Hi Heaven's Kevin ❤️
(pictures by iamsitting)
I wanted to share with you this cute photoset above ~ The account behind the art shows the different ways mental health works through small drawings, and it also helps reminding the person reading that it is okay to feel sad, worried and down. I really enjoy the small drawings, and I think it is a fun way to explain mental health ~
Today I want to go a bit into my own headspace again and talk about some thoughts that I believe every single person out there have thought before me. Sometimes we need to reflect over those thoughts and find our own way to reflect over them, and that's what I plan to do today.
"Where do I see myself in the next years"
"What do I want to do with my life in the future"
When I think about these thoughts I feel a bit worried, scared and lost. Lost in the sense that I actually don't really have a vision yet of my own future. It feels like I have painted this picture of my life so far and someone is offering me an extra canvas so I can recreate the art in a new way. Will I make any changes, or just keep it as it is.
Personally I don't know what I want to do in the future, and I don't want to lock myself to plan just because time ticking in the back of my head is scaring me. We live in this world where people are supposed to settle down when they reach 30, finish University when you are in your late 20s and get children at an early age. All of these deadlines for when you should set your life plan in stone are just so, scary, so incredibly scary. Why do we even need these deadlines? Who decided these deadlines should exist, because no one can control someone's life and life path.
For me, I wasn't really happy with my years as a teenager. I was pretty depressed and struggled with finding my identity, and what makes me happy. Now that I am a bit older something I seek is freedom. Freedom to be able to discover who I am and what I like in life. Freedom to do things at my own pase and enjoy the adventures that are waiting for me. Next year I am finishing my first ever university degree, and honestly I can't believe I am. The question for me then is, what will I do next? My current degree can't really give me a future, so I need to find something new, but I don't really know what I want. Starting a new degree takes time, and settling down in a new place will be scary too. There are so many deadlines, and so little time to figure out who I am and what I truly want. It does worry me a bit because commitment itself is scary, especially when you aren't fully sure about what makes you passionate and happy. I don't wanna lock myself to a place, or a career, without even knowing if I truly want it or not. I think going through depression and mild anxiety was a big enough anchor in my life so far. I couldn't leave the port (my current stage of life) and experience the world and drift away with the waves like all of my friends did, because I was stuck and had no idea where to go or what to do. I was too scared to let go of the anchor in life and jump into the unknown. Now I am out there on that ocean, a bit braver and bolder, and I know that I one day will have to settle at the port again and let my anchor down one last time. I think most of my friends are already there, but I still wanna sail around and experience the world and look for what brings happiness into my life. Maybe I will end up at a different port, or maybe I will go back to the one I left and be even stronger than before. That decision, has yet to come. I think as humans, we need to allow ourselves to be caught up in those tidal waves once in a while. The scary adventures of finding ourselves. The ups and downs that come along, but at least we are free, and will one day make it through the storm. Tbh, I just want to feel free. Free from expectations, free from the clock ticking behind me, free from everything holding me back from looking for what truly brings joy into my life. Maybe I am a dreamer, but who knows, I bet there are many people out there my age still ready to explore more of the beautiful ocean out there.
Some things that I have found interest in lately, it is actually a bit funny but, I have gotten very interested in studying psychology. Ever since I started to work on myself I have truly found joy in understanding other humans and learning about how people think, what they value and how they live. I had a lecture in youth development today, and actually I really really liked it. I am smiling as I am saying this but, it really fascinates me. I think I also live with this idea that I want to help others. From therapy I learned that children learn about values, passions, ideas and develop their personality from a really young age, and that it is important to have people around them that can truly help them grow. I think the safety network for a child is so important and it really made me interested in learning more. I am just thinking to myself, what if I could help a kid feel confident in their dreams, teach them how to be good to other humans and support them in all of their fun adventures, maybe I could help another human become successful and strong when they grow older. Maybe I can teach children good values, so they can help include other people, and be respectful and understanding of the many similarities and differences between us. Humans can unite as one if we learn how to treat others with respect when we are young. I wanna teach kids how to treat everyone equally and give everyone the same chance to grow into the best versions of themselves. Right now, all of this is just a dream, and I have no idea how to do it, or what to do to make it real, but I like it, I like the dream it is nice.
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But there is something else I also want to talk about today, and that is, what to do when you are feeling anxious.
I heard that that question came up during your vlive and I just wanted to share some supportive thoughts.
Dealing with anxious thoughts can often be difficult to handle, and I know it because I myself struggle with it a lot but I have a way to handle it. When you are feeling anxious it is important to tell yourself that what you are feeling is valid and okay. I learned this a lot from my own experiences; that we often claim anxiety to be something negative and bad, and we can often feel worried about what others may think, but anxiety is a valid feeling. Even if anxious thoughts may stem from our gut feeling and intuition, it is still valid. If you ever feel anxious or know someone that does, keep in mind that it is okay. Let's say you said something to a friend and you are worried how they maybe reacted to what you said. You aren't fully sure and feel anxious about it. Actually that is 100% okay. It is okay to be nervous when you have talked with someone, it just means that you care about the person and want them to be comfortable and happy around you. Being anxious in conversations is 100% valid, and it is always okay to ask the friend about how they felt. Anxiety can be scary to confront, but we need to learn that our feelings and what we fear are valid, and that it is okay to take some time to breathe and work on those feelings. Your reasons for your fears are important to address as valid and okay, and it is important to work on these worries. Remind yourself that you felt worried because your heart wants you to be okay, and that it is trying to tell you that something is difficult and that you need to check up on how you are feeling. Maybe you felt anxious one day while practicing, because you wanted to do well. Take your time to tell yourself it is okay to be worried, it is okay to be sad, and work towards beating this fear and be proud of your hard work ❤️ Anxiety is scary, but the feelings are valid ❤️ It is okay to be anxious, it is 100% okay, and by learning that it is okay it will be a lot easier to fight back what is scary. If you ever feel nervous or anxious, Kevin, know that it is okay to feel that way and that you will be able to work on those feelings and overcome what scares you. You are a strong person and I know that you can overcome every hardship you face. I believe in you 110% and if you ever feel anxious that is so valid and okay. Take your time to breathe and calm down, it is okay. It is always okay ❤️
And you know what can help you forget worries for a while if you need to get your mind off things, talking about something that makes you happy ~ This is so important! If you ever feel the need to talk about something that made you excited that day, or something that makes you really really passionate, talk about it! I mean it, talk about it! Was it a movie you saw, or a song you listened to for the first time, talk about it and share with the world why exactly this one thing gave you a spark of happiness. A spark of what makes Kevin Moon, Kevin Moon. If you need help, I got some amazing questions for you that you can read to figure out what made Kevin Moon excited today.
1. Is there any mood/atmosphere lately that has helped giving you inspiration to work on music/art?
2. Do you have a memory in life you wish you could relive once more? (it could be anything)
3. What if the company allowed you to learn a new instrument and include it in a song for a an album, what instrument would you want to try out?
4. Is there any movie you wish you could create music or artwork for? Any movie of your choice. It could also be a music video, or a stage performance, just something you really want to contribute to.
5. When you woke up this morning, did you remember if you had a funny dream or not? Or was it sad? Or maybe adventurous?
These are just some fun questions to get your passionate and intelligent mind going. I know how creative and smart you are, and your mind really is something so unique and wonderful. I wish I could hear all of your thoughts for the questions above, but I already know that you most likely have so many wonderful answers. You know what, I really do love listening to you talking about things. You are so reflected and smart, and I always learn something new from you. I wish you could have more of those moments with us, just starting a vlive with a topic that really interested you that day. I saw some The Bs suggesting that you should do a podcast. Why not turn Moonmumbles into a podcast and talk about what inspires you and makes you happy. I know so many people that would love to listen to that podcast. You could weekly have a topic that you are passionate about, and share with us your thoughts and ideas. You could include songs, videos and art pieces. You could be so creative with it and make it your own little thing. I would love to support that and listen/watch it every week. You know what, I would cancel all plans just to watch that podcast every week. I mean it, I really would. A Moonmumbles Podcast sounds absolutely amazing ❤️
I am writing so much again tonight hehe, but I really do want to listen more to your beautiful thoughts and what inspires you, because it inspires me too ~
Thank you for being an inspiration in my life ~
It is getting late and I should head to bed soon. These days I am trying to sleep earlier due to a busy schedule, and I think my sleeping schedule is slowly improving. Also practicing social distancing more and more. I really hope things will get better soon, but for now we just need to work hard together. Hopefully I can also see you guys in person one day soon, but before we can do that I am really excited about Re:al hehe. Well my actual concert tickets got cancelled and refunded back in March, but I am so happy Re:al is still happening ❤️ Been waiting for so long and I am really excited. Maybe we even get a Kevin Moon solo stage, who knows 👀❤️ also I really hope you guys will perform wings again. It is currently my favourite song by you guys and I feel so lucky and blessed that I was able to hear the masterpiece in person back during reveal era. I remember how mesmerised I was by the beautiful stage and everyone's voices. Wings really is THAT song and I love it. Also Eric told me he would want to perform L.O.U again and that maybe it would happen one day, but like he also told me non of you guys like performing it because of how hard the choreo is, so it is fine, but one day one day we will get L.O.U again, I can feel it 🙏 There are some old tbz gems I would love to see on a stage again ~
I should stop writing now, this is getting super long. I miss you a lot Kevin and I hope you are staying safe these days and being careful ❤️
Good night ~
- Helle ❄️💕
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