It's only been about a day since I last wrote to you but I haven't stopped thinking about you.
I started watching Lovely Runner (선재 업고 튀어) tonight and I want to talk to you about my feelings so far. I hope you're okay with that.
I read the description of this drama a few weeks ago and decided not to watch it... Not because it sounded bad, and not because I wouldn't like it, actually it was the opposite. I always get deeply emotionally invested in the shows and movies I watch and this... it felt like an emotional commitment that I wasn't ready to make yet.
But today I found out an idol I like has a minor role in this drama so I decided to finally start watching. (This is besides the point but it's kind of embarrassing that I only just now realized he is in this drama... I should have known ages ago...) I'm not sure if I'm fully ready to watch this show but I've started it either way!
It's taken me well over an hour to get through the first 30 minutes of Episode 1.
Again, that's not because it's bad! It's really good!! It's a really good show.
But the description told me about the awful thing that is going to happen soon and I'm scared. I have been tense this whole time, bracing myself for that moment.
I know what it feels like to have an idol save your life. My situation is nothing like Sol's though.. no idol has ever called me and talked me down from the edge.. But indirectly and unintentionally, they saved me.
My heart broke for Sol when she realized she lost her ticket for the concert. Now that is one thing Sol and I have in common.. I'm all too familiar with missing out on the concerts of idols I love. I have vivid memories of praying for the chance to see my idols.. I would pray for the last row at the very top section because any seat inside that room with them would be a gift from the heavens. If I couldn't get a ticket, I would pray to simply be waiting outside of the venue because even being in the same city as my idols would have been enough to make me happy. So when Sol sat outside the venue and listened to the concert and was happy... I saw myself in her.
Watching dramas about idols and fans always feels... different, compared to other dramas. Being a "fan" is a role I am intimately familiar with so it's nearly impossible to stop my brain from projecting myself onto whatever I see. I can't not compare this to my own life and experiences. If I know anything at all in this world, I know what it means to be a fan.
So. Lovely Runner. It's an about an idol who dies in a sudden and tragic accident. It's about a girl who became his fan after he pulled her out of the darkness in her mind. It's about that girl going back in time and seemingly being given the chance to return the favour by saving him.
..
I'll let you know in tomorrow's letter how many times I ended up crying throughout the rest of Episode 1.
Sincerely,
Tori 🇨🇦