스니커즈(SNEAKERS) 대본
-------------------
S N E A K E R S
December, 1969.
EXT. COLLEGE. NIGHT.
Snow falls gently on the grounds. In the background, a
dignified eighteenth-century classroom building is
softly lit by outdoor lights. A single light, on the
second floor, is still burning. The opening credits
continue to be assembled randomly, sans anagrams.
Dan Aykroyd
Ben Kingsley
Mary McDonnell
River Phoenix
Sidney Poitier
David Strathairn
MARTY
(VO)
Four six nine nine four zero two, transfer
to five three zero one one three eight.
INT. COMPUTER ROOM.
The forty-column display is connected to the United
States Treasury Department, and shows the transaction
taking place. $25,000.
COSMO
What did we just do?
MARTY
The Republican party just made a generous
donation to the Black Panthers.
The camera pans across the terminal, the dial telephone
resting in the acoustic coupler modem.
COSMO
Far out!
MARTY
Right on.
COSMO
Who's next?
MARTY
Let's see... oooh...
Marty shuffles through some printouts.
MARTY
Richard Nixon's personal chequing account is
in here.
The camera continues to pan around the late-sixties
equipment in the room, looking up to the huge nine-track
tape drive. Empty chinese food boxes litter the room -
something that hasn't changed among hackers in thirty
years.
COSMO
(with slight sarcasm)
Ooo, this is a challenge. Marty, we have to
find somebody truly worthy to give his money
to. How about... the National Association
to Legalize Marijuana.
MARTY
Perfect!
COSMO
Now, how much should he give?
MARTY
He's a generous man. I'd say... all he's
got!
COSMO
Yeah!
Cosmo thinks for a split second, and changes his tone.
COSMO
Marty, you are sure we will not get into
trouble for this.
MARTY
Cosmo! Trust me.
EXT. POLICE CAR. NIGHT.
Police officers drive slowly through the snow, and
listen to instructions on the radio.
INT. COMPUTER ROOM.
COSMO
Posit. The Phone Company has too much
money.
MARTY
Oh, good one.
COSMO
Consequence.
MARTY
Uh, they're corrupt. Result?
COSMO
The system perpetuates itself at the expense
of the people. Conclusion?
MARTY
Ma Bell needs to donate some money.
COSMO
We're going to change the world, Marty.
MARTY
I just wish we could get course credit for
this.
He gets up.
MARTY
Gawsh! You got it. You want some food?
Cosmo swivels around, and holds out a coin.
COSMO
Loser goes.
Cosmo hides the coin in one of his hands, and makes it
look pretty obvious which one. He holds out both fists.
MARTY
I never lose!
He indicates Cosmo's left hand. Cosmo dramatically
unfolds it, revealing no coin.
Marty Groans. Cosmo chuckles. Marty starts to leave.
COSMO
Pepperoni pizza, please. Shaken, not
stirred.
MARTY
Power to the people, Cos.
COSMO
Power to the people, Marty.
They both make half hearted fist gestures. Marty exits.
COSMO
One cannot trust anybody these days.
EXT. COLLEGE. NIGHT.
Marty emerges from the front door and walks off into the
snowy night. He climbs into his snow-encrusted
microbus, but it won't start.
MARTY
Don't do this!
Marty notices the flashing red police lights through the
snow on his windows. He rolls down a window and watches
as police and trenchcoated men pull up and run into the
building.
INT. COMPUTER ROOM.
Cosmo is working at the terminal. He hears a noise. He
gets up and walks across to the window. Marty is down
below, trying to signal Cosmo but it's too late. The
police grab Cosmo and pull him away.
COSMO
Marty! Marty! Wait! Wait!
Cosmo struggles, kicking out a window pane.
Marty runs off into the night. The snow turns into
static on a TV screen.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
CREASE
Martin? Martin?
Donald Crease is trying to wake up a now-older Marty
Bishop. He shakes his shoulder.
CREASE
Martin? Martin?
Bishop wakes up.
CREASE
It's time.
BISHOP
How are we doing?
CREASE
Carl's in position on the fire escape.
Mother's in the cable vault. Whistler is
reading.
Whistler reads. In braille.
A noise sounds.
Whistler quickly puts away what he was reading. It's
the braille edition of Playboy.
WHISTLER
We're up!
BISHOP
What's with the lobby?
CREASE
Still just the one guard.
WHISTLER
(into his headset)
OK, Mother, try the ones coming off the blue
trunk.
Bishop looks out the van through binoculars, across the
street and into a building. A security guard looks
around.
More noises sound.
WHISTLER
Mmmm, nope. Try the ones coming off the
white trunk, Mother, these don't sound
right.
Bishop looks down, to a manhole where Mother is working.
More tones sound.
EXT. MANHOLE.
WHISTLER
(over headset)
No.
MOTHER
They even got photos of the guy leaving the
embassy through the back service entrance.
Hey Crease, you on?
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
CREASE
Yeah, I'm on.
MOTHER
Were you still in CIA in '72?
CREASE
Yep, why?
MOTHER
Did you know the deputy director of planning
was down in Managua, Nicaragua the day
before the earthquake?
CREASE
(annoyed)
Now what are you saying, the CIA caused the
Managua earthquake?
MOTHER
Well, I can't prove it... but...
Crease hangs up his mic.
CREASE
I can't talk to that guy.
Tones continue to sound.
WHISTLER
Hold on, Mother, go back one.
A tone we just heard sounds again.
WHISTLER
Bingo!
EXT. MANHOLE.
MOTHER
Securing bridge clips.
Mother attaches the clips.
MOTHER
Preparing to sever master alarm circuit.
Five... four...
INT. SECURITY STATION.
A lone security guard is watching television. A
security panel in the distance briefly flashes a red
light, which the guard barely notices before it's
"green" again. He goes on watching television.
EXT. STREET. NIGHT.
Bishop and Crease leave the van and run across the
street. The building is a large bank. They reach the
fire escape where Carl is stationed.
CREASE
Nice bank.
BISHOP
You wouldn't believe what I had to go
through just to get a safe deposit box.
INT. SAFE DEPOSIT BOX VAULT.
The camera pans across dozens of boxes. There is a
loud, ominous ticking. Box 589 begins smoking.
INT. SECURITY STATION.
An alarm sounds. The security guard is startled and
knocks the TV off the counter.
INT. FIRE ESCAPE DOOR.
Carl, Bishop, and Crease enter the building through the
fire escape.
INT. SECURITY STATION.
The security guard frantically searches through a
procedure manual.
INT. BANK FLOOR.
The three run down through the main customer lobby of
the bank. Bishop falls trying to jump the counter.
Crease helps him up.
BISHOP
Oh shit! We're getting too old for this.
INT. SECURITY STATION.
The security guard gets on the phone.
SECURITY CHIEF
(on phone)
Lifeguard Security.
SECURITY GUARD
Yeah, I got a fire at Centurion Bank!
SECURITY CHIEF
Yeah, we've got the alarm. Are there any
secondary indications? Smoke, or flame?
The security guard looks around.
SECURITY GUARD
Sm... uh, no.
SECURITY CHIEF
Probably a false alarm. We've been getting
them in your area all night. See if it
resets.
SECURITY GUARD
Oh man, I don't know.
INT. BANK ELECTRICAL ROOM.
The three reach a small room and start looking behind
panels. They come to one with a lot of wires behind it.
BISHOP
You're sure you know which one to cut?
CARL
Yes! The alarm's always the green one.
He cuts a wire. All the lights go out.
BISHOP
Good, Carl.
INT. SECURITY STATION.
SECURITY GUARD
Hey, man, I'm not waiting any longer, I'm
calling the fire...
The alarm abruptly stops.
SECURITY GUARD
Oh. It uh... stopped. Sorry.
SECURITY CHIEF
Hey, no problem. And, uh, son...
SECURITY GUARD
Sir?
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
The "Security Chief" is actually Whistler, back in the
van!
WHISTLER
Good work.
SECURITY GUARD
Thank you, Sir.
Whistler gets back on the radio.
WHISTLER
All yours, Bish.
Crease is now hacking at a bank terminal. Bishop looks
on.
CREASE
So. How much do you want?
INT. BANK. DAY.
A teller carefully places ten-thousand dollar wads of
money in a briefcase.
TELLER
Eighty thousand. Ninety thousand. One
hundred thousand.
BISHOP
Okay!
TELLER
May I ask why you're closing your account
with us today, sir?
BISHOP
Well, I just had this weird feeling that my
money wasn't safe here anymore.
Bishop walks off, past a security guard and up the
stairs and into a boardroom overlooking the bank floor.
Several executives are waiting for him. He puts the
briefcase down on the table and starts dramatically
slapping ten-thousand dollar wads of money down in front
of them.
BISHOP
Gentlemen, your communication lines are
vulnerable, your fire exits need to be
monitored, your rent-a-cops are a tad
undertrained. Outside of that everything
seems to be just fine. You'll be getting our
full report and analysis in a few days but
first, who's got my cheque?
A FEW MINUTES LATER.
A cheque is carefully typed out.
SECRETARY
So, people hire you to break into their
places to make sure no one can break into
their places?
BISHOP
It's a living.
SECRETARY
Not a very good one.
She gives Bishop the cheque.
BISHOP
Thank you.
Bishop leaves with his cheque.
EXT. STREET. DAY.
Two guys watch Bishop from a parked car.
GUY
Is that him?
OTHER GUY
Oh yeah. It's him.
INT. MARTIN BISHOP & ASSOCIATES OFFICES. DAY.
Carl hurriedly marches across the room.
BISHOP
Who's got the report for the bank sneak?
MOTHER
I'm going to type it up later.
CREASE
You are?
MOTHER
We haven't paid the typist since January, so
it's either me or Whistler.
CREASE
Better Whistler.
CARL
We've got customers.
BISHOP
Shoes?
CARL
Expensive.
BISHOP
Look busy, guys.
Bishop straightens his tie and takes off to the waiting
room.
INT. WAITING ROOM.
GORDON
Mr. Bishop! Dick Gordon.
He and Bishop shake hands.
BISHOP
Hi!
GORDON
(indicating his associate)
Buddy Wallace.
Bishop and Wallace shake hands.
BISHOP
Hi.
WALLACE
Hi.
GORDON
We've heard a lot of great things about you.
BISHOP
They're all true!
Gordon laughs.
BISHOP
Thanks, Carl. Uh, gentlemen, why don't we
go to the conference room, and you can tell
us how we can help you, huh?
GORDON
Good!
They move to the conference room. Bishop motions for
them to have a seat.
BISHOP
So, here uh...
GORDON
Before we begin, uh, there's something we'd
like to clear up.
Bishop closes the door.
GORDON
Most firms of this type are staffed with
ex-law enforcement types, but your team,
it's, uh...
Bishop smiles and finishes his sentence.
BISHOP
I know... kind of different.
WALLACE
Yes, you are.
Bishop is caught off guard as Wallace finally speaks.
WALLACE
Darren Roskow. Also known as "Mother".
The camera pans across to Mother working on an
inspecific piece of equipment. Wallace continues.
WALLACE
Eighteen months at Dannemora for breaking
and entering.
BISHOP
Yeah, he was framed. He's got the best
hands in the business.
WALLACE
Carl Arbogast. Age nineteen. Caught
breaking into the Oakland City School
District computer to change his grades.
BISHOP
I know! We're the ones who caught him!
WALLACE
Irwin Emery. Also known as "Whistler."
BISHOP
Yeah, yeah, I know. He had some little
problem with the phone company.
WALLACE
Sixty-two counts?
BISHOP
Okay, you want law enforcement? How about
Donald Crease? Twenty-two year veteran of
the CIA.
WALLACE
Terminated! 1987. Why was that?
BISHOP
I don't know, I think maybe a personality
conflict. Who are you guys?
GORDON
Relax, Marty! We have to check on these
things, it's just that everybody on your
team has had some sort of problem in their
past.
WALLACE
And then there's Martin Bishop.
An uncomfortably pregnant pause. Finally Wallace
reveals an empty file folder.
WALLACE
He doesn't seem to have a past.
BISHOP
Ah. Sorry to waste your time, gentlemen. I
don't work for the government.
GORDON
We know.
Gordon walks up to Bishop and shows his ID.
GORDON
National Security Agency.
BISHOP
Ah. You're the guys I hear breathing on the
other end of my phone.
GORDON
No, that's the FBI. We're not chartered for
domestic surveillance.
BISHOP
Oh, I see. You just overthrow governments.
Set up friendly dictators.
GORDON
(smiling)
No, that's the CIA. We protect our
government's communications, we try to break
the other fella's codes. We're the good
guys, Marty.
BISHOP
Gee, I can't tell you what a relief that is,
Dick.
WALLACE
All right, that's enough. Let's go.
Wallace and Gordon get up to leave. Wallace leaves
immediately.
GORDON
If you change your mind, call us at this
number.
Gordon hands Bishop a wrinkled scrap of paper with a
number hastily scribbled on it. He looks Bishop
straight in the eye.
GORDON
Mr. Brice.
Bishop looks up at him, surprised. Gordon looks back,
with a "no shit" look on his face.
Gordon leaves. Bishop unfolds the paper. It's a
"Wanted" poster for Martin Brice - now Martin Bishop -
with his picture from 1969.
EXT. STREET. DAY.
Martin Bishop parks his car and crosses the street. A
panhandler gets his attention.
PANHANDLER
Spare a quarter? Help me out? The
government's taken away my home.
BISHOP
(indicating an election campaign
poster on the wall behind)
Talk to him!
Bishop tosses him a coin.
INT. NSA OFFICE.
WALLACE
Well! If it isn't Robin Hood.
BISHOP
You know, I could have joined the NSA. But
I found out my parents were married!
Wallace is visibly upset by this. Gordon stops him.
GORDON
Hey, heyheyhey, we're all friends here,
alright? Easy, easy.
(To Bishop)
Want some coffee or something?
BISHOP
No.
GORDON
Buddy, is that Janek's file?
Wallace puts down a file folder and opens it.
WALLACE
Yeah. Janek's file.
GORDON
This is a mathematician, named Dr. Gunter
Janek. Works at a think tank called the
Coolidge Institute. Specializes in large
number theory, prime numbers, factoring.
BISHOP
Cryptography.
GORDON
Very good! Last month, the good doctor gets
a grant, three hundred eighty thousand
dollars, way out of profile for a guy like
that. It's our job to be curious, so we
traced the money. Guess where it comes
from.
BISHOP
I know you're not going to say Russia.
GORDON
Yeah!
BISHOP
Huh. Give me a break. We won, they lost,
you know? It's been in a couple of papers.
GORDON
Yeah, we still spy on them, they still spy
on us.
WALLACE
We intercepted a fax last week. Here.
They're making some kind of box.
(He shrugs)
A little black box.
GORDON
The project is called "Setec Astronomy"...
We don't know what "Setec" stands for...
BISHOP
Security Technology...
GORDON
Sensor Techniques, who knows. Anyway it may
mean nothing, or it may be something, we
need to know.
WALLACE
And your job is to find that little black
box and let us take a look at it.
BISHOP
Yeah. No way.
GORDON
Sorry, Marty, we don't have a lot of choice
here.
BISHOP
Do it yourself.
WALLACE
We can't!
BISHOP
Why not?
WALLACE
By law, we're not allowed or equipped to do
this kind of operation.
BISHOP
Well, then get the FBI.
Wallace chuckles.
WALLACE
Yeah, right. FBI.
GORDON
The FBI can't work for us without approval
from a congressional oversight committee.
WALLACE
We don't have the time.
BISHOP
So why me?
GORDON
Frankly, because we...
Bishop cuts him off.
BISHOP
Frankly.
GORDON
Marty, sit down, please.
Gordon and Bishop sit.
GORDON
Frankly, because it's kind of illegal.
You've managed to stay underground for more
than twenty years, that tells us you know
how not to get caught.
WALLACE
We know you can keep your mouth shut.
GORDON
The job pays $175,000, payable on delivery.
WALLACE
You can... distribute it among the poor if
you like.
BISHOP
Pass.
GORDON
We also clean up your record. Quash the
outstanding warrant for your arrest.
WALLACE
Your pal Cosmo got twelve years. That was
without "Flight to evade prosecution."
GORDON
We all know what happened to him in there.
Bishop pauses uneasily.
BISHOP
And if I say no?
WALLACE
Don't say no.
GORDON
What good would you do anybody in prison?
INT. MARTIN BISHOP & ASSOCIATES OFFICES. EVENING.
CREASE
I don't believe this. You lied to us all
these years! Even lied to us about your
name!
BISHOP
Sorry, okay? I'm sorry fellas, I'm sorry,
but when you're wanted by the feds, you
don't exactly go around telling everybody
about it, okay?
CREASE
We are not "everybody", Martin, we are your
partners, you tell us.
BISHOP
Fine. Exactly why was it you had to leave
the CIA?
With a foul look on his face, Crease turns his back on
Bishop.
BISHOP
We all have our little secrets, don't we?
Look, you guys have a decision to make.
This is not a test, the penetration is live,
the target is unaware.
CREASE
Sneaking a foreign intelligence service that
might kill us to keep us out is not what we
do.
BISHOP
The probable level of security is very low.
But if you guys don't want to take that
chance just to keep me out of jail, fine, I
understand, I'll do it.
WHISTLER
Well, Bish, I can't speak for the other
guys, but I'm in it for the money, I don't
care if you go to jail.
CARL
Me neither. I'm in.
MOTHER
Uh... could we maybe just go back to the
"they might kill us" part?
BISHOP
Mother, if I thought that was likely to
happen, I wouldn't bring this to you. But
there is a risk!
WHISTLER
And it pays $175,000!
MOTHER
I'm in.
CREASE
You guys will be chalk outlines without me.
All right, what do we need?
Crease low-fives Whistler on his way back to the group.
BISHOP
All right, we start with a very light
surveillance, level three, first sign of
babysitters, we back off. Now this guy's
giving a lecture tomorrow at UC, in the
afternoon, I'm going to be there and
checking him out. Okay? Any questions?
No one has any questions.
BISHOP
Okay, let's do it.
Everyone gets up and starts to go home.
CREASE
For the lecture, do you want to take
Whistler, or do you want me to go?
BISHOP
Uh, no, no, that's okay, I thought I'd ask
Liz.
Everyone stops in their tracks and turns around.
Bishop notices after a few seconds and looks up.
EXT. MUSIC CONSERVATORY. DAY.
Piano music plays in the background. Children file
across a grass quadrangle.
INT. MUSIC CONSERVATORY.
Liz is supervising a young student, who is playing
brilliantly. The girl notices Bishop approaching and
stops.
GIRL
Who's this?
LIZ
Sort of an old friend.
(in a hammy Teutonic accent)
Practice! Practice, practice!
The girl giggles and leaves.
BISHOP
Hi.
LIZ
We're not getting back together.
BISHOP
Did I say anything?
LIZ
You will.
BISHOP
I'm here on business, Liz.
She goes around the room and starts collecting music
from the racks.
LIZ
Bishop, you don't have a business. You have
a club! A boy's club. You have a little
club house, you probably have a secret
handshake...
BISHOP
Liz, I need your help.
LIZ
I will not be dragged back into your world.
I have a new group of gifted children now
and I like the fact that they're under
thirty. Excuse me.
BISHOP
There's a mathematician named Gunter Janek.
You know him?
Liz is now shooing Bishop out the door.
LIZ
I've read him. Now go away!
BISHOP
Well he's giving a master's lecture at
3:30... now I...
LIZ
How nice for him!
She shuts the door, with Bishop behind.
Bishop opens the door and comes back in.
BISHOP
I thought I'd buy you dinner after.
LIZ
I am not going out with you!
BISHOP
This isn't a date, dummy, this is a
scientific exploration, a tutorial. I need
you.
Liz looks at him doubtfully.
BISHOP
To explain it to me.
LIZ
Read a book!
She starts to go.
BISHOP
They've found me, Liz.
She stops in her tracks.
BISHOP
The government found me. They offered me a
deal. If I take their offer, they clear my
record and I can get my name back.
LIZ
You and I are not getting back together.
BISHOP
Hey, don't flatter yourself!
LIZ
Pick me up at 3.
She leaves.
BISHOP
Yes!
INT. LECTURE HALL.
Gunter Janek is giving his lecture. He is covered with
cryptographic and mathematical figures from an overhead
projector. He exudes confidence in his subject matter;
he clearly has a talent for putting on a presentation.
JANEK
While the number field sieve is the best
method currently known, there exists an
intriguing possibility for a far more
elegant approach...
Bishop and Liz watch as he continues his lecture.
BISHOP
This guy's good.
LIZ
Sh.
JANEK
...and hence contained in a single
cyclotomic field. Using the Arden map, we
might introduce homomorphisms for the
principal orders within each of these
fields...
BISHOP
You seeing anybody?
LIZ
Sh. This isn't just about large number
theory, it's about cryptography.
BISHOP
Oh. You mean codes?
LIZ
I mean unbreakable codes.
JANEK
...It would be a breakthrough of gaussian
proportions and allow us to acquire the
solution in a dramatically more efficient
manner.
LIZ
Are you seeing anybody?
JANEK
So far, no one has been able to accomplish
such constructions... yet.
LATER - INT. RECEPTION HALL. DAY.
Janek is now discussing his ideas with attendees over a
buffet table, with all the confidence and showmanship of
his lecture.
JANEK
The numbers are so unbelievably big, that
all the computers in the world could not
break them down. But maybe... just maybe...
there's a shortcut.
LIZ
I'll bet you anything he's found it. If he
has, you're in over your head. I'll get my
coat.
She goes to get her coat. Someone else notices Bishop.
GREG
Martin!
Bishop acknowledges.
GREG
Martin, how wonderful to see you!
BISHOP
Hi, Greg, how are you.
GREG
Is it not fabulous? Today I can, in public,
come and learn your scientists' new secrets!
Alas, I did not understand one bit what he
was talking about.
Bishop is visibly distracted, but it's phoney - he's
trying to get Greg to look the other way. Greg doesn't,
and notices Liz.
GREG
At least ... Goodness, can it be?
Elizabeth!
BISHOP
Oh yeah, right... she's dying to talk to you
too, Greg.
GREG
Excuse me. Elizabeth... Elizabeth!
LIZ
Hello, Greg!
GREG
Elizabeth and Martin. My heart leaps like
gazelle to see you back together again.
Greg helps her with her coat.
LIZ
Tell it to stop leaping, we are not back
together.
GREG
Ah. Oh, what a pity. Wait, I have smashing
idea. Martin! Martin! Kiev String Quartet
plays at the consulate on thursday night,
you will be my guests!
BISHOP
Really, Greg, I wouldn't know how to repay
you.
GREG
Ha ha. Martin, now that our countries are
such good friends, perhaps you will finally
be able to do occasional favor for me?
LIZ
Gregor, you are shameless!
GREG
I'll see you thursday night.
Greg hands Bishop a card - which he's scribbled
something on.
BISHOP
What...
GREG
Ah, new title. Cultural attache.
The card reads:
Commonwealth of Independent States
Consulate General
Gregor Ivanovich
Cultural Attache
(415) 707-4321
BISHOP
Unbelievable!
GREG
Hmm. Last few years it's been very
confusing for people in my line of work.
BISHOP
I'll bet.
Greg excuses himself.
LIZ
I don't care what anyone says about the New
World Order. I don't trust that guy.
BISHOP
Who, Greg? Ah, he's harmless.
Bishop notices that a woman is whispering in Janek's
ear. He stops playing the crowd in mid-sentence.
JANEK
If you'll excuse me, I have some work...
LIZ
You're going to follow him, aren't you?
BISHOP
Liz, I...
LIZ
It's okay. I'll get a cab.
BISHOP
Can I call you?
LIZ
Just be careful.
She leaves. So does Janek.
EXT. SNEAKER VAN. NIGHT.
Bishop walks up to the van, which is on the top floor of
a parkade across the street from the building the
sneakers have staked out. He gets in.
BISHOP
Janek just got in the elevator. Going up.
CARL
We will be ready for him.
BISHOP
How's the audio?
WHISTLER
Good. Mother's pretty close.
Through binoculars, Bishop sees Mother on a
window-washer's platform just under Janek's office.
Janek enters the office and turns on the lights.
CREASE
He's just wearing FOUR safety belts this
time.
BISHOP
What, no parachute?
CARL
Alrighty, entry and lights on.
WHISTLER
Describe it.
CARL
Looks like a work room. You got yourself a
bench with a soldering gun, two spools of
wire and a magnifying lamp.
WHISTLER
Huh. Sounds like they're making something.
CARL
And a desk... telephone... lamp... answering
machine... jar of pencils... but no little
black box.
BISHOP
It's got to be there somewhere, what's he
doing?
CARL
He's logging on the computer.
Bishop now looks through the camera.
BISHOP
Oh, this is good. He's going to type in his
password, we're going to get a clear shot.
A knock on Janek's door. Janek answers.
JANEK
Oh, Dr. Rhyzkov. Good evening.
BISHOP
Let's get an ID on Dr. Rhyzkov. She was
with him at the lecture this afternoon and
she was trying to tell him something...
Rhyzkov immediately starts making an erotic move on
Janek... her panting and moaning re-engages the
attention of the sneakers.
RHYZKOV
Oh, Gunter... let's do what we did in Mexico
City... Oh Gunter...
BISHOP
I didn't know you could do THAT in Mexico
City.
CARL
Mr. Bishop, do you mind if I take a look?
BISHOP
Carl...
CREASE
Grow up!
Rhyzkov continues loudly panting and moaning.
Crease taps on Bishop's shoulder and whispers.
CREASE
Let me see.
Bishop grudgingly obliges.
Janek pushes her away.
JANEK
Elena, really! I must finish my work.
CREASE
Okay, back to work.
BISHOP
Nope, here we go, now we're going to get our
password.
Rhyzkov rubs Janek's shoulders as he types in his
password, inconveniently blocking the view.
RHYZKOV
I leave message here on service but you do
not call.
JANEK
I'm sorry, really.
BISHOP
Oh, get out of the way, get ou... she's in
the way.
Rhyzkov starts kissing Janek's neck, Janek bends away,
resisting.
BISHOP
I don't believe this.
Bishop leaves the camera in disgust. Carl leaps to
replace him.
JANEK
I'm sorry, it's just I have this work...
Rhyzkov opens her blouse, revealing a legendarily
well-supported pair.
RHYZKOV
I'll give you something to work, baby.
This is too much for Janek.
JANEK
Okay, just for a little while.
Janek takes off his jacket and they kiss. She closes
the blinds. The blinds crumple as Janek throws her
against them.
RHYZKOV
Oh, Gunter!
BISHOP
What's going on?
CARL
Oh, nothing.
INT. MARTIN BISHOP & ASSOCIATES OFFICES.
The scene we just witnessed is now being replayed on
video.
MOTHER
Maybe there's a frame or two where she
doesn't block it. I'll blow it up.
BISHOP
Who's Risekoff?
CREASE
(correcting Bishop's
pronunciation)
Doctor Elena REESHkov. Visiting professor
from Czechoslovakia. Senior research fellow
in Astrophysics.
BISHOP
Bingo.
CREASE
Setec Astronomy. Whatever that is.
Meanwhile, Mother blows up the video image as best he
can. It's a close up of Janek entering his password,
with Rhyzkov partially in the way.
MOTHER
There.
BISHOP
W..G..
CARL
Looks like the H.
MOTHER
Where do you get H?
CARL
Right there next to the L.
BISHOP
Come on, come on, do it again.
MOTHER
H isn't next to the L.
CARL
Then J!
BISHOP
Guys, do it again!
Mother rewinds.
MOTHER
OK, that's definitely W G.
CREASE
Defintely not. That's a V.
BISHOP
(giving up)
She's in the way.
WHISTLER
Fellas, Janek's little black box is on his
desk between the pencil jar and the lamp.
MOTHER
Uh, Whistler, I hate to tell you this, but
you're blind.
WHISTLER
Play the tape back again.
MOTHER
You can't even see anything!
WHISTLER
Don't look, listen!
Whistler strikes a tuning fork.
BISHOP
Play it back.
RHYZKOV
(on tape)
I leave message here on service but you do
not...
BISHOP
He's got a service.
They zoom in on the answering machine.
WHISTLER
What's he need an answering machine for?
MOTHER
There's our little black box.
INT. SNEAKER VAN. DAY.
Bishop is being fitted with a hidden microphone and
earpiece.
MOTHER
Okay, boss. This LTX-71 concealable mic is
part of the same system that NASA used when
they faked the Apollo moon landings. The
astronauts broadcast around the world from a
soundstage at Norton Air Force Base in San
Bernardino, California, so if it worked for
them, it shouldn't give us too many
problems.
BISHOP
Thanks.
INT. COOLIDGE INSTITUTE LOBBY.
Carl, posing as a delivery driver, is quietly arguing
with the desk clerk. Bishop interrupts.
BISHOP
Hey. Did my wife drop the cake off for me?
CLERK
Uh, what cake? There's no cake back here.
BISHOP
Surprise party for Marsha on the second
floor. She was supposed to have dropped a
cake off.
CLERK
I don't know anything about it.
A horn honks outside.
BISHOP
There she is, late as usual.
Bishop hurries outside.
The clerk continues arguing with Carl.
CARL
Well it states right here very clearly that
I am to deliver 36 boxes of Liquid Drano to
this here address.
CLERK
Look, I don't care what that says. If
you're not on the list, you can't get in.
CARL
I might lose my job.
CLERK
That's not my problem, kid.
Bishop returns with a large box and many colorful
balloons. He stands at a security gate beside the front
desk.
BISHOP
Could you buzz me in?
The clerk is too busy arguing with Carl. He waves
Bishop off.
BISHOP
Hey just buzz it, I can't reach my card.
CLERK
Wait one minute...
The clerk goes on arguing with Carl.
BISHOP
Buzz it, okay? We're late for a party on the
second floor.
Bishop, getting nowhere, raises his voice.
BISHOP
Push the goddamn buzzer, will ya?
The clerk buzzes Bishop in. Bishop steps through the
gate.
BISHOP
Thanks.
INT. COOLIDGE INSTITUTE HALLWAYS.
Bishop emerges from the elevator. He discards the
balloons and pulls his briefcase out of the cake box -
there's no cake. He reaches Janek's office door. It
has a digital keypad lock.
BISHOP
(into his hidden microphone)
Anybody remember how to defeat an electronic
keypad?
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
WHISTLER
Uh oh.
CREASE
Don't even joke about that, Martin. Those
things are impossible.
BISHOP
Think I'm joking? Looks like they just put
it in.
CREASE
Oh boy!
MOTHER
Here, maybe this might help. An old buddy
of mine that was in Desert Storm sent it to
me. Of course, he was on the other side.
He hands Crease a manual.
BISHOP
(over radio)
Come on, Crease, there's got to be a way
around these things!
CREASE
All right, all right. This might work.
INT. COOLIDGE INSTITUTE HALLWAYS.
Bishop listens carefully to Crease's detailed and
lengthy instructions.
BISHOP
Yeah... yeah... above... yeah... right... uh
huh... uh huh... yeah... right... yeah...
Okay. I'll give it a shot.
Bishop kicks the door open with one good boot.
BISHOP
That worked.
Bishop enters the office. He looks out the window to
see the van parked across the street on the parkade. He
goes to the answering machine, and opens it up. There,
inside, is the Little Black Box. He puts the entire
thing in his briefcase.
BISHOP
Got it.
Suddenly, Dr. Rhyzkov enters the room and turns on the
lights.
RHYZKOV
Gunter?
She sees Bishop.
BISHOP
Oh God, no. Hi, nice to see you.
RHYZKOV
The lab is closed. Excuse me, I...
Bishop shuts the door. He grabs her and puts his hand
over her mouth so she can't scream. The sneakers her
her muffled cries over the radio.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
CREASE
What the hell is that?
MOTHER
Battle Stations!
CREASE
Whistler, monitor the audio. Grab the mic.
INT. JANEK'S LAB.
BISHOP
Okay. I'm going to remove my hand, now
please do not scream. I promise nothing is
going to happen to you.
He removes his hand, she runs across the room.
RHYZKOV
Who... who are you?
Bishop doesn't know what to say.
CREASE
He's a P.I.
WHISTLER
(over radio)
You're a private investigator.
BISHOP
I'm a private investigator.
RHYZKOV
But why? Who hired you?
Bishop still doesn't have an answer.
BISHOP
Huh?
RHYZKOV
Who HIRED you?
BISHOP
Mrs. Janek.
RHYZKOV
There is not Mrs. Janek!
Crease is becoming exasperated.
CREASE
Ugh!
BISHOP
Yeah?
WHISTLER
(over radio)
You got us stumped.
BISHOP
Oh yeah? Who do you think paid for your
little love jaunt to Mexico City?
Rhyzkov is utterly horrified.
WHISTLER
(over radio)
That was good.
BISHOP
Velma. Velma Janek. She lives in Montreal
where she handles her family's real estate
holdings. Vast real estate holdings.
Farms, banks, shopping malls. Two shopping
malls. She supports Gunter but figured he
was cheating on her and that's why she hired
me.
RHYZKOV
Bastard liar!
She utters a few Czech swearwords and starts for the
door.
RHYZKOV
I'll kill him...
Bishop stops her.
BISHOP
Nonononono, get a hold of yourself, Dr.
Rhyzkov. Get a hold of yourself! Mm mm!
Now what you gotta do is you gotta not tell
him you know.
RHYZKOV
Ha!
BISHOP
No, you weren't here, we didn't talk. You
don't know me. You don't know anything
about a wife.
RHYZKOV
Oh! You just give me one good reason why!
BISHOP
Alright, I'll give you a reason.
No answer from the sneakers.
BISHOP
I'll give you a really good reason.
CREASE
(to Whistler)
It's just what she would want you to do.
WHISTLER
(over radio)
It's just what she would want you to do.
BISHOP
It's just what she'd want you to do.
RHYZKOV
I don't understand.
BISHOP
Yeah, sometimes I don't understand myself.
He sits her down.
BISHOP
Here, look, I might lose my license for
this. My client is a vindictive, bitter
woman. She's been withholding marital
favors from Gunter for many many years, and
now she's out to ruin him.
WHISTLER
(over radio)
And she's using you to get to her.
BISHOP
And she's using y... uh, me... to get to
h... you. I know that's confusing, but
don't you see what's happening here, you and
me, we're just pawns in this ugly little
game.
CREASE
(to Whistler)
If you love him...
WHISTLER
(over radio)
If you love him...
BISHOP
If you love him...
Bishop looks confused. Nothing else is coming over the
radio.
BISHOP
If you really love him, then just keep on
loving him, and never let him know that you
know what he thinks you don't know, you
know. You know?
WHISTLER
(over radio)
And give him head whenever he wants.
Crease cracks up.
BISHOP
And give him he...
(suddenly getting it)
help. Be a beacon in his sad and lonely
life. Can you do that for Gunter?
RHYZKOV
(sobbing)
Yes, yes, I can. I can.
BISHOP
Okay. Now get out of here.
Rhyzkov kisses him on the cheek and leaves, sobbing
quietly.
BISHOP
(over radio)
Give him head?
WHISTLER
Be a beacon?
They crack up laughing.
INT. MARTIN BISHOP & ASSOCIATES. NIGHT.
The offices are lit up as if for Christmas. The guys
are partying and celebrating. Don Crease has brought
his wife and young daughter. Liz dances with all the
sneakers. Including Whistler. Except Bishop. Mother
is boring Mrs. Crease with one of his conspiracy
stories.
MOTHER
But the key meeting took place July 1, 1958,
when the Air Force brought the space visitor
to the White House for an interview with
President Eisenhower. And Ike said, hey,
look, give us your technology, and we'll
give you all the cow lips you want. So
that's when...
CREASE
Honey, don't listen to this man. He's
certifiable.
MOTHER
Your husband knows about cattle mutilations,
he's ex-CIA!
CREASE
He's touched!
MOTHER
He knows the government's been suppressing
for years.
Now at a banquet table, Carl has just finished hearing
the story of Marty and Cosmo's exploits in the 60's.
CARL
One thing I don't get, though, is you and
Cosmo were taking all these chances, all
these big chances, I mean, what for?
BISHOP
We were young. And there was a war on. It
was a good way to meet girls.
LIZ
I'll bet.
MOTHER
How come you didn't get caught?
BISHOP
I went out for pizza. Then I went to
Canada. I was lucky, he wasn't.
WHISTLER
Did he ever forgive you?
BISHOP
I hope so. He died in prison.
A somber silence.
BISHOP
So, what are you guys going to do with your
share of the money? Don?
CREASE
Well, we have never been to Europe,
together, and we are going. Madrid,
Lisbon...
MRS. CREASE
Athens, oh and Scotland...
CREASE
And Tahiti..
MRS. CREASE
Oh, yes!
BISHOP
Mother?
MOTHER
Well, you know, I've never actually had a
really cool car that I could fit comfortably
into. So I think I'm going to buy me a
Winnebago. With a big kitchen...
waterbed... big kitchen...
BISHOP
Carl?
Carl has been inhaling helium.
CARL
(in helium voice)
I'd like to have a deep relationship with a
beautiful woman who melts from the very
first time our eyes meet.
Everyone laughs.
BISHOP
We're not getting paid that much, Carl.
CARL
Well you know, someone like Liz.
BISHOP
You're definitely not getting paid that
much.
Everyone oooohs.
MRS. CREASE
Uh oh.
Liz just taps Bishop.
BISHOP
Whistler?
WHISTLER
Uh, peace on earth, good will toward men.
MOTHER
Right on.
WHISTLER
(indicating Crease's daughter)
And women.
BISHOP
Hear hear.
LATER.
Some of the sneakers are playing Scrabble. Bishop adds
"S" and "Y" to "CRUNCH".
LIZ
That's not a word!
BISHOP
Yes it is.
LIZ
Scrunchy.
BISHOP
Yeah!
LIZ
Scrunchy's not a word. Scrunchy is not a
word.
BISHOP
(in unison with Liz)
Scrunchy. Scrunchy is a word.
LIZ
Since when?
BISHOP
You know what happens to your face?
LIZ
Oh, please. It's not a word!
BISHOP
Right now your face is scrunchy. You are
scrunchy, so that is a word.
CREASE
All right, we're gonna take it as a word for
the time being...
Meanwhile, Whistler is examining (as best a blind person
can) the little black box.
WHISTLER
Carl!
CARL
Yes?
WHISTLER
What does it say where this is?
CARL
Hold on a second here.
Carl turns on a magnifying lamp.
CARL
"System Out."
Crease notices what they are doing.
CREASE
Guys, I really think you should leave that
thing alone.
WHISTLER
Yeah, I know. I just wanted to see
something, don't worry, Don.
(To Carl)
How do you spell Setec?
CARL
S.E.T.E.C. Setec.
(he thinks)
Special... Extraterrestrial?
WHISTLER
Earthling Counter.
CARL
Boo!
Meanwhile, Liz is telling a story over the Scrabble
game, and Bishop is pondering over the letters.
Apparently it's his turn.
BISHOP
Setec...
LIZ
What?
BISHOP
Setec Astronomy.
LIZ
I just love it when a man says that to me.
BISHOP
Setec doesn't mean anything. Excuse me.
He pours the scrabble pieces onto the table and puts
aside the board. He forms the words "SETEC ASTRONOMY"
from scrabble pieces. Then he starts making anagrams
from those letters.
Meanwhile, Carl and Whistler are poring intently over
the Little Black Box.
WHISTLER
Hmm. Carl... get me some cable... and an
I/O interface please.
Carl obliges. Meanwhile, Bishop has come up with the
anagram: MONTEREYS COAST
BISHOP
Montereys Coast. Does Montereys Coast mean
anything, you guys?
CARL
No.
WHISTLER
No.
Whistler keeps working.
WHISTLER
Carl.... get the diagnostics.
Liz and Bishop find another: MY SOCRATES NOTE.
LIZ
How about "My Socrates Note?"
CARL
No.
MOTHER
Uh-uh.
They find another: COOTYS RAT SEMEN
BISHOP
No, I...
LIZ
No. No.
Mother probes different parts of the little black box
with a test probe, and Whistler's Braille Terminal gives
him a rapid readout.
WHISTLER
Uh huh. Got it. Move to another one.
The scrabble letters start resolving into: TOO
WHISTLER
Mmm hmm. Give me another one.
Whistler's Braille Terminal rattles away.
WHISTLER
Stay in that quadrant.
The scrabble letters now say TOO MANY
WHISTLER
It's kind of like the same thing. Try
another quadrant.
Something comes up on the monitor.
WHISTLER
Whoa. What was that? Go back
one.
MOTHER
All right.
The monitor fills with data.
WHISTLER
Holy cow! What the hell is this?
Data streams across the screen.
Now the scrabble letters say, TOO MANY SECRETS
BISHOP
Too many secrets.
WHISTLER
Bish, I think you'd better come over here.
Carl, you got your little black book?
CARL
Yes.
WHISTLER
Give me the number for something impossible
to access.
CARL
What about this: Federal Reserve Transfer
Node, Culpepper Virginia.
MOTHER
Yeah, sure, good luck.
CARL
900 billion a day go through there.
WHISTLER
That'll do. Punch it in.
CARL
Okay. You won't get in. It's encrypted.
Encrypted text fills the screen.
CARL
See?
WHISTLER
Mother, that last contact.
The encrypted text slowly resolves into plain text.
WHISTLER
Look at this, boys. Anybody want to shut
down the Federal Reserve?
CREASE
Hey, hey hey, don't screw around with that
thing. You...
Bishop stops him.
WHISTLER
What else have you got?
CARL
The national power grid.
Whistler chuckles.
CARL
Okay!
WHISTLER
Here we come... Mother?
MOTHER
Probing.
This time a power grid map of the northeastern United
States appears.
MOTHER
Wow... unbelievable!
WHISTLER
Anybody want to black out New England?
Carl, what else?
CARL
Air Traffic Control System.
WHISTLER
Hmm.
The scrambled data comes back.
WHISTLER
Okay, Mother.
Mother probes the box. An Air Traffic Control map of
the Bay Area comes up.
LIZ
Oh my God.
CREASE
How is this possible?
WHISTLER
Crytpography systems are based on
mathematical problems so complex they cannot
be solved without a key.
LIZ
Janek must have figured out a way to solve
those problems without the key, and he hard
wired it into that chip.
CREASE
Turn it off.
WHISTLER
Anybody want to crash a couple of passenger
jets?
CREASE
I said turn it off!
BISHOP
Turn it off!
Bishop turns it off.
CARL
So it's a code breaker.
BISHOP
No. It's THE code breaker. No more
secrets.
CREASE
Honey, you and Melissa get your things.
A MINUTE LATER.
Crease shows his wife and sleeping child to the door.
MRS. CREASE
Night-night.
CREASE
Night-night.
He shuts the door behind them.
CREASE
What time is the handoff?
BISHOP
Nine. AM.
CREASE
Well, between now and then we are going to
institute some security around here.
Crease looks for his long-disused sidearm. He straps it
on.
LIZ
Ooo oo oo, this is where I get off. Nice to
see you again, guys. I'm out of here.
She starts to leave, but Crease stops her.
CREASE
Don't take this personally, Liz, but you
were the only one who knew Martin's secret,
and somebody talked. So make yourself
comfortable, we're all staying right here
tonight.
LIZ
(in her most forcefully calm
cadence)
No. I'm getting my bag. And I'm leaving.
So relax, Crease.
Crease stops her again.
CREASE
I'll relax when we get that damn thing out
of here. Until then, you stay.
BISHOP
What?
CREASE
(to Bishop)
There isn't a government on this planet that
wouldn't kill us all for that thing.
Bishop gets up and walks over to Liz to break the bad
news to her.
BISHOP
Sorry.
LIZ
I see.
BISHOP
Carl? Hit the alarm. Whistler, let's
unplug that thing.
CREASE
(over Bishop)
Mother, lock everything down. Doors and
windows. Then kill the lights.
MOTHER
You bet.
LIZ
Thank you for the trust, fellows.
Time passes. Bishop paces. Crease loads his revolver.
The others sleep. Fade to black.
INT. MARTIN BISHOP & ASSOCIATES OFFICES. THE NEXT MORNING.
LIZ
I really enjoyed sleeping with all you guys.
Take care.
The guys all say goodbye. Bishop helps her with her
coat.
LIZ
I hope the handoff goes well. I'd hate for
you to have something new to run from.
She leaves.
CREASE
Martin? It's time.
BISHOP
Yeah.
He packs up the box.
EXT. STREET. DAY.
Bishop parks his car on a street by the Bay, in the
shadow of the Golden Gate Bridge. Wallace and Gordon
are waiting for him at a sidewalk cafe table. Crease
waits at the car.
GORDON
'Morning!
BISHOP
Hi.
GORDON
Any problems?
BISHOP
Nope.
GORDON
Want a cappucino?
BISHOP
No.
Bishop hands over the box. Gordon and Wallace look
inside. Gordon smiles broadly.
Meanwhile, Crease notices something on the front
page of the newspaper:
MATHEMATICIAN KILLED. MURDER, ARSON SUSPECTED.
The face in the picture is Janek's. Crease realizes
something horrible. Ominous music starts.
GORDON
Got his cheque?
Wallace opens a briefcase.
CREASE
(from the car)
Hey, Martin! Telephone!
He waves a cellphone dramatically.
BISHOP
Just a minute!
CREASE
It's your MOTHER.
Bishop looks back at Gordon and Wallace, whose smiles
have disappeared.
BISHOP
She's, uh... she's old. Excuse me.
He goes back to the car without the box or any cheque.
CREASE
Get in the car.
BISHOP
What?
CREASE
(emphatically)
Get in the car!
BISHOP
I didn't get the money!
Gordon starts after him.
CREASE
Now!
They get in the car and drive off like a shot.
BISHOP
What the hell are you doing? I didn't get
the money!
CREASE
Janek's dead.
BISHOP
They killed him!
CREASE
The NSA doesn't kill people, Martin. Who
are they?
BISHOP
You said it last night, there isn't a
government on earth that wouldn't kill for
that thing.
CREASE
Not ours! Who were those guys?
BISHOP
There's one way to find out.
He hangs a star-wars left turn, cutting off another
driver. They arrive at the building where Wallace and
Gordon's office was. "Was" being the proper word: it
has been demolished.
A panhandler approaches the car, cup held out.
PANHANDLER
They took away my home. Help me out? The
government took away my home.
BISHOP
My God!
INT. MARTIN BISHOP & ASSOCIATES OFFICES. RAINING.
Bishop looks dejectedly out the window to the rainy
city. Behind him, Crease paces busily. He's on the
phone.
CREASE
Don't tell me you can't do it, because I
know you can. And don't tell me you won't do
it because I've got to have it. Damnit, I
need to know! And I need to know now!
MOTHER
Hey, guys, interesting. That federal
building? It's been scheduled for
demolition since August. It housed the
Federal Trade Commission and the Department
of Agriculture. It's been vacant for a
month.
CARL
The NSA never had an office in San
Francisco! Their West Coast operations are
run out of Los Angeles!
CREASE
Oh God. Yeah, thanks.
(he clicks the phone off)
Janek's grant is from the NSA.
He throws the phone across the room and bears down on
Bishop.
CREASE
How could you be so goddamned stupid? Two
guys show up, say they're government and you
just buy it.
WHISTLER
They probably were government. Just not
ours.
Bishop looks at the card Greg gave him after the lecture
and ponders whether to call him.
BISHOP
Everybody pack up whatever you can. This
place isn't safe.
Bishop goes to his desk and gets a 38 special.
CREASE
What do you think you're doing?
BISHOP
I'm going to a concert.
INT. C.I.S. CONSULATE.
The string quartet plays masterfully to an intimate,
formally dressed audience. Greg has a lovely young date
with him. Bishop sneaks up behind Greg and pokes the
revolver into his shoulder.
BISHOP
(whispering)
Keep smiling.
GREG
Martin, have you lost your mind?
BISHOP
Excuse yourself.
GREG
(to his date)
My darling, would you excuse me for a
moment?
They leave.
INT. UNDERGROUND SWIMMING POOL.
BISHOP
Give me back Janek's box, Greg.
GREG
Martin, I don't have it. Now, you must
believe me.
BISHOP
No. You used me, you set me up, Greg, no I
do not believe you.
GREG
We had nothing to do with this Janek
business. Not for lack of trying, mind you.
Your codes are entirely different from ours.
We've never had any luck in breaking them.
So Lord knows I wanted that box. But we
didn't take it.
Bishop puts the gun away.
BISHOP
Then who did?
GREG
What I will tell you now I cannot tell you
in this building. Do you understand? Come.
He starts back up the stairs. Bishop doesn't.
GREG
Martin. You must trust me.
INT. LIMOUSINE.
Greg is showing Bishop a spy scrapbook.
GREG
Him?
BISHOP
No.
Greg flips the page.
GREG
Him?
BISHOP
No.
Greg says something in Russian to his driver and flips
again.
GREG
Him?
BISHOP
No.
Greg puts the book away.
GREG
I am afraid these books are not as current
as they used to be.
BISHOP
You guys still keep tabs on all our agents,
huh?
GREG
These are just the ones we thought we could
turn. You know, sexual problems...
financial troubles... then we had financial
troubles.
By now Greg is flipping through another book. Bishop
stops him.
BISHOP
That's him. The older guy.
The picture is a clear profile of Buddy Wallace.
GREG
A loathsome man named Buddy DeVries. A.K.A.
Buddy Weber, Buddy Wallace...
BISHOP
Wallace. That's him.
GREG
Hm. We tried to recruit him in '83.
Drinking problem, married three times. Left
the NSA four years ago... Oh my.
Greg abruptly slams the book closed. He is as white as
a sheet.
BISHOP
What?
Greg just looks grim.
GREG
You disappeared once before, my friend. I
suggest you do it again.
BISHOP
Why? Who's he working for?
A police siren sounds behind them.
GREG
Your FBI is such a pain in the ass.
He says something in Russian to the driver.
BISHOP
Who's he working for?
The car pulls over.
GREG
Martin, I can offer you asylum inside this
car. Technically it's part of the consulate.
Do you wish our protection?
BISHOP
What? Who is Wallace working for?
Someone taps on the window. It rolls down.
FBI AGENT
Mr. Bishop? My name is Special Agent
Vestrop, FBI. Please, step out of the
vehicle.
GREG
Do you wish our protection?
FBI AGENT
Mr. Bishop, get out of the vehicle now.
Bishop starts to get out.
GREG
You won't know who to trust.
Bishop exits the car. It turns out that they are in a
tunnel.
2nd FBI AGENT
Mr. Bishop, step over here please.
Hands on the wall, sir.
Bishop complies. The agent frisks him, and finds
Bishop's handgun. We notice that the agent is wearing
gloves...
FBI AGENT
Is this loaded?
BISHOP
Yes.
The agent puts on a glove, takes Bishop's gun from the
other agent, aims it into the car, and executes Greg.
Greg's driver gets out of the car and runs for it, and
he is shot in the back. He slowly turns around and
carefully leaves the weapon on the ground.
FBI AGENT
Too many secrets!
Buddy Wallace emerges from the "FBI" car and knocks
Bishop unconscious with a single blow. Fade to black.
INT. AUTO TRUNK.
(Trivia nuts: the car's license plate is California 2EAK042)
Bishop regains consciousness in the trunk of a car. A
recurring noise is heard. He strikes a match so he can
see. He squirms around to no avail. He hears other
noises and just lies there. Finally the car stops, and
someone gets out. The trunk opens, and Buddy Wallace is
shining a flashlight in Bishop's face.
BISHOP
Oh, shit.
WALLACE
What are you doing up?
Wallace knocks him out again.
INT. COSMO'S OFFICE.
Bishop regains consciousness in an ultra-modern,
well-appointed office suite. With an aquarium full of
exotic fish, and a Cray supercomputer Cosmo is waiting
in the shadows.
COSMO
Pain?
BISHOP
Yeah.
Cosmo steps out of the shadows, so that his features can
be discerned.
COSMO
Try aspirin.
Cosmo offers him a small jar of pills.
He hides the jar in one of his hands, in the same
magician's style that he hid that coin all those years
ago.
BISHOP
Cosmo!
Cosmo reveals the jar.
COSMO
I'm sorry if he hurt you. I'm afraid
Wallace doesn't like you very much.
BISHOP
Yeah. You ought to have that guy checked
for rabies.
COSMO
Rabies occurs only in warm-blooded animals.
Anyway, I couldn't have you talking to the
Russians. Five years ago, yes, we could
trust them not to go running to the FBI, or
if they did, we could trust the FBI not to
believe them; today... we can't trust
anybody.
BISHOP
What the hell's going on here? Cosmo,
what... what happened?
COSMO
The world changed on us, Marty. And without
our help.
BISHOP
What happened?
Cosmo smiles and motions to get up. Both do.
COSMO
There I was in prison, and, one day I help a
couple of nice older gentlemen make some
free telephone calls. They turn out to be...
let us say "good family men".
BISHOP
Organized crime?
COSMO
Heh. Don't kid yourself. It's not that
organized. Anyway, they arranged for me to
get an early release from my "unfortunate
incarceration" and I began to perform a
variety of services.
Cosmo turns on a large monitor.
COSMO
(continuing)
For starters, I re-organized their entire
financial operation. Budgets, payroll,
money laundering, you name it.
Cosmo demonstrates with a computer spreadsheet.
COSMO
(continuing)
And the whole network is protected by a very
powerful encryption system, so the
government cannot read it.
BISHOP
But if the feds get Janek's box...
Cosmo switches off the screen.
COSMO
Disaster! Therefore, we must have it.
BISHOP
To protect the organization.
COSMO
(hesitantly)
Yes.
BISHOP
No. I don't buy it. I know you.
Cosmo grins.
COSMO
God, it's good to see you.
Cosmo silently puts his finger to his mouth, "Shhh", and
looks to the cieling. He motions Bishop toward the Cray
supercomputer's air-conditioned glass compartment.
As they walk over to the Cray, Cosmo starts whispering.
COSMO
Remember how to change the world, Marty?
Remember? Did you ever get around to
actually doing it? No? I guess not. Well,
I think I can.
They enter the Cray compartment.
BISHOP
Really?
COSMO
Yes.
Cosmo continues aloud.
COSMO
What's wrong with this country, Marty?
Bishop just looks dumb. Both men sit down on the Cray's
padded "seat".
COSMO
Money. You taught me that. Evil defense
contractors had it, noble causes did not.
Politicians are bought and sold like so much
chattel. Our problems multiply. Pollution,
crime, drugs, poverty, disease, hunger,
despair; we throw gobs of money at them!
The problems always get worse. Why is that?
Because money's most powerful ability is to
allow bad people to continue doing bad
things at the expense of those who don't
have it.
BISHOP
I agree. Now who did you say you were
working for?
COSMO
Oh, that's just my day job. Listen, when I
was in prison, I learned that everything in
this world, including money, operates not on
reality...
BISHOP
...but the perception of reality.
Cosmo smiles broadly, sensing the old college banter
coming back.
COSMO
Posit. People think a bank might be
financially shaky.
BISHOP
Consequence. People start to withdraw their
money.
COSMO
Result. Pretty soon it IS financially
shaky.
BISHOP
Conclusion. You can make banks fail.
COSMO
Bzzzt! I've already done that. Maybe
you've read about a few?
Bishop puts on a "no shit?" look.
COSMO
Think bigger.
BISHOP
Stock market?
COSMO
Yes.
BISHOP
Currency market.
COSMO
Yes.
BISHOP
Commodities market.
COSMO
Yes.
BISHOP
Small countries?
Cosmo nods.
COSMO
I might even be able to crash the whole
damned system. Destroy all records of
ownership. Think of it, Marty. No more
rich people, no more poor people, everbody's
the same, isn't that what we said we always
wanted?
BISHOP
Cos, you haven't gone crazy on me, have you?
COSMO
Who else is going to change the world,
Marty? Greenpeace?
Bishop laughs.
BISHOP
You ARE crazy!
A disappointed Cosmo briskly leaves the compartment.
COSMO
Tomorrow, they will retrieve your
fingerprints from the gun that killed the
Russian consular officer. The following
day, those prints will be run through an FBI
computer.
Cosmo taps on a keyboard.
COSMO
They will come up with a name.
Cosmo starts entering Bishop's real name, Martin Brice,
into an FBI computer record.
COSMO
Martin Brice! My old and good friend who
promised me we would not get in trouble and
who I might add, did not. And then they
will check this database in Washington,
D.C., which I'm now able to access, thanks
to you.
Now a screenful of random junk resolves into a login
screen.
COSMO
(continuing)
Of course, no one knows where Martin Brice
is, today. But what if this indicated an
alias?
Cosmo types "Martin Bishop" into a "Known Aliases:"
field, overtyping "None".
Bishop is shaken.
BISHOP
Don't... don't do it, Cos.
COSMO
Pain?
Bishop nods.
COSMO
Try prison.
Cosmo hits "Enter" and then "Information Updated"
appears in red on the screen.
Bishop slumps.
COSMO
Ciao.
Buddy Wallace comes up behind Bishop.
BISHOP
Oh no, not the head.
Dick Gordon is now also behind Bishop.
GORDON
Just relax.
Gordon puts Bishop in a headlock.
COSMO
No more secrets, Marty.
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO STREET. DAWN.
It's dawn atop one of San Francisco's famous slopes.
Alcatraz Island lies in the distance. A black car
crests the hill and screeches to a halt. Martin Bishop
is thrown, half conscious, onto the street, and then the
car takes off. He painfully gets up, finds his
bearings, and walks away.
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING.
Bishop knocks on the door of apartment 4B.
INT. LIZ'S APARTMENT.
Liz, wearing a bathrobe, answers the door. She gasps at
Bishop's condition.
BISHOP
I've had a bad night.
LIZ
Really. You look terrific.
BISHOP
You look awful.
Liz, who is not wearing any makeup and looks like she's
just gotten out of bed, nevertheless looks stunning as
always.
LIZ
Well, I should think so, considering what
I've been through.
BISHOP
What happened?
LIZ
You tell me.
They go to her bathroom.
BISHOP
Oh, you got hit over the head twice and got
thrown out of a speeding car?
LIZ
No. Here, let me do this.
She cleans up the cut to his head. It stings.
BISHOP
I'm sorry.
LIZ
It's okay. I understand.
Bishop looks her in the eye.
BISHOP
I'm sorry.
They embrace mournfully.
LIZ
The paper said that Greg was killed. I
called your number and someone else
answered. I didn't recognize the voice.
BISHOP
I can't do this alone, Liz.
LIZ
I'm here.
Bishop makes a phone call.
BISHOP
(into phone)
We have to meet.
LIZ'S APARTMENT. LATER.
A television news show goes in-depth about Greg's
murder.
ANCHOR
The FBI says the fingerprints found in the
embassy car match those taken from the
office of a government researcher found
murdered earlier this week in Palo Alto.
The connection was made after a Bay Area
radio station received an anonymous tip
linking the two killings.
BISHOP
Yeah, I'll bet it was anonymous.
He turns off the TV.
BISHOP
Son of a bitch!
CREASE
All right, it's time we call the
authorities.
MOTHER
Oh yeah. Great. Now that we're accessories
to espionage and murder.
CREASE
All the more reason to turn ourselves in
now, while we can still cut a deal!
MOTHER
With what? We got bupkus! We turn ourselves
in now, they'll give us twenty years in the
electric chair!
CREASE
You think I like it? Goddamnit, I've got a
family! But we have no other choice.
BISHOP
Yes, we do. We make the call, but we make
it our way. Unload the van.
A FEW MINUTES LATER.
The sneakers are turning Liz's apartment into an
electronic command center. She meekly holds the door.
CARL
Thanks. Nice apartment.
A FEW MORE MINUTES LATER.
A map of the world is displayed on a computer screen.
Lines start forming between different points.
WHISTLER
I'm going to bounce this call through nine
different relay stations throughout the
world and off two satellites. It'll be the
hardest trace they've ever heard.
Mother proudly shows off an impressive-looking pen
register machine.
MOTHER
This'll measure stress in the voice of the
person on the other end of the line. Not as
accurate as a polygraph, but for today's
purposes it'll do.
It becomes apparent that we've seen Whistler and
Mother's little presentations through Liz's eyes.
LIZ
Unbelievable.
BISHOP
Let's do it.
Bishop places Liz's phone handset in an acoustic coupler
and dials.
OPERATOR
Fort Meade, Maryland. Good afternoon.
CREASE
(whispering)
Try director of ops.
BISHOP
Uhm, National Security Agency, director of
operations please.
OPERATOR
What extension, please?
BISHOP
Uhm, sorry, I forget the number. Uh, could
I please have director of operations? It's
very important.
OPERATOR
What extension, please?
CREASE
(whispering)
Try research.
BISHOP
Give me research. It's an emergency.
OPERATOR
I need an extension or a name.
BISHOP
Setec Astronomy.
The operator is silent for a few seconds. Her tone of
voice changes dramatically.
OPERATOR
One moment, please.
A link on Whistler's phone connection display blinks.
Weird noises in his headset signal him.
WHISTLER
They've started the trace.
A deep-voiced man comes on the line.
ABBOTT
(on phone)
Who is this, please?
BISHOP
It's my dime, I'll ask the questions. Who
are you?
ABBOTT
Well, let's say my name is... Mr. Abbott.
Mother's lie-detecting pen register wavers a little.
MOTHER
(whispering)
True.
WHISTLER
They've made the second leg!
Another link on Whistler's display blinks.
BISHOP
Mr. Abbott, are you interested in Setec
Astronomy?
ABBOTT
I'm interested in all kinds of astronomy.
Mother's pen register wiggles a little bit.
MOTHER
(nodding)
Yup.
BISHOP
Cute.
WHISTLER
They've got the satellite and Tokyo. These
guys are good!
BISHOP
I need to know if you're someone who can
make a deal.
ABBOTT
Go on.
BISHOP
Can you deal?
ABBOTT
Yes!
MOTHER and CARL
(in unison)
True.
Another link on Whistler's display blinks.
WHISTLER
They're across Transcom, you've got about
twenty seconds, Bish!
BISHOP
If I come in with what I know, can you
guarantee my safety?
ABBOTT
Do you have the item?
Crease shakes his head and mouths "No."
BISHOP
No.
WHISTLER
Fifteen seconds!
BISHOP
Can you guarantee my safety?
ABBOTT
Where is the item?
BISHOP
Can you guarantee my safety?
WHISTLER
Five seconds!
ABBOTT
Yes, I can guarantee your safety.
The pen register goes crazy.
MOTHER
Bish, he's lying!
WHISTLER
Hang up, they've almost got us!
MOTHER
(excitedly)
He's lying!
WHISTLER
Hang up, Bish!
MOTHER
He's lying, he's lying!
WHISTLER
Hang up!
Whistler gets up and blindy fumbles across the room.
MOTHER
There's got to be a way to cut a deal with
those guys.
CREASE
Too late. If we had the box, yes. Without
it, no.
CARL
So let's get this fricking thing!
BISHOP
I don't know where it is, remember?
WHISTLER
What did it sound like?
MOTHER
You've no idea at all where they took you?
BISHOP
No! They threw me in a trunk, drove around
in circles. It could be a hundred miles
away, it could be next door, it could be
underground, it could be in a skyrise.
Forget it!
WHISTLER
Bish, what did it sound like?
BISHOP
What?
WHISTLER
The road. When you were in the trunk, what
did the road sound like?
BISHOP
Well, I don't.... highway, a regular
highway.
WHISTLER
Well, did you go over any speedbumps?
Gravel? How about a bridge?
BISHOP
Bridge. Yeah.
MOTHER
Four bridges in the Bay Area.
WHISTLER
Was the Golden Gate fogged in last night?
CREASE
Yes.
WHISTLER
Did you hear a foghorn?
BISHOP
No.
CREASE
Scratch the Golden Gate.
CARL
That leaves three.
WHISTLER
What did it sound like? Did you go through
a tunnel in the middle?
BISHOP
I'm not... no.
CREASE
Scratch the Bay.
CARL
Well that leaves two.
MOTHER
San Mateo and Dunbarton.
WHISTLER
What did it sound like?
Whistler, by now, has set up a musical synthesizer and
is making noises with it.
BISHOP
Lower.
Whistler lowers the pitch of the noise a couple of
notches.
BISHOP
Lower.
Whistler lowers the noise again.
BISHOP
There was a recurring sound.
WHISTLER
Like seams in the concrete.
Whistler adds a recurring thumping to the noise.
BISHOP
But further apart.
Whistler slows the thumping.
Bishop's eyes light up.
BISHOP
Yeah.
EXT. BRIDGE. DAY.
The sneakers' van drives across a very long concrete
bridge. The tire noises sound almost exactly like the
noises Whistler synthesized earlier.
INT. VAN.
MOTHER
(yelling from driver's seat)
Now what?
BISHOP
Bumps. Rough ones.
CREASE
Railroad tracks.
CARL
(reading map)
Yeah, a right on Anthrem and a left on
eighty-four.
WHISTLER
And then what did you hear?
BISHOP
A cocktail party.
CARL
What?
BISHOP
We drove through what sounded... it sounded
like a...
(realizing how dumb it sounds)
cocktail party. It was a chattering. It
was right at the end.
CREASE
Great. Now we gotta look for a cocktail
party on the other side of the railroad
track.
WHISTLER
Wait, Carl, what's the exit where the
railroad tracks are?
CARL
Crescent!
WHISTLER
Well then stay on Crescent, get off at the
reservoir.
MOTHER
Okay!
CREASE
There's a cocktail party at the reservoir?
WHISTLER
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
EXT. RESERVOIR.
A busy chattering can be heard. It *is* kind of like a
cocktail party.
WHISTLER
That was very good, Bish. Remind me to make
you an honorary blind person.
BISHOP
Great.
We see the sneakers looking at hundreds, maybe thousands
of geese on the bank of the reservoir.
BISHOP
Where's this road go?
CARL
Nowhere. Looks like it ends right around
that hill.
CREASE
What's behind the hill?
CARL
Nothing. It's private property.
Bishop realizes what this means.
BISHOP
Private!
The sneakers hurry back into the van, and leave the
geese behind them.
SHORTLY AFTER.
They arrive a couple of hundred yards from a big, modern
building. Carl looks around through binoculars. A flag
flies out front. A corporate sign:
PlayTronics
The Future of Toys
CARL
Forget it. It's a toy company.
Bishop takes the binoculars.
BISHOP
Toy company my ass. That's laser fencing.
There's high voltage on the perimeter. The
whole building says "Go Away." It's Cosmo, I
know it. The toy company's a front.
Mother, get the directional. Carl, get the
video. Let's go.
MINUTES LATER.
Mother is aiming a super-directional microphone at
different points on the building. Whistler listens
carefully.
MOTHER
Second floor, northwest two.
WHISTLER
That's a bathroom.
MOTHER
Second floor, northwest three.
WHISTLER
Uh, that's an emergency exit.
MOTHER
How do you know that?
Crease is making a diagram as they go.
WHISTLER
I can hear the emergency floodlight
batteries recharging.
Mother moves onto another one.
WHISTLER
Hold it right there. Crease, what's this
mean: "My voice is my passport, verify me?"
CREASE
Some sort of voiceprint ID. I'll check it
out.
WHISTLER
What am I listening to now, Mother?
MOTHER
Third floor southwest. Corner.
WHISTLER
Oh, it's bursting with ultrasonic. I've
never heard sensors that powerful before.
Bish, someone is very serious about keeping
people out of that room.
BISHOP
Yeah.
Bishop camouflages a video camera.
INT. LIZ'S APARTMENT. DAY.
Mother points out a single lighted window in a
time-lapse video of the building. In the time lapse,
dawn breaks.
MOTHER
Okay, there's the corner room with the
motion detectors Whistler heard.
BISHOP
That's Cosmo's office. I saw the sensors.
MOTHER
They keep the lights on all night, so we
have to assume the sensors are on too. It
won't be easy getting in there.
BISHOP
Okay, run this on ahead, let's figure out
who works next door.
Carl bursts in excitedly. He's carrying a large,
rolled-up blueprint.
CARL
It's fascinating what fifty bucks can get
you at the county recorder's office.
BISHOP
What have you got?
CARL
PlayTronics Corporate Headquarters. The
complete blueprints.
BISHOP
Not bad. Not bad, Carl!
CARL
Why, thanks.
BISHOP
Where'd you get the fifty bucks?
CARL
I took it from Mother's wallet.
BISHOP
Good.
Liz is on the phone.
LIZ
No, mom. Today's not a good day to come
over. N...No...
Bishop walks past her and into her kitchen. In there,
Crease is unpacking a large machine.
BISHOP
Okay, what have we got here?
CREASE
It's called a man-trap. I borrowed this
demo from the manufacturer.
WHISTLER
It's a digital voice recognition monitor,
hooked up to an access booth.
CREASE
NSA uses the same technology to keep people
out of restricted areas at Fort Meade.
Card?
He hands Bishop a card. Bishop swipes it through the
machine's card reader.
CREASE
Now speak right into this box.
He indicates a speaker-like grille.
Bishop reads from the screen.
BISHOP
Hi. My name is Martin Bishop. My name is
my passport. Verify me.
The machine buzzes and replies:
*** ENTRY DENIED ***
WHISTLER
And you can't pass through unless your
voiceprint matches the one encoded on the
card.
BISHOP
So we need someone's card.
CREASE
And their voice.
BISHOP
Can we beat this with tape?
WHISTLER
Has to be up close and personal.
CREASE
Otherwise you'll be caught in the
steel-reinforced booth while the guards with
shotguns are called.
BISHOP
Oh, that's great. Really great. What about
motion detectors?
CREASE
I'm picking one up this afternoon. That
makes beating this look easy.
MOTHER
(from the other room)
Hey Bish. I think we've found our guy.
Mother's video screen shows the Playtronics building
with just a few lights left on.
MOTHER
Okay, I've blown up the image a little.
Here's the room next to Cosmo's. Now it's
the end of the day.
Some lights go out in the building.
MOTHER
(continuing)
Watch who comes out. Let me zoom in on the
front door. A lady in a green skirt, and
this guy with the cap. Nobody comes out for
another eighteen minutes.
BISHOP
So it's one of those two.
MOTHER
Right. Now here's the next evening. Again.
The office next to Cosmo's. The lights go
out.
BISHOP
The guy in the cap. Anybody else?
MOTHER
Nobody else comes out for twenty-two
minutes. That's who works next door.
BISHOP
Good. Okay, we'll use his office to get
into Cosmo's. Can we get plates?
MOTHER
Let's see. Zooming in...
He zooms in on the license plate of the car the guy in
the cap got into.
MOTHER
Another bump... enhancing...
The plate comes into clear focus: California plate "180
IQ".
MOTHER
There's your plate. 180 IQ.
BISHOP
Hah. Cute. Alright. Carl? Let's do this
guy.
Crease looks up the guy's Motor Vehicle Report.
CREASE
His name's Werner Brandes. Single, 6'1",
174 pounds, must wear glasses to drive, no
outstanding tickets or warrants.
Bishop looks over surveillance photos of Brandes and his
car. With a magnifying glass.
CARL
He leaves work between six and seven every
night, takes the same route home, he obeys
the speed limit and comes to a complete stop
at every stop sign, and signals when he
changes lanes. He's a very safe driver.
CREASE
(now looking up Brandes' credit report)
$750 limit on his Visa, pays his bills, no
bad debts, no bum checks. No registered
firearms. Member, International Microchip
Designer's Association and chairman of the
social committee.
BISHOP
Great. The world's most boring human. How
the hell are we going to get close enough to
record him?
Bishop and Crease are startled by a crashing sound from
the kitchen. It's garbage.
LIZ
Oh, Mother!
Mother walks in carrying two garbage bags.
MOTHER
Sorry, Liz. Standard procedure. Trash from
the guy's house.
LIZ
And thank you for bringing it into mine.
The sneakers dump the trash out onto the floor and begin
sifting through it.
BISHOP
Okay, let's see here. Phone bill, no long
distance. Club Med brochure. Ticket stubs
to a Barry Manilow concert. Here it is. Here
we go. "Dear Compu-dater. Welcome to the
world of automated compatibility." He's a
computer dater!
CREASE
I love it! Let's get him a date!
BISHOP
What was the name of that gal that we did...
used in the cereal company sneak last year?
CREASE
Sandy Krieger?
BISHOP
Yeh.
CREASE
Forget it. Married a cop. How about...
Barbara?
(To Mother)
She was cute.
MOTHER
Yeah, but she'd never do it. She regards
this work as juvenile. That's why she
divorced me.
(To Carl)
How about your friend Jessie?
CARL
Yeah, she's buff!
LIZ
Fellas, fellas, look at this man's trash!
He's not looking for buff.
Mother holds up two neatly folded empty cereal boxes.
MOTHER
It's the nicest garbage I've ever seen.
LIZ
The man who folded this tube of Crest is
looking for someone meticulous, refined.
Anal.
All the sneakers look at her. She's just described
herself wonderfully and hasn't quite noticed yet.
LIZ
What...?
INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT.
An asian man is on stage, singing "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown"
in Chinese.
Liz winds her way through the restaurant to find
Brandes. When she finds him, he is putting in eye
drops. He stands to greet her.
LIZ
Werner? Hi! I'm Doris.
BRANDES
Uh... hi! Are you ready for the Dim Sum
bar?
LIZ
Oh, I'm not really in any hurry.
BRANDES
Alright. I'll be right back.
He takes off. She sits down and waits. She checks her
hidden microphone and pulls out a notepad. The notepad
has written on it:
Hi, my name is Werner Brandes. My voice is my
passport. Verify me.
She scratches off "Hi." Werner returns with a plate of
Dim Sum.
LIZ
So. What an interesting name you have.
Werner stuffs a spring roll in his mouth whole, and
starts munching.
LIZ
How exactly do you pronounce it?
Werner's mouth is full. He mumbles his reply.
BRANDES
(mumbling)
Muumuu Mammbed.
INT. LIZ'S APARTMENT.
Close-up on a high-tech looking motion sensor.
CREASE
This is what's in Cosmo's office.
Mother enters the room and waves. The sensor beeps.
CREASE
Best motion sensor on the market.
MOTHER
And watch this!
Mother breathes on the sensor. It beeps again.
CREASE
Also responds to thermal differentials.
BISHOP
Does this have a happy ending?
MOTHER
Oh yeah. We can wrap you in a full body
suit of neoprene heat-resistant rubber.
He demonstrates with a neoprene wetsuit.
MOTHER
(continuing)
Or we can raise the temperature in Cosmo's
office to 98.6 degrees. Which is probably
what we'll have to do, because the neoprene
would suffocate you. Either way, you've got
a top speed of...
He slowly moves his neoprene-shielded hand across the
sensor.
MOTHER
(continuing)
...two... inches... per... second... any faster
than that...
He waves the hand quickly, the sensor beeps.
MOTHER
(finishing)
and... big guys with guns. But, you'll
probably do fine.
BISHOP
Since when am I the one that...
Mother cuts him off.
MOTHER
This is the same model of answering machine
that Janek used for the shell of his box,
now that's what you'll be carrying across
the floor at two inches per second. I got
that for you because I figured that you'd...
you know, just wanna practice with it.
Remember to... go real slow!
BISHOP
Slow.
CREASE
(facetiously)
You get all the fun stuff!
INT. CHINESE RESTAURANT.
Liz has crossed off all the words except "Passport." A
waiter is vacuuming the floor. This date should have
ended a long while ago. Werner comes back to the table,
the waiter says something to him in Chinese.
LIZ
So, what about travel? Where do you like to
go? Europe? Mexico?
BRANDES
Uh, I don't know, I've never been out of the
country. Look, I think they want us to
leave.
He grabs her arm. She grabs back and forces him to sit
down.
LIZ
Sit down, Werner.
(she laughs)
Oh, talk to me. You know what? I really
love the sound of your voice.
BRANDES
Really? I always thought it was kind of
nasal and pinched.
His voice IS nasal and pinched.
LIZ
Oh, no, not at all, it's lovely. And, um,
there's this one word... I've always loved
the sound of this word...
BRANDES
Well?
LIZ
Oh, no! Oh, no, you wouldn't... no...
BRANDES
No, I would, what?
LIZ
Never mind, no.
BRANDES
No, what? Please. What?
LIZ
I would really... like to hear you say the
word... "passport"...
Brandes looks confused.
BRANDES
Passport?
Liz sort of half laughs, half moans with excitement.
She kisses him on the cheek.
LIZ
You know, you're right, we ought to leave.
BRANDES
Uh, Doris? Would you like to have breakfast
with me?
LIZ
Sure, fine.
BRANDES
Shall I phone you or nudge you?
Liz looks around, discomforted.
LIZ
Check, please!
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
Whistler is assembling a tape loop of the words Liz got
Brandes to say. It sounds unnatural but seamless.
RECORDING
Hi! my, name. Is, Werner Brandes. My.
Voice? is my. Passport??? Verify. me...
EXT. PLAYTRONICS BUILDING.
Carl, posing as a groundskeeper, prunes a shrub and
walks across the parking lot and up to the building.
INT. PLAYTRONICS SECURITY BOOTH.
SECURITY GUARD
Is that the gardener? I thought they
already left.
SECURITY GUARD #2
I guess not.
INT. PLAYTRONICS LOBBY.
CARL
(to Desk Guard)
May I use your john, please?
Carl walks past an ornery-looking security gate and into
the men's room. He climbs up into a duct above the
cieling, and starts crawling around. Outside, the desk
guard notices that he's been in a while. He goes into
the men's room, but it's unoccupied. He goes back to
the desk and starts to make a phone call.
SECURITY GUARD
Uh, listen, a few minutes ago a gardener
came...
He notices a gardener outside raking leaves.
SECURITY GUARD
Skip it, I see him.
The other gardener is Mother.
MOTHER
Okay fellas, I'm out of here. Carl, have a
nice ride.
INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT.
Carl jumps onto the roof of a moving elevator. He gets
off in another shaft, and enters a boiler room. In the
boiler room, he sets a thermotstat. The temperature
display starts rising.
INT. BRANDES' HOUSE. KITCHEN.
Brandes is cooking something.
LIZ
Ooo. It's hot in here.
BRANDES
(chuckling)
Uh huh!
LIZ
Maybe I'll just open this window a little
bit.
She goes over to a window and opens it.
BRANDES
I'll join you as soon as I'm finished
pounding these breasts.
Liz laughs and passes something to Mother, who is
waiting outside.
BRANDES
You know, the best thing about this meal,
besides it's absolutely fabulous, is it only
has 400 calories.
LIZ
Oh, great!
BRANDES
You know, I'm very concerned about what we
eat.
LIZ
You are.
Mother rifles through Brandes' wallet and finds a card.
BRANDES
What would you say is the ideal diet?
LIZ
I sort of... eat, you know, sort of on the
run... You know, I'm really busy, so...
Mother whistles unobtrusively.
BRANDES
Okay, I'll tell you, the ideal diet - don't
laugh - is the bottom of the monkey cage.
Liz takes the wallet back from Mother.
LIZ
I'm sorry, what did you say?
BRANDES
Take a look at the bottom of the monkey
cage. You have, uh, greens...
Someone knocks on the door.
LIZ
Is there someone at your door?
BRANDES
I'm not expecting anyone.
Brandes checks the front door. While he's not looking,
Liz replaces his wallet.
BRANDES
No, nobody there.
Liz, Oh, I'm sorry.
BRANDES
We're all alone.
LIZ
Ah. I'll just close the window. It's okay
now.
She closes the window. Brandes goes back to his
cooking.
BRANDES
No, but it's true, I read that once.
LIZ
Bottom of the monkey cage! What are you
talking about?
BRANDES
You have fruit, you have greens, you have...
Mother drives away.
INT. PLAYTRONICS BULDING.
A security guard watches a monitor. The phone rings.
SECURITY GUARD
Good evening, Playtronics.
Bishop casually walks up to the security gate. He
swipes Brandes' card through. The gate lets him
through. A printout shows that Werner Brandes has
entered through the front entrance at 8:20 PM on October
26. Inconvenient time to answer the phone...
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
Mother is reading a tabloid.
MOTHER
Cattle mutilations are up!
CREASE
Don't!
MOTHER
Sorry.
INT. PLAYTRONICS CORRIDOR.
Bishop, now wearing glasses, strides through the
corridor. He enters a stairwell and goes up. He
attaches a small black box to the security camera.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
Suddenly, a bank of security monitors in the van light
up with pictures from inside the building.
MOTHER
Hey, here we go.
CREASE
(on radio)
Martin, we've got video.
MOTHER
Whsitler, hit record.
WHISTLER
Rolling.
CREASE
(continuing)
The pictures are coming in fine. You are
clear all the way up to the man-trap.
INT. PLAYTRONICS CORRIDOR.
Bishop swipes Brandes' card again and enters the
man-trap. He plays a tape. It's too fast. The machine
buzzes gently and says:
*** ENTRY DENIED ***
Please speak more slowly.
Bishop quickly rewinds. He plays it back normal speed.
RECORDING
Hi! my, name. Is, Werner Brandes. My.
Voice? is my. Passport??? Verify. me...
The machine displays "*** THANK YOU ***" and lets him
through.
He enters Brandes' office using the card. A security
printout clicks to register the fact. He empties his
briefcase and takes off his tie.
INT. BOILER ROOM.
The temperature gauge now says 88.1 degrees and rising.
INT. BRANDES' OFFICE.
Bishop is up in the cieling, now moving over Cosmo's
office. He lifts a panel and looks down. The sensors,
the Cray, the designer wire furniture, and the metal
briefcase containing Janek's box are all in plain view.
He lowers a sound sensor into the room.
BISHOP
There's a three foot area in the corner just
outside the sensors' range.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
CREASE
Good. Hold on. Whistler?
WHISTLER
Carl, how's the weather?
INT. BOILER ROOM.
CARL
98.6 and holding!
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
WHISTLER
Beauty. We got body temp, Crease!
CREASE
Go.
INT. CIELING CRAWLSPACE.
Bishop carefully lowers himself into Cosmo's office, in
the area behind the sensors that is out of their range.
He starts walking excruciatingly slowly.
INT. BRANDES' HOUSE.
Liz is looking out the window.
BRANDES
Once again, I am so sorry about dinner.
LIZ
No, it was really delicious.
BRANDES
No, no, I overcooked the carrots.
LIZ
No, I like them really squishy like that.
Liz notices a stuffed toy dog.
LIZ
That's cute!
Brandes lights up.
BRANDES
Oh, uh watch. Watch this!
Brandes snaps his fingers.
BRANDES
Play dead!
The toy dog rolls over onto its back.
LIZ
Great!
Brandes laughs.
BRANDES
I designed the voice recognition chip.
LIZ
What a thing to do. Could I just make a
quick phone call?
BRANDES
Sure, uh, it's in the bedroom.
LIZ
Upstairs?
BRANDES
Yeah, just go upstairs and then you walk
straight forward. And the first one is a
closet.
She goes. The toy dog thinks it hears a command: "Walk
Straight Forward." It complies and walks straight
forward. It knock's Liz's purse off the table.
BRANDES
Oh pooch. Look what you've done to Doris'
purse!
He picks up the purse, and her wallet which has fallen
out. It opens up to her driver's licence. He takes a
look and realizes that Liz's name is not Doris.
BRANDES
Hmm.
INT. COSMO'S OFFICE.
Bishop continues to walk painstakingly across the room.
INT. BRANDES' BEDROOM.
Liz is on the phone, but it's just ringing. Brandes
arrives at the door and knocks.
BRANDES
Psst. What do you say we go for a ride...
Doris.
INT. COSMO'S OFFICE.
Bishop is still moving across the room at top speed, 2
inches per second.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
CREASE
I don't believe it! Now what are you
saying, the NSA killed Kennedy?
MOTHER
No, they shot him, but they didn't kill him.
He's still alive!
CREASE
That's it. I've had it. I don't want to
talk to you anymore. You just do your job.
I don't want to talk to you anymore.
MOTHER
Okay, fine. It was the same people who
framed Pete Rose.
CREASE
(exasperated)
Ugh!
EXT. ROAD TO PLAYTRONICS. NIGHT.
Brandes is driving to work. At night. With Liz.
LIZ
Boy, this was fun. Want to go back?
BRANDES
Oh, no, we're almost there.
LIZ
Almost where?
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
MOTHER
Crease.
CREASE
Forget it.
MOTHER
No, no, no, Crease.
CREASE
Forget it!
MOTHER
Werner just pulled up. He's got Liz with
him.
CREASE
Oh no.
Crease gets on the radio.
CREASE
Martin, I think you'd better hurry.
INT. COSMO'S OFFICE.
BISHOP
The one thing I can't do is hurry.
He opens the briefcase. Inside is Janek's answering
machine.
INT. PLAYTRONICS FRONT DESK.
Liz protests incomprehensibly as Brandes drags her to
the security guard.
BRANDES
(mimicking Liz)
Come on, I want you to say it for me just
one time, "Passport", you have such a
beautiful voice!
They reach the guard.
BRANDES
Hi. I'm Dr. Brandes, I work up on three,
and I believe that this phoney is involved
in some kind of plot to break into my
office.
SECURITY GUARD
Hold it, hold it! Let me see your entry
card.
Brandes doesn't have it.
BRANDES
You took my card!
LIZ
What card? See, I...
They go on arguing, and another security guard behind a
booth makes a phone call upstairs.
SECURITY GUARD #2
Sir, we have a problem.
INT. COSMO'S OFFICE.
Carrying Janek's box, Bishop inches his way back across
the room. He makes it back to the sensors' blind spot.
INT. PLAYTRONICS FRONT DESK.
Dick Gordon and Buddy Wallace arrive on the scene. Liz
and Brandes are still arguing with the desk guard.
BRANDES
...now there is a great idea, call the
police! I'm very sorry to disturb you, but
I think that someone is trying to break into
my office!
Now Cosmo shows up.
COSMO
Let's take a look at his office.
INT. BRANDES' OFFICE.
Bishop hurriedly puts everything back in his briefcase.
INT. STAIRWELL.
Cosmo, Gordon, Liz, Wallace, and Brandes make their way
upstairs.
INT. BRANDES' OFFICE.
Bishop grabs his briefcase and goes back up inside the
cieling.
INT. PLAYTRONICS CORRIDOR.
Cosmo uses a remote control to completely bypass the
man-trap. All five walk through. They arrive at
Brandes' office and hit the lights. Bishop has *just*
made it. Brandes looks around.
COSMO
Well?
BRANDES
Well, uh, everything seems to be in order.
COSMO
Does it?
BRANDES
Yessir.
GORDON
We're very sorry to have troubled you, miss.
LIZ
Not as sorry as I am, Werner.
They all leave.
BISHOP
They're letting her go.
INT. PLAYTRONICS CORRIDOR.
COSMO
We'll call you a cab.
LIZ
Thank you. This is my last computer date.
Cosmo thinks about this.
COSMO
Wait. A computer matched her with him? I
don't think so.
Gordon and Wallace start back.
COSMO
Marty!
He runs back to his own office, using his remote control
to enter.
COSMO
Why is it so hot in here?
He runs to his desk and opens the metal briefcase. It
is empty.
COSMO
(furious)
MARTY!
EXT. PLAYTRONICS BUILDING.
The whole complex goes into a full scale security
lockdown. Floodlights light, alarms wail. Armed men pour
in from out of nowhere.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
CREASE
Martin, we've got six guards in the front
lobby, four in the south corridor, second
floor, five upstairs north.
MOTHER
Guards in the boiler room.
CREASE
Oh, God.
(into mic)
Carl, listen carefully. You've got trouble.
Mother opens the blueprint.
MOTHER
Heating ducts, over the furnace.
CREASE
You'll be alright. Just find the heating
ducts above the furnace.
MOTHER
That'll get him to the elevator.
CREASE
That will lead you to the elevator chasm.
Martin, there's a fire escape at the end of
the north corridor. You'll have to break
through a couple of firewalls.
MOTHER
Have him go south.
CREASE
No! Go directly north!
MOTHER
There's an air duct there!
CREASE
Directly north about thirty yards! Once
you're there, let me know.
INT. PLAYTRONICS SECURITY.
Dick Gordon and Cosmo oversee the sweep for Bishop and
Carl.
GORDON
(into intercom)
Blue team, move to southwest corridor one.
Green team, secure north corridor three.
White team, secure all exits...
COSMO
He'll be in a crawl space. Break through.
Two guards with shotguns comply.
INT. CIELING CRAWLSPACE.
A guard climbs up into a cieling crawlspace and looks
around. Bishop gets out of his sight just in time.
BISHOP
Crease, I'm in Northeast 3 over the
corridor. I think it's a dead end.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
CREASE
Don't move. And don't worry, we'll get you
out of there.
MOTHER
Whistler, we've got guards in every
stairwell. Can you hear if there's any...
Mother notices that a guard has found their video
transmitter. The guard abruptly yanks it. All the
monitors go blank.
MOTHER
Oh, no.
INT. CIELING CRAWLSPACE.
BISHOP
What? Don't say "Oh, no."
INT. PLAYTRONICS CORRIDOR.
Buddy Wallace strolls down the corridor carrying a
mean-looking shotgun.
WALLACE
(into radio)
This is Wallace, I'm in Northeast 3, going
to check it out.
INT. CIELING CRAWLSPACE.
Bishop hears him below.
CREASE
(over radio)
Martin, we've lost pictures...
In the quiet, the noise of Bishop's earpiece can be
heard by Wallace. Bishop desperately tries to cover it
up but it's too late.
CREASE
DO YOU READ ME??
INT. PLAYTRONICS CORRIDOR.
Wallace smiles, he knows he has Bishop cornered. He
shoots into the cieling. And again. And again. And
again. His fourth shot barely misses Bishop.
COSMO
(over P.A.)
Stop shooting. Marty? I know you are in
the building, and I know you can hear me.
Whoo, God. You should not have come back,
Marty. I won, you lost.
Cosmo's voice echoes throughout the entire building.
COSMO
(continuing)
And if our friendship had meant anything to
you at all, that's the way you should have
left it, but you always had to be the one to
win, didn't you? You're the one who got
away with things while I never did. You
always had to get the girl, didn't you? So
I never did. At least not until now.
INT. COSMO'S OFFICE.
Liz looks on from a wire couch in Cosmo's office.
COSMO
She's lovely, Marty.
INT. CIELING CRAWLSPACE.
Bishop gasps, astonished and fearful.
INT. COSMO'S OFFICE.
COSMO
Please, Marty, please bring me the box. You
must come. I will never let either of you
live if you try to get out. I am your way
out. I'm your only way out. If I wanted
you dead, you would be dead. Marty, I
cannot kill you. I cannot kill you. You
have to trust me.
INT. CIELING CRAWLSPACE.
BISHOP
Guys, I'm going in. You hear me, Carl?
CARL
Yes...
Bishop pulls a cieling panel aside. Below is Wallace,
ready to blow him away.
INT. COSMO'S OFFICE.
Wallace leads Bishop in at gunpoint.
BISHOP
Hi.
LIZ
Hi.
BISHOP
How are you?
LIZ
Fine. How are you?
Bishop just sighs.
LIZ
Yeah.
COSMO
So you have my box?
BISHOP
We have a deal, right?
Cosmo starts to leave.
BISHOP
Wait a second. Wait a minute.
Dick Gordon loads his pistol.
BISHOP
Goddamnit, you gave me your word!
COSMO
I cannot kill my friend.
(To Wallace and Gordon)
Kill my friend!
BISHOP
Son of a bitch!
WALLACE
(smiling broadly)
You didn't really think we were gonna let
you go, did you?
BISHOP
You didn't really think I was going to let
you have this box, did you?
WALLACE
What?
BISHOP
Now.
WALLACE
Now? What are you talking about, "Now?"
BISHOP
Now!
WALLACE
Damn right, now!
Wallace and Gordon take aim.
BISHOP
Carl, now!
Carl leaps through the cieling panel and lands squarely
on Gordon, knocking him down. In the split second of
distraction, Bishop grabs Wallace's shotgun. Liz
screams. The two men struggle. Liz picks up Gordon's
pistol.
LIZ
Let go of him!
She fires a shot into the cieling. Wallace and Bishop
stop struggling. She's shaking and hyperventilating.
LIZ
I mean it! I'm an excellent marksman...
woman...
Wallace puts his hands up.
LIZ
Move!
WALLACE
Oh sure, sure.
Bishop takes the gun from Liz.
BISHOP
Get up.
Wallace slowly complies.
BISHOP
Yeeeeoooou...
Bishop smacks Wallace squarely in the jaw with the gun.
Wallace falls, out cold.
BISHOP
Carl, what the hell were you waiting for?
CARL
That's not easy, what I just did!
LIZ
Guys, can we get out of here?
The three run to a stairwell and go up.
EXT. PLAYTRONICS ROOF. NIGHT.
Bishop, Carl, and Liz run across the roof, dodging
spotlights.
BISHOP
Crease, we're on the roof. There's a fire
escape on the north side. Is it clear?
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
CREASE
Yes, clear.
EXT. PLAYTRONICS ROOF.
The three reach the fire escape.
BISHOP
Where are you?
CREASE
(over radio)
On a hill overlooking the northeast corner
of the parking lot.
The van's headlights flash.
CARL
There!
BISHOP
Beautiful, come and get us.
Carl and Liz go down the fire escape.
BISHOP
And hurry up, we've only got a few minutes
before anybody knows we're gone.
EXT. SNEAKER VAN.
Crease and Mother go up front. Mother starts the van.
CREASE
Coming to get you.
Two guards appear, weapons drawn.
GUARD
Put your hands where I can see them and step
out of the van.
(To Crease)
You too, midnight.
Whistler, still in the back of the van, puts on a radio
headset.
WHISTLER
Bish... they've got Crease and Mother!
EXT. FIRE ESCAPE.
BISHOP
Shit! Whistler, you've gotta do it.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
WHISTLER
Do what?
EXT. FIRE ESCAPE.
BISHOP
You've gotta drive. I'll talk you through
it. Now hurry.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
WHISTLER
D-Drive what?
EXT. SNEAKER VAN.
The guards frisk Crease and Mother. Whistler comes up
to the driver's seat.
WHISTLER
Okay, Bish.
BISHOP
Now, there's a gate about thirty yards
behind you. Put it in reverse and floor it.
CREASE
Did I ever tell you why I had to leave the
CIA?
MOTHER
No?
WHISTLER
Uh, what's reverse?
BISHOP
Uh, one down.
CREASE
My temper.
Whistler floors it in reverse. The van takes off. In
the split second of distraction, Crease overpowers both
guards.
MOTHER
Wow!
CREASE
Motherfuckers mess with me, I'll split your
heads!
MOTHER
Uh, Crease, where's Whistler going?
WHISTLER
Uh, Bish? I'm going backwards.
BISHOP
You're doing fine... you're doing fine.
The van, going backwards, breaks through a gate.
Whistler yells.
BISHOP
Now, hit the brakes, now!
The van screeches to a halt.
BISHOP
Okay, Whistler, put the gear shift down two
notches.
Whistler shifts gears.
BISHOP
Turn left, floor it.
WHISTLER
I'm going forward.
BISHOP
Straighten out, straighten out!
The van straightens out. It jumps curbs and grassy
islands in the parking lot.
WHISTLER
What... what was that?
BISHOP
Okay, keep coming...
WHISTLER
Oh God, I'm driving. I'm driving.
The van continues to jump curbs across the parking lot.
Whistler covers his face.
WHISTLER
Oh no, don't do that, I'm driving!
Whistler is coming up on some cars now.
BISHOP
Whoa, whoa, whoa, go left... uh... my left!
Right! Right, right!
Bishop is too late. Whistler hits two cars, which spin
out of the way. The van keeps going.
BISHOP
It's... it's okay. Beautiful, now keep
coming. Keep coming. Now, you're going to
go down a very... gentle slope.
WHISTLER
Oh, okay, fine, great. No problem.
The "slope" is not at all gentle.
WHISTLER
Whoo-oa! Oh boy!
BISHOP
Okay. Five more seconds, then stop.
The van crashes into a wall. Whistler's headset is
knocked off.
WHISTLER
I think I'll stop right here.
Liz and Carl run to the van.
LIZ
Whistler, that was great!
CARL
Whistler!
WHISTLER
Where to?
CARL
Oh no, I'm taking the wheel. In the back.
Mother and Crease run up to the van.
CREASE
Where's Martin?
Bishop starts down the fire escape.
COSMO
Marty!
Cosmo aims a gun at Bishop.
COSMO
Would you step away from the ladder?
Bishop does.
COSMO
You will give me the box right now, or I
will kill you, right now.
BISHOP
No.
Cosmo fires. He just misses.
BISHOP
Jesus!
COSMO
Just give me the box, Marty!
BISHOP
I thought you couldn't kill your friend,
Cos!
COSMO
I missed on purpose, now give me the box!
BISHOP
Take the goddamn thing! I don't want it!
You win, I lose, that's what you want, isn't
it? Say it. Say it!
COSMO
YES!
Bishop gives Cosmo the box.
BISHOP
I'm sorry, Cos.
COSMO
You could have shared this with me.
BISHOP
I know.
COSMO
You could have had the power.
BISHOP
I don't want it.
COSMO
Don't you know the places we can go with
this?
BISHOP
Yeah, I do. There's nobody there.
COSMO
Exactly! The world isn't run by weapons
anymore, or energy, or money, it's run by
little ones and zeroes, little bits of data.
It's all just electrons.
BISHOP
I don't care.
COSMO
I don't expect other people to understand
this, but I do expect YOU to understand
this! We started this journey together!
BISHOP
It wasn't a "journey", Cos. It was a prank.
COSMO
There's a war out there, old friend, a world
war. And it's not about who's got the most
bullets, it's about who controls the
information. What we see and hear, how we
work, what we think, it's all about the
information!
BISHOP
If I were you, I'd destroy that thing.
Bishop starts down the ladder again.
COSMO
Don't go.
Cosmo again takes aim at Bishop.
COSMO
Don't go.
BISHOP
You do what you have to do, Cos, but if you
want to stop me, you'll have to pull the
trigger.
Bishop continues down the ladder. Cosmo lets him.
Cosmo looks inside the box. It is empty! He's
astonished. Meanwhile, the van speeds away.
INT. SNEAKER VAN.
As they drive back to the office, Bishop opens the REAL
box. The codebreaker chip is still inside.
INT. MARTIN BISHOP & ASSOCIATES OFFICES. NIGHT.
The sneakers return to the office for the first time in
days.
CREASE
I can't believe we actually made it back.
CARL
I can't believe that we pulled off the
greatest sneak in history and we can't tell
anybody about it.
MOTHER
You know what I can't believe? I can't
believe tomorrow's Thursday!
Someone else turns on a light. He aims his gun at
Mother.
NSA AGENT
Not one word.
A female NSA agent with a submachine gun appears.
FEMALE AGENT
Okay, all of you, step over here. Hands
over your heads. Move!
The agents herd the sneakers up against the wall of the
conference room.
ABBOTT
Mr. Bishop. I'm Bernard Abbott. National
Security Agency. We spoke on the phone. I
believe you have something that belongs to
me.
BISHOP
It's interesting, don't you think, you guys?
That the NSA is here? I thought the FBI was
supposed to do this kind of thing.
CREASE
Absolutely. This is outside the NSA's
jurisdiction.
WHISTLER
Unless the NSA didn't want anybody to know
about Janek's little black box.
BISHOP
I keep thinking about something Greg told
me. He said that our codes were based on an
entirely different system than the Russian
codes. So this box really wouldn't work on
them. The only thing it would really be good
for is spying on Americans.
MOTHER
Oh, sure, with a box like that, they could
read the FBI's mail.
WHISTLER
Or the CIA's. Or the White House's!
CREASE
No wonder they don't want to share with the
other children.
ABBOTT
What do you want, Mr. Bishop?
BISHOP
Clear up my record. Get out of my life.
ABBOTT
I don't have much choice, do I?
BISHOP
Not unless you want to read about it in
Newsweek.
ABBOTT
Deal. The box.
MOTHER
Not so fast. I want a Winnebago.
ABBOTT
What?
MOTHER
Fully equipped. Big kitchen. Waterbed.
AM/FM CD. Microwave.
ABBOTT
This is not a car dealership, pal!
BISHOP
He wants a Winnebago.
ABBOTT
(grudgingly)
Alright. A Winnebago.
MOTHER
Thank you. Burgundy interior.
ABBOTT
Now the box.
Crease clears his throat.
CREASE
Uh, I have never taken my wife to Europe.
ABBOTT
I'm sorry to hear it.
(to Bishop)
Give me the box!
CREASE
You will buy me two round trip first class
tickets to Athens, Lisbon, Madrid, and
Scotland.
BISHOP
Don't forget Tahiti.
CREASE
And Tahiti.
ABBOTT
Tahiti is not in Europe!
CARL
Excuse me, when you get the box, you can
give us geography lessons, until then, this
man goes to Tahiti.
ABBOTT
Fine. Tahiti!
BISHOP
Carl?
Carl walks up to Abbott and speaks quietly.
CARL
The young lady with the...
(he checks)
...Uzi. Is she... single?
BISHOP
Uh, you know, Carl...
(to Abbott)
Excuse us please.
Bishop takes Carl aside.
BISHOP
This is the brass ring. Now, you've got to
think bigger thoughts.
CARL
I just want her telephone number. Please?
The young woman lowers her weapon, amazed.
BISHOP
(to Abbott)
How about a lunch? You can chaperone.
ABBOTT
No! I will not do this.
BISHOP
Hey, Abbie. Abbie, come on, now the FBI
would give him twins!
ABBOTT
NO!
FEMALE AGENT
Wait a second. You can have anything you
want, and you're asking for my phone number.
CARL
Yes.
She smiles.
FEMALE AGENT
273-9164. Area code 415.
CARL
I'm Carl.
FEMALE AGENT
I'm Mary.
ABBOTT
I'm going to be sick! Are we done here?
BISHOP
No, not yet. Whistler?
Whistler walks out into the middle of the room.
WHISTLER
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward
men.
ABBOTT
Oh, this is ridiculous.
BISHOP
He's serious.
WHISTLER
I want peace on earth and goodwill toward
men.
ABBOTT
We are the United States Government. We
don't do that sort of thing.
BISHOP
You're just going to have to try.
ABBOTT
(eyes narrowing)
Alright! I'll see what I can do.
WHISTLER
Thank you very much.
(shaking Abbott's hand)
That's all I ask.
ABBOTT
(to Liz)
How about you? What do you want?
LIZ
Oh, I'm fine.
She smiles sweetly.
ABBOTT
May I have the box?
Bishop gives him the box.
BISHOP
You know it doesn't work. It never did.
ABBOTT
That's not important, is it? What's really
important is that none of this ever
happened. This box doesn't exist.
BISHOP
I never saw it before.
ABBOTT
Remember that.
Abbott and the agents leave.
LIZ
Bishop. All you did was say it was broken.
Can't they still just hook it up and do
terrible things with it?
Bishop shows her Janek's chip.
BISHOP
Nope!
LATER.
TV NEWS ANCHOR
In a surprise announcement, the Republican
National Committee has revealed it is
bankrupt! A spokesman for the party said
they had plenty of money in their accounts
last week, but today they just don't know
where the money has gone. But not
everybody's going begging. Amnesty
International, Greenpeace, and the United
Negro College Fund announced record earnings
this week, due mostly to large, anonymous
donations.
The credits roll.