Re:독립형 The more spare money people have, the more they should give away to charities.

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The more spare money people have, the more they should give away to charities.

Over the past few decades, with the rapid development of economy, the gap between the rich and the poor has been tremendously increasing. So, it has been generally argued whether the more spare money people have, the more they should give away to charities. Some people might point out that even if some people get relatively high salary and can afford to give money to people in need, they don't have to do so in terms of literal meaning of charity and already sufficient aid of our government to the underprivileged, while others might disagree with the statement. However, I am thoroughly convinced that the richer people are, the larger amount of money they have to donate to the less fortunate. Actually, I have a couple of reasons to strengthen my assertion. I will explain and develop them in the next following paragraphs below: happiness of the receiver and satisfaction of the giver.

First of all, if there's others' financial aid, the receiver can become very happy and have hope. As we all may know, there are so many people in our society who have a hard time trying to overcome economical problems they are faced with. Specifically, they can hardly eat three meals a day, never conceive of taking a class, and even can't afford to get medical treatment when they are ill. Among them, some of them might barely get out of poverty by themselves, but others might really need someone else's help. If we neglect these people's hardship, our society will be filled with gloom and then turn into the arid desert. On the contrary, if we gather money to help them, they can enjoy basic rights as a human, and then they will grow to be a person who can enrich our society. So as a member of the society, we are obliged to advance the society by helping them. Although some people might insist that our government already subsidizes them with tax, so there's no reason to additionally help them, according to a recent research, it is a sheer illusion. To be specific, KSC, Korean Statistical Center in South Korea conducted an interesting research about the average of the proportion of the poor in South Korea who had been regularly subsidized by government ever since 2010. Surprisingly, it came out that only less than 30% of the poor had got steady subsidy, and in spite of government's endeavor, rest of them had not been able to get enough subsidy. About this problem, authorities said that they didn't have enough tax to help all poor people, for they had to use the tax in various fields. This obviously reveals that the poverty problem can't be solved by only the government, and people's donation is necessary to deal with it. Accordingly, it is so natural that people who are richer (비교급 사용 주의하자) more rich should give away more to charities.

Second of all, donation can make the giver be more satisfied with their own life. That's because when we use our money to help the people who get into economical trouble, we are so proud of ourselves and feel some positive feelings that we have never felt before. These make our life much more happier and more stable (비교급 제발 잘 쓰자. more 붙일 때 안 붙일 때 구분해서 쓰자), since not only will our self-esteem definitely increase, but also we will have a pleasing responsibility that leads us to working hard. Some people might contend that compulsory donation makes the giver's mind much harsher, in that donation's literal meaning is not mandatory giving, but spontaneous giving. Yet, this opinion is just a narrow prejudice. That's because once people start donating to help the poor, even if they do so with sense of pressure at the first time, they will certainly enjoy it not long after. To give an example of this, two years ago, I came across people who were promoting the donation program of UNICEF, United Nations Children's Fund. They urged me to donate some money for children who were suffering (그 당시 고통 받고 있는 것이니 과거진행형이 더욱 어울림) suffered from malnutrition. Honestly, even though I had pretty much money that I earned through the part time job, I didn't want to spend my money for those whom I had (시제주의!) have never seen before. However, because of their continuous and desperate request, I signed up the program, so I have regularly paid some money for it until now. At the first time when I had to donate to the children, I was unwilling to do so, but at the next time, I was so pleased because I could use my money meaningfully. Furthermore, after that, I have tried much harder to earn money so as to keep donating, which has (수일치 주의) have been making my life more plentiful. This instance clearly shows that the more money people have, the more they should practically help the underprivileged by donating.

- 동전의 앞면과 뒷면을 생각하라. 다시 말해, 뭐가 우선적으로 와야 할 Thesis statement인지를 생각하여 Body의 순서를 정하도록 하라.

- 비교급 사용 시 more 남발하지 말고 er붙여야하는지 more 붙여야하는지 구분 잘 해서 사용하자!

- 수일치, 시제일치 계속 조금씩 실수한다. 더 주의하자.