[미드대본] 심슨 시즌1 ( The Simpson Season1) 1x11~1x13

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[미드대본] 심슨 시즌1 ( The Simpson Season1) 1x11~1x13

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The Simpsons 1x11

The Crepes Of Wrath

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Ooh!

Froggie, I'm home!

Hi, little fella. I got some nice juicy flies for you.

Geez, Louise. Look at this mess.

I told that boy a billion times to pick up his jun--

I like to play with you.

- My back. - I like to play with you.

- There goes my back again. - I like to play with you.

- I like to play with you. I like to play with you.

- I like to play with you. - Go get help, boy.

I like to play with you. I like to play with you.

I like to play with you.

- I like to play with you. - Oh, Maggie. My poor back.

I like to play with you.

I like to p-- I like to play--

- Dad!

Homer, what happened?

Oh, the boy. Bring me the boy.

Bart, if you had cleaned up your room when I asked you to,

your father's trick back would still be aligned.

So, you'll pick up this mess right now.

- Clumsy Homer.

Everything’s always my fault.

If he'd just watch out where he was going.

Hello. What have we here?

Hello. What have we here?

A cherry bomb.

I thought I blew all you guys up.

People, people, no rough-housing on the monkey bars.

You there. Tuck in your shirt. Watch it. I saw that.

You certainly have done awfully well for yourself, Spanky.

Mother, please don't call me Spanky on school grounds.

- Wow! A cherry bomb! - What are you going to do with it, Bart?

- Watch out, Bart. It's Skinner! - Uh-oh.

Good morning, Mr. Skinner.

Morning, boys.

Why haven't you introduced me to your students, Spanky?

- Well? - Mother, I would like you to meet...

Milhouse, Lewis, Richard and Bart Simpson.

This is the Bart Simpson you're always talking about?

- Mm-hmm. - But he looks so sweet.

- I am, Ma'am. - Simpson! Let's move on now, Mother, shall we?

- Bye, Spanky.

So, you're gonna flush it?

What can I say? I've got a weakness for the classics.

I think I need to make a stop at the little girls' room.

Okay, Mother. This way.

So long, sucker.

- Now hold it right there, you little-- Mother? - Spanky?

Oh, Marge, I still hurt.

Marge. Marge!

Oh, Homer. How many times do I have to fluff your pillow?

Actually, I was wondering if you could make me a grilled cheese sandwich.

- Well, okay. - Make sure it's squished flat and crunchy on the outside.

I know how you like 'em, Homer.

And maybe some of those little wieners that come in a can?

Oh, and some fruit cocktail in heavy syrup.

- Marge.

Marge.

Marge, get the door!

- Principal Skinner!

Hello, Mrs. Simpson. I'm afraid there's been...

- a very disturbing incident at school today. - I'm outta here.

Homer, Principal Skinner is here.

Hello, Principal Skinner. I'd get up, but the boy crippled me.

Mm-hmm. I understand completely.

The disturbing incident I was referring to happened this morning...

when your son flushed an explosive device down the boys' lavatory.

- That ol' gag. - Unfortunately, at the same moment,

my mother was in the girls' lavatoy making use of the facilities.

- Oh, dear. - Mr. and Mrs. Simpson,

we have transcended incorrigible.

I don't think suspension or expulsion will do the trick.

I think it behooves us all to consider... deportation.

Deportation? You mean kick Bart out of the county?

- Hear him out, Marge. - Well, perhaps I was being a tad glib. Let me explain.

Our elementay school participates in a foreign exchange program.

Normally, a student is selected on the basis of academic excellence or intelligence,

but in Bart's case, I'm prepared to make a big exception.

And if you're willing to play along, he can spend the next three months...

studying far, far away.

Sounds great. Although, a kid can't learn much in just three months.

Homer, you didn't even ask where Bart would be going.

Actually, he'd be staying in France,

in a lovely chateau in the heart of the wine county.

But Bart doesn't speak French.

Oh, when he's totally immersed in a foreign language,

- the average child can become fluent in weeks. - Yeah, but what about Bart?

I'm sure he'll pick up enough to get by.

And, uh, the whole thing won't cost you a dime,

as long as you're willing to take in a student of your own.

Wait a minute, Skinner.

How do we know some principal in France...

isn't pulling the same scam you are?

For one thing, you wouldn't be getting a French boy. You'd be getting an Albanian.

- You mean all white with pink eyes? - No. No, no, no.

A student from Albania. It's a county on the Adriatic Sea.

Well, going to France sounds like a fantastic opportunity,

but I think Bart should have a say in this.

The life of a frog. That's the life for me.

Bart, how would you like to spend the next three months living in France?

France? Wow!

He makes me crazy 12 months a year.

- At least you get the summer off. - Mm-hmm.

- And I get to take a plane there, wouldn't I, Mom? - Yes, Bart.

- Wow! And one back? - Mm-hmm.

Well, Bart seems very enthusiastic about the idea.

- Yes, baby! - Way to go!

Bon voyage, boy.

Good-bye, my special-- my special little guy.

You will write us, won't you?

- All the time. - What do you know about France?

I know I'm going, and you're not.

I'm gonna miss you, son.

And listen, while you're seeing all those great sights,

always remember that you're representing your county.

I guess what I'm saying is,

don't mess up France the way you messed up your room.

- Okay, Dad. - Is one of you going to be on the charter flight?

- Yes, sir. - Mm-hmm. Come along.

- Bye. - Be good. - We'll miss you.

Hey, man, watch it. Ooh! Oh! Ow!

Oh! Hey, man. It's me, Bart Simpson.

- Okay, kid. Let's go. - Hey!

Every little breeze seems to whisper Louise

Birds in the trees seem to Louise

La la la laa La la la la la Ooh la la!

How much longer, sir?

This is where we're going, right?

Chateau Mah-son.

Eww. What a dump.

You know, in Albania, the unit of currency is called The lek.

You gotta be kiddin'. The lek.

And the national flag is a two-headed eagle on a red field.

Give me the old stars and stripes.

And the main export is furious political thought.

- Political what? - Trans Albanian Airlines, flight number two,

Tirana to Springfield, is now arriving.

Welcome to your new home.

Escape is impossible.

My name is Cesar. This is my nephew, Ugolin.

You may find life here at the chateau hard,

but if you shut up and do exactly what we say,

the time will pass more quickly.

- He's right, you know. - Well, okay, sir.

- Adil? - Mother?

Well, I guess for the next few months, yes, I will be your mother.

And this must be Lisa and Maggie.

And you must be my new father, Homer.

Affectionate little Albanian, isn't he?

Hey, come on, guys. Quit being so grabby.

- Sorry, man. Be my guest.

You may find his accent peculiar.

Certain aspects of his culture may seem absurd,

perhaps even offensive.

But I urge you all to give little Adil the benefit of the doubt.

In this way, and only in this way,

can we hope to better understand our backward neighbours throughout the world.

Thank you, Principal Skinner.

Thank you, fellow students.

Although I have only been in your county a few days,

I have already found Americans to be most... trusting.

Although, officially, I am required to hate you,

I want you to know I do not feel it in my heart.

Hurry up, boy. My grapes are waiting for their water.

How can you defend a country...

where 5% of the people control 95% of the wealth?

I'm defending a county where people can think, act and worship anyway they want.

- Can not. Can not. - Can too. Can too.

Please, please, kids. Stop fighting.

Maybe Lisa's right about America being a land of opportunity,

and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism...

being oiled with the blood of the workers.

Your father is right. We should not fight. Friends?

Well, okay.

Well, now that that's settled, I'll just clear the dishes.

No, no, Mrs. Simpson. You have been oppressed enough for today.

- I will clear the dishes. - Oh. Okay.

Did you see that?

You know, Marge, this is the way I've always wanted it to be.

We've become a fully functioning family unit.

We've always blamed ourselves,

but I guess it's pretty clear which cylinder wasn't firing.

- Homer! - Your paper-thin commitment to your children...

sends shivers down my spine.

- May I be excused? - Lisa!

Oh, she's just jealous. She'll get over it.

And if she doesn't, we can always exchange her.

- Homer! -just kidding.

Can I have something to go with my turnip?

Quiet! When you work like a man, we will feed you like one.

- Now go to sleep!

Hey, hey, come on. Move it, pal.

You leave Maurice alone. The floor is good enough for you.

You go to sleep there.

- Nice and cozy, Adil? - Yes. Thank you, Father.

Look, Adil, you can call me Dad.

All right, Dad.

Aw! You called me Dad.

Dad, do you think I could come visit you at the nuclear power plant?

- You wanna see where I work? - Oh, yes, vey much.

None of my biological kids ever wanted to see me at work.

- Then I can go? - Well, I'll have to pull a few strings...

with the boys in security, but sure, you bet.

Excellent.

Now watch me.

You grab the grape between your thumb and forefinger...

and gently twist it off and drop it in the bucket.

Now you do it.

Very good. Now do it a million times.

See these? American doughnuts.

Glazed, powdered and raspbery-filled.

Now how's that for freedom of choice?

Dad, do you think I might see your plutonium isolation module?

Uh... maybe. Hold on a second.

- Hey, Lenny. - Hmm?

Does this place have one of those plutonium isolation deals?

- Yeah, over in sector 12. - Sector 12?

- Third floor, by the candy machines. - Oh, that sector 12.

Come along, Adil.

Ungrateful swine!

We give you food, we give you shelter,

and this is how you repay us!

- You little shutterbug.

Cheese!

Cheese!

Oh, wait a minute.

Stupid grapes.

Bunch of creeps! I hate France!

You sure have taken a shine to little Adil.

Well, he sure makes life a lot easier around here. You have to admit that.

Well, okay, I will, if you admit you love Bart.

Okay. Okay. I love Bart.

- Well? - What?

Well?

Oh, Adil's a vey sweet boy.

Darn tootin'.

"Dear Bart, How is France?

I don't know why you haven't written.

I guess you're just having too much fun."

- Oh, yeah, right. - Silence!

"Everyone here in the United States is fine.

We think Maggie may say her first word any day now.

Lisa got an A in math,

which I'm only mentioning as news. I'm not putting you down.

And your father, well... last night, he went to sleep...

talking about how much he loves you."

Oh.

"Remember to dress warm and try to be as helpful as you can...

to your adopted parents.

All my love. Mom."

Oh.

What are you doing? Get out of here!

Sorry.

On second thought, Bart. Bart, come here.

- Drink this. - No, thanks.

Do not worry. This is France.

It is customary for children to take a little wine now and then.

Yeah, but it's got antifreeze in there.

- Drink it! - Oh!

Ooh!

Oh, Bart.

Oh.

You're a policeman, aren't you?

Excusez-moi. Jeneparlepas Anglais.

But you gotta help me. These two guys I'm staying with, they work me day and night.

They don't feed me. They make me sleep on the--

I-- I don't want a piece of candy.

I need your--

Come on, Mister. Can you help me?

Oh, forget it.

I'm so stupid.

Anybody could have learned this dumb language by now.

Here I've listened to nothing but French for the past...

Honey, I'm home.

Hello, Homer. What's that?

Oh, just some blueprints Adil wanted.

I'm telling you, he's such a curious little dickens.

I bet he could build a nuclear power plant if he wanted to.

All right, Sparrow. We know you're in there.

We'll give you one minute to surrender.

Oh, my!

Ooh, trouble in the neighborhood. Let's check it out.

I'm his neighbour. What did he do?

Well, sir, we-- Well, sir, we've been on the trail...

of a spy transmitting highly confidential information...

- to an unfriendly nation. - Ooh!

Mm-hmm. Through the use of radio triangulation,

- we tracked him to exactly this point. - Wow.

- That's all I can tell you. - Aw.

All right. Well, the name of his county starts with the letter "A."

- Hmm. Ooh! - Time's up, Sparrow.

We're coming inafter you.

Oh, gee whiz. Adil would get a kick out of seeing this.

- Adil? - The Sparrow!

Adil. Oh, there you are.

Get him!

- Au revoir, suckers.

So, he's going to prison?

No. We've arranged an exchange for one ofour own men caught in Albania.

So, Sparrow, we meet again.

Yes. Sometimes I think I am getting too old for this game.

Okay, kids. Let's hurry it up.

Good-bye, Simpsons. Thank you for your hospitality.

I hope this experience will not sour you on the student exchange program.

- Good-bye, Adil. - Have a nice trip.

Good-bye, Adil. I'll send you those civil defense plans you wanted.

Air France, flight dix-neufcentquatre-vingtshuit,

Paris to Springfield, is now arriving.

Look, Mom. There he is!

- Oh, Bart, my baby boy. Welcome home. - Hey, where's the big guy?

He means me.

- Hey, boy. - Hey, Homer.

He brought us gifts. His first unselfish act.

So, basically, I met one nice French person.

Bart, I have something to say that's gonna bother me if I don't say it.

- It's good to see you. - Same here.

I'd love a glass of that wine Bart brought us.

Sorry, Marge. Some wise guy stuck a cork in the bottle.

You hear that, Marge? My boy speaks French.

Subtitles By Captions, Inc. Los Angeles

Shh!

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The Simpsons 1x12

Krusty Gets Busted

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Ahh, the Simpsons

- Aah!

- Hey, kids!

Who do you love?

- Krusty! - How much do you love me?

With all our hearts!

What would you do if I went off the air?

We'd kill ourselves!

What's that, Sideshow Bob?

This is Brittany and today's her birthday?

Well, happy birthday, Brittany!

How do you want to celebrate? Do you want me to sing you a birthday song?

Or do you want me to shoot Sideshow Bob out of a cannon?

The cannon. The cannon.

- The cannon. The cannon. - The cannon.

- Sorry, Sideshow Bob,

but it's her special birthdaywish!

You're doomed, Sideshow Bob.

I know we haven't had much luck shooting you out of this cannon,

but maybe that's because we haven't used enough...

- gunpowder!

Brittany, do the honors.

Don't blame me.

I didn't do it.

Comedy, thy name is Krusty.

Hey, kids, it's time for Itchy and Scratchy!

They fight, they bite They bite and fight and bite

Fight, fight, fight Bite, bite, bite

The Itchy and Scratchy Show

Oh, my! All this senseless violence.

- I don't understand its appeal. - We don't expect you to, Mom.

If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.

- Y'ello.

Hello, Homie. I was hoping you could pick up...

a half-gallon of premium ice cream on your way home from work.

Ooh, premium-- Wait a minute. Why?

Patty and Selma are coming over to show us slides from their trip to the Yucatan.

- Doh!

- Anybody home? - Ooh, I've got to go, Homer.

My sisters are here.

- Oh, eight carousels! We're in for a real treat.

- Hello, steady customer. How are you this evening, sir?

- How ya doin', Apu?

Mmm, chocolate.

Ooh, double chocolate.

New flavor-- triple chocolate!

Perhaps a little something for the trip back to the cash register.

- What's the matter, sir?

Never have I seen you look so unhappy while purchasing such a large quantity of ice cream.

The reason I look unhappy is that tonight...

I have to see a slideshow starring my wife's sisters.

Or as I call 'em, the Gruesome Twosome.

- Ow, my foot, you lousy, stupid, clumsy-- - Sorry, pal.

Hand over all your money in a paper bag.

Yes, yes. I know the procedure for armed robbey.

I do work in a conveniencestore, you know.

- You can emerge now from my chips.

- The opportunity to prove yourself a hero is long gone.

- This is our tour group. - Mm-hmm.

- This is a Mexican delicacy called a tacoplatter. - Mmm, delicious.

- This is Selma taking a siesta. - "Ay, carumba!"

And he had a big nose.

No, bigger. And big red hair that came out to--

- Yeah, yeah, like that! - Well, it is a simple, charcoal rendering, but, uh,

- is this the man? - Yeah! wait a minute.

It's the guy from TV!

My kid's hero, Cruddy, Crummy-- Krusty the Clown!

Ahh.

Hey, hey, what's goin' on here?

Krusty the Clown, you're under arrest for armed robbey.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say--

- Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. - What is this, a joke?

- Ready, Mr. Simpson? - Yes, sir.

- Send in the clowns.

So, Simpson, which one is it?

Well, if the crime is making me laugh, they're all guilty!

- No, no! Which one is the robber? - Oh, definitely number...

- Simpson.

- Simpson! - four.

-And this is all the mail that awaited us upon our return.

And this is Selma...

dropping of four vacation film to be developed.

Thus concludes our Mexican odyssey.

Hmm. Very thorough.

- I'm home, everybody!

-Oh, goody gumdrops. -You missed the whole slide show, Homer.

Oh, fantastic. Marge, you're never gonna believe what happened.

I was down at the Kwik-E-Mart minding my own business when-- Ooh, ooh, ooh, the news!

Springfield's number one news team...

with our EmmyAward-winning anchorman Kent Brockman,

Good evening, I'm Scott Christian. Kent Brockman is off tonight.

Why did the clown cross the road? To rob a Kwik-E-Mart.

The news stoy behind that enigmatic half-joke right after this commercial message.

Wait a minute. Bart, you know that guy on your lunch box?

Oh, you mean, Krusty the Clown?

- He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he? - Are you kidding?

He's my idol. I've based my whole life on Krusty's teachings.

- Uh, maybe you'd better run off to bed. - Krusty the Clown is behind bars...

after a daring twilight robbey of a local Kwik-E-Mart.

- Krusty! - Oh, no!

- Earlier this evening, the Springfield SWAT team...

apprehended the TV clown, who appears on a rival station...

opposite our own EmmyAward-winning Hobo Hank.

And just in, actual footage of the crime...

taken with the Kwik-E-Mart security camera.

The reason I look unhappy is that tonight I have to see...

a slide show starring my wife's sisters.

Or as I call 'em, the Gruesome Twosome.

- Oh, Homer. - So, the truth comes out.

- Hand over all your money in a paper bag. - Oh, Krusty, how could you?

I know it looks vey bad, honey. Who knows,

maybe it'll turn out he was innocent all along.

Earth to Marge. Earth to Marge.

I was there. The clown is G-I-L-L-T-Y.

- You're my best friend. - Thanks, Krusty.

Buy my cereal.

Buy my cereal.

I didn't do it!

Oh, I wish I could believe you.

Good evening, again, Springfield. Krusty the Clown,

the beloved idol of countless tots,

now nothing more than a common, alleged criminal.

His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media circus...

as children of all ages from eight to 80...

hang on each new development like so many Romanian trapeze artists.

From his humble beginnings as a street mime in Tupelo, Mississippi,

Krusty clowned his way to the top of a personal mini-empire...

with dozens of endorsements, including his own line of pork products.

This may have led to one oftelevision's best-loved bloopers--

Krusty's near-fatal, on-the-air heart attack in 1986.

- Wasn't that a great Itchy and Scratchy cartoon, kids?

Well, we've got another one coming right up.

But first, I've got a hankerin'...

for some pork products.

Mmm. Look.

Plump succulent sausage, honey-smoked bacon and glistening, sizzling--

I'm dying. I'm dying.

But a quick triple bypass and a pacemaker later, Krusty bounced back.

However, he was a changed clown.

Where his show had been condemned by parents and educators alike...

as simpleminded TV mayhem,

this new Krusty devoted a small portion of every show...

to stamping out illiteracy in today's anything-for-a-thrill youth.

Give a hoot. Read a book.

Krusty's arrest has sent shockwaves through Springfield, packing its churches,

synagogues and mosques with disillusioned citizeny from all walks of life.

I urge evey halfway decent member ofour community...

to gather up all merchandise that bears the likeness of Krusty,

that clown prince of corruption,

andjoin me in a public burning!

So, is Krusty the Clown about to trade in his baggy pants...

for the relatively snug uniform of Springfield Penitentiay?

We'll find out tomorrow when his trial begins.

- Uh, what kind of gun did you use? - Did you use an accomplice?

Will you plead insanity?

Look at him. His clothes are so drab.

His face is so flesh-colored and sad.

And his feet, they're so small.

Say it ain't so, Krusty.

My client has no comment at this time.

- I didn't do it.

- Krusty the Clown, how do you plead? - I plead guilty, Your Honor.

- Oh.

I mean, not guilty. Opening nightjitters, Your Honor.

I would like to call to the stand, Homer J.Simpson.

Don't do it, Dad. Please don't do it.

Sorry, son. You'll understand one day.

He's innocent, I tell you. Krusty would never do something like that.

Oh, come on, Dad. You got to listen to me.

Sorry, pal.

- Doh!

Mr. Simpson, was that you taking that cowardly dive...

into that display of heavily-salted snack treats?

- Yes, sir. - Do you recognize the gunman in this courtroom today?

- Yes, I do. - Fine. Would you point him out to us?

Okay.

- Aaah!

- Oh, man. - Let the record show that the witness... eventually...

pointed to... Krusty the Clown.

- These toys are just adorable.

Who'd have guessed they were inspired by an insane criminal genius?

But, Dad, you're giving in to mob mentality.

No, I'm not! I'm hopping on the bandwagon.

Now, come on, son. Get with the winning team.

Hey, right here! Krusty souvenirs! Buy 'em and burn 'em!

- Good people,

I'm so happy you're all here tonight.

But please, just a few words ofcaution.

Now, we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze,

but because these are children's toys, the fire will spread quickly.

So, please stand back, and ty not to inhale the toxic fumes.

Ooh!

Krusty, would you please turn your attention to Exhibit B.

- Uh-- - Tell me what yousee.

Uh, uh-- Which one do you mean?

The one with the big "B" on it.

- Uh, uh, uh-- - What's the matter? Can't you read?

No, I can't! I can't read or write! I admit it!

- I'm totally illiterate. Now are you happy?

Can it be that the champion of child literacy can't even read himself?

Is it a crime to be illiterate?

All right, all right. See this, Krusty? This is a B.

And this is Exhibit B.

Betting slips-- obtained by this court indicating you have lost...

substantial sums of money on sports gambling.

Is it a crime to bet on sporting events?

- Yes, it is! - Oh.

- Foreperson, have you reached a verdict? - Yes, we have, Your Honor.

We find the defendant, Krusty the Clown...

- guilty.

I knew it! This happens to me evey time.

My young friends, for years I have been silent...

save for the crude glissandos of this primitive wind instrument.

But now, destiny has thrust me into the center ring.

In the coming weeks, you will notice some rather sweeping changes in our program.

Please do not be alarmed.

Itchy and Scratchy will still have a home here.

But we will also learn about nutrition, self-esteem, etiquette...

-and all the livelyarts. - What the hell are you doing, Lis?

I'm watching Sideshow Bob. He's a lot less patronizing than Krusty used to be.

- You backstabber, you traitor, you-- - Snap out of it, Bart!

Face the facts. All those hours we spent staring at Krusty, we were staring at a crook.

Look, Lisa. I know Krusty's innocent.

Don't ask me why. It's just a feeling I have.

- Oh, Bart. - Come on, Lisa.

I think I can prove Krusty's innocent, but I need your help.

- You do? Why? - Oh, come on, Lis. You know why.

- No, why? - I'll never forgive you for making me say this.

- You're smarter than me.

- So, you with me? - Yeah, man.

- Oh, oh. Okay, okay.

Don't try anything funny. I'm armed to the teeth.

Bart, look, over here on the microwave.

So, I don't have a pacemaker.

Come on, Bart. The tape showed that the robber heated up a burrito.

- So? - Don't you remember the get-well card we sent to Krusty?

It was after his heartattack...

- when he had a pacemaker put in. - Aha!

Wait a minute. Krusty can't read.

Okay! Okay! So the poor guy can't read. Can't we get off his back, already?

No! Don't you get it, Bart?

How could Krusty have been reading a magazine if he can't read?

Hey, hey. This is not a lending library!

If you're not going to buy that thing put it down, or I'll blow your heads off!

Bart, I'm starting to think you're right. Krusty was framed!

- Did he have any enemies? - I don't know.

But I know someone who would-- Krusty's best friend in the whole world, Sideshow Bob!

"A volley of muskety flamed, thundered, roared.

A profound silence followed,

broken only by theapproaching footsteps...

- of the Third Brigade."

Next week, chapter 35 of The Manin the Iron Mask: "The Death of a Titan."

Well, kids, that's our show for today.

And now, in the words of Mr. Cole Porter.

Evey time we say good-bye

I die a little

Evey time we say good-bye

I wonderwhy a little

Evey time we say

Good-bye Good-bye.

Great show, Sideshow. Switchboards were jammed. The kids loved it.

Thanks, Ed. I glad we've finally dispelled the myth...

that I'm too uptown for the tots.

And yet, I can't help thinking about poor Krusty.

- Wesee your face onkey chains. - And water-action pens.

- And snow domes. - This is all vey exciting,

but I think we'd do well to explore the more upscale market.

For instance, Sideshow Bob limited-edition prints, collector's plates,

- commemorative coins. - Ah.

Some kids are here to see you, Sideshow Bob. They say it's important.

Ah, well, we can sign these contracts tomorrow.

Certainly. I take great pride in being able to sign my own name.

- That's a good one. I gotta tell the wife.

- Hi, Sideshow Bob. - Sideshow Bob, can we ask you a few--

Forgive me. As much as Sideshow Bob would love to chat, he has a show starting.

Here you go-- three tickets. Be my guests.

- Uh, okay. But-- - Come, come. Let's run along.

- Hello, children.

- Whom do you love? - Sideshow Bob!

Come on, Bart. Go with the flow.

- How much do you love me? - With all our hearts!

About a zillionth as much as I love Krusty.

Today's show promises to be a marvelous celebration of the human spirit.

But first, I regret to say I see a youngster who looks troubled.

- What's your name, young man? - Bart Simpson, sir.

Hmm. Well, perhaps we can shed some light...

on your problem in a new segment exploring preadolescent turmoil.

- I call it "Choices." - I don't think so, sir.

Bart, I'm reaching out to you.

So, what's on your mind, Bart?

- I bet the other children don't accept you. - True, Sideshow Bob.

But that doesn't bother me. You see, my sisters and I...

have been doing a little investigating,

and it looks to us like Krusty was framed.

- Framed? - Well, the videotape showed...

that the thief used the microwave oven at the Kwik-E-Mart.

But Krusty couldn't go near the thing, not with his pacemaker.

Well, you know, Bart. As much as I love Krusty,

he was never one to take doctor's orders too seriously.

Well, maybe, but get this.

Krusty was illiterate, and the guy who robbed the store...

was reading the Springfield Review of Books.

Ah, well, Bart.

The fact is, you don't have to be able to read to enjoy the Springfield Review of Books.

Just look at these amusing caricatures of Gore Vidal and Susan Sontag.

Yeah, I guess those are kind of funny.

Bart, children, this whole sordid affair has been a shock to all of us.

But we must get on with our lives.

Let's ty to remember Krusty, not as a hardened criminal,

but as that lovable jester who honked his horn and puttered around in his little car.

- And shot you out of a cannon. - And shot me out of a cannon.

Yes, we will never forget that, will we?

Bart, open you heart. I admit I have some mighty big shoes to fill.

Big shoes to fill. Big shoes to fill.

Big shoes to fill. Big shoes to fill.

Big shoes to fill. Big shoes to fill.

Big shoes to fill--

Inancient Greece, there was a school of thought called stoicism.

- Wait a minute! You did it!

- Excuse me? - Attention, fellow children!

Krusty didn't rob that store! Sideshow Bob framed him, and I got proof!

Ow! My foot! You lousy, stupid, clumsy--

- See that? Krusty wore big floppy shoes,

but he's got little feet like all good-hearted people!

- Sideshow Bob really fills his shoes with big ugly feet.

- Kid's right. - How do you figure we missed that?

Get off your duffs, boys. Get down to that studio!

Yes, I admit it. I hated him!

His hackneyed shenanigans robbed me of my dignity for years.

I played the buffoon while he squandered a fortune on his vulgar appetites.

- That's why I framed Krusty!

And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for these meddling kids.

- Take him away, boys. - Treat kids as equals!

They're people too! They're smarter than you think.

they were smart enough to catch me!

Well, we... made...

a terrible, terrible mistake.

Uh, it won't happen again.

- It better not, you dimwit! - Krusty,

I'm man enough to admit I was wrong, and I'm sorry I fingered you in court.

I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard...

about what goes on in prison are exaggerated.

Well, the important thing is that I regain the trust of the children.

But there was one boy who trusted me all along. Bart?

- Yes, sir? - Thank you.

Shh.

==========================================

The Simpsons 1x13

Some Enchanted Evening

==========================================

Ahh, the Simpsons

- Aah!

Now to our own pie in the sky-- Bill Pie in the KBBL trafficcopter.

-So come in, Bill. - Bad news, drivers.

There's an overturned melon truck on the interstate. Oh, it's a mess.

There's lots of rubber neck in gandmelon wrestling going on, so expect delays--

- Hey, doughnuts! - Bart, there's one left, and it's mine.

Oh!

- Aw, Homer! - Aw, Dad!

- Uh-oh, schoolbus!

Cool your jets, man. We're comin'.

You forgot the special lunches I made.

- That's okay, Mom! - We got money!

- Now, just a darn-- - Aah!

Mmm.

Oh.

- This is Bill Pie, your pie in the sky, saying good-bye. -KBBL

Well, Maggie, it's just you and me again.

This is KBBL, K-Babble, all talk, 24 hours a day.

If you'd like to shareyour embarrassing problem with our audience,

we inviteyou to call our therapist of the airwaves, Dr. Marvin Monroe.

Our number is 555-PAI N.

Don't be afraid. Call now.

- Hello. I'd like to talk to Dr. Monroe. - First name, age, problem?

I'm Marge, 34, and my problem is my husband.

He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't appreciate me.

I don't know how much more of this I can--

Save your whining for when you're on the air, okay?

Okay, let's see. Next we have Marge.

She's 34 and trapped in a loveless sham of a marriage.

Hey, turn it up. I love hearing those wackos.

- Tell me 'bout your husband, Marge. - Well--

When we were dating, he was sweeter...

and more romantic and 40 pounds thinner,

and he had hair, and he ate with utensils.

-What was that last thing you said? Ah.

Isn't that your wife, Homer?

Don't be ridiculous. My wife worships the ground I walk on.

Marge, it's what I call "harsh reality time."

Your husband sees you as nothing.

- Oh. Okay. Well, thank you. - No, no, no, don't hang up.

The pig has made you into his mother.

You are not the hot love object you deserve to be.

- Really? - I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying.

Tonight, the second he comes through that front door,

you've got to tell him you're fed up, and if he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving.

Leave Homer?

- Don't use his real name! - Leave Pedro?

- Can you be that honest? - Yeah.

- You'll tell him right when he comes home from work. - Yeah!

- Say it likeyou mean it. - Yeah!

- Attagirl.

Come on, Bart. Not again.

- Where's your sense of humor?

- Moe's Tavern. - Hello. Is Al there?

- Al? - Yeah, Al. Last name, Coholic.

Lemme check.

Phone call for Al, Al Coholic!

- Is there an Al Coholic here?

Wait a minute. Listen, you little yellow-bellied rat jackass.

If I ever find out who you are, I'll kill ya!

I hope you do find that punk someday, Moe. Fill 'er up.

Is eveything okay? Usually you have a quick one,

some peanuts, beefjerky, pickled eggs, and you're outta here.

Let'sjust say I don't feel like goin' home tonight. jar, please.

Hey, you can level with me.

- You got a domestic situation? - You might say that.

My wife's gonna leave me 'cause she thinks I'm a pig.

- Homer. - What?

- Marge is right. You are a pig. You can ask anyone in this bar. - What?

Hey, Barney, am I a pig?

You're no more ofa pig than I am.

- Oh, no! - See? You're a pig.

Barney's a pig. Lary's a pig. We're all pigs.

Except for one difference.

Once in a while, we can crawl out of the slop,

hose ourselves off and act like human beings.

Homer, buy your wife some flowers and take her out for a night on the town.

Candles, table cloth, the whole nine yards.

Gee, a romantic evening. Nah, she's too smart to fall for that.

I'm not done. After dinner,

the two of you are going to check into the fanciest motel in town...

and not check out until the next morning, if you get my drift.

I read you loud and clear. Heh, heh, heh, heh!

- Wow, a quarter past 6:00.

- What's keeping Dad? - Yeah, who'd possibly be late on meatloaf night?

Uh, I'd like some flowers.

- What kind of flowers? - You know, pretty ones, not dead.

We have some beautiful long-stem roses.

- They're $55 a dozen. - One, please.

- Hey, Mom. - How 'bout some grub?

- Aaah!

Your husband sees you as nothing, as nothing.

The pig has made you into his mother, his mother.

You are not the hot love object you deserve to be,

deserve to be, deserve to be.

If he doesn't start loving, leave him, leave him, leave him, leave him.

Marge, I, uh-- love you.

No, that's not good.

Marge, honey, I love you.

Oh. Um--

Marge, I loveya, baby.

Marge, sweetie,"hooney," honey--

Ah, this'll never work.

- I love you, Marjorie. - Oh, Homer.

I love you too.

Mmmwha!

- A little predinner entertainment.

- Moe's Tavern. - Is Oliver there?

- Who? - Oliver Klozoff.

Hold on. I'll check. Oliver Klozoff!

- Call for Oliver Klozoff!

And I made reservations at the Chez Paree.

But, Homer, it's so expensive.

It matters not, mon frere. And after desserts,

we'll adjourn to our second-floor room at the Offramp Inn.

Oh, Homer! I feel giddy!

Wait. What about a baby-sitter?

- Oops. - Not to wory.

Listen, ya lousy bum. If I ever get a hold of you, I'll cut your belly open.

Goodness. Must be a crossed wire.

- Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baby-sitting Service. - This is Marge Simpson.

-I'd like a baby-sitter for the evening. -Wait a minute.

The Simpsons.

Lady, you've gotta be kidding!

- Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper Baby-sitting Service.

Hello. This is Mr. S-Sampson.

Did your wife just call a second ago?

- No, I said Sampson, not Simpson. - Thank God!

Those Simpsons, what a bunch ofsavages!

- Especially that big-ape father. - Doh!

Actually, the Simpsons are neighbors of ours,

and we've found them to be a quite misunderstood and underrated family.

Mom, you look so glamorous.

Well, tonight is a vey special night.

Your father is taking me out for dinner and dancing.

- Dad dances? - Like an angel.

Ba, ba

Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba, ba

Ba, ba, ba, ba-ba

- Ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba ba, ba, ba-ba - Work that body, Homer.

- You know, one day you'll learn to move like your old man. - Not ifl can help it.

Son, there's not a woman alive...

who can resist a man who knows how to mambo.

- You don't have a clue, do you, Dad? - Out, boy.

- Out! - What a grump.

Hm. Hm.

Hmm! Hm, hm.

Hmm? Hee.

Smooth as a baby's behind!

Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba-ba, ba, ba

- Precious, I think I hear the doorbell.

I think you're right, dumplin'. Bart! Get the door!

Aye, aye, mambo man.

Oof!

- Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba, ba - You must be the baby-sitter.

- Yes. I am Miss Botz. -just don't stand there, boy.

- Help Miss Botz with her suitcases. - I can handle my own luggage.

Thank you for coming on such short notice.

Here are the phone numbers of the restaurant where we'll be dining...

and the motel where we'll be spending the night.

You'll have to put Maggie to bed now, but Bart and Lisa can stay up for another hour.

Until then, they can watch a tape from ourvideo libray.

Oh, boy! The Happy Little Elves Meet the Curious Bear Cub.

Oh, the Elves! The Elves!

- Bye, kids! Watch out for the boy.

Mmmwha! Bye, now. Mmmwha! Be good.

- Mmmwha! Gotta go. -Ba, ba

Ba, ba, ba-ba, ba-ba ba-ba, ba, ba

Come, children. Let's go watch The Happy Little Elves.

We've seen the Crappy Little Elves about 14 billion times.

- Maybe we can watch some real TV. - We're gonna watch the tape.

Aw! That's merely suggested viewing matter, lady.

Mom lets us watch what ever we want.

I said you're gonna watch this tape.

And you're gonna do what I say, or I'm gonna do something to you.

And I don't know what that is, because eveybody has always done what I say.

They all look so tasty,

but I think I'll eat this one right there.

- Why don't you pick one that's a little more frisky, sir. - Why?

Well, when you choose one that's floating upside down,

it somewhat defeats the purpose ofselecting a live lobster.

Oh, okay. Then I'll take that one there with the beady eyes.

Excellent choice, sir. May I lead you to your table?

Oui, oui. After you.

And I'll be seeing you later.

Help! Help!

Faster, faster! We gotta save Bubbles.

Oh, man, I can't take it anymore.

- But I want to see what happens! - You know what happens.

They find Captain Kook's treasure.

All the elves dance around like idiots. I puke. The end.

Bart, you're just like Chilly, the elf who cannot love.

- Now for some real TV.

All right! America's Most Armed and Dangerous.

Oh, no! Bart! We'll have nightmares!

Relax. This is cinema verite.

When the brutal, slow-motion killing starts, I'll tell you to shut your eyes.

The Cue Ball Killer should be considered extremely armed and dangerous.

if you think you've seen him, call 1 -800-U-SQUEAL.

Homer, you look just like a little boy.

- 'Cause I'm so care free? - No, because you're wearing a bib.

- More champagne? - Mmm.

Whoops. Time for a fill-up.

Garcon! Another bottle of your second-least-expensive champagne.

The defenseless youngsters were tied up and gagged in the living room...

while the bandit roamed through the house at will,

stealing the valuable objects it took the family a lifetime to shop for.

You know, Marge, this is just like when we were dating.

Except for one thing-- no chaperone.

Ho, ho, hoo!

The Baby-sitter Bandit has left a trail ofher daring nighttime robberies...

across the continental United States.

She could be lurking anywhere,

about to descend upon another house full ofunsuspecting dupes.

- Eee! - Wow!

In a moment, we will show you a picture of the real Baby-sitter Bandit,

Miss Lucille Botzcowski.

- Remember, she may be using a clever alias... - Botz!

and should be considered armed and dangerous!

- Aaah! - Aaah!

-Aaah! -Aaah!

Run for it!

1 -800-U-SNITCH.No, U-SQUEAL.

- Oh, no!

Don't forget to tell me when you see the Offramp.

Oh, thereit--

went.

No problemo. We'll just get offat the next exit.

Bart.

Bart.

Bart. Bart.

Hmm.

Time to brush your teeth, wash your face...

and say your prayers.

Are you in... here?

Oh! Homemade pickled beets.

Go ahead. Take 'em all.

Seeing as no one was hurt, I think it would be really silly to dwell on this.

- Come on! Come on!

- Finally!

Hello, vigilant viewer.

You have reached America's Most Armed and Dangerous.

I'm calling to report the Baby-sitter Bandit! She's in our house right--

Come on, Marge. Let me carry you over the threshold.

Okay, but watch out. Don't slam my head like last time.

Sheesh! Eleven years ago, and you've never forgotten it!

- Don't muss my hair! - Ohh! Oh! Oh!

Yi! Oh! Yeow!

Yi! Oh! Yeow!

- Whee! This is fun!

We know who you are, Miss Botz.

Or should I say Miss Botzcowski?

- You're the Baby-sitter Bandit. - You're a smart, young man, Bart.

- I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut. - He isn't.

You're crazy if you think you're gonna get away with this. You can't--

I'm really not a bad person. Here. While I finish up,

you guys can watch the rest of your favorite videocassette.

Quiet, Bart! Let's make the best of this.

Maybe I'll go slip into something a little more comfortable.

Oh! Your blue thing with the things?

- You'll see. - Well, shake a leg, mama.

Kidstuff!

Hardly worth it.

Lottajunk.

Soileds.

Stupid Sampsons.

- Maggie! Maggie!

Come here!

- Good-bye! - Good-bye, everybody!

- Bye! - Yea!

Maggie,

wanna watch The Happy Little Elves again?

Okay, but you have to untie me first.

Oh, Homer!

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

- Oh, so you got out of your crib.

I guess you need to be tied up too.

- Maggie, where are you?

- Maggie! Maggie!

- Heh, heh, heh.

Homer, would it spoil the mood if I called home,

you know, just to check on the kids?

Homer, wake up! There's no answer at home.

- So? -So I'm worried. I think we should go home.

All right.

I suppose my work here is done. Heh, heh, heh, heh!

Hello, vigilant viewer. How may we help you?

We caught her! We caught the Baby-sitter Bandit! She's tied up at our house.

- Ask if there's a reward. - Is there a reward?

- If she's convicted, we get T-shirts! - Yeah!

- How come all the lights are on? - I don't like the looks of this.

- Miss Botz!

- Good Lord!

What have those little hellions done now?

We're so sorry. We're so sorry!

Please turn off the TV.

I can't tell you how chagrined we are about all of this.

Oh, these things are heavy.

Just so there's no hard feelings, here's double your pay.

- No, no, triple. - Thank you.

- Mr. Sampson, can I give you a bit of advice? - Sure.

- Don't turn your back on that boy for a second.

Ain't that the truth? You know, one time he--

- Huh?

This way to the scene of the crime, men! I got her tied up in the den.

Just a minute, young man!

I don't know what kind of shenanigans you've been pulling this time,

but I just had to untie your baby-sitter and pay her off so that--

Excuse me. Are you saying to the world that you just aided and abetted...

the escape of the notorious Baby-sitter Bandit?

- The what? - The Baby-sitter Bandit.

Oh, uh, a-are you sure this microphone works?

Uh, well, I wouldn't say I aided her. This is on, right?

Because actually it was quite a struggle.

Oh, Homer!

Have you ever seen a kung fu movie? It was just like that.

But now I know her moves. So, if you're listening to me, lady,

you'd better think long and hard before tying something like this on Homer Simpson again!

- Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright.

Oh, Homer, don't say that.

The way I see it, if you raise three children...

who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.

Yeah.

Yeah!

Mmmmwha!

Honey, can we make up again?

Oh, my goodness!

Subtitles By Captions, Inc. Los Angeles

- Shh!