that I will never be able to fully explain. Maybe that's the one thing I should give up on.
I am going to wrap this endless ramble up. But before I go I want to thank you one last time. So thank you Ateez. Thank you for saving me and for helping me through so much. Words will always fail me when I try to express just how much I love you. Please never change, keep doing what you're doing. You guys do it so well and I'm so immensely proud of you. I really hope somehow you know how much I love you.
I guess I'll end it here! I think I said most of what I wanted to say. If anyone actually reads this, I appreciate you.
Whoever you are.
Love,
Em