Do you have some extra hugs tonight? I'm not feeling like myself. I know it's partly because I'm tired. I needed to stay up late last night to do laundry, I'm much more productive in the evening and night. But when I went downstairs to the laundry room someone was already using all the washers. So that pushed me back an hour. The time came and went for me feeling tired enough to fall asleep. So even once my laundry was dried I wasn't really tired. I took a couple hour off and on nap before I had to get ready for work. But then I got in my feelings tonight. And the thoughts made me sad. I've been feeling super hot the past few days at work. Tonight I began to wonder if it's because I'm going to start going through the change. I am old enough Kyunnie. But that made me sad because it means my time is running out even faster than I thought for having a child. And I've held on to hope for so long. The time will come when it won't be possible. That scares me a little too. Not of the change. But the not having a child. There is adoption yes. But what about my person. That doesn't seem fair to him that I can't give him a child too. Will adoption be ok for him too? So now I'm in my feelings for tonight. Is it ok when it's like this to share that with him? I think so. It's something I have been working on. Letting him be strong for me in moments like this. Not shutting him out. It's easier now than it was, but trust me, the thoughts of closing myself off are still there. They just aren't as loud.
I should go for now. hopefully sleep will come soon. Remind me tomorrow to tell you about the exciting things that happened this week. I just don't have it in me tonight. I also miss the guys tonight too.
So for now . . sleep. until another time my beautiful Kyunnie. . . I love you